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9 Unspoken Rules of FaceTiming Your Deployed Service Member

When my husband was deployed, being able to FaceTime him helped a lot. We would try to chat on a daily basis but obviously if he had to go out on a mission, it didn’t always happen.

But when it did happen, I’d be excited that I could see him. The kids would be thrilled to see their Daddy as well. It was precious time when I could pull out our army toys for kids and they could really feeling like they were playing with daddy. This technology has truly changed family life during deployments. Still, there are some things you SHOULDN’T do while chatting on FaceTime your service member.

Related: Being a National Guard Spouse

Do you know what to expect while on FaceTime during deployment? Use these 11 rules of FaceTime during deployment to know. Perfect for military spouses, military wives, military girlfriends and military significant others.

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1. Avoid showing up on camera naked.

Odds are, your conversation is being monitored. You may also want to watch what you say. Telling your man everything you want to do to him when he returns might get awkward if someone is listening. This is much better sent in a letter.

2. Speak cautiously.

……because if someone isn’t monitoring your conversation, your husband probably has a roommate and HE can hear. My husband once said that he had a roommate whose wife always spoke dirty to him and Tom would overhear and be like, “Dude, come on!” He ended up asking me to send him noise canceling headphones.

3. Act natural.

Constantly being upbeat might get creepy. If I were constantly happy my husband would be all, “What’s going on? Why does your smile look forced? You didn’t get Botox did you? Please don’t turn into one of those real housewives with the plastic faces.” Being you is always best, even if that includes a tear or a gripe from time to time.

4. Focus.

Don’t get distracted. Honestly, it would be my HUSBAND who would get distracted. Sometimes he’d have the TV on and he’d glance over when I was trying to talk to him. I’d be all, “Um, hello, wife is trying to talk here,” and he’d be all, “Mmmmhmmm,” while watching the screen.

5. Embrace secrecy.

He probably can’t tell you details, if any, over Facetime. My husband had to message me info on when he’d be coming home. He wasn’t always able to tell me what he did that day either. He would just say, “Confidential,” and I’d understand that he’d tell me about it when he returned home. If he was able to. There were some things he did where he was sworn to secrecy.

6. It’s okay to be real.

Dress up. I’m KIDDING. I mean, dress up if you want, but I was mostly in my sweats with messy hair whenever I spoke to my husband. Sorry. I was chasing around his kids all day. I had a friend who said she always put on a nice dress with full on makeup whenever she spoke to her guy. Meanwhile, I was conversing with mine with Cheerios in my hair if it were one of THOSE mornings.

7. Be cool when your faces freeze.

Yes, the screen will most likely freeze a few times. Attempt to not lose your cool when it happens. Just try to reconnect and if it doesn’t, don’t panic. Sometimes the internet is horrible over there.

I would seriously panic when this would happen and think the worst. This is not healthy. I needed to chill out and remember that my husband was there to WORK, not relax.

8. Ugly cry after, not during.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a few tears or sharing your feelings. But the big deployment meltdown is sometimes best without an audience. I admit, I burst into tears a few times because it could get overwhelming being alone and my husband’s eyes would grow big and he’d be like, “Um..it’s okay? Um…do you have chocolate in the house? Maybe go eat that?” (Duh, I always had chocolate in the house and yes, it did help.)

9. It’s not personal.

Your service member may not want to talk for hours on end, and trust me when I say it’s not you. It’s pretty typical to experience shorter call times during deployment. It may have a lot more to do with your service member being in “deployment mode” than anything else.

I am so grateful that I was able to communicate and see my husband while he was deployed. True, the conversations didn’t always go perfectly, but for the most part, they helped me get through the time apart.

