MilSpouse Life
When I was in my early twenties enjoying college life back in the Midwest, I would’ve laughed in your face if you told me I would be living in Japan as a stay-at-home mom living a military life. I had big dreams of scaling my nursing career ladder, breaking the glass ceiling, and being a strong independent woman like nobody’s business.
After I met my husband though, I saw my life going in a different direction. I saw myself moving to be with him and sharing a life together. I saw myself changing my career goals, making them flexible and adaptable to a new life and situation. It’s funny how life works out that way though. The planned direction of your life can take a sharp right turn when you least expect it.
So, when you reflect on your past choices leading you to the current place in your journey, you may find yourself realizing how military life was one of the best things that ever happened. That you don’t just leave your dreams in the distance for a man or a woman, but rather, you carry them with you wherever you go.
Today, military spouses stationed throughout the world are sharing a few undeniable ways military life can change you for the better…
You become independent.
“Learning to manage and run a household while your spouse is away—that is the heart of military life. You learn how to make tough decisions, manage hefty responsibilities and keep a positive attitude through all of it. There are so many things you learn to do without your spouse by your side, not because you want to, but because those are the common circumstances that military life creates. You learn to hold it together despite challenges.” — Lauren, The Military Wife and Mom
“It has made me more independent. I have had to do things I never thought I would ever have to do.” — Julie, Soldier’s Wife Crazy Life
“I’ve learned to be content in all circumstances. Flexibility! And realizing I don’t have to apologize for who I am or my priorities” — Jennifer, Royal Little Lambs
“It’s made me learn to be independent & realize I am capable of being in charge, & that change can be a welcoming thing for the better. I relied on my hubby so much when we were dating but he deployed soon after we were married & I went through so much personal change, as did our relationship. Between that & being a mom alone with the kids when he’s gone for training, I’d say I’ve undergone some big changes these last 10 years.” —Lauren
You gain perspective.
“Military life has taught me to turn everything into an opportunity no matter where it was on your preference “list”. Without this I would never be where I am today, because on my own, I would never have chosen any of these paths!” — Elizabeth, The Reluctant Landlord
“Military life has given me a new outlook on the importance of patience. I thought that I was a fairly patient person before I became a military spouse, but the changes you go through with PCS, deployments, and all the other miscellaneous stuff really start to test your patience. The best way for me to keep my patience was to remember that everything he is doing is for us; and that it will all be worth it in the end.” — Megan, Adventures of Noble and Pond
“I never planned on moving out of Florida, I never planned on marrying a military guy, and I was afraid of change. Now, home is when I’m with him, and I started my blog “Perception Is Everything” to remind myself that no matter what this military life throws at us…Open minds and hearts allow for a lifetime of adventures” — Jana
“You learn to treasure the small moments… And you don’t take those evenings for granted when your beloved’s boots come walking in the door after work…” —Ginger, Just One of the Boys
You grow lifelong friendships.
“Military life has given me the most unexpected gift; the gift of friendship. The kind of friendships where you are the village; you raise your kids together, you share meals, memories and fears. You are there for each other when spouses deploy and when family can’t step in. It’s the most amazing gift I never expected to find.” — Kristine, USMC Life
“Military life has taught me to be adaptable, flexible, and independent. I feel like I’ve grown a lot in the past six years. And nothing has challenged me more than moving to Korea!” — Chantal
“Military life made this introvert learn to engage quickly with other people and with life. I learned to very quickly take advantage of what is in an area because we have a short time. I used to laugh how often I introduced civilians who’d lived their whole lives in an area to things in their hometown that they didn’t know about. They were in ruts…I was out exploring (and especially before GPS) getting lost and making discoveries.” — Kathie
You learn to appreciate the small stuff.
