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47 Things No One Tells You About Being a Military Wife

She turned her head towards me and uttered the words I dreaded most, “You knew what you were getting into right?”

I always hate getting asked this question because, in a way, I did know what military life would be like–frequent moves, separations and the overall feeling that life is a like a revolving door.

But at the same time, I didn’t REALLY know. Take marriage, for example: you have an idea what your relationship will be like years later, but you don’t fully grasp it until he’s covered your entire house in gear vomit for the third time this week.

The same goes for parenting. You can read all the books on toddler discipline and prepare for ages, but nothing really prepares for a toddler flinging poop at your head you until you experience it first hand.

Another perfect example is going to college and landing your first job. You study and plan to knock your first job out of the park, but inevitably, you will fall down, make mistakes and have customers “question your abilities.” 

47 surprising things about being a military wife. Great read for military spouses and military significant others. I learned so much from life with our military family over the past eight years.

(photo credit: Sgt. Joshua Spalding / DVIDS)

This is life.

It’s filled with unexpected surprises each and every step of the way. Before becoming a military wife, these are 47 things I never thought about…

  1. The first deployment is a brutal shock to the system.
  2. Each subsequent deployment or separation will turn you into a bag of nerves, despite adequate planning, prep and support.
  3. Deployments don’t get easier, you simply gain more tools to cope with deployment separations.
  4. You will spend nearly the entire time at your current duty station speculating about where you will go next.
  5. Someone will ask for your address history and you will nearly pass out.
  6. Your ID card will become an extension of your body. Without it, you’ll feel lost.
  7. At some point, you’ll get a citation for not pulling your weeds, cutting your grass or leaving a stroller outside your door when living on base housing.
  8. Learning acronyms and abbreviations will become your second language.
  9. Some duty stations will feel like the worst place EVER, right until you meet your BFF…two months before your rotation date.
  10. Patriotism will root itself deep into your heart.
  11. Getting your taxes done at the base tax center will be the scariest thing you do all year.
  12. You will travel insane distances to see your friends and family back home.
  13. On top of that, you’ll drive 8 hours to see your service member for 3 hours and this will seem normal.
  14. You’ll spend the majority of your time as a military spouse either unemployed or underemployed.
  15. People will say a lot of silly things to you like…“I could never do what you do.” And you will find a way to answer with grace and tact.
  16. Homecoming will feel like falling in love on a blind date. First comes the honeymoon phase, and then it just gets awkward.
  17. You’ll make a plan only to make a new plan over and over again.
  18. Something will always break down during deployment. Always.
  19. At some point, you will feel lonely and wonder what in the world you are doing with your life.
  20. Military life will take you to the highest of highs and lowest of lows emotionally.
  21. Your ability to handle tough situations will rise exponentially.
  22. Attending the annual military ball will feel like prom…for adults.
  23. PCS stickers will remain on your furniture indefinitely. They’re everywhere! 
  24. Something extraordinarily important to you will receive major damage during a PCS move or it will get lost completely.
  25. You will try to explain your life as a military wife to a civilian and they won’t get it.
  26. The family readiness group is going to help you when you least expect it.
  27. Any savings you get from the commissary will get cancelled out by all the rotten produce they sell you.
  28. Moving overseas will give you a panic attack, but then you’ll do it and actually love it.
  29. Having a pet will complicate your life …from finding a pet-friendly home to securing a safe place to kennel your fur baby.
  30. Finding a homecoming outfit will take an ungodly amount of time.
  31. Upon arriving to the military base gate, you’ll either forget your ID card completely or you’ll hand them a credit card.
  32. The number of long-distance friendships you maintain will far exceed the number of friends living in your current duty station.
  33. Determining the perfect time to start a family will feel like advanced college calculus.
  34. Talking about possible funeral arrangements, living wills and military widow death benefits will happen early in your relationship.
  35. You’ll get pregnant and he’ll announce he’s leaving on deployment…right before your due date.
  36. Military gear will take over your entire home before and after every deployment.
  37. People you barely know in the military community will do extraordinary things for you at the drop of a hat.
  38. Your heart will feel an overwhelming sense of pride each time someone thanks your service member for his sacrifice and service.
  39. Amazing friendships doesn’t even begin to describe the relationships you will form with other spouses.
  40. Taking calls at 3 am from halfway around the world will seem normal.
  41. After living in the same place for 3 years, you’ll be itching to move again.
  42. You’ll have a good deployment meltdown at least once every deployment.
  43. Reinventing yourself will become an annual thing.
  44. Hearing gunshots and bombs won’t phase you even a little bit.
  45. Resilience, strength and courage will become the core of who you are as a person.
  46. Your military marriage will grow apart and back together over and over again, and it will turn you into one helluva strong couple.
  47. It’ll be hard, challenging, make you want to quit and piss you off royally, but in the end, you be so glad you did it.

47 surprising things about being a military wife. Great read for military spouses and military significant others. I learned so much from life with our military family over the past eight years.

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Reader Interactions

22 Comments

    • Being a military spouse gives me a huge sense of security. I think it has helped our family flourish in ways not possible without. Difficult at times, that is just life. At least I know my husband won’t get fired tmrw!

      reply to comment

    • Some of these are what I’ve experienced but not all. I don’t have friends. I can’t seem to get pregnant. I’m unemployed because the process for Government work takes too long. I’ve been waiting almost 5 months now. I have a degree in Environmental Science. I was married at 36 so to me the whole military ball thing with some wives is ridiculous. Very juvenile. Anyway, I’m not a typical woman so maybe that’s why I don’t have some of these problems.

      reply to comment

    • I agree!!!!
      I was a military spouse for 17 yrs. I am also an Army BRAT.
      There are so many positives about being a military spouse.
      You travel, rearrange your home 100+ times, you redecorate on a super small budget, you trade furniture with other spouses who are doing the same thing, you form a babysitting co-OP, you venture out and of the bases to get to know your new home, there are baby groups, tdy trips, you role play when your spouse returns from their tdy/deployment, take a second honeymoon, date nights/days at home, and many more things a military spouse does and can do.