Did you FaceTime your service member a lot when he deployed?

amber myers bioAmber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

 

 

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Reader Interactions

53 Comments

      • My husband is currently deployed. We’ve been together almost 7 years & he has only been in the military for a year and change. We have a 3 year old who will ask about him everyday. One minute, my husband is happy, in love, & talks about how he misses us. The next thing I know, he goes weeks without talking to us. He avoids us all the time. He rather play video games, basketball, & drink. When I tell ask him to call our son, he blows him off. I can not take this hot and cold behavior anymore. Especially when I am being as supportive as I possibly can, while trying to distract our toddler. This has become very overwhelming & now I want to leave this military life behind & start over fresh with my son & I. It’s better that we part ways now, before he gets old enough to understand.

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    • Yes I am a new military is boyfriend me and we’re still staying very strong in together just 6 months this falling in love and we’re still a lots texting on hangout on app and yes I really want My rock keith would meet me in my apartment or working very soon and hopefully praying friends anytime catch-up talks texting me louise cahir xxxx

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  3. My husbands fist deployment was many years ago and we didn’t have facetime or skype.
    Only spoke twice by phone in 7 months. All we had were letters.
    So nice to have this! Stay connected but good old fashion letters are nice to have in the long run.

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  4. So glad the days of horrible government phone calls the always cut out are over. You get a call talk for a few minutes then bam, your call is disconnected. And you better always have your phone near you because you never knew when a call would come. Our first deployment I did not even hear from my DH for the first 3 months, and after that a few calls and letters was all we had. Now that I have kids and FaceTime is a life saver. Being able to see their dad makes all the difference. And I know my youngest will not forget her daddy while he is gone like my first daughter did during her first deployment.

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  5. Aww I wish they could FaceTime from the ships. Two months into this deployment and so far only one phone call (which cost $89 bc he used his cell in port…). Can’t complain too much, at least we have email..

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  6. I’m a new military girlfriend. He says he can’t call or FaceTime yet. We communicate thru hangouts (Google app)… does this sound legit? I’m a little skeptical and doubtful. I would love some input to put my mind at ease. It is hard to not see him or hear him. Any suggestions?

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    • I m also a new military girlfriend. I would like it if you could send me an email please… we also communicate via Google Hangouts app… in the beginning we communicated through FB messenger, he said he cant skype me cos he don’t have web cam…,

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    • It really depends on where they are. I’m lucky because he can FaceTime. But there’s are times when he can’t FaceTime or call but he can still message. I spent time freaking out when I didn’t hear from him or hanging up on him when I thought he was being mean because I was super emotional thanks to Mother Nature. I say be patient. They are at the mercy of their branch and it isn’t as easy for them to reach out as it would if they were a civilian.

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    • I’ve been with my partner for over 4 years and have done deployments through, he works on the ships-there are some ships that have WiFi that might or might not be on depending on where in the world they are. There are a lot of Middle East countries that have banded Video and voice calls over wifi-be that the ships or in port…it just comes with the job…..
      We had one deployment where he was on ‘blackout’ for over half of it too.
      It really does depend but it does sound like your boyfriend is being legit.
      You have to try hard to not get angry and be strong. I hate ever part of his job but I do it because I love him and want my life with him, even if waiting for months on end for him just for him to go again!
      You can’t help who you call in love with.

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    • Same here.. I meet this guy on my IG Account we became friends and more, but I haven’t seen his face cuz he said FaceTime and phone calls are not allowed where he is deployed. It’s been almost 4 months now and I still don’t know if I’m really talking to the same person I accepted through my IG.

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      • Same here I’ve been texting him back and for about three months in Hangout first it was Facebook then he said was hack and now it’s on Hangout he says he’s love me I see pictures of him but I don’t know if I talk into the same guy or not

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    • This same thing has been going on with me. It’s been about a year now. He says he misses me and loves me very much. He did call me in the beginning, but I was not interested. Now he cannot and wanted me to send him money to come home for Christmas. I wished I could have but I really have been hurt by guys. I don’t have that kind of money anyway, and there are so many scams out there. I’m terrified, I haven’t had anyone really, in 6 years. I pray this is real, I deserve him. Can we find out? I tried the obvious searches…

