When my husband was deployed, being able to FaceTime him helped a lot. We would try to chat on a daily basis but obviously if he had to go out on a mission, it didn’t always happen.
But when it did happen, I’d be excited that I could see him. The kids would be thrilled to see their Daddy as well. It was precious time when I could pull out our army toys for kids and they could really feeling like they were playing with daddy. This technology has truly changed family life during deployments. Still, there are some things you SHOULDN’T do while chatting on FaceTime your service member.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
post contains affiliate links, see my disclosure here.
1. Avoid showing up on camera naked.
Odds are, your conversation is being monitored. You may also want to watch what you say. Telling your man everything you want to do to him when he returns might get awkward if someone is listening. This is much better sent in a letter.
2. Speak cautiously.
……because if someone isn’t monitoring your conversation, your husband probably has a roommate and HE can hear. My husband once said that he had a roommate whose wife always spoke dirty to him and Tom would overhear and be like, “Dude, come on!” He ended up asking me to send him noise canceling headphones.
3. Act natural.
Constantly being upbeat might get creepy. If I were constantly happy my husband would be all, “What’s going on? Why does your smile look forced? You didn’t get Botox did you? Please don’t turn into one of those real housewives with the plastic faces.” Being you is always best, even if that includes a tear or a gripe from time to time.
4. Focus.
Don’t get distracted. Honestly, it would be my HUSBAND who would get distracted. Sometimes he’d have the TV on and he’d glance over when I was trying to talk to him. I’d be all, “Um, hello, wife is trying to talk here,” and he’d be all, “Mmmmhmmm,” while watching the screen.
5. Embrace secrecy.
He probably can’t tell you details, if any, over Facetime. My husband had to message me info on when he’d be coming home. He wasn’t always able to tell me what he did that day either. He would just say, “Confidential,” and I’d understand that he’d tell me about it when he returned home. If he was able to. There were some things he did where he was sworn to secrecy.
6. It’s okay to be real.
Dress up. I’m KIDDING. I mean, dress up if you want, but I was mostly in my sweats with messy hair whenever I spoke to my husband. Sorry. I was chasing around his kids all day. I had a friend who said she always put on a nice dress with full on makeup whenever she spoke to her guy. Meanwhile, I was conversing with mine with Cheerios in my hair if it were one of THOSE mornings.
7. Be cool when your faces freeze.
Yes, the screen will most likely freeze a few times. Attempt to not lose your cool when it happens. Just try to reconnect and if it doesn’t, don’t panic. Sometimes the internet is horrible over there.
I would seriously panic when this would happen and think the worst. This is not healthy. I needed to chill out and remember that my husband was there to WORK, not relax.
8. Ugly cry after, not during.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a few tears or sharing your feelings. But the big deployment meltdown is sometimes best without an audience. I admit, I burst into tears a few times because it could get overwhelming being alone and my husband’s eyes would grow big and he’d be like, “Um..it’s okay? Um…do you have chocolate in the house? Maybe go eat that?” (Duh, I always had chocolate in the house and yes, it did help.)
9. It’s not personal.
Your service member may not want to talk for hours on end, and trust me when I say it’s not you. It’s pretty typical to experience shorter call times during deployment. It may have a lot more to do with your service member being in “deployment mode” than anything else.
Related: 13 Things to Give Your Boyfriend Before Deployment
I am so grateful that I was able to communicate and see my husband while he was deployed. True, the conversations didn’t always go perfectly, but for the most part, they helped me get through the time apart.
Did you FaceTime your service member a lot when he deployed?
Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
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- 7 Bootcamp Graduation Gifts That Will Make Your Service Member Smile
- 10+ Best Books for Military Spouses During Deployment
Reby B.
So incredibly lucky to be able to Facetime with mine. I love and cherish every minute of it.
Amber Myers
Yes, it is a wonderful thing to be able to do!
Keeshuna Jones
My husband is currently deployed. We’ve been together almost 7 years & he has only been in the military for a year and change. We have a 3 year old who will ask about him everyday. One minute, my husband is happy, in love, & talks about how he misses us. The next thing I know, he goes weeks without talking to us. He avoids us all the time. He rather play video games, basketball, & drink. When I tell ask him to call our son, he blows him off. I can not take this hot and cold behavior anymore. Especially when I am being as supportive as I possibly can, while trying to distract our toddler. This has become very overwhelming & now I want to leave this military life behind & start over fresh with my son & I. It’s better that we part ways now, before he gets old enough to understand.
