MilSpouse LifeAfter dating for about three years, my boyfriend, Jon finally proposed to me. He had decided to go into the military and join the Air Force and he wanted to propose before he left for basic training. I was officially a military significant other. After being engaged for just one month, my boyfriend turned fiance left for basic training.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
At the time, he had been staying in the guest room at my mom’s house and it was nice because I had been able to see him every day. I remember he had to leave very early in the morning.
It was still dark outside when I got up to tell him goodbye. I remember the emptiness I felt inside after he left. I had no idea what to expect.
Would he be okay?
When would I hear from him again?
What if he changed?
So many thoughts and questions ran through my mind. I knew the next few months would be hard: I would be planning a wedding by myself and learning all about what it means to be a military spouse.
Related: Basic Training Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
My service member is in basic training, now what?
While this was a tough time for me, it is something that I am so glad I went through. I grew so much as a person during this time and learned about the true meaning of resilience.
While every person will have a different experience, I believe that you too can grow and find a strength you never knew you had before.
If your significant other is going through basic or about to go through basic, here are some things you can do to help get you through this time.
Find Support.
When Jon first told me he was going to join the military, I was devastated. I knew nothing about the military except what I heard on the news and I was scared. Soon after, I decided to turn that fear into action.
I took to the internet and tried to find as much information as I could about the Air Force, basic training, and military life in general. If this was something he was going to do, then I needed to be prepared and learn as much as possible.
One thing you will learn very quickly in the military lifestyle is that some of your best friends, support, and resources will be online. Start with social media. There are many many Facebook groups for military spouses, girlfriends, and fiances.
Try searching for message boards or blogs for military S.O.’s. These types of sites will offer plenty of support and encouragement and you will be able to ask questions about what you’re going through from people who’ve gone through it too!
Learn How to Cope.
Those first few weeks after your loved one leaves are the hardest. I cried a lot. I took my phone with me everywhere, even in the bathroom so I didn’t miss a call.
You will probably not know when the first phone call will come through, but prepare for it to be very short. That first call will be just long enough for them to tell you they are safe, and to give you their mailing address.
I missed that very first phone call from basic. I had a meeting with our wedding photographer and I put the phone down for just a few minutes. If you miss that first call, it will be hard, but they will be able to leave a message with the same information.
One of the best things I did to help me cope was to write him a letter every single day. I kept a Word document up on my computer and would type things in it throughout the day and as I had time.
I talked to him about my thoughts and concerns and I told him about my day and what was going on with the wedding planning. It was very cathartic for me and he loved having those letters from home to help him keep pushing through.
I also encourage you to find a military spouse mentor during this time. It helps to have at least one person to call or talk with when you’re having a hard day or just a hard time coping.
While many of your family members and friends won’t truly understand what you’re going through, another military spouse or significant other can help guide and encourage you through those bad days and give you the encouragement that you need.
Take Care of Yourself.
While you may not feel up to going out and doing things after your significant other leaves, you still need to take care of YOU. Give yourself a few weeks to grieve and miss your loved one, but then try to move on and find things you can do to keep busy.
For me, cleaning, organizing, and wedding planning were some of the main things that I immersed myself in during this time. I also started exercising. When I exercised I could put all my energy and feelings into my workout.
It would help me feel and look better and it helped me deal with the stress of our situation. If working out is hard for you, try going to yoga or doing deep breathing and meditation. These things can help you decompress and help your body to heal from the stress.
Remember: it’s okay to go out. It’s okay to have fun. Many significant others may feel guilty during this time, but it’s okay, you can still have a life even when they’re gone.
Go out for a girl’s night with friends, go for a walk and get some fresh air, travel to see new places and people. These things will help keep you busy and keep the time flying by!
If you’re really having a hard time, go talk with a counselor. This can help you process your thoughts and feelings and also help you to better cope during this time.
Kathryn Sneed is Christian military wife and stay-at-home mom to her two special needs kiddos. She has a passion for God, family, the military and helping others through her blog and services. Connect with her on Facebook or Pinterest.
I’m 19 my boyfriend is 18, he’s leaving next year July 27th. We’re in a long distance relationship he lives in Houston Usa and I live in England, it’s really tough I’m trying to be positive but I couldn’t find any possible positive thoughts.
Hi Greshel, I’m Kasey. I’m 19 and my boyfriends 18 too. my boyfriend leaves July 27th as well. I’m a wreck. It’s getting so close and every time I think about it feels like my hearts shattering 🙁 it is definitely very hard to be positive
I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 18 and we have been together for almost 3 years, and are certainly planning on getting married within the next few years. He has recently been bringing up joining the air force, as it has always been of huge interest to him. I’m. It worried about basic training, I’m confident that we can do that. What I’m really worried about is what comes after. He is interested in a 4-year contract, but could he possibly be pulled into active duty? Will he be gone a lot? I’m just worried that everything will become a guessing game at the most vulnerable time in our lives.
I’m not worried about basic training*
I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 19 he just left today for Air Force bmt. I love him will all my heart he literally means the world to me. I can’t stop crying and I feel empty and lonely. When will the pain go away? I miss him so much I don’t know how to live my life without him or how to handle myself. I can’t believe this is even happening please help me!!!
My boyfriend left today. It is sooooo hard and I am feeling like crap right now. i could barely get I love you out because I was crying so bad. I am looking up so much stuff to help me get through these next few months. I will not be able to go to his graduation but I am planning on vising on some weekends while he is at tech school. Would you be able to give me some tips on how to handle with everything and also being supportive to his mother? You can look me up on Facebook Abby Foster or email me at ayfoster711@gmail.com.
I’m 19 and my boyfriend is about to turn 20 and he leaves for basic training to be a marine next week. I can’t stop worrying myself thinking something bad is going to happen. Is there support groups for marine girlfriends? HELP MEE !
Hi I have just made a support group on facebook as my boyfriend left yesterday for basic training, I can add you if you’re interested 🙂
Can I be added? Brianna Renee Allen is my name on Facebook .
Hi everyone! Im 17 and my 18 year old boyfriend of almost 2 years left yesterday for the 2nd time to complete basic training. I feel completely lost, and alone as I am so used to seeing him everyday. I have made a Facebook group for all girlfriends who are struggling to stay happy or motivated while their boys are out at Basic training, and could use some other girls, who are or have been in the same position, advice and love <3 reply to my comment with your name and I will add you to the group! Hope everyone is doing okay x
Hi Charolotte,
My boyfriend just left on May 30, 2018. I’m really getting depressed about it. I would love to know what your facebook page is so maybe we can help each other get through these months together. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. My friends don’t understand and my Mother tries to help me but my depression get worse.
Hi, my name is Delaney and my boyfriend of two years just went into basic training. It’s been really hard and I was looking for a support group to get through this.
