When my husband was deployed, being able to FaceTime him helped a lot. We would try to chat on a daily basis but obviously if he had to go out on a mission, it didn’t always happen.
But when it did happen, I’d be excited that I could see him. The kids would be thrilled to see their Daddy as well. It was precious time when I could pull out our army toys for kids and they could really feeling like they were playing with daddy. This technology has truly changed family life during deployments. Still, there are some things you SHOULDN’T do while chatting on FaceTime your service member.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
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1. Avoid showing up on camera naked.
Odds are, your conversation is being monitored. You may also want to watch what you say. Telling your man everything you want to do to him when he returns might get awkward if someone is listening. This is much better sent in a letter.
2. Speak cautiously.
……because if someone isn’t monitoring your conversation, your husband probably has a roommate and HE can hear. My husband once said that he had a roommate whose wife always spoke dirty to him and Tom would overhear and be like, “Dude, come on!” He ended up asking me to send him noise canceling headphones.
3. Act natural.
Constantly being upbeat might get creepy. If I were constantly happy my husband would be all, “What’s going on? Why does your smile look forced? You didn’t get Botox did you? Please don’t turn into one of those real housewives with the plastic faces.” Being you is always best, even if that includes a tear or a gripe from time to time.
Don’t get distracted. Honestly, it would be my HUSBAND who would get distracted. Sometimes he’d have the TV on and he’d glance over when I was trying to talk to him. I’d be all, “Um, hello, wife is trying to talk here,” and he’d be all, “Mmmmhmmm,” while watching the screen.
5. Embrace secrecy.
He probably can’t tell you details, if any, over Facetime. My husband had to message me info on when he’d be coming home. He wasn’t always able to tell me what he did that day either. He would just say, “Confidential,” and I’d understand that he’d tell me about it when he returned home. If he was able to. There were some things he did where he was sworn to secrecy.
6. It’s okay to be real.
Dress up. I’m KIDDING. I mean, dress up if you want, but I was mostly in my sweats with messy hair whenever I spoke to my husband. Sorry. I was chasing around his kids all day. I had a friend who said she always put on a nice dress with full on makeup whenever she spoke to her guy. Meanwhile, I was conversing with mine with Cheerios in my hair if it were one of THOSE mornings.
7. Be cool when your faces freeze.
Yes, the screen will most likely freeze a few times. Attempt to not lose your cool when it happens. Just try to reconnect and if it doesn’t, don’t panic. Sometimes the internet is horrible over there.
I would seriously panic when this would happen and think the worst. This is not healthy. I needed to chill out and remember that my husband was there to WORK, not relax.
8. Ugly cry after, not during.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a few tears or sharing your feelings. But the big deployment meltdown is sometimes best without an audience. I admit, I burst into tears a few times because it could get overwhelming being alone and my husband’s eyes would grow big and he’d be like, “Um..it’s okay? Um…do you have chocolate in the house? Maybe go eat that?” (Duh, I always had chocolate in the house and yes, it did help.)
9. It’s not personal.
Your service member may not want to talk for hours on end, and trust me when I say it’s not you. It’s pretty typical to experience shorter call times during deployment. It may have a lot more to do with your service member being in “deployment mode” than anything else.
Related: 13 Things to Give Your Boyfriend Before Deployment
I am so grateful that I was able to communicate and see my husband while he was deployed. True, the conversations didn’t always go perfectly, but for the most part, they helped me get through the time apart.
Did you FaceTime your service member a lot when he deployed?
Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
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Merfat G Saidawi
I miss my fiance with all my heart refuse interface time me always out for my info
I’m a new military girlfriend and he tells me he can’t video call me or call me he asked for a I tune card so he can have he’s friend to tell he’s Commander to let him going home to marry me as soon as possible so we can be together so is he a scammer
Hye I’m new and from Germany and I’m a army girlfriend. He writing with me on hung out and hi says hi need help for his Portfolio where hi have hi private things in with money card and glasses and else and the deployment security hi is helpful to send this to me wen I pay 600 € . So my question I’m scammed? Or is hi real , hi is in Syria and can not make a call or face call about warzone hi say and hi is general. Please help me … best regards from Germany
I just met somebody on Facebook I liked a comment that they had posted and they hit me right back from messenger we started talking and then getting into the guy ask me for iTunes gift card conversation he told me that he did not have any space on his iPad for talking was that a scam he also tried so I want to video chat with me for five seconds I could kind of see his face but he had on sunglasses was it a scam? He also told me not even a week but when we were talking that he loved me . And on Facebook he gave a story about his wife and how she died from cancer and try to fight it for two or five years I think he said.