Myaah
Has your situation gotten any better?
Greg
I have a girlfriend who is supposedly in Afghanistan… She says that to keep our relationship going, I need to purchase a permit call card to use Skype(like almost $400). Is this true, or a scam?
Lauren Tamm
Scam
Gwendolyn Olim
I’m a military girlfriend who has been online since April of 2018 . We have never been able to have a video chat due to his pc being old. We have chatted on the phone with each other, have fallen deeply in love with each other but I’m afraid ?because I’m always having to send him money ?. I do trust him and the circumstances are always very real, should I go ahead this one last time to bring him home?
AnneMarie Brown
Why do u have to send him money to come home?
Sherika Hunt-Johnson
I have a military boyfriend as well and he says I have to register my phone number so he can be able to talk to me more and I was just wondering if that was true
Cindy
If you always have to send him money or buy iTunes, Amazon, Google Pay and Steam cards then it is a Scam!!!
So be careful.
Gilda Perez
Military soldiers don’t need money to come home that is no excuse for them to come home from deployment when they are ready to come home and have been discharged from their service duties they will come home via military
Robin Sievering
My boyfriend says he cant call or skype and I cant show his picture off Thats against regulations.Hes in the Navy in Iraq. Hes a RDML Im so confused why isnt this allowed
Alexis
I have many questions and not sure where to begin because I think I have been scammed. I met this guy online over 2 years ago. I fully believed he was the real deal. He talks to me every day and throughout my day. We have never skyped, just text email and phone calls. I get run arounds. Now, 2 things I am inquiring about. I tried to research him to see if he is real, all photos I sent thru search engines if any came up he had them removed. People who look for stolen valor has contacted him and he contacted me why I was searching, which caused fights between him and I. Now he tells me his money is locked into an account so when he gets home he has access to it but he’s requiring money from me until he is out of deployment. I dont know what is true anymore. I have had 4 bank accounts taken away for possible fraudulent reasons I cant have more.
GREGORY M KELLEY
I was supposedly given another email address for this certain request…. The response was from a guy who said that she was risking her job in telling me everything that I knew?… & that she could lose her job. He also said that I need to talk to “my woman” if I wanted this top secret calling permit that only 50 or so officers that were on this mission & were only given 30min notice b4 they left overseas…. Someone plz help…. I called Ft Dix and spoke with with 2 different folks from 2 different #s who were positive in telling me that it was a total scam and to report them & their email addresses….. She insists that it is still real… I told her If it’s still real, that I would see her when she got home, but I wasn’t sending any money…. ANY ADVICE?… Much love❤️ to all those who actually serve, or are supporting their other halves during their deployment.
Thanks again❤️
GK
Cindy
If she asked for money or gift cards then it is a scam.
Fredelene
Hi… i’m new here.. i want to ask, if my boyfriend can leave his duty during his deployment to other country and as his girlfriend do i need to pay his leaving before they process his leave request? Please help me so that i know what to do.. we just met at dating application and he want me to meet in person,, i currently living at singapore and he is an US army.
Gilda Perez
Scam
Louise cahir
Yes I am a new military is boyfriend me and we’re still staying very strong in together just 6 months this falling in love and we’re still a lots texting on hangout on app and yes I really want My rock keith would meet me in my apartment or working very soon and hopefully praying friends anytime catch-up talks texting me louise cahir xxxx
Christina
How did you meet your boyfriend thru face ? I just meet this guy thru face and started texting thru hangout but I am scared that he can be a cat fish a scammer . How can I make sure his not a scammer? Help please
Jasmine
I have all these same worries! Did you find out anything?
Cindy
If he asked you for money or iTunes, Amazon, Google Play and Steam card then he is a Scammer!!!
Be careful please.
Scammers always asking you to go on Hangouts or WhatsApp!!!
Lorelie Angela Dominguez
I’m chatting someone who said he is currently working in the US Military army., he’s gentle and nice to me in all aspects.., we do have regular chats but something is missing.., we can’t do any of audio calls or video calls because of the strict law in the US Military base in Fort Drum, New York., is this the real situation in the army..,? But thanks God he never ask for money or something..,
Michelle VanMeter
First, ask for his email. Military email ends in mil. If he has professed his love for you in two or three days, that’s not real. Does he call you babe alot? Does he ask you what you ate? Do you have a hard time understanding him? Are his verbs wrong? Does he say he has no access to his money? If yes is your answer to these then you are being scammed. Never send money or gift cards. They usually have a sob story. They are a widower with kids, their parents are passed away….things like that.
