When my husband was deployed, being able to FaceTime him helped a lot. We would try to chat on a daily basis but obviously if he had to go out on a mission, it didn’t always happen.
But when it did happen, I’d be excited that I could see him. The kids would be thrilled to see their Daddy as well. It was precious time when I could pull out our army toys for kids and they could really feeling like they were playing with daddy. This technology has truly changed family life during deployments. Still, there are some things you SHOULDN’T do while chatting on FaceTime your service member.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
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1. Avoid showing up on camera naked.
Odds are, your conversation is being monitored. You may also want to watch what you say. Telling your man everything you want to do to him when he returns might get awkward if someone is listening. This is much better sent in a letter.
2. Speak cautiously.
……because if someone isn’t monitoring your conversation, your husband probably has a roommate and HE can hear. My husband once said that he had a roommate whose wife always spoke dirty to him and Tom would overhear and be like, “Dude, come on!” He ended up asking me to send him noise canceling headphones.
3. Act natural.
Constantly being upbeat might get creepy. If I were constantly happy my husband would be all, “What’s going on? Why does your smile look forced? You didn’t get Botox did you? Please don’t turn into one of those real housewives with the plastic faces.” Being you is always best, even if that includes a tear or a gripe from time to time.
4. Focus.
Don’t get distracted. Honestly, it would be my HUSBAND who would get distracted. Sometimes he’d have the TV on and he’d glance over when I was trying to talk to him. I’d be all, “Um, hello, wife is trying to talk here,” and he’d be all, “Mmmmhmmm,” while watching the screen.
5. Embrace secrecy.
He probably can’t tell you details, if any, over Facetime. My husband had to message me info on when he’d be coming home. He wasn’t always able to tell me what he did that day either. He would just say, “Confidential,” and I’d understand that he’d tell me about it when he returned home. If he was able to. There were some things he did where he was sworn to secrecy.
6. It’s okay to be real.
Dress up. I’m KIDDING. I mean, dress up if you want, but I was mostly in my sweats with messy hair whenever I spoke to my husband. Sorry. I was chasing around his kids all day. I had a friend who said she always put on a nice dress with full on makeup whenever she spoke to her guy. Meanwhile, I was conversing with mine with Cheerios in my hair if it were one of THOSE mornings.
7. Be cool when your faces freeze.
Yes, the screen will most likely freeze a few times. Attempt to not lose your cool when it happens. Just try to reconnect and if it doesn’t, don’t panic. Sometimes the internet is horrible over there.
I would seriously panic when this would happen and think the worst. This is not healthy. I needed to chill out and remember that my husband was there to WORK, not relax.
8. Ugly cry after, not during.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a few tears or sharing your feelings. But the big deployment meltdown is sometimes best without an audience. I admit, I burst into tears a few times because it could get overwhelming being alone and my husband’s eyes would grow big and he’d be like, “Um..it’s okay? Um…do you have chocolate in the house? Maybe go eat that?” (Duh, I always had chocolate in the house and yes, it did help.)
9. It’s not personal.
Your service member may not want to talk for hours on end, and trust me when I say it’s not you. It’s pretty typical to experience shorter call times during deployment. It may have a lot more to do with your service member being in “deployment mode” than anything else.
Related: 13 Things to Give Your Boyfriend Before Deployment
I am so grateful that I was able to communicate and see my husband while he was deployed. True, the conversations didn’t always go perfectly, but for the most part, they helped me get through the time apart.
Did you FaceTime your service member a lot when he deployed?
Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
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Jenny
I just recently met a US ARMY who’s currently deployed in Qatar from an online dating app a week ago. Everything he told me about himself sounds legit so far. During the first week of talking to each other, he was really consistent. He always call and chat me via skype on different hours (maybe whenever he’s on his rest time). He even requested for a video call via skype but I declined co’z I’m too paranoid thinking he might be a scam and will record our video call or whatsoever. However, last Sunday, he didn’t contact me for the whole day. I was messaging him and didn’t get any response until Monday. He called me and explained that their base was being attacked by a local terrorist in Qatar. And since he’s a Commanding Officer of his Battalion, he needs to report the incident to their US base which taken lots of his hours (Thank God he’s ok). And that was the last time he called me. I was messaging him since Tuesday until today but never received any response yet. Though he message me last Wednesday while I was at work to say Hi and How are you. I didn’t see his message right away and responded aftet 4 mins. But he never responded to me anymore. I keep on sending him messages but I’m not receiving any response from him even until today.
