MilSpouse Life
When my fiance left for basic training, the days afterward were incredibly hard. But as I learned how to cope and take better care of myself, I realized that the hardest part wasn’t him being gone, the hardest part was learning how to support my service member through basic.
I knew that his physical, as well as his mental strength, would be tested beyond anything he had gone through before and I knew it would take lots of encouragement from me to help keep him focused.
How to Support Your Service Member at Basic
Focusing my efforts on him helped both of us get through those weeks of training and I truly believe it made our relationship stronger. Whether you are a military girlfriend or a military wife, here are just a few of my tips for supporting your significant other during this time.
Related: Basic Training Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
What He Needs From You.
In order for your military member to remain strong, he needs you to remain strong as a military spouse. In the beginning, I spent most of our short phone calls together crying. I was very emotional during this time, and looking back I wish I had been stronger.
But as time went by, I realized that the phone calls were precious and I tried my hardest to wait until after he hung up the phone to cry. In this situation, fake it til’ you make it, just made sense!
Instead, I started to make the most of our time together. In between phone calls, I started a list of things I needed to ask him or talk to him about so I wouldn’t forget later on.
I made sure to remain positive on the phone and in my letters to him and I made sure he knew that no matter what happened, I would love him and I would be there for him. While our military men talk tough, they need that reassurance as much as we do! Reminding him of my love and support helped my fiance to feel safe and loved.
As the weeks went by he was able to tell me more and more about what was going at basic. This helped me know what to say and how to encourage him.There was one week he told me they were going out in the field for training for a week.
This particular week was known as the “make it or break it” week and I was scared he wouldn’t make it through. After what seemed to be many agonizing days, I received the phone call from him that he had made it. He was almost done with basic!
Why Letters Are So Important.
In basic, if one person messes up, they mess it up for everyone. Privileges like phone time can be taken away and even though your SO didn’t do anything wrong, it still affects him and you!
While phone time is a precious commodity at basic, letter writing is important because it will allow you tell him everything you want him to know and everything you may not have time to say on the phone.
While phone time may be out of your SO’s control, sending letters is not! Once you get that address, you can send as many letters as you would like. I wrote one letter every single day. I would tell my fiance about my thoughts, the good and the bad about my day, how the wedding planning was going, what his family wanted him to know, and more.
My advice is to not overthink the letter writing too much! If you’re still not sure where to get started, here are 20 letter writing prompts to get you started.
- What I’m Not Taking for Granted During This Time.
- I Can’t Wait to _X_ When I see You Again.
- Your Family Wants You to Know _X_.
- Everything I Love About You.
- Everything I Miss About You.
- _X_ Quotes to Encourage You.
- _X_ Bible Verses to Encourage You.
- Everything I’ve Been Doing While You are Gone.
- Why I’m so Proud of You.
- My Promise to You.
- I Think of You Everytime I _X_.
- These are My Dreams for Our Future.
- How My Life Changed When I Met You.
- _X_ Things You May Not Know About me.
- Remember When we Did _X_?
- _X_ Things We Can Do When You Get Back.
- If I Were There, Here’s What I Would Tell You.
- If Our Lives Were a Movie, Here’s How it Would Go.
- _X_ Songs That Remind me Of You.
- How I Plan to Support You During Your Military Career.
75+ Swoon-Worthy Open When Letter Ideas for Your Boyfriend
How to Keep Your Relationship Alive and Strong.
Being in a long-distance relationship is hard work! It takes a lot of patience and a lot of understanding to make it through. When thinking about your relationship and where it’s going during this time, try to put yourself in your significant other’s shoes. They are away from family, friends and in new and unfamiliar surroundings.
They are probably exhausted and grumpy. They may even say things they don’t mean. During this time, here are some things you can do to keep your relationship strong.
- Effectively communicate your needs; ask them to communicate theirs. Your significant other can’t read your mind and you can’t read his. Plainly telling him what you need from him or why you are upset or having a hard time will allow him to help you and it will build trust within your relationship.
- Work on your relationship independently. Because of the distance and because of the situation your significant other is currently in, you may have to work on the relationship independently. This means taking care of your mind, body, and emotions so that you can be strong in your relationship.
- Consider the expectations you both may have. It’s human to have expectations. We have expectations for our week, for the way we want to be treated, and for our relationships. Because men and women are so different we have to consider what expectations each of us may have. Clearly stating your expectations whether it’s in a letter or during a phone call, will help you both work together and more effectively grow your relationship.