Tia
Can you hear them if they video call u
Sara Henriksen
im very confused.
I just met a guy from the military and we are texting over Whatsup.He is deployed in turkey he says. He has sending me pictures and I had search the pictures but nothing come up he ask about my kids every day and reasure me everyday and telling me he miss me and loves me and whenever i had try to break up with him he has fighting for me but at the same time he has ask me for giftcards and money but when I tell him that im worried about it he tells me that I dont have to if I dont want to and he is not getting mad at me or anything is it a scam or real ?
Becky
I have been talking to a sgt in the marines for 3 weeks on hangouts, met on Facebook . He has sent me his military id and a video of him on the ocean, along many other photos, his social security number and mos number and states he will be retiring after 20 years of service. My daughter told me to have him take a picture of him touching his nose and send it to me and he did. I’m still very skeptical. He tells me that he wants to be with me. He first wanted to invest in cell phones well that didn’t go through now he wants to invest in Bitcoin. He did send me money, not directly from him though he said it was through a friend here in the states, to do the cell phone deal but when it didn’t go through he had me get stem and google play cards. He said he was sending me money to invest in it. I just don’t know what to think. I would like to think he’s real and being truthful but just don’t know. He calls me over hangouts, he is a bi racial man and has a accent but now I’m use to it cause he does call me a lot. Please someone give me some advice!
Becky
He stated he is in Kuwait and is stationed in San Diego! I just want to know if I’m being scammed or not!
Rebekah
Yes i FaceTime my boyfriend everyday or every other day! It’s our first deployment and FaceTime has been wonderful. It’s great seeing him.
Greg
Does it cost you extra money to be able to do that? Is it free? I’m in a similar situation & my girlfriend claims that I needa “call permit” to be able to communicate. Thanks for any help you can give!
Minna Jensen
A gf/bf doesn’t need any money at all from anyone while deployed. EVER! I have had 2 scammers that tried to get to me to send money etc. Now 1 of them contacted me again, wanting to tell the “truth”. Said he was a 22yr old Nigerian scamming ppl with 3 others in the same room. Saw them via facetime. And why they want to do the facetime is because they are recording me/other women and men, so they can get more material for their scam . They take the pics you get sent mainly from Instagram, Fb, Twitter, WhatsApp and other sites too. Scammers have many profiles and they use online translators. This Nigerian showed on facetime one of his victims and he was txtng in Spanish to a pretty girl in Puerto Rico. Fluently.
What I would like to know is that is there a website where you can make a report and send the pics you’ve received from the scammer so that the the real person would be found and let him/her know about it……
Main thing is :NEVER EVER send anything to these ppl! Chat all you like, have fun but no money, no gift cards of any kind to be sent. And be very careful of your pics you put out on social media, some day somewhere somebody uses them for their own criminal purposes.
Be safe all of you 💖
Kari
My husbands fist deployment was many years ago and we didn’t have facetime or skype.
Only spoke twice by phone in 7 months. All we had were letters.
So nice to have this! Stay connected but good old fashion letters are nice to have in the long run.
Myia
So glad the days of horrible government phone calls the always cut out are over. You get a call talk for a few minutes then bam, your call is disconnected. And you better always have your phone near you because you never knew when a call would come. Our first deployment I did not even hear from my DH for the first 3 months, and after that a few calls and letters was all we had. Now that I have kids and FaceTime is a life saver. Being able to see their dad makes all the difference. And I know my youngest will not forget her daddy while he is gone like my first daughter did during her first deployment.
Amy
Aww I wish they could FaceTime from the ships. Two months into this deployment and so far only one phone call (which cost $89 bc he used his cell in port…). Can’t complain too much, at least we have email..
Dali
I’m a new military girlfriend. He says he can’t call or FaceTime yet. We communicate thru hangouts (Google app)… does this sound legit? I’m a little skeptical and doubtful. I would love some input to put my mind at ease. It is hard to not see him or hear him. Any suggestions?
Amy
I m also a new military girlfriend. I would like it if you could send me an email please… we also communicate via Google Hangouts app… in the beginning we communicated through FB messenger, he said he cant skype me cos he don’t have web cam…,
John Rainey
You know as a Vietnam Vet, all we had was free snail mail, and a pay phone , but today access to communicate should be excellent and available! It is all about Morale !