I have no idea how busy a deployed US ARMY can get but what’s weird for me was his Skype account is always on Active Status since the attack incident, so I’m assuming he can see all my messages so why he’s not responding?
And BTW, he mentioned that his dad is in the ARMY too (ARMY General) and sent me picture of them together in uniform which looks legit. And he also mentioned that he has plan of retiring after his Qatar mission (which will end a week from now) co’z he doesn’t want to get deployed anymore and just planning to do some business. He never asked me for any money even after saying about doing some business after retirement. Though he said he’s been in the army for 11 yrs only. Is it possible to retire with that long of service?
Well, my main concern is I wanted to know if there’s any way I can confirm if he’s a legit US ARMY and if anyone can please explain to me about his unresponsiveness to my messages co’z I’m getting frustrated thinking if he’s loosing interest already or just really too busy at work. Any advice you can give me is really much appreciated. Thank you so much!
Leilani
Honestly I doubt it… He wouldn’t tell you all that due to OSPEC
Jaisyn
May i know what is OSPEC?
Marty
Hi, I mat a Marine guy on Facebook he says he’s deployed n station out in Syria for peace keeping. I not to sure if I should believe him r not ,he sends me picture of himself ,been texting on Hangout for almost a month ,calls me when ever he gets a chance ,I have so much respect for guys n uniforms,but I’m just not to sure.Does this sound like a scam??
tasha julius
I also recently started talking to a deployed service man online. I was sceptical of course. when I expressed my concern about internet-based scammers. he was upset that i didn’t believe him,but immediately sent me a photo of his badge and a follow up photo of his deployment badge. maybe he could send yout something like that,or you could ask for a specific pose in a photo so you can make sure it’s him and for sure a current photo.
Debbie
Wow sounds familiar! The marine I met online1month ago! Sends me all kinds of pictures but won’t send me one of a pose I ask him for! Restrictions he says! He’s supposed to be from the state’s but has a accent! Says he can’t get to his money! And not texting me as often due to his phone acting up! NEEDS a new one!
A
Probably the same guy I’m talking too. Does he have an accent?
Suzi
Do Google reverse image searches. Contact ScamHaters United. Check out my Pinterest ant you will see many many military identity have been stolen
Robin Sievering
Whats his name i hope hes not texting us both
Cindy
Yes, it’s sound like scam to me and all scammers always asking you to go on hangouts, I met 3 of them last year and they always say they on Peacekeeping in Syria and Afghanistan.
Then they asked for money and iTunes Amazon Google Play and Steam gift cards.
Do not send them money or gift cards.
So be careful please.
Alison
If the people with concerns about scammers would post the names of the people who they are talking to…that would potentially help out others who are questioning it and could be talking to the same person or someone using the same info.
Natalie
I agree, it makes me nervous because he sounds perfect but I’m scared that it is all a fantasy.
Beenu
This is good idea. It will be helpful if there will be any process to send pic of the guy to identify whether they are real army or not
Cindy
Go check at ScamHater United page on Facebook then you will fine a lot stolen pictures of US. Military that been using by Scammers to educate yourself.
Or Military Romance Scam page on Facebook.
Just be careful if they asked for money or gift cards then they are scammers!!!
Real Military do not ask for money or gift card.
Lisa
Maybe it’s just me, but why on earth does it seem like everyone feels the need to talk to their deployed soldier daily? He’s deployed … he’s busy … he’s focused on his job … it’s insane to think that someone would be upset that they couldn’t talk to their soldier daily. Hello … not that long ago you’d be lucky to hear from them with a letter every couple weeks.
My soldier and I use FaceTime audio once a week, and we are both good with that. We had tried using the video, but it kept cutting out, so we switched to audio. Yes, it means I don’t get to see him, but I still get to hear his voice, and I have pictures of him all over the house.
Neither of us are big talkers, but we still manage to have a decent conversation once a week. If we talked all week long, it would end up feeling forced, in my opinion. Talking once a week allows us to actually have a weeks worth of things to converse about. There are topics that are (obviously) off-limits, but I get to hear all about his crazy co-workers, and he gets to hear all about my week.
Anyway … end of my rant … thanks for listening.
Denise R.
