One of my most vivid memories of military life was during a time when I was a military girlfriend.
Nearing our thirties, my boyfriend and I had been together for several years already. In the beginning we were long distance, and after almost two years together, I moved from the Midwest to Coastal North Carolina to be with him.
It was such a special time. Our relationship grew and flourished despite the fact that he was preparing to deploy a mere six months after I moved South.
And then the reality set in…
Related:
- Basic Training Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
He was leaving soon. The deployment was less than a few months away, and he was preparing for especially dangerous missions. It was such a hard time. He was leaving, and the risk during the upcoming deployment was real.
Related: 13 Deployment Gift Ideas for Your Boyfriend
It. Was. Too. Real.
We talked about death and dying, and what he would want to happen if he didn’t come home. We talked about the exact funeral he would want.
We talked about where his belongings would go. We talked about everything. I wasn’t just some girlfriend. I was his confidant, best friend and go-to person.
I was the girl who he spent nearly all his free time with. The girl who helped him pack his bags. The girl who wrote him a special letter and tucked it neatly in his pack before leaving.
I was the girl who took him to the bus and held it together with every ounce of my being as it drove away disappearing in the distance. I was the girl who loved him with all my heart.
And yet, in the eyes of the military I was just a military girlfriend.
When I went to the pre-deployment briefing, I got a “special” folder and jumped through hoops to make sure I was on a notification list in case something happened during the deployment.
Even then, I still questioned if I would be notified because I wasn’t next of kin. I simply didn’t have the same rights as married spouses.
It hurt.
When you feel like the most important person in someone’s life, and you are labeled as just a girlfriend, it stings.
And the truth is a bunch of crap girlfriends gave military significant others a bad rap.
They cheated or took all the service member’s money or sold their house or ran up the credit card while they were deployed in combat.
Then they lied about it after the fact.
And now, you’re taking the fall for every crap girlfriend out there.
It sucks.
But deep down you have to know that you know who you are as a person and so does your service member. Hang onto that when you feel discouraged.
Most banks and companies and the military are only trying to protect service members because they’ve seen some seriously high drama situations go down.
Stuff that’s way crazier than anything you’d see happen on the soap opera Days of Our Lives.
(And years into military wife life, I can whole-heartedly tell you that I’ve known some spouses who completely shocked me with the terrible things they did while service members were away. But one bad apple doesn’t make the whole tree rotten.)
You have to know better.
One random day, near the end of the deployment, I received an email from my boyfriend that made my heart sink deep into my stomach.
If I were just a girlfriend, I probably wouldn’t have recognized the message conveyed behind the words written in the sentence, “There are no words to describe how much I need you right now.”
This would probably be an ordinary sentence to just a girlfriend. Maybe she would think it was so cute and sweet that her boyfriend would say something like that.
It changed our lives forever.
I later learned that my boyfriend had lost a dear friend and team member in an explosion that day. My boyfriend—one of the strongest and most resilient men I know—was in his darkest hour.
Life changed in an instant.
I felt helpless, sad and hopeless all at the same time. Losing his friend was something, I don’t think either of us thought would ever happen. It shook us to the core, and the lines of girlfriend and boyfriend were no longer relevant. We clung to each other for dear life in that moment and every moment thereafter. Nothing else mattered.
So if you are a military girlfriend, I just wanted to to say that I get it. I understand what you are going through. I know you are so much more than just a girlfriend.
When certain formalities of military life make you feel like you are just some girl, know better. When you feel the pressure to marry prematurely before a deployment, know better. When it all just seems unfair, know better.
As a girl who went from military girlfriend to military wife, I can tell you it is worth the wait. Shortly after my husband returned from that deployment we were engaged and married less than 6 months later. It was that time as a girlfriend, during that deployment, that both of us learned our relationship was meant for marriage.
Because when you survive the darkest days together, you realize that you are more than just a girlfriend.
In moments like those, you realize that…
You are the most important girl in the whole world to a man serving his country.
You are his rock.
You are his stronghold.
You are his love.
Down the road, years into your military marriage and life as a military wife, you will just look back and appreciate the time that you had as his girlfriend.
That time served great purpose to build and nurture the foundation of your future marriage. That time strengthened and solidified your relationship into what it is today. That time is a testament as to why your military marriage is actually going to last.
That is a beautiful thing.
And no one on Earth can ever take it from you.
Want more on military life?