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  7. I’m all new to the deployment thing and it’s hard for me. I know he’s coming home but it’s so freaking hard and long, we are getting married when he gets home and the good thing is he retires in November I can’t wait for him to get home to me I miss him so much. I don’t know how you all do it time after time this is my first deployment he’s been gone sense December he’s supposed to come home in November, we text a lot

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  8. I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my significant other (Army Sergeant) for about two years now, and the one thing I have difficulty coming to terms with is the lack of information. My SO doesn’t like to talk about work in general, but now that he’s been deployed it’s even more frustrating to not be told practically anything. I understand some things are confidential but it seem like he’s withholding even the small things. How can I encourage him to open up a bit more if he’s able to? Or if there are any resources I can turn to that explain work life, please point me to them. For reference, I am Canadian and had absolutely no experience with military life before meeting my American soldier.

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  9. Am. I being scammed ? I’ve been talking “texting ” and on hang OUT with some one who says he is a soldier deployed over seas and says he can’t call me ,or even see me when he comes home for a break if my name and phone number aren’t on his inlisted list? Is this true ? He wants me to do it

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      • Hi! I don’t know about the rules of US Army deployment. This is my first time to have a soldier’s boyfriend. We talk to Instgram and whatsApp.
        Is it true that if your boyfriend, fiance or husband wants to go home or he wants to deployd to another safe country, you need to send a message to their General to ask him or you can request him that if he could send him to the other safe country or home? Please i need your asap reply. Thanks

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      • Am I being scammed ? I have been talking in message with a guy telling he is a US army and now in Afghanistan. He send me his pics in his uniform an videos talking with his staff. When I doubt on him he did video call for a second. He used to tell is against his rules to audio call and video call but took risk to proof . We have to pay money for our boyfriend personal leave or not if he is in Afghanistan.

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    • Do they have phones, one wants my cell phone ID number and password. To get phones for his friends and said his commander would reimburse me when he gets home. And them their children call you mom. And send their children money for school supplies. Do they do that?

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      • ScamHaters United. Do reverse image search ask for his military e mail account. Please contact ScsmHaters immediately view all the aroma ce Scams going on. Never give any personal Information. Thst is a scam regarding cell phones

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    • Hi Karen I saw your msg and had to reply I too am working now ifor I been scalmed as I mwet him on a dating website and we hit it off stright away ,then we chatted on whats app for two weeks, then he said he been deployed to afRica for 4 weeks,and in that time I sent msg to what’s and no reply,and the 4 weeks is up this week

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    • I’ve been speaking to someone in the Navy on whats app..we’ve exchanged photos & he’s in navy uniform in one but he wants to face time me. He’s telling me he’s IN Africa for another 2 months and that I have to pay for phone voucher to speak to him on face time? I suggested FB messenger but he says he doesn’t have Facebook. Is this legit??

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  10. My husband was in the Navy back in the 1980s.. Boy FaceTime and text would have been awesome! My daughter is currently a Marine who will be deployed soon ..I am kinda jealous of her .. But I have boxes of letters that I hold so dearly…

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  11. I just recently met a US ARMY who’s currently deployed in Qatar from an online dating app a week ago. Everything he told me about himself sounds legit so far. During the first week of talking to each other, he was really consistent. He always call and chat me via skype on different hours (maybe whenever he’s on his rest time). He even requested for a video call via skype but I declined co’z I’m too paranoid thinking he might be a scam and will record our video call or whatsoever. However, last Sunday, he didn’t contact me for the whole day. I was messaging him and didn’t get any response until Monday. He called me and explained that their base was being attacked by a local terrorist in Qatar. And since he’s a Commanding Officer of his Battalion, he needs to report the incident to their US base which taken lots of his hours (Thank God he’s ok). And that was the last time he called me. I was messaging him since Tuesday until today but never received any response yet. Though he message me last Wednesday while I was at work to say Hi and How are you. I didn’t see his message right away and responded aftet 4 mins. But he never responded to me anymore. I keep on sending him messages but I’m not receiving any response from him even until today.

