MilSpouse LifeShe turned her head towards me and uttered the words I dreaded most, “You knew what you were getting into right?”
I always hate getting asked this question because, in a way, I did know what military life would be like–frequent moves, separations and the overall feeling that life is a like a revolving door.
But at the same time, I didn’t REALLY know. Take marriage, for example: you have an idea what your relationship will be like years later, but you don’t fully grasp it until he’s covered your entire house in gear vomit for the third time this week.
The same goes for parenting. You can read all the books on toddler discipline and prepare for ages, but nothing really prepares for a toddler flinging poop at your head you until you experience it first hand.
Another perfect example is going to college and landing your first job. You study and plan to knock your first job out of the park, but inevitably, you will fall down, make mistakes and have customers “question your abilities.”
(photo credit: Sgt. Joshua Spalding / DVIDS)
This is life.
It’s filled with unexpected surprises each and every step of the way. Before becoming a military wife, these are 47 things I never thought about…
- The first deployment is a brutal shock to the system.
- Each subsequent deployment or separation will turn you into a bag of nerves, despite adequate planning, prep and support.
- Deployments don’t get easier, you simply gain more tools to cope with deployment separations.
- You will spend nearly the entire time at your current duty station speculating about where you will go next.
- Someone will ask for your address history and you will nearly pass out.
- Your ID card will become an extension of your body. Without it, you’ll feel lost.
- At some point, you’ll get a citation for not pulling your weeds, cutting your grass or leaving a stroller outside your door when living on base housing.
- Learning acronyms and abbreviations will become your second language.
- Some duty stations will feel like the worst place EVER, right until you meet your BFF…two months before your rotation date.
- Patriotism will root itself deep into your heart.
- Getting your taxes done at the base tax center will be the scariest thing you do all year.
- You will travel insane distances to see your friends and family back home.
- On top of that, you’ll drive 8 hours to see your service member for 3 hours and this will seem normal.
- You’ll spend the majority of your time as a military spouse either unemployed or underemployed.
- People will say a lot of silly things to you like…“I could never do what you do.” And you will find a way to answer with grace and tact.
- Homecoming will feel like falling in love on a blind date. First comes the honeymoon phase, and then it just gets awkward.
- You’ll make a plan only to make a new plan over and over again.
- Something will always break down during deployment. Always.
- At some point, you will feel lonely and wonder what in the world you are doing with your life.
- Military life will take you to the highest of highs and lowest of lows emotionally.
- Your ability to handle tough situations will rise exponentially.
- Attending the annual military ball will feel like prom…for adults.
- PCS stickers will remain on your furniture indefinitely. They’re everywhere!
- Something extraordinarily important to you will receive major damage during a PCS move or it will get lost completely.
- You will try to explain your life as a military wife to a civilian and they won’t get it.
- The family readiness group is going to help you when you least expect it.
- Any savings you get from the commissary will get cancelled out by all the rotten produce they sell you.
- Moving overseas will give you a panic attack, but then you’ll do it and actually love it.
- Having a pet will complicate your life …from finding a pet-friendly home to securing a safe place to kennel your fur baby.
- Finding a homecoming outfit will take an ungodly amount of time.
- Upon arriving to the military base gate, you’ll either forget your ID card completely or you’ll hand them a credit card.
- The number of long-distance friendships you maintain will far exceed the number of friends living in your current duty station.
- Determining the perfect time to start a family will feel like advanced college calculus.
- Talking about possible funeral arrangements, living wills and military widow death benefits will happen early in your relationship.
- You’ll get pregnant and he’ll announce he’s leaving on deployment…right before your due date.
- Military gear will take over your entire home before and after every deployment.
- People you barely know in the military community will do extraordinary things for you at the drop of a hat.
- Your heart will feel an overwhelming sense of pride each time someone thanks your service member for his sacrifice and service.
- Amazing friendships doesn’t even begin to describe the relationships you will form with other spouses.
- Taking calls at 3 am from halfway around the world will seem normal.
- After living in the same place for 3 years, you’ll be itching to move again.
- You’ll have a good deployment meltdown at least once every deployment.
- Reinventing yourself will become an annual thing.
- Hearing gunshots and bombs won’t phase you even a little bit.
- Resilience, strength and courage will become the core of who you are as a person.
- Your military marriage will grow apart and back together over and over again, and it will turn you into one helluva strong couple.
- It’ll be hard, challenging, make you want to quit and piss you off royally, but in the end, you be so glad you did it.
I am an ex military wife. I say ex because I was forced to be an ex. My ex decided to take a new road and that’s why I say ex but besides that I have to say that been-a military wife was awesome! I traveled, learned new things, met great people and learn so much, I met so many wonderful people that and I am still friends with them, One of my neighbors became a General not to long ago. I have great experiences and I did learn so much. I have no regrets. I will encourage anyone to enjoy this journey. I didn’t have a good ending but it wasn’t because of the military it was the person, the human being. So, if you are a military wife, I will advise you and encourage you to learn, enjoy, and take advantage of every single moment and every opportunity. You won’t regret it. I am very grateful of the experience and believe me I recommended to all of you.
