After dating for about three years, my boyfriend, Jon finally proposed to me. He had decided to go into the military and join the Air Force and he wanted to propose before he left for basic training. I was officially a military significant other. After being engaged for just one month, my boyfriend turned fiance left for basic training.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
At the time, he had been staying in the guest room at my mom’s house and it was nice because I had been able to see him every day. I remember he had to leave very early in the morning.
It was still dark outside when I got up to tell him goodbye. I remember the emptiness I felt inside after he left. I had no idea what to expect.
Would he be okay?
When would I hear from him again?
What if he changed?
So many thoughts and questions ran through my mind. I knew the next few months would be hard: I would be planning a wedding by myself and learning all about what it means to be a military spouse.
Related: Basic Training Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
My service member is in basic training, now what?
While this was a tough time for me, it is something that I am so glad I went through. I grew so much as a person during this time and learned about the true meaning of resilience.
While every person will have a different experience, I believe that you too can grow and find a strength you never knew you had before.
If your significant other is going through basic or about to go through basic, here are some things you can do to help get you through this time.
Find Support.
When Jon first told me he was going to join the military, I was devastated. I knew nothing about the military except what I heard on the news and I was scared. Soon after, I decided to turn that fear into action.
I took to the internet and tried to find as much information as I could about the Air Force, basic training, and military life in general. If this was something he was going to do, then I needed to be prepared and learn as much as possible.
One thing you will learn very quickly in the military lifestyle is that some of your best friends, support, and resources will be online. Start with social media. There are many many Facebook groups for military spouses, girlfriends, and fiances.
Try searching for message boards or blogs for military S.O.’s. These types of sites will offer plenty of support and encouragement and you will be able to ask questions about what you’re going through from people who’ve gone through it too!
Learn How to Cope.
Those first few weeks after your loved one leaves are the hardest. I cried a lot. I took my phone with me everywhere, even in the bathroom so I didn’t miss a call.
You will probably not know when the first phone call will come through, but prepare for it to be very short. That first call will be just long enough for them to tell you they are safe, and to give you their mailing address.
I missed that very first phone call from basic. I had a meeting with our wedding photographer and I put the phone down for just a few minutes. If you miss that first call, it will be hard, but they will be able to leave a message with the same information.
One of the best things I did to help me cope was to write him a letter every single day. I kept a Word document up on my computer and would type things in it throughout the day and as I had time.
I talked to him about my thoughts and concerns and I told him about my day and what was going on with the wedding planning. It was very cathartic for me and he loved having those letters from home to help him keep pushing through.
I also encourage you to find a military spouse mentor during this time. It helps to have at least one person to call or talk with when you’re having a hard day or just a hard time coping.
While many of your family members and friends won’t truly understand what you’re going through, another military spouse or significant other can help guide and encourage you through those bad days and give you the encouragement that you need.
Take Care of Yourself.
While you may not feel up to going out and doing things after your significant other leaves, you still need to take care of YOU. Give yourself a few weeks to grieve and miss your loved one, but then try to move on and find things you can do to keep busy.
For me, cleaning, organizing, and wedding planning were some of the main things that I immersed myself in during this time. I also started exercising. When I exercised I could put all my energy and feelings into my workout.
It would help me feel and look better and it helped me deal with the stress of our situation. If working out is hard for you, try going to yoga or doing deep breathing and meditation. These things can help you decompress and help your body to heal from the stress.
Remember: it’s okay to go out. It’s okay to have fun. Many significant others may feel guilty during this time, but it’s okay, you can still have a life even when they’re gone.
Go out for a girl’s night with friends, go for a walk and get some fresh air, travel to see new places and people. These things will help keep you busy and keep the time flying by!
If you’re really having a hard time, go talk with a counselor. This can help you process your thoughts and feelings and also help you to better cope during this time.
Kathryn Sneed is Christian military wife and stay-at-home mom to her two special needs kiddos. She has a passion for God, family, the military and helping others through her blog and services. Connect with her on Facebook or Pinterest.
Want more on military life?
- The Best Advice for the Military Girlfriend
- 5 Best Ways to Support Your Service Member at Basic
- The Real Reason Being a Military Wife is So Hard
- 50+ Things Military Spouses Can Do During Deployment Besides “Stay Busy”
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
Valentina
My fiancé just left yesterday, and it’s honeslty the hardest thing. I’m hoping time will go by fast. He comes back Jan 25, 2018. He should be writing me sometime next week hopefully.
