One of my most vivid memories of military life was during a time when I was a military girlfriend.
Nearing our thirties, my boyfriend and I had been together for several years already. In the beginning we were long distance, and after almost two years together, I moved from the Midwest to Coastal North Carolina to be with him.
It was such a special time. Our relationship grew and flourished despite the fact that he was preparing to deploy a mere six months after I moved South.
And then the reality set in…
Related:
- Basic Training Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
He was leaving soon. The deployment was less than a few months away, and he was preparing for especially dangerous missions. It was such a hard time. He was leaving, and the risk during the upcoming deployment was real.
Related: 13 Deployment Gift Ideas for Your Boyfriend
It. Was. Too. Real.
We talked about death and dying, and what he would want to happen if he didn’t come home. We talked about the exact funeral he would want.
We talked about where his belongings would go. We talked about everything. I wasn’t just some girlfriend. I was his confidant, best friend and go-to person.
I was the girl who he spent nearly all his free time with. The girl who helped him pack his bags. The girl who wrote him a special letter and tucked it neatly in his pack before leaving.
I was the girl who took him to the bus and held it together with every ounce of my being as it drove away disappearing in the distance. I was the girl who loved him with all my heart.
And yet, in the eyes of the military I was just a military girlfriend.
When I went to the pre-deployment briefing, I got a “special” folder and jumped through hoops to make sure I was on a notification list in case something happened during the deployment.
Even then, I still questioned if I would be notified because I wasn’t next of kin. I simply didn’t have the same rights as married spouses.
It hurt.
When you feel like the most important person in someone’s life, and you are labeled as just a girlfriend, it stings.
And the truth is a bunch of crap girlfriends gave military significant others a bad rap.
They cheated or took all the service member’s money or sold their house or ran up the credit card while they were deployed in combat.
Then they lied about it after the fact.
And now, you’re taking the fall for every crap girlfriend out there.
It sucks.
But deep down you have to know that you know who you are as a person and so does your service member. Hang onto that when you feel discouraged.
Most banks and companies and the military are only trying to protect service members because they’ve seen some seriously high drama situations go down.
Stuff that’s way crazier than anything you’d see happen on the soap opera Days of Our Lives.
(And years into military wife life, I can whole-heartedly tell you that I’ve known some spouses who completely shocked me with the terrible things they did while service members were away. But one bad apple doesn’t make the whole tree rotten.)
You have to know better.
One random day, near the end of the deployment, I received an email from my boyfriend that made my heart sink deep into my stomach.
If I were just a girlfriend, I probably wouldn’t have recognized the message conveyed behind the words written in the sentence, “There are no words to describe how much I need you right now.”
This would probably be an ordinary sentence to just a girlfriend. Maybe she would think it was so cute and sweet that her boyfriend would say something like that.
It changed our lives forever.
I later learned that my boyfriend had lost a dear friend and team member in an explosion that day. My boyfriend—one of the strongest and most resilient men I know—was in his darkest hour.
Life changed in an instant.
I felt helpless, sad and hopeless all at the same time. Losing his friend was something, I don’t think either of us thought would ever happen. It shook us to the core, and the lines of girlfriend and boyfriend were no longer relevant. We clung to each other for dear life in that moment and every moment thereafter. Nothing else mattered.
So if you are a military girlfriend, I just wanted to to say that I get it. I understand what you are going through. I know you are so much more than just a girlfriend.
When certain formalities of military life make you feel like you are just some girl, know better. When you feel the pressure to marry prematurely before a deployment, know better. When it all just seems unfair, know better.
As a girl who went from military girlfriend to military wife, I can tell you it is worth the wait. Shortly after my husband returned from that deployment we were engaged and married less than 6 months later. It was that time as a girlfriend, during that deployment, that both of us learned our relationship was meant for marriage.
Because when you survive the darkest days together, you realize that you are more than just a girlfriend.
In moments like those, you realize that…
You are the most important girl in the whole world to a man serving his country.
You are his rock.
You are his stronghold.
You are his love.
Down the road, years into your military marriage and life as a military wife, you will just look back and appreciate the time that you had as his girlfriend.
That time served great purpose to build and nurture the foundation of your future marriage. That time strengthened and solidified your relationship into what it is today. That time is a testament as to why your military marriage is actually going to last.
That is a beautiful thing.
And no one on Earth can ever take it from you.
