Deployment
When my husband was deployed, being able to FaceTime him helped a lot. We would try to chat on a daily basis but obviously if he had to go out on a mission, it didn’t always happen.
But when it did happen, I’d be excited that I could see him. The kids would be thrilled to see their Daddy as well. It was precious time when I could pull out our army toys for kids and they could really feeling like they were playing with daddy. This technology has truly changed family life during deployments. Still, there are some things you SHOULDN’T do while chatting on FaceTime your service member.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
post contains affiliate links, see my disclosure here.
1. Avoid showing up on camera naked.
Odds are, your conversation is being monitored. You may also want to watch what you say. Telling your man everything you want to do to him when he returns might get awkward if someone is listening. This is much better sent in a letter.
2. Speak cautiously.
……because if someone isn’t monitoring your conversation, your husband probably has a roommate and HE can hear. My husband once said that he had a roommate whose wife always spoke dirty to him and Tom would overhear and be like, “Dude, come on!” He ended up asking me to send him noise canceling headphones.
3. Act natural.
Constantly being upbeat might get creepy. If I were constantly happy my husband would be all, “What’s going on? Why does your smile look forced? You didn’t get Botox did you? Please don’t turn into one of those real housewives with the plastic faces.” Being you is always best, even if that includes a tear or a gripe from time to time.
4. Focus.
Don’t get distracted. Honestly, it would be my HUSBAND who would get distracted. Sometimes he’d have the TV on and he’d glance over when I was trying to talk to him. I’d be all, “Um, hello, wife is trying to talk here,” and he’d be all, “Mmmmhmmm,” while watching the screen.
5. Embrace secrecy.
He probably can’t tell you details, if any, over Facetime. My husband had to message me info on when he’d be coming home. He wasn’t always able to tell me what he did that day either. He would just say, “Confidential,” and I’d understand that he’d tell me about it when he returned home. If he was able to. There were some things he did where he was sworn to secrecy.
6. It’s okay to be real.
Dress up. I’m KIDDING. I mean, dress up if you want, but I was mostly in my sweats with messy hair whenever I spoke to my husband. Sorry. I was chasing around his kids all day. I had a friend who said she always put on a nice dress with full on makeup whenever she spoke to her guy. Meanwhile, I was conversing with mine with Cheerios in my hair if it were one of THOSE mornings.
7. Be cool when your faces freeze.
Yes, the screen will most likely freeze a few times. Attempt to not lose your cool when it happens. Just try to reconnect and if it doesn’t, don’t panic. Sometimes the internet is horrible over there.
I would seriously panic when this would happen and think the worst. This is not healthy. I needed to chill out and remember that my husband was there to WORK, not relax.
8. Ugly cry after, not during.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a few tears or sharing your feelings. But the big deployment meltdown is sometimes best without an audience. I admit, I burst into tears a few times because it could get overwhelming being alone and my husband’s eyes would grow big and he’d be like, “Um..it’s okay? Um…do you have chocolate in the house? Maybe go eat that?” (Duh, I always had chocolate in the house and yes, it did help.)
9. It’s not personal.
Your service member may not want to talk for hours on end, and trust me when I say it’s not you. It’s pretty typical to experience shorter call times during deployment. It may have a lot more to do with your service member being in “deployment mode” than anything else.
Related: 13 Things to Give Your Boyfriend Before Deployment
I am so grateful that I was able to communicate and see my husband while he was deployed. True, the conversations didn’t always go perfectly, but for the most part, they helped me get through the time apart.
Did you FaceTime your service member a lot when he deployed?
Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Want more on military life?
- Why Deployment Meltdowns Are Actually a Good Thing
- How to Stay Absolutely Miserable in Military Life
- I’m Terrible at Being a Military Spouse
- 75 Awesome Military Care Package Ideas
More on military girlfriend life?
- Military Girlfriend to Military Wife: One Important Lesson You’ll Never Forget
- Where to Find Helpful MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
- The Best Advice for the Military Girlfriend
- 7 Bootcamp Graduation Gifts That Will Make Your Service Member Smile
- 10+ Best Books for Military Spouses During Deployment
Yes I too met a man
Who tells me hes in Afghanistan and he cant face time or call
Going on 2 months I’m worried is this true or a scamm In the works
Scam.
Curious if a soldier can change their details in less than a month. I already feel it’s a scam but your confirmation will help. I met (scott) on uniformdating.com and he was great. Now he is supposed to be coming home on the 30th but needs money to get station moved from DC to NJ. Like I said i feel the scam. I really hate these scammers wasting our time!!
I too met someone on a dating app. He got deployed to A country in Africa. Haven’t called or FaceTime each other yet, but he sends me pics almost everyday. Says I need to contact the army commander in order for me to contact him so we can talk on the phone. It’s a first time I am talking to someone in the military so I am not familiar with it. He even sent me a picture of a sign that says “no phone calls, no video calls on base” yet he texts me all the time. So I don’t know. Then he mentioned that I send him a laptop so we can talk.
Sara, that is a scam.
I meet a guy who says he in the military online we been texting two weeks straight,then he said he been deployed to Africa and he be away for 4 weeks, which are up at the weekend and we communicate on what’s apps,but since he been deployed for nearly 4 weeks,I had no phone calls, texts,so I don’t know what to do, as I been hearing about guys been soldiers, and scammed woman online,but I been though this before,but this time it’s seem different ,if I been scammed again i going to feel brouen heart,but I was not stupid to send anything
What is his name if you don’t mind and where is he based normally.
Hi, I too reasonably met an Navy military man and been chatting every on hangouts, yes I got pictures of him but not new picture, he said he will be back to US by end of this March and got package want to send me to help him keep up until he gets back, yes he did asked me to buy iTunes cards for him and I did but now about the package I don’t know should I receive it or not because I still have some suspicion about him like when we talk his accent is not American.