“Military life has taught me so much so far. One of the big things it’s taught me is to appreciate the little things and to think more positively. I try to make the most of every moment I have with him. I enjoy our time together rather than thinking about the time we’ll have apart.” — Keating
“Military life has taught me that starting over isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Our life has changed for the better, and it’s been an amazing adventure. We’ve seen and done things we probably would not have ever done being a military family.” — Candy, Candypolooza
“Before we were a military family, we were evicted from our apartment and struggling to be able to take care of our children. Now we have a place to live, and we’re able to provide a good life for our children. We are so thankful for the way our lives have changed over the last 6 years.” — Brittany
“My experience with the Military has given me a greater appreciation for the smaller things in life, and has given me the wisdom to understand what that really means.” — Lindsay, Love Homespun
You embrace change.
“I’ve achieved two of my life goals: to teach in higher education and to write professionally. I would never have done either had I not had not been unemployed. (Thanks, PCS!)” — Joanna, Jo My Gosh
“I would say that military life helped me learn not to fear change and to look at it as the start of a process rather than a single event!” — Judy, The Direction Diva
“Military life caused me to find my lowest of lows, but also because of military life I have reached my highest of highs; and the view never looked so good” — Elizabeth
You find inner-strength.
“Military life has above all taught me to be me. I can’t expect my husband to be everything for me, and that lesson early was exactly what I needed spiritually and individually. I am who I am, and I can be on my own and I find my comfort and strength in my faith and not another person. I make my own supports. I find my own solutions and walk my own path and all of that makes my marriage even better because I don’t need him, I want him. We are a team and a partnership and I love that I was never given the chance to try and force him to complete me, instead we can be whole all on our own and still be best friends who are completely and madly in love after 16 years and counting.” — Kim, She is Fierce
“Military life has made me tougher and more resilient. I do what I have to do for my marriage, my family, and my career.” — JD, Semi-delicate Balance
Wrapping it up.
So while military life is hard or challenging sometimes, there truly are countless ways the experience can change you for the better. There are often times when I look out my balcony here in Japan and wonder how in the world I got so lucky to travel this journey. We are all so blessed to live this military life.
Want more on military life?
- When Parenting Alone Gets Lonely in Military Life
- Military Moves Overseas: 7 Major Mistakes to Avoid
- 43 Awesome Tips Every New Military Wife Needs to Know
- I’m Terrible at Being a Military Spouse
How has military life changed you for the better? Let’s chat in the comments!
This was such a great post, and it was all so very true!
I hated the idea of my husband enlisting at first, since that was never in our plan. I didn’t want him to be gone, and I didn’t want our life to change so drastically. However, he knew my education was important and we needed to get into a better financial situation. So, he enlisted.
I hated moving away from my home of 24 years, but have learned to love the military life. I’ve met so many amazing people, had incredible adventures and experiences, and I’ve been able to have my dream career of freelance writer. I am very happy to be a military spouse.
http://www.triskelereviews.com/
Military life is a whirlwind, but in a good way 🙂
Lauren
There are some great talking points in here that can be used for all those job interviews spouses seem to be going on. 😉
Great point!
That is an amazing post!
I’m in Africa_kenya living this military life and how I realize we military wives share same experiences!