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    • You will have multiple affairs during deployments, you will decide to get a divorce and tell him while he’s still deployed because you need to live your best life….

      reply to comment

  2. I love this article, me and my husband are active duty and believe me when I say it’s pretty tough. Either he’s on the go or I’m on the go. MACP is great but thats if the Army wants to do it in time, he was on orders to Japan and while I thought it was going to possibly work (orders to Japan are very rare) I got put on assignment to Ft Riley. It was heartbreaking. The thought of being separated was scary. But pulling a few strings through my chain of command managed to get the same orders. But I love being a wife as much as I love to defend my country. Continuing to be strong is all you got sometimes!

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  3. I was a military wife for 20 years. US Navy. We’ve been retired from the Navy for 26 years…I say WE on purpose. This author pretty much got it right. With all that said, we miss the life everyday. The friends we have from each of his duty stations are still friends. When we see them, it’s like we saw them last week. Our children grew up with deployments, the commissary, travel, moving, and so much more. They have grown into fine adults. At first I hated the deployments, but through the years that feeling turned into more of a begrudging one. I learned to turn deployments into opportunities and grew stronger because of them. The stories I could tell! In fact, there’s WAY too much togetherness now that we’re both retired. WAY TOO MUCH!! :LOL

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    • How is one to understand the new navy man relationship…and that they just want hook ups with no strings attached…cause all the other previous gals carnt cope with deployments…us this fair to lump all us girls in this…
      How can this attitude be readjusted….from your point of view from your long history of navy life…regards m..

      reply to comment

  4. I am the proud wife of a 23 year veteran, who after retiring from active duty spent another 20 years as a DOD employee.
    We live in a neighborhood that had three other couples
    Living in the same nrighborhood.
    We have friends that have lasted forever. We became
    parents together, raised our children to adulthood, and now
    we have retired, collecting Social Security, and now
    we are watching our grandkids, and in some cases
    great grandkids grow.
    Being military or married into it is a great experience
    and an adventure. We miss it, especially the people we
    call friends.

    reply to comment

  5. Thank you for this beautifully written article. I am brand new to this way of life as my husband leaves for basic training in less than 3 weeks. I look forward to this learning experience.

    reply to comment

  6. You have a great list! I’ve only been a military wife for less than a year and I’m still learning so many new things. But I’m realizing that though there are so many shocking and hard experiences, there are plenty of good.

    reply to comment

  7. Oh man…. all so true. If you aren’t a fairly independent and self sufficient person you will need to learn to be to cope with the deployments and TDY’s. I had to order a new motor and install it in our vacuum and order and install new inlet valve on the washer last deployment and I was so thankful my dad taught me how to be very handy with tools. The job situation is so complicated so I have turned to creating sweat equity in my home to keep me occupied and feeling productive. I tiled the downstairs,, painted half the rooms, remodeled the downstairs bathroom, built new gates, and landscaped the front yard last deployment. Maybe if we’re lucky next pcs when we will likely sell this home I will get enough back out of it to offset my lack of a job in this location.

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  9. There is nothing to be proud of about being a military spouse. My husband has been in the military for 11 years, and yet I’m beyond proud of HIM as an individual…I’m not proud of us being in the military. I absolutely hate every bit of it. It is the WORST! If I could go back in time and stop my husband from resigning that stupid contract I would love for us to have NORMAL jobs and live NORMAL lives! I hate everything about the military.
    1. I hate how complicated everything is, dealing with TriCare is a bitch.
    2. I hate that they move you around from place to place like puppets
    3. I hate how they rip families apart, they don’t pay enough money to put us through what we go through. In fact, no job can pay enough for that.
    The list goes on, there’s just so much about it that I hate. No bright side. Hate it all! I would never encourage anyone to join. In fact my nephew almost did, glad to say I played a role in him not joining. It’s not worth it. Absolutely sucks!

    reply to comment

  10. I am an ex military wife. I say ex because I was forced to be an ex. My ex decided to take a new road and that’s why I say ex but besides that I have to say that been-a military wife was awesome! I traveled, learned new things, met great people and learn so much, I met so many wonderful people that and I am still friends with them, One of my neighbors became a General not to long ago. I have great experiences and I did learn so much. I have no regrets. I will encourage anyone to enjoy this journey. I didn’t have a good ending but it wasn’t because of the military it was the person, the human being. So, if you are a military wife, I will advise you and encourage you to learn, enjoy, and take advantage of every single moment and every opportunity. You won’t regret it. I am very grateful of the experience and believe me I recommended to all of you.

    reply to comment

  11. Hi all,am dating a military guy for 6 months ,he wanna marry after he purchase his house,I love him so much but am scared 🙁 when I think of how it’s gonna be

    reply to comment

  12. I love reading your posts. I have been reading them for over a year now and I always seem to find comfort. My boyfriend will be a Marine recruit in 16 days and I have never been more terrified and proud at the same time.

    reply to comment

  13. This is like reading what my life is. I love being a Navy wife.
    We’ve been apart for over three years with the occasional
    week here and there.

    When civilians say “I could never do that” — Well, no one
    asked to you, and you’re so weak you definitely couldn’t.
    I want to slap them as well. =)

    Any advise for finally living together? It’s going to happen
    in a couple of months. I’ve been so independent the last
    three years–doing whatever I want at any time. It’s going
    to be an adjustment.

    reply to comment

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