Angel
Hey
I’m new here. Well I recently met my boyfriend through online and it has been weeks now he is currently deployed in Yemen but from US military. Well he doesn’t ask for money but whenever I want to video or audio call him he says it’s a bit restricted their but he will find time to do so but ever since he hasn’t, is this even True that he can’t make calls. He does call me babe quit Alot ,I have no problem with that but I just wanted to know if he is real or just Messing around. Well he shared part of his story life with me, he got two loving kids but unfortunately his a widower.
I want to hold on and see how this will end but also to know your thoughts about this since I have no experience with this.
Jean
I’m having the same issue been messaging (hangout) a US Army soldier in Yemen for a couple of weeks. I also have issues with conversing with him. Would like to share more with you jeandt75 @ outlook. Com
Regina
That’s interesting because I have just recently started messaging (hangouts) with a Navy guy in Yemen. A widower with a child in boarding school.
Piper
Hello Angel, Jean, and Regina,
I’m not for sure how new or old are your comments and replies. I also have a U.S. military “boyfriend” who says he is deployed in Yemen. We too chat on Hangout and Twitter and have been for the past 6 months. This is very interesting. I’d like to know more about your situations and compare notes. Sounds like we have a player and a scammer on our hands. Please email me: piper.hollman@gmail.com. Thanks!
Alex
It really depends on where they are. I’m lucky because he can FaceTime. But there’s are times when he can’t FaceTime or call but he can still message. I spent time freaking out when I didn’t hear from him or hanging up on him when I thought he was being mean because I was super emotional thanks to Mother Nature. I say be patient. They are at the mercy of their branch and it isn’t as easy for them to reach out as it would if they were a civilian.
Leanne
I’ve been with my partner for over 4 years and have done deployments through, he works on the ships-there are some ships that have WiFi that might or might not be on depending on where in the world they are. There are a lot of Middle East countries that have banded Video and voice calls over wifi-be that the ships or in port…it just comes with the job…..
We had one deployment where he was on ‘blackout’ for over half of it too.
It really does depend but it does sound like your boyfriend is being legit.
You have to try hard to not get angry and be strong. I hate ever part of his job but I do it because I love him and want my life with him, even if waiting for months on end for him just for him to go again!
You can’t help who you call in love with.
Rosie
Same here.. I meet this guy on my IG Account we became friends and more, but I haven’t seen his face cuz he said FaceTime and phone calls are not allowed where he is deployed. It’s been almost 4 months now and I still don’t know if I’m really talking to the same person I accepted through my IG.
Coral
Same here I’ve been texting him back and for about three months in Hangout first it was Facebook then he said was hack and now it’s on Hangout he says he’s love me I see pictures of him but I don’t know if I talk into the same guy or not
Sony
I can make face calls on hangouts, so that’s interesting. What’s his name? I hope we don’t all have the same boyfriend!
Connie Overcash
Yeah what is his name that would be interesting
ANA
I been reading all of the comments, and We might even have the same boyfriend. If I can, I can share a picture of him. My story is very similar to most of all the ladies who commented here in this website. And I think we are getting scam.
Constance
Rosie, Has he sent you pictures and please don’t send him money if he asks
Connie Overcash
Where is he deployed
Cindy
Just be careful if he starts asking for money or gift cards then he is a scammer!!!
From my experience.
Karolina
i need a help with this as well, i met on Instagram soldier Lincoln Smarty. He gave me a contact on Hangouts and start talking ask he loves me etc, showed me photos his, his children and some movies. after that he ask ne about gift card iTunes for his daughter ($100 costs). I think its scam but… what i need to do
Angel
Same here, met on Facebook. Started talking through Hangouts , seen his pictures but never have we had a video or audio calls. I just wanted to know if they are being monitored even through Hangouts? Or are they just excuses
Anna
This same thing has been going on with me. It’s been about a year now. He says he misses me and loves me very much. He did call me in the beginning, but I was not interested. Now he cannot and wanted me to send him money to come home for Christmas. I wished I could have but I really have been hurt by guys. I don’t have that kind of money anyway, and there are so many scams out there. I’m terrified, I haven’t had anyone really, in 6 years. I pray this is real, I deserve him. Can we find out? I tried the obvious searches…
Tiff j
If he is in the military he does not need money to come home.. He may be a scam.