Want more on military life?
- 101+ Long Distance Relationship Quotes to Keep Strong
- The One Thing You Miss Most During Deployment
- The Best Advice for the Military girlfriend
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
Hailey
I so needed this right now. My boyfriend and I have a beautiful relationship. The first month he deployed, when he had a lot of time and energy because he was acclimating to his new location, or communication was very similar to when he was home – lots of texting, phone calls, and sweet messages. Since then, he’s been distant. I know he’s busy, but he hardly speaks to me. I keep showing him love but it’s disheartening to not receive the same effort even though I’m aware of his circumstances. This post though…this is what I needed to hear today <3
Missing my mans
I definitely try to stay strong everyday. My bf and I are looking at places to live together when he is done serving and I’m so excited to start our little family. Even l though I’m just a gf— I feel like I’m missing the other half of my soul and I don’t feel “complete” ever. until I hear his voice and I know he’s safe .today. I love him so much so I write a lot and paint to help calm me down. Never thought about reaching out to other strong females and to hear out their different perspective. Praying he doesn’t go over seas right now things are crazy politically. So I just pray for his and others safety. I love him and I can’t wait till we marry and to give him children. I’m so proud of him!
R
I have been with my boyfriend for years now and have been with him through his entire career. We have such a strong connection and have so much respect for each other. We have been through a lot together and will have been doing long distance for about 2 years now. I am looking to take a gap year and live with him for a year, but to be financially able to do so, we would have to get married. I think there would be a strong chance we would eventually get married and it would not be our official wedding, but is it the right choice? If I did not do so we would spend another two years doing long distance. I know it sounds crazy to get married so young, but not being physically with him has a toll on your heart and is so emotionally hard. I know he is the one, but is now the time and are those the right reasons?
Cindy Davis
My boyfriend is in the army if something were to happen to him .like if he was to get kill would the army let me know
Annaliese
Hello! I just wanted to say this really helped my perspective on deployment. My fiancé leaves for deployment in November and it’s still ways away, but I’m new to it and this helped a lot especially with how to hang in there and seeing all these comments helps as well.
daniel
Thank God for using prophet munak to save my home with peace within 7 days of his spiritual intervention that change her mind about the divorce. I will forever recommend him to anyone who needs help because he has proven his power to me. Here is also his contact to reach him holyprophet8@gmail. com
Joy
Thanks for taking the time to write this blog, Lauren. I felt sad and alone today, being apart from my boyfriend in deployment. Your writing helped to make me feel less alone. I called Military OneSource for the first time today in hopes of getting connected with a counselor, and since I was not legally his family member, I was rejected and didn’t couldn’t seek help from it. We definitely need more support for military significant others.
Lauren Tamm
Try Give An Hour. I believe they support significant others.
Betty Ryan
Hello everyone. I wanted to tell you that I am happy to have found Dr. Todd . He made my dream come true. I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years BUT he never proposed to me. I really wanted to get married but he was afraid of commitment!. I ordered his spell and 12 days later he asked me out and propose to me. The wedding will be on June, I already invite Dr. Todd, of course? He is my best secret! I am the happiest woman in the world. Do not hesitate to contact him, he is the best! manifestspellcast @ g mail. com
Lisa Jorge
I Am so grateful i promise to share this testimony all over the world once my Husband returns back to me, and today with all due respect I want to thank DR.AYOOLA for bringing joy and happiness to my Home and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until I lost my husband, I required help until I found a great spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my Husband back in 24 hours after the spell has been cast. after 24 hours, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my husband who has not called me for the past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my backbone till the rest of his life with me. DR.AYOOLA released him to know how much I loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have shared together. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the happiest woman on earth and me and my husband are living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it was even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. All thanks goes to DR.AYOOLA for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing, it may be a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me And also done it for so may people out there, he will definitely help you too. contact him email. drayoolasolutionhome @ gmail. com
SOFIA
Oniha is totally top notch. I would never trust anyone with my problems. He is completely reliable and compassionate and his spells are truly some kind of powerful magic. Oniha has definitely gotten me through some really tough times and my husband who have left me for another woman is now back with me with Oniha spells. Oniha is worth talking about and deserve recognition because is totally a genius. Anyone who needs help in his/her relationship should kindly contact Oniha. i assure you out there you will also get your problem solved.
onihaspells.com