Hi, I met someone on a dating site about 4 weeks ago and started talking daily via WhatsApp. He told me he was currently on deployment to Syria as an Explosives Specialist in the US military so couldn’t meet me but was waiting for leave to be approved. He had served 16 and a half years and that in 3 and a half years he would retire. He told me had been widowed for 4 years and had promised his wife to find a loving woman for him and their daughter. He told me his mum was British and his dad was American had come from Cincinnati but spent time in Cuba when younger with his Grandma and little sister after his parents passed away. He moved to the UK 2 years ago with his daughter and grandma, as his mum had property here. He told me he loved me in a short period of time then asked if I would send him Steam card as he couldn’t get them at the mall there. I sent him the card about a week ago. He told me he needed to get home to sort his bank account as someone had tried to hack his account from Turkey and had been blocked, had asked grandma to go to bank to see if she could get it unblocked and the bank wouldn’t let her. This week he told me his leave had been approved but due to injuries on the ground, the military craft are busy flying home injured soldiers and junior officers while senior officers can sort flight home and get refunded all expenses. He said he would speak to his sister to raise cash. I really don’t know what to do, is he real or a scammer? Please help.
I’m talking to a guy atm tells me he’s a doctor and retiring soon and going home to the states .
And he’s got an 11 yr old daughter.
Truth is I’m not trusting him certainly not giving him money or any cards
Funny thing is I reported him to Facebook and they say his prohile is genuine
I’m really very suss but I’m not falling for a lie either
I’ve been an army wife for 28 years now and this is a rule I’ve always followed–it holds true for snail mail, emails, phone calls, and now FaceTime. I keep the more troubling personal problems to myself unless there was something he could specifically do (from overseas) to help. Otherwise he’s over there worrying and distracted from his work, with no way to fix the problem anyways.
For instance I had to drive over an hour each way to get a thyroid biopsy. I didn’t tell him because I knew he’d be super worried until I got the results, so I decided I’d tell him all about it–after I got the results. Luckily it turned out fine.
I’m not saying to keep secrets from your service member! I’m just saying that we should spare them unnecessary worry if it’s something they cannot help with from overseas.
P.S. so sorry so many scammers are commenting on your posts 🙁
As a military spouse things have been really rough for me I lay awake at night wondering if he is safe when I don’t hear from I think the worse but when I do that let’s me know that he is safe can’t say where he is for security reason or when he coming home I miss him so much
Hi I met a Army soldier on gettr and we were talking then he said they are getting deployed to Iraq, he sent pictures, but he said he is worried about his kid’s, his mother said they are running out of the money he left. BUT he not asking me for money he wanted me to do a Coinbase and link my account. I have not done it and I won’t because I asked him for his
APO / FPO / DPO address and associated ZIP code. so I can send a care package and his military email not his Gmail.
So far he hasn’t given it to me. But I told him the bank account I have may be in Jeopardy Because it is my daughter’s account for her disability checks. He said forget it I don’t want your help.
I have a feeling he is fake but the thing is we FaceTime before he deployed. I asked him to do a video for me he got mad and said never to ask him again because we’re he is he can’t
Hi I met this gorgeously handsome military guy on a chat group called meet me so we spoke and we moved over to whatspp things was looking good but as we start he sent me message saying he can’t video call cam call because he could get into big trouble as his identity could be exposed but he sent me pictures of himself he seem to be very genuine very little things that makes me believe he is a scammer he ask me to please buy him a 100$ or a 50 $ itunes card so he could update his phone so he can keep in touch with me but I never sent it and found him on almost all the chat sites he use to tell me he love me and that he really want to be with me and ask me to just wait for him as he is near my hometown in south Africa on a mission I am just not sure what to think as he claims he is who he say he is