- Be the Bigger Person. Sometimes in a relationship, you have to be the bigger person, and that is no different in a military relationship! During basic, you are going to have to be the bigger person. You need to be willing to say, “I’m sorry” if needed and you need to be willing to forgive. This will help both of you to come together as a team during this time, and let you both move forward in your relationship.
Supporting your significant other through basic will be hard, but it’s great practice for helping him get through the rest of his career as a military member. While this time will be hard, there are also so many rewards. Looking back over the past eight years of my husband’s military service, I am so glad I stuck with it. Military life has helped me grow in ways I never imagined and without this experience, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
Kathryn Sneed is Christian military wife and stay-at-home mom to her two special needs kiddos. She has a passion for God, family, the military and helping others through her blog and services. Connect with her on Facebook or Pinterest.
Want more on military life?
- Why Deployment Meltdowns Are Actually a Good Thing
- Your Service Member is at Basic, Now What?
- The Surprising Thing You’ll Miss Most During Deployment
- I’m Terrible at Being a Military Spouse
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
Hello, my name is Kayla. My boyfriend is leaving to Basic in June and I’m so scared he’ll realize he doesn’t need me or lose feelings. I know I should be proud and happy for him but I’m not he’ll be growing up and ill be stuck in school. I come to you desperately, please tell me about this process and how I should handle it all. I want to know things like how often he’ll be able to call and text me or how to prepare for his departure. PLEASE SEND HELP!!!!!
Kayla! Don’t panic, if your relationship is stable at all, and you both love each other, he will be more focused on missing you and looking forward to being back with you! Its going to be tough, but make sure he knows you’re always thinking of him, and that you send him lots of letters, encouraging him and reassuring him you’re there for him. I will be going to basic next year after marrying my girlfriend, and its going to be a hard process but were used to it. The distance we have (I’m in Japan, shes in Cali) has grown us how a close relationship would never. Just communicate, pray for him and support him. It’s going to be AWESOME! Don’t worry! I’m praying for you and your success!
~Levi-Luke
I’m planning to go into Basic Training after I graduate from high school, My Significant Other and I won’t be able to mail each other while I’m in Basic because of the things going on at home at the moment. Does anyone know of any alternative ways communication other than mail on phone calls?
Try using the Sandboxx app!!
Hello. My boyfriend went to basic training on 24th April in Kenya. Am currently in Dubai and despite the fact we’ve dated for the past 2years, before he went we were having some sought of daily arguments. My fear is he may loose interest in me because for the time he’ll be there we can’t communicate. Am also torn apart cos I don’t know what to expect when he comes. Am uncertain. How do I go about this
I am currently talking to this guy, he is leaving for basic at the end of December, then he will be gone for even more training, a total of 24 weeks. We are absolutely crazy about each other, but he doesn’t want anything serious because he is leaving. I can tell he is hesitant about this decision, he even admitted it. We plan on writing to each other while he’s gone but I don’t know what to do. He is everything I have ever wanted and he makes me feel safe, loved, happy, and so much more. I am willing to wait for him and work through it but as I mentioned before, it’s on him because he said, and I quote, “it wouldn’t be fair to you.” Please, I need advice.
My boyfriend will be going to basic training the summer before he leaves for college. I am a year behind him, so i will still be in school when he starts college. We have been together for over a year, and i am very confident in our relationship. I think what scares me the most, is the fact that he might change more than i’m comfortable with. I am totally fine with some growth, but I have seen so many people become totally different people after basic, and i’m afraid i’ll loose my goofy boyfriend. I am also afraid for my mental health. I struggle with some mental illnesses, and unfortunately, he is my only friend. I understand I will have to find other people to confide in, but I don’t know where to start or what to do without him, as he is my whole support system.
My boyfriend just left Monday. I feel everything you are going through right now. Literally, all of that is what I am thinking. I am so scared.
My boyfriend just left for Marine basic training 6 days ago. I struggle with mental health issues and he was my only friend. We have been dating for a year and a half now. We also lived together for 6 months. I feel so lost and broken. Like a huge piece is missing from me. I don’t know when I will see him again because of COVID. I want to take advantage of this time and make myself a better future wife for him but I can barely get out of bed. I don’t know what to do. Because the Marines is the hardest branch I can’t talk to him on the phone I don’t think during basic (except for special circumstances). I am scared that when he comes back he is going to be a totally different person and won’t want me. I just don’t know what to do.
Hi All –
My husband left for basic training for the Army about two weeks ago. I missed his phone call yesterday before the start of basic and feel terrible. He sounded so down and disappointed that we didn’t get to speak. Does anyone know what I should do? I’d give anything to have been able to answer my phone in time. Does he get another chance to call and speak to me? Or it’s just letters until he’s done in 9 weeks?