I think that, although this is a very positive and uplifting blog I find it very hard that we are sweeping the enormous elephant in the room under the rug. Yes it can change you for the better which is great to see, but often times not. Military marriages suffer a higher divorce rate as husbands pledge themselves more often to satisfy their jobs, then their wives. We seem to be given this false reality that because he serves he can do no wrong. Marrying someone, putting them through this lifestyle and leaving them, more often then not with no support is not okay. He may go to Afghanistan and fight for this country, but is that somehow more of a sacrifice his wife gives. She gave up her career her family her life her friends for this man and is more often then not, left at home during immense separations dealing and battling her own mental health demons. Where is her medal? Where is her homecoming for overcoming the demons that are depression and anxiety, which I will enlighten you impact more then half of military spouses. Yes this lifestyle will change you for the better. I am living proof. As heroic as you are Lauren for this blog I feel it necessary To say we should not be luring new military spouses into false reality, that the deployments, the constant moving, the deep loneliness is somehow this great positive life alerting event that’s going to be peaches and cream. It is more often then not a terrible experience being a nurse practitioner I can confidently say most are not coping at all, despite blogs such as this. Many military spouses put on this “everything is wonderful” attitude because they see things like this. Blogs and posts saying they should be thankful for the depression and anxiety that so commonly follows marrying into the military. They use awful coping methods to survive, prescription pills, alcohol and other unhealthy methods to deal with the stress. As a health care provider positivity is always welcome in helping others. That being said we cannot lead people on to believe that they will all cope as well as you or other women. Most unfortunately will not. Most will see therapists for the remainder of their husbands active duty career, barley keeping away the demons. Their is a reason the United States government does not report on military spousal suicide, it is a number quite large and growing. We have to create an environment where people are not expected to just “suck it up” “be a patriot” or “understand what they’ve signed up for” with light is dark and we would see such a decrease in the number of depression cases and other mental health illness in military spouses if we showed them yes it’s can be a great experience here are some tips on how to make it so. I am a military spouse myself and have lived both sides of this. Myself and I know countless others would benefit immensely in knowing and seeing, yes it’s not always great and a lot of it isn’t a great time, it’s not always FRG events with great food and good friends and awesome neighbors. It’s often lonely nights alone batteling a demon no one can see, and many of the other “spouses” who are supposed to be there for you do not see, refuse to see or ridicule you for it. I think it would be greatly beneficial if you started showing some common issues regarding military spouse life. You are a huge platform and a great inspiration for others who seek strength in this type of lifestyle. I would love to see you chanponining the not so great parts of military life to show the ones to ashamed to say that it is going to happen and it’s alright.
Sincerely,
A health care professional, military spouse, and supporter of all humans.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. My husband has recently decided to enlist in active duty. We have been married for 9 years and have a 9-year-old son. I have been trying to read to get a better understanding of what to expect as a future military wife and reading these blogs have painted a rosy picture and I wanted to get another perspective as well. I am excited about the opportunity but also nervous about the unexpected and the recruiter can only do so much. I don’t know what to ask all the time and some things I wish could be volunteered. I would love to hear more on the process of enlisting and what to expect logistically once commissioned.
Thank you for telling the truth and not sugar coating this brutial harsh lifestyle. I’m six weeks into it and feel like my whole world is caving in . I hide the depression in front of family and friends and just try to cope day to day. This is another level of suffering and the struggle is real.
Sincerely,
New Army Spouse
I stumbled on this article to see if what I’ve been going through was common. The depression and anxiety is at an all time high. I was hoping to find more ways on overcoming these demons. I appreciate your honestly and input on your experience as well. I’m a new military spouse and a respiratory therapist. Moving to a new place, leaving my family, everything that has to deal with COVID, putting my career second and dependent on his, finances and home responsibilities : it’s overwhelming! Just when I think I’m getting better, something will trigger all the anxiety and depression again.
wow. very well written.
I am an Indian Army officer and I observe life in uniform has a lot in common, no matter which country you belong to
My bf is currently going to be joining the military. We’ve been together 2 years and its hard facing the reality that he is leaving. We talked about marriage before he goes in but he thinks the worst is going to hapen. Divorce rates, and deployment comes into the convo. Cheating wise and being. away so long.
For seven years now l have been a respite care provider for Navy families with kiddos with special needs. I have between 7 and 9 families at the time and to my big surprise only one of them has been in therapy and suffering from depression, which started long before she married. They all live away from their families, and to my amazement they generally find the good side of things even when their child stops talking during the spouse’s whole deployment time.
I just want to say how much l admire and thank you all for being the rock that makes it all happen. You definitely deserve the recognition!
Women in the Army do not have it easier. Like their male counterparts, day-to-day life for women in the military is mostly training and working out. Depending on the rank and position, there may be other activities, such as attending classes. It is hard to go into the specifics because there are over 800 different jobs across the branches of the U.S armed forces, which will entail a distinct military life.