Valentina
He come back Jan 25th lol 2019!.. I’m 17 and he’s 19
Chloé
Hi, i’m Chloé
I’m 18 years old and my boyfriend is in the Air national guard (Air Force) and will be leaving this month for basic training. I’m so scared. When we first started dating he was talking about joining and I have always been extremely supportive. I think this will be an amazing opportunity for him and that it will help shape him as a person. I know that I want to be with him and one day marry him and that he wants the same for us. I’m confident in our future. But, like all of you, the thought of spending time apart from eachother is so scary. I never want him to leave but it’s coming so soon and I’m getting so nervous. I keep telling myself it will be okay and reassuring him that I will be here when he gets back. It just hurts so bad. There’s so much I don’t know yet like when can we write, when can he call, when will he be back? I know we will figure it out but I’m just not ready to say goodbye, I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready tbh. But I’m trying to stay strong for myself and for him. It’s gonna be a journey but I know our love for eachother will get us through it. If anyone is in a similar position and would like to talk I would love that. I know it’s important to have people by your side through this so you’re not alone.
Jordan
Hi Chloe! My name is Jordan and I just want you to know that I have the same feelings about my boyfriend as well. He is graduating from basic training in a couple days and then goes straight to advanced training from there until May 31st. He is in the army national guard reserves! If you want to talk more/ have someone to vent to or lean on, I’m here because that would be nice to have too. You posted this a while ago but I have Facebook if you want to connect. – Thanks
Rebekah
My fiance left for boot camp about a month after we found out that we’re expecting! It’s been incredibly hard to live day-to-day without him, especially being more emotional due to the pregnancy. We went from doing everything together to not being able to talk at all in just a few moments and one “I love you” text. As hard as I think it is for me, I know he’s working harder than he ever has and is going through some of the toughest challenges he’ll ever face. I’ve been supportive since the day he started thinking about enlisting, and I’ll continue to support him any way I can… but that doesn’t mean I won’t try to make it easier on myself by reading these blog posts. 😉
Breana
Hi, I’m Breana and I’m 17. This guy I’m in love with left for Air Force basic training tonight, 11/13/18, and I’m scared. I don’t really know what to expect to happen in the 4 weeks he gone. I would talk to my parents about it, but my dad doesn’t like us together bc he’s 19. If anyone can help me with what to expect while he’s gone and when he gets back I would truly appreciate it. He offered to stay if I wanted him to, but I couldn’t do that he’s wanted to join since before we met. I know this means a lot to him and I’m proud of him, very proud, but I’m still scared and like I said I don’t know what to expect now or in the future. Please help if you can!
Sydney
I’m sixteen and my seventeen year old boyfriend has just committed to West Point. He leaves for basic training in July and then he goes straight to college which is all the way across the country from me. He will be at school for four years and then on active duty for five. I want to live near him when I graduate so we can make our relationship work, but he thinks that we should just break up when he leaves for basic training. I have no idea what to do and I’m absolutely terrified. Should I continue to date him and let him break up with me in July, should I try to convince him to let me live in New York, or should we just end it now?
Vanessa robinson
My husband left December 10th to MEPS for the Air Force and officially left to Lackland December 11th, he doesn’t have a phone and called my from the hotel with his roommates phone but how while i know when he made it to Lackland if he doesn’t have a phone? And as far as graduation I’m feeling anxiety! Like when will i get the email so i can book my flight the rent a car and room etc. I’m just freaking out because I’ve been side by side with my husband for 4 years can anyone help me with the phone situation and preparing for graduation
Shyanne
Im 15 and my bf is 17 going onto 18 and he is planing right out of hs to go to the military and im so worried and scared of how i will manage to cope without my best friend here… Im terrified…
Cate
I am 17 almost 18 and my boyfriend is 19 and he left for his second round of training on the first of January. He is in Georgia for training and I am in California so the time difference has been really hard. I miss him more and more every day. I feel like no time has passed at all since he left, and I’ve tried everything to make time go by faster. Everything reminds me of him and I don’t know what do any more to cope with it.
Anna
My boyfriend who is now my husband left for basics about 3 and a 1/2 weeks ago. We had been together for over a year but have had some issues regarding loyalty towards each other in the past, which were mostly his fault. Although we are married negative thoughts about him wanting to leave me when he comes back or leave me later haunts my mind daily. It’s hard for me to stay positive and go on with life, even with school and having joined CrossFit my mind wanders about him and tears just flood all over. It’s hard to be away from him but it’s even harder when I feel like we had unresolved issues. Here I am a newly wed insecure about myself and our relationship missing him all the time. Not sure what to do but hasn’t anyone had the same experience?
Haley Vessels
Hi,
My husband left for BCT on February 25th, so going into my third week with him being gone. He was in reception until the March 6th, so he hasn’t even had a full week of BCT yet. I’ve gotten 4 letters from him but still no address to send mine to him. At first, I was doing okay, but it’s gettinf harder/more real I guess you can say I was in shock when he left. I’m 26 and he’ll be 25 in June, we’ve been together for 3 years and we got married this year on January 19th. So we got one full month together as a married couple before he left. I guess I’m just posting on here to see how you guys couped? We found out he doesn’t get to come home in between BCT and OCS which was surprising news even if there’s weeks in between. Any advice is appreciated.