John Rainey
He should have money! Overseas pay, combat pay, Etc
Cindy
If he asked for money then he is not a real Military.
Do not send money to them.
You can find out by using image search on Socialcatfish.com or Yandex.com
Paris
That is exactly how mine is going too. Very skeptical myself
Carrie
I’m all new to the deployment thing and it’s hard for me. I know he’s coming home but it’s so freaking hard and long, we are getting married when he gets home and the good thing is he retires in November I can’t wait for him to get home to me I miss him so much. I don’t know how you all do it time after time this is my first deployment he’s been gone sense December he’s supposed to come home in November, we text a lot
Emily
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my significant other (Army Sergeant) for about two years now, and the one thing I have difficulty coming to terms with is the lack of information. My SO doesn’t like to talk about work in general, but now that he’s been deployed it’s even more frustrating to not be told practically anything. I understand some things are confidential but it seem like he’s withholding even the small things. How can I encourage him to open up a bit more if he’s able to? Or if there are any resources I can turn to that explain work life, please point me to them. For reference, I am Canadian and had absolutely no experience with military life before meeting my American soldier.
Karen
Am. I being scammed ? I’ve been talking “texting ” and on hang OUT with some one who says he is a soldier deployed over seas and says he can’t call me ,or even see me when he comes home for a break if my name and phone number aren’t on his inlisted list? Is this true ? He wants me to do it
Lauren Tamm
That is a scam.
Gina
Hi! I don’t know about the rules of US Army deployment. This is my first time to have a soldier’s boyfriend. We talk to Instgram and whatsApp.
Is it true that if your boyfriend, fiance or husband wants to go home or he wants to deployd to another safe country, you need to send a message to their General to ask him or you can request him that if he could send him to the other safe country or home? Please i need your asap reply. Thanks
Tiffj
No this is a scam
Beenu
Am I being scammed ? I have been talking in message with a guy telling he is a US army and now in Afghanistan. He send me his pics in his uniform an videos talking with his staff. When I doubt on him he did video call for a second. He used to tell is against his rules to audio call and video call but took risk to proof . We have to pay money for our boyfriend personal leave or not if he is in Afghanistan.
Michelle
Hmmm very interesting I’m in the same situation , very frustrating .
Cindy
It’s a Scam!!!
Do not send them money.
Staci
Absolute scam.
Lisa
Do they have phones, one wants my cell phone ID number and password. To get phones for his friends and said his commander would reimburse me when he gets home. And them their children call you mom. And send their children money for school supplies. Do they do that?
Suzi
ScamHaters United. Do reverse image search ask for his military e mail account. Please contact ScsmHaters immediately view all the aroma ce Scams going on. Never give any personal Information. Thst is a scam regarding cell phones
Karen
Mine says his was stolen in syria. Wants me to get him one and send it up with someone coming in in another deployment group. Scam or no? Says can’t log into Google hangouts to chat without it, says can’t keep asking others. Isn’t there an exchange there in syria? Aren’t there other means to computer’s on base? Etc etc… wouldn’t a Captain of the airforce be granted another cell phone??
Cindy
It’s a scam!!!
Do not send any money or gift cards to them.
Doreen
Hi Karen I saw your msg and had to reply I too am working now ifor I been scalmed as I mwet him on a dating website and we hit it off stright away ,then we chatted on whats app for two weeks, then he said he been deployed to afRica for 4 weeks,and in that time I sent msg to what’s and no reply,and the 4 weeks is up this week
Karen
Was his name aaron
Sammy
I’ve been speaking to someone in the Navy on whats app..we’ve exchanged photos & he’s in navy uniform in one but he wants to face time me. He’s telling me he’s IN Africa for another 2 months and that I have to pay for phone voucher to speak to him on face time? I suggested FB messenger but he says he doesn’t have Facebook. Is this legit??
Staci
Scam!
John Rainey
Yes this is called bullshit! When home on leave you can visit anyone!!
Constance
Where is he deployed at and where does he say he is stationed at when not in deployment. Just curious
Christine
My husband was in the Navy back in the 1980s.. Boy FaceTime and text would have been awesome! My daughter is currently a Marine who will be deployed soon ..I am kinda jealous of her .. But I have boxes of letters that I hold so dearly…
John Rainey
Tell your daughter “ Semper Fi”
Enza
Is it possible to load a story on Facebook when it is a Face Account. I am talking to some Soldier in Afghanistan that is very active on his Facebook Account, with daily updates and stories.