Here, here!!!
A
I feel stupid for asking, but I recently started talking to a marine and he says hes deployed to Afghanistan. I know they are limited to what they can tell you and all that but he is trying to say he cant call cant video chat and when I asked for an address to write or send something he told me he cant tell me that either. He says he wants me there when he comes home and touches down for homecoming and i have expressed my doubts that he is even real but he has been patient and kind and is consistent with his explanation that they have a ton of restrictions. he doesn’t ask me for anything, we email and text on hang out and it’s at random hours and hell say he has to go in middle of conversation which I get if hes telling the truth. But is this a scam or Is it legit. Because to me something’s just dont add up, like the no picture thing. I have some pictures of him but If I asked him to take one right now and send it to me he says he cant, or if I ask him to even send a recording of his voice he says he cant. I’m not sure what to believe. like I said I have expressed my doubts to him. does this make sense to any of you or is it a scam.
Erica
Scam
Cindy
If you talked to him on hangouts it’s a scam!!!
Ashley
I feel so bad but OMG who is this husband. My husband is a SOCOM and I never had any of these issues. Seriously don’t cry? Come on. He might not want to talk to you. Please stop!! This is horrible advice. Be yourself. Now and days these wars are not as intense since when the war just started. So if they don’t want to talk to you. They honestly just don’t want to talk to you. Because they are way more available then you think. They can literally order things off line and get it shipped to them. If you want to talk nasty to your husband do it. Do what ever you can to make yourself and your husband happy while you are apart. If they ask for noise cancelling headphones tell them to it is their problem!
Rose
How can we stop all the scams and basically identity theft going on social media.
Bryson Lewis, I believe is a scammer on IG. I’ve had many supposed military deployed men sending friend requests. Once they call, their accent is African.
Cindy
They are scammers from Nigeria when they claimed to be US. Military.
So don’t except the request and report their account to Instagram!!!
Courtney
I was only three weeks into a new “relationship” with a guy when he deployed (we both knew he was deploying but went on several dates anyway). We haven’t “defined the relationship” yet, but he wanted to write letters back and forth while he was gone and said he expects to resume the “relationship” when he gets back, which is in 9 months, if that’s what I wanted also. He’s been overseas for almost three weeks now, he called me before he left and said he’d call me and give me his address once he got there and got settled. In these three weeks he has sent me a couple snapchats and we had a brief conversation over instagram in which I had jokingly said I was still waiting for his address. But I still have not gotten the address, nor a call. We’ve had very little communication. But I can tell he’s been active on social media. I’m very new to all this and have never been in a situation like this before. Should I be concerned? Or is it normal to have this lack in communication? Please advise!
Joi Chapman
It’s ok. Just don’t let it go to your head. It is normal for communication to be hard on deployments, but he will contact you at some point. Just, stay strong for him 🙂 I know it’s hard, trust me. I’m living in Idaho and my husband is in Japan. I haven’t seen him for 7 months. But, you’re gonna make it. If you’d like to talk more, feel free to email me (idahowildflower17@gmail.com) We can get through this.
Denise R.
Move on. He is not that into you. If he was, you would have had the address BEFORE he deployed
Joi Chapman
The hardest part for me is being so far away, I live in Idaho, while my husband lives in Japan (I know, confusing. But that’s a long story.) I love reading things like this and knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. I haven’t physically seen my husband in about 7 months….but he’s coming here for Christmas! Can’t wait to see my man…
linda
Can you help me I met a person on IG who is in the US Army but was not sure of him so I searched his name on FB and found The name of this person but with another picture. I contacted the person on FB and after a few weeks that person contacted me. Since then the person on FB has been talking with me for sometime now. He wanted to stay friends since then he has been deployed and calls me and send’s me pictures of him. Now we plan to facetime. He talks to me on hangouts and always say’s goodnight and good morning. He is joining me in a few weeks time. Do you think he is real. There is now another soldier using his name but have heard his voice and has an accent plus he calls me Lady so thinking this other one is a scam any advice you can give me would be of help. Thank you Oh the second man talk’s to me on IG but won’t send me a picture of him.
Paris
I get that also and he has a accent as well what is his name
Cindy
Just have to be careful with IG and Facebook that they claimed to be US. Military on deployment and talk to you on Hangouts and after asking you for money or gift cards then it is a Scam!!!