A real man doesn’t ask a woman he doesn’t know that well to send him gifts. Be careful about meeting people online if that is what happened. There are many users out there.
Don’t. Scam you out of $$$$
It’s a scam so do not except his package because they will ask you to pay for Customs Fee which a lot of money!!!
It was happened to me before.
For the iTunes card a scammer from Nigeria always ask you to buy it.
A real US. Military will not ask you for money or gift card.
So be careful please.
Hi i too have met someone from the dating app Hinged. he said he is from constantia, SA..and is in the airforce.. when we started chatting he was in Miami..(I live in Fort Lauderdale) for two weeks was deployed here for two weeks on a special assignment…then he recently got deployed to kuwait.. i spoke with him and he has an African accent but I think he spoke like that just for me to hear his voice..he has told me his mother is American and father is African and him and his mom moved to Chicago from 1995 to 2000 and been in the states since then but travels back to South Africa offten…he’s very articulate no misspelled works and he tells me everything, doesn’t ask me for money or anything and he will be retired next year and wants to be with me, relocate in Florida, buy a house and start a family with me…he has falling in love with me at such a short time..and o seem to be the same way.. should i feel that he is scamming me..even though I’m not getting that vibe from him ..🤷🏾♀️ and i told him that I almost got scammed before and he was a bit upset that someone would do that and he is not and will not hurt me…
I was (and am) a military wife. During thoe days, we did NOT have the technology to communicate. He just left on exercise for 4 or 8 weeks. We did not know where. We had no means to communicate. We had to wait it out. Or if he was deployed out of the country, no choice but to write. You had to « tough it out » back then. And we survived. Made me stronger. Autonomous. Independant. Not that I didn’t miss him but there was no other choice. Part of choosing the guy you are with. Today, you can see him through Facetime or Skype. Better? Dunno. Worst? Dunno. Different times.
Hi! There is this military guy that added me on Facebook and saying that he is deployed in Nigeria for peacekeeping for the Boho terrorist and we have been chatting on Facebook messenger but sometimes he would ask me to use the app Google Hangouts saying that he is tired of using Facebook for probably 2 weeks. I have heard of all this Military romance scam. He hasn’t shown any signs of asking for money, iTunes, Amazon or any other gift cards or electronic items. I am very skeptical about it. He only sends messages but when i accidentally pressed the call button, he messaged me saying that his commander is there and is waking up his colleagues with cold water and he will get in trouble. The way he construct his messages seems all in correct grammar. I don’t know if he is a scammer or not. Help?
No peacekeeping in Nigeria.
And a lot of scammers from Nigeria!!!
So just be careful.
Check out on ScamHater United page and Military Romance Scam on Facebook to educate yourself.
I hope to hear something back from one of you with more experience in dating a military, even if it’s not happy news. Here is my story:
I met a Marine on the weekend away, I went to visit a friend in NC, and we met in a bar. We had a great night, and, at that point, we did not exchange any personal information, only phone numbers. I went back to my state, and life goes on, of course, I was thinking of him. He was charming, fun, and a great kisser, haha. So we began to text, every day, and the times were a little off… till I learned that he was a Marine, and it made sense. Well, we live in different states, but we kept talking every day, exchanging pictures, talking about life and you know, getting to know each other. He was going to visit his family during the holidays, and the flight back had a layover in my town. We made plans to see each other and spend a few hours together. During his vacation of 10 days, we talked a lot, every day, and then we finally saw each other again on his way back to his base. We had a great time; we just clicked! He was sad to leave, and so was I. We made silly plans, exchanged caring messages, and he told me he was about to be transferred to a different state and unit. I was about to go to visit my friend again, and we made plans to see each other before the move. We kept talking every day, even things like “I like you” blablabla. But ok, I was not looking for a relationship, just enjoying meeting him and looking forward to spending more time together. Well, in the end, he was not able to get any day off that weekend, and he explained why. Ok, no biggie. It was the weekend after new year’s when Trump’s attacked the middle east. We were talking normally until Sunday. I felt that he was quieter than usual, and he said he was upset that we didn’t get to see each other that weekend and that we would meet again, he just didn’t know when or where yet.
I went back to my state; I was busy, so I did not text him the following day, and neither did him. Then I did the next day, and it has been a week since we last talked. He has not replied to my message – I just sent one wishing that everything was fine due to the news I saw on tv, and for him to let me know if he was safe. I read on the news that a lot of troops from his unit got deployed to the middle east last minute, but he was about to be transferred to somewhere else. I am just worried, and I wish I knew if he is safe. I don’t see any other reasons why he would disappear like that. But I can be wrong as well. Any feedback would be kindly appreciated.
Hey everyone, I have been dating my military guy for over a year now. He was deployed to Qatar also. He is a Staff Sergeant in the army. I won’t give too much info but he is in between bases at times, but with this coronavirus going around I’m not sure exactly what they’re doing and he couldn’t explain much to me the last we spoke about a week ago. Is it normal for them not to be able to communicate for a week or more at times? I’m very independent but this does get to me. and all I can do is try to distract myself..
Can you hear them if they video call u
Hey there….happened upon this while googling some stuff…a friend of mine has fallen with someone who is deployed but I am scared she is being catfished or something…she is falling hard and supposedly when he comes home in February in 3 months they are gonna buy a house and get married but they have yet to even speak and have only talked via texting…is it real are there deployments that keep active military personnel from being able to Skype with loved ones for the entirety of their deployment? Any information would be amazingly helpful.
Thanks,
A concerned over protective friend