I’ve been a military spouse for fifteen years. I enjoy it for the most part. I’ve gone through multiple deployments. TDYs. Daddy dolls (using this daddy doll tutorial). PCS moves. Having a baby with a service member. But I notice I’m different in what I choose to do. Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert. Possibly it’s because I’m rather shy. Or maybe I’m just weird. But it’s okay because I like weird.
Here are things I don’t do as a military spouse…
1. Go to many social events.
I’m not a fan of the balls, or the squadron parties. I feel awkward and never know what to say. Or wear. I can’t walk in high heels properly. I feel odd in a dress. I do go to some social events, but if I can skip one, I will.
2. Make fancy care packages.
It’s not for me. I understand people like to craft, and I am not one of those people. I did try it a couple of times to surprise my deployed husband, who would normally ask if I was drunk when he got the decorated military care packages because he knows I am not crafty.
3. Hold up signs that say “report for booty” when my husband returns from a deployment.
This isn’t my taste. It’s other people’s taste, but not mine. I used to NEVER hold up signs if I’m being honest, but then the other wives started showing up with these glittery shiny poster boards and I was worried my husband would feel bad. So I’d make a simple sign so he wouldn’t feel left out. When I say simple, I mean it. My latest sign was written in scented marker and said “Lots of things broke when you left. Please fix them.”
4. Be a direct sales consultant.
I think it’s great if people want to sell cookware, candles, clothes, and sex toys. I’ve just never felt the calling. If there was a company that sold books, I might do that. Not children’s books. Adult books.
5. Host parties.
Sometimes the people who do sell the candles and the cookware and the clothes ask if I want to host a party for them. I pass. Sometimes people think I’m being snobby, and I’m not trying to be, but it’s not my thing.
6. Attend those painting with a twist gatherings.
It seems that a lot of spouses want to meet at places like that. I just don’t like to paint. Or drink wine. Now if you invite me to a chocolate tasting, I’d down. Maybe. I am an introvert. But normally chocolate will get me out of the house.
7. Go completely nuts over Coach products.
They’re nice, but I’d rather buy a bunch of books. Or chocolate.
8. Feel guilty about asking if someone offers a military discount.
Hey, I’ve gone through last minute deployments, changed my entire life at the drop of the hat, moved to weird places, and gave up family vacations. So I always ask a business about the discount and for the most part, they say yes. If they say no, I politely say thank you. Some people have said it’s tacky to ask, and I’m not understanding why.
9. Make proper small talk.
Some people can mingle easily. My husband is one of those people. Me? Well, once I was at a squadron party and another wife went, “I like your perfume, what is it?” I replied, “I’m not sure, I rubbed it on from an ad in my Cosmo magazine.” She sort of blinked at me and walked away.
10. Go to the commissary on pay day.
I can’t. It makes me curse. I budget so there is money to avoid this at all costs.
11. Wash or iron his uniforms.
Some wives talk about the best starch to iron the uniforms and I’m all, “My husband does his own stuff.” I wash his regular laundry but he does his work items–it’s probably because he’s seen how I do laundry (violently) and how I fold (not well.)
So yes, there are things I don’t enjoy doing. But it’s okay. I’ve had military spouse friends who enjoy all the things I’ve listed. I like how people are different. Sometimes they even convince me to show up at their party and I end up having a good time. I appreciate how they get me out of my comfort zone. Especially if there’s chocolate involved.
What are things you don’t do as a military spouse?
Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Want more posts on military life?
- 9 Reasons It’s Okay When He Deploys
- You Know You’re Living in Base Housing When
- Military Base Gate Etiquette: 10 Small Ways to Avoid a Giant SNAFU
- 9 Relationship Truths Only a Modern Military Spouse Would Understand
Old Army Guy (Bill Giles)
Military balls and squadron parties are part of being military. Some are command performances. If your military spouse doesn’t participate, it is noticed. They are not about you, they are about him and being military. You married a military man, and part of that marriage is supporting your spouse and his career. You don’t have to go to Coach parties. Such things aren’t military, but they can help you learn to be social. When we were stationed in East Africa (Kagnew Station, Eritrea), we had single guys living in the barracks over for meals, and had parties that included them. They are far from home, likely for the first time, and homesick. Play pinochle with other spouses, many who are lonely also. Be a friend, be a mother, be a spouse.
Amber Myers
Yeah, but I’m an introvert so those things make me nervous. I do some, but I can’t do all. I support him in other ways.
I have donated food to single soldiers before though!
Eliza
I love the fact that a spouse’s involvement is no longer something a soldier gets evaluated on. I don’t mind an occasional ball, but since my career performance is not based on how often my husband comes to company parties (and let’s face it, with how often he’s gone, I’d fail because of him anyway!), why should his career be based on me? I still have a hard time believing that used to be a thing.