    I have no idea how busy a deployed US ARMY can get but what’s weird for me was his Skype account is always on Active Status since the attack incident, so I’m assuming he can see all my messages so why he’s not responding?

    And BTW, he mentioned that his dad is in the ARMY too (ARMY General) and sent me picture of them together in uniform which looks legit. And he also mentioned that he has plan of retiring after his Qatar mission (which will end a week from now) co’z he doesn’t want to get deployed anymore and just planning to do some business. He never asked me for any money even after saying about doing some business after retirement. Though he said he’s been in the army for 11 yrs only. Is it possible to retire with that long of service?

    Well, my main concern is I wanted to know if there’s any way I can confirm if he’s a legit US ARMY and if anyone can please explain to me about his unresponsiveness to my messages co’z I’m getting frustrated thinking if he’s loosing interest already or just really too busy at work. Any advice you can give me is really much appreciated. Thank you so much!

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  12. Hi, I mat a Marine guy on Facebook he says he’s deployed n station out in Syria for peace keeping. I not to sure if I should believe him r not ,he sends me picture of himself ,been texting on Hangout for almost a month ,calls me when ever he gets a chance ,I have so much respect for guys n uniforms,but I’m just not to sure.Does this sound like a scam??

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    • I also recently started talking to a deployed service man online. I was sceptical of course. when I expressed my concern about internet-based scammers. he was upset that i didn’t believe him,but immediately sent me a photo of his badge and a follow up photo of his deployment badge. maybe he could send yout something like that,or you could ask for a specific pose in a photo so you can make sure it’s him and for sure a current photo.

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      • Wow sounds familiar! The marine I met online1month ago! Sends me all kinds of pictures but won’t send me one of a pose I ask him for! Restrictions he says! He’s supposed to be from the state’s but has a accent! Says he can’t get to his money! And not texting me as often due to his phone acting up! NEEDS a new one!

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  13. If the people with concerns about scammers would post the names of the people who they are talking to…that would potentially help out others who are questioning it and could be talking to the same person or someone using the same info.

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  14. Maybe it’s just me, but why on earth does it seem like everyone feels the need to talk to their deployed soldier daily? He’s deployed … he’s busy … he’s focused on his job … it’s insane to think that someone would be upset that they couldn’t talk to their soldier daily. Hello … not that long ago you’d be lucky to hear from them with a letter every couple weeks.

    My soldier and I use FaceTime audio once a week, and we are both good with that. We had tried using the video, but it kept cutting out, so we switched to audio. Yes, it means I don’t get to see him, but I still get to hear his voice, and I have pictures of him all over the house.

    Neither of us are big talkers, but we still manage to have a decent conversation once a week. If we talked all week long, it would end up feeling forced, in my opinion. Talking once a week allows us to actually have a weeks worth of things to converse about. There are topics that are (obviously) off-limits, but I get to hear all about his crazy co-workers, and he gets to hear all about my week.

    Anyway … end of my rant … thanks for listening.

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  15. I feel stupid for asking, but I recently started talking to a marine and he says hes deployed to Afghanistan. I know they are limited to what they can tell you and all that but he is trying to say he cant call cant video chat and when I asked for an address to write or send something he told me he cant tell me that either. He says he wants me there when he comes home and touches down for homecoming and i have expressed my doubts that he is even real but he has been patient and kind and is consistent with his explanation that they have a ton of restrictions. he doesn’t ask me for anything, we email and text on hang out and it’s at random hours and hell say he has to go in middle of conversation which I get if hes telling the truth. But is this a scam or Is it legit. Because to me something’s just dont add up, like the no picture thing. I have some pictures of him but If I asked him to take one right now and send it to me he says he cant, or if I ask him to even send a recording of his voice he says he cant. I’m not sure what to believe. like I said I have expressed my doubts to him. does this make sense to any of you or is it a scam.