- 101+ Long Distance Relationship Quotes to Keep Strong
- The One Thing You Miss Most During Deployment
- The Best Advice for the Military girlfriend
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
Feb
Thank you so much for this. I feel everything you’ve said from the bottom of my heart. I needed this reassurance, as my love is going off to deployment very soon. We’ve been talking about marriage and although I know our hearts are there, the time may not be right. This post has given me a great sense of level headedness, thank you again. God bless.
Ana
Hi Feb! I am in a similar situation right now. I would like to know how you cope with his deployment. Thanks
Ana
Tricia
Great post. I used to be checking continuously this weblog and I
am inspired! Extremely useful information specially the remaining
section 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I used to be
looking for this certain information for a very lengthy time.
Thank you and best of luck.
Ana
I am a new military girlfriend who has been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. we have made plans to get married but now my army boyfriend will be deployed. It means that I need to wait another year for him. I would like to find a group of military girlfriends who can give me any support or just share our experience. I have been through so many emotions. I would really appreciate your help.
Ana
Claudia
Hi Ana,
best of luck to you and you bf! I’m sure you and him will get through this one more year as well! I can only imagine how you must feel! I’d love to chat and maybe we can help each other with a bit of comfort.
Although my boyfriend isn’t getting deployed (yet), he has to go back to the states and I won’t be able to come with him as I don’t have a visa for the states. He’s only just found out when and where he as to go, and I’m on an emotional roller coaster for the last few days. I promised myself to be as strong about this as he is, but sometimes, when he’s not around I fall to pieces and don’t know how to handle all of this.
We don’ have any plans to get married, as we both don’t feel ready yet. So we’re kind of stuck about what’s going to happen.
Claudia
MadOphues3366
I have a quick question? I was wondering how long u guys were together before he insisted into the miltary. When he goes into the military we will have been together for a year in a half. I’m not really sure what all to aspect when he deploy or anything readying this helped a little however I was wondering if you could give me some advice into what all i should aspect as a miltdary girlfriend soon to come.
Helena
My boyfriend is going to go to boot camp and I was wondering if there is anything I can do to make the transition easier for the both of us. I don’t know how I’ll be able to go on with my day without talking to him. Any advice?
Rose
I’m really having hard time adjusting with this whole situation missing my fiance crying from time to time, but I try to stay strong and focus on my business it works but really hard not hearing from him but I know he’s on deployment and his ok… he just got station in Nigeria and it so hard because he not allow to have his cell phone because the location of his duty… so I’m just waiting for that special tone on my cell phone,
Annelise
I am young and still and high school, I have been told constantly I’m too young to be in this serious of a relationship. but I’ve been here through all of it. my boyfriend is about to leave for boot camp and I’m trying to make everything easy and better for his family. I’m sure most people who read this comment will think the same thing everyone else does. that I’m in high school, we are young it probably won’t last but I was you to know this has made me feel better. I pray we stay together and I pray everything is okay for us but who knows and I know from what I read our situations are very different but this really helped me in a time where I feel lost and basically at the bottom of the totem pole and least important because im just his girlfriend and i am young.
Natasha Wanderly form USA
Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex lover Back! Dr.Unity has helped thousands of men get their Ex lover back,contact dr.unity at: Unityspelltemple @ gmail. com ,Thank you dr.unity for bringing back my ex-wife and i recommend dr.unity for anyone who is having troubles in their marriage/relationship now.
Sharrel Donald
My ex left me because we argue a lot lately and he says he doesn’t believe in happy ever afters. I am pregnant with his child and we raised my other child together since he as 3 weeks old. So it’s so hard to lose this guy. I am in serious love with him and want us to be a family-not a BROKEN family. I would do anything to have his heart back but he refused in even talking to me no calls non text messages replies,i was heartbroken I got sick and was admitted into the hospital, I needed help desperately, on this faithful day i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Noble can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it all, then he did an (Urgent effective Love spell) for me. 11 hours later, my lover started texting me again and felt Horrible for all he Put Me through. he said that I was the most important person in his life and he knows that now. wow i was so shocked and exited, we moved in together again he was more open to me than ever, then he started spending more time with me than before. i decided to share my story on the internet today to anyone who’s going through slimier situation kindly contact DR.NOBLE for help via: these info below
You can also reach him on WhatsApp: +2348145643630
Sharon Wilson
My husband left me for another woman 3 months ago and ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love whom i have spent my entire life with. A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called dr.unity that he can bring back lover within some few hours, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great Dr on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 11hours later my husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through.He came back to me and now we are happy together. I still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable. Thank you dr.unity for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, I do really highly recommend dr.unity for anyone who is having troubles right now. ,Here’s his contact,Email him at: Unityspelltemple @ gmail. com