Amber Myers
Yes, it sounds insane to me. I’m like you, I can do the occasional thing, but not all.
Lauren Tamm
Agreed.
Amy Clark
Amen! With 2 kids under 3 and a business to run, I barely have time to eat, not to mention find dresses and shoes for formal functions. I’m also pretty socially awkward when I’m out of my element. Add in the fact that I basically spend the whole night being told how short I am, especially when compared to my giant husband, it’s just not fun. I’ll bake cookies and cakes and go to the playdates for the FRG and smile Stepfordly, but please don’t make me pay $200 for a dress, another $100 to have 2 feet cut off the bottom, and then sit awkwardly in a room fun of people I don’t know.
Amber Myers
Yes! I am so socially awkward. I’ve been called weird by other military spouses many times. It doesn’t bother me anymore though. I’d rather be weird than stuck up.
Cozette
I feel like all you ladies commenting are my tribe. I wish I had a friend here like you (and me). Third pcs in two years and I’m past done. Who wants to constantly be the new kid? Not me. Awkward. Weird. Whatever they call it, I call it Me. ?
Way wife
You don’t NEED to do anything. But many of us find these things fun and there is nothing wrong with that. Your post should be “10 things I don’t do”
Amber Myers
I understand your point! And you’re right, there’s nothing wrong with doing any of the things listed. I have friends who absolutely LOVE to craft and sell items. No problems with that at all 🙂
Renee
Great post. These are all things that you should be able to choose whether you do or not. As another introvert, I can completely understand how you feel. Just because everyone else is doing it (most likely extroverts who thrive on big groups) doesn’t mean you have to.
Amber Myers
Exactly! If it’s important to my husband I will make the effort, but if it’s not a big deal, I pass.
Janet
I love this list and felt the same way when my husband was in the military. Guess it’s because I’m an Introvert myself. He is retired now and that is another story altogether, lol.
Mindy
I love this post! Thanks for being so down to earth and REAL!
Amber
Thank you for reading!
Kerri
You and I would get along quite well, as long as we share the chocolate nicely. 🙂
Lauren Tamm
Hahaha. Okay, deal!
Stefanie
I love this post. I’m am a military wife and although I’m definitely an extrovert, I also work a lot. Last year the military ball was on a Thursday at 5:30pm and it was 2 hours away from the house. My job was NOT going to let me off early Thursday or the following Friday for travel and I wasn’t going to take the day off for that. I do support my husband’s career, however, I’m also a grown woman who can make her own decision on what event/s I can and will attend. I also want to point out that there are other ways to support your husband. You have to do what is best for you and your family first before pleasing anyone else.
Jen
Love this!!! I support my husband however I can. I laughed at the doing his uniforms. When we first married he gave me a list of what not to do to them he must of saw my eyes glaze over cause he only asks me to do them if he’s in a pinch. I love the honesty in your sign. That’s what mine would be like. Our land lord growls when I call him saying he’s gone ain’t he. Lol everything breaks when he leaves.
Joan pringle
Everyone of these are me. I am happily an introvert. I don’t do parties unless really forced ( thank god we are retired.
It cracks me up how everyone of these is something I don’t do.
My husband’s deployment boxes have never been more than a box from something else ; filled with favorite magazines , cookies and treats, drawing my kids did for him a letter from me and anything he asked me to put in the box.
I hate small talk or even talking to people I dont know.
I hate being invited to Tupperware parties and the like .I never buy any thing from them and I have had people get mad at me because of that. I don’t wear make-up so I don’t need a Mary Kay facial or make over. I have no time for that nonsense and my husband lives the way I look with out all that.0
Sarah
I really dislike your title. Fine, you don’t like those things, but why even write an article that says things that some milspouses do are “wrong?” Yeah, you can throw in a “it’s fine if you like these things” disclaimer, but all you’re doing is shaming other people. I think you’d be serving the community much better with a positive article – things you DO as a military spouse, not what you don’t. You’ve been around the military for 15 years, and I’m not far behind you. I do things my own way, too. Think about the brand new spouse trying to find her way, make friends, and get acclimated. Making her feel bad for any of these things? Not cool.
Lillian
Sarah, you are the one doing the shaming, this is her article not yours. If you disagree fine, I don’t see anywhere where she states that milspouses are doing anything wrong or that she is shaming anyone . I’ve been a milspouses for almost 20 years, I’ve had to stay home while my husband went to mandatory ” fun picnics ” because kids were not allowed, I’ve been to a few dining outs but only recently because the kids are now grown. I don’t care for the direct sales parties either, it’s usually very expensive and the only way you can afford it is to sign up and sell it yourself. When my husband was deployed I didn’t get all crafty either, he got a box of goodies and he appreciated it, We are not all the same, we come from all walks of life and everyone has different struggles