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  16. I feel so bad but OMG who is this husband. My husband is a SOCOM and I never had any of these issues. Seriously don’t cry? Come on. He might not want to talk to you. Please stop!! This is horrible advice. Be yourself. Now and days these wars are not as intense since when the war just started. So if they don’t want to talk to you. They honestly just don’t want to talk to you. Because they are way more available then you think. They can literally order things off line and get it shipped to them. If you want to talk nasty to your husband do it. Do what ever you can to make yourself and your husband happy while you are apart. If they ask for noise cancelling headphones tell them to it is their problem!

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  17. How can we stop all the scams and basically identity theft going on social media.
    Bryson Lewis, I believe is a scammer on IG. I’ve had many supposed military deployed men sending friend requests. Once they call, their accent is African.

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  18. I was only three weeks into a new “relationship” with a guy when he deployed (we both knew he was deploying but went on several dates anyway). We haven’t “defined the relationship” yet, but he wanted to write letters back and forth while he was gone and said he expects to resume the “relationship” when he gets back, which is in 9 months, if that’s what I wanted also. He’s been overseas for almost three weeks now, he called me before he left and said he’d call me and give me his address once he got there and got settled. In these three weeks he has sent me a couple snapchats and we had a brief conversation over instagram in which I had jokingly said I was still waiting for his address. But I still have not gotten the address, nor a call. We’ve had very little communication. But I can tell he’s been active on social media. I’m very new to all this and have never been in a situation like this before. Should I be concerned? Or is it normal to have this lack in communication? Please advise!

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    • It’s ok. Just don’t let it go to your head. It is normal for communication to be hard on deployments, but he will contact you at some point. Just, stay strong for him 🙂 I know it’s hard, trust me. I’m living in Idaho and my husband is in Japan. I haven’t seen him for 7 months. But, you’re gonna make it. If you’d like to talk more, feel free to email me (idahowildflower17@gmail.com) We can get through this.

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  19. The hardest part for me is being so far away, I live in Idaho, while my husband lives in Japan (I know, confusing. But that’s a long story.) I love reading things like this and knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. I haven’t physically seen my husband in about 7 months….but he’s coming here for Christmas! Can’t wait to see my man…

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  20. Can you help me I met a person on IG who is in the US Army but was not sure of him so I searched his name on FB and found The name of this person but with another picture. I contacted the person on FB and after a few weeks that person contacted me. Since then the person on FB has been talking with me for sometime now. He wanted to stay friends since then he has been deployed and calls me and send’s me pictures of him. Now we plan to facetime. He talks to me on hangouts and always say’s goodnight and good morning. He is joining me in a few weeks time. Do you think he is real. There is now another soldier using his name but have heard his voice and has an accent plus he calls me Lady so thinking this other one is a scam any advice you can give me would be of help. Thank you Oh the second man talk’s to me on IG but won’t send me a picture of him.

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  22. I too met someone on a dating app. He got deployed to A country in Africa. Haven’t called or FaceTime each other yet, but he sends me pics almost everyday. Says I need to contact the army commander in order for me to contact him so we can talk on the phone. It’s a first time I am talking to someone in the military so I am not familiar with it. He even sent me a picture of a sign that says “no phone calls, no video calls on base” yet he texts me all the time. So I don’t know. Then he mentioned that I send him a laptop so we can talk.

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  23. I meet a guy who says he in the military online we been texting two weeks straight,then he said he been deployed to Africa and he be away for 4 weeks, which are up at the weekend and we communicate on what’s apps,but since he been deployed for nearly 4 weeks,I had no phone calls, texts,so I don’t know what to do, as I been hearing about guys been soldiers, and scammed woman online,but I been though this before,but this time it’s seem different ,if I been scammed again i going to feel brouen heart,but I was not stupid to send anything

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  24. Hi, I too reasonably met an Navy military man and been chatting every on hangouts, yes I got pictures of him but not new picture, he said he will be back to US by end of this March and got package want to send me to help him keep up until he gets back, yes he did asked me to buy iTunes cards for him and I did but now about the package I don’t know should I receive it or not because I still have some suspicion about him like when we talk his accent is not American.

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