Hi all,am dating a military guy for 6 months ,he wanna marry after he purchase his house,I love him so much but am scared 🙁 when I think of how it’s gonna be
I love reading your posts. I have been reading them for over a year now and I always seem to find comfort. My boyfriend will be a Marine recruit in 16 days and I have never been more terrified and proud at the same time.
My husband will be becoming a navy recruit soon, and I have so many mixed emotions about this. I am so proud of him, but so scared at the same time. I have never experienced military life because none of my parents were ever military. I am so used to being home and with people that I know, that moving around makes me nervous even if it is exciting. These posts have helped, but some of the comments worry me :c I knew what I was getting myself into but still.. I just hope that I have an amazing experience.
This is like reading what my life is. I love being a Navy wife.
We’ve been apart for over three years with the occasional
week here and there.
When civilians say “I could never do that” — Well, no one
asked to you, and you’re so weak you definitely couldn’t.
I want to slap them as well. =)
Any advise for finally living together? It’s going to happen
in a couple of months. I’ve been so independent the last
three years–doing whatever I want at any time. It’s going
to be an adjustment.
Jules-thank you for your service. Ppl should never say what they can and can’t do because we never know until we’re in that situation. That said. Civilians are far from weak. Some people just can’t imagine being separated from their significant other for long extensions.
Thank you so much for your honesty and encouragement! I am a newlywed USMC wife and my husband and I have been so blessed this past year with very slow training. I say blessed because I know our future will hold many challenges with deployments, moving, distance from friends and family, and just life in general. It has been a blessing to spend the first couple of months together in a wonderful extended honeymoon! I’m hopeful our military experience will be positive. As a former classical teacher and political lobbyist, the unemployment truth is hard. But I’m finding the opportunity to volunteer is refreshing. I’ve also started a little blog called “Pearls of History” (pearlsofhistory.com). I’d love to hear any tips you may have!!
One thing I still don’t know how it is going to work is kids and with that, I mean giving birth. I’ve heard horror stories about Navy hospitals. Do you have any advice or wisdom in preparing for little ones, finding doctors, and my biggest fear–moving during pregnancies!?!
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, because he felt I was cheating on him with a male friend of mine. I tried all I could to explain to him but he paid deaf ears, I was emotionally devastated because I really loved him. I became very worried and needed help. as i was browsing through the internet, I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Unity can help get ex back fast and stop a divorce or breakup and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a Love spell for me. 11 hours later, my boyfriend came back to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. Me and my boyfriend are living together happily again. Thank you Dr Unity for saving my broken relationship and brought my boyfriend back to me. If you have any problem contact him and i guarantee you that he will help you. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple @ gmail. com
Don’t fear the tax center! It’s the most painless tax experience I’ve ever had and will miss it when we’re out of the military. ?
My fiancé and I met online, I flew down to Fort Bliss to meet him before he left for a 9 month deployment in South Korea, he’s back and now in Drill school, then off to Fort Benning.I live in Canada, our whole relationship has been long distance, 1.5 years so far. It’s been a constant learning curve, tryin to find time to chat, date nights on face time etc. Planning vacations with the little time he has to plan them, expensive flights because, you know, it’s always last minute that they get the dates of leave etc. I wouldn’t change any of these things for the world because he’s amazing. It’s taught me so much about myself and about him, I always just say ‘on to our next adventure babe!’
PCS sticker EVERYWHERE!! Ha! And currently speculating on a move that will not even happen for a year. I agree with much of this list. Although, I haven’t and will not ever attend a ball.
Military spouse life certainly is not for everyone. It takes courage to devote much of yourself and your life to a person who’s career will overshadow every decision you make. After three moves, one deployment and five career changes I feel I have more life experience then a woman double my age. It’s uplifting to be reminded I am not alone in this life choice. Its highly rewarding if you can be flexible and optimistically adventurous in every situation that comes your way.
My husband wants to re-enlist after he knows how hard it was for me and he knows i don’t want him to. He’s terrible at communication when he’s away and I can’t handle it. I feel like he’s choosing to be away from his family and like he’d rather be gone. He always talks about how much he loved deployment and it was miserable for me. I see him wanting to go the full twenty and I don’t know how to handle that. Is what i’m feeling wrong? I tried to be supportive for the first enlistment but after he knows how hard it was for me this sort of hurts to feel like he just is going to do what he wants. Help.
Honestly this is what I’m worried about I don’t feel my boyfriend would be that inconsiderate to Denise my feelings especially when we have children, but I can’t predict the future I don’t feel your wrong for feeling this way I would as well it’s never good hearing about how your partner enjoys something that causes you anxiety or misery bc you miss them in the process. I would say pray & stay strong for your family this can’t last forever focus on things that make you happy instead of dwelling on what clearly makes him happy. Don’t forget about you love! I am a Class A CDL driver & I knew I wanted to do this because it gives me my space & sense of freedom so he can miss me too! You gave to find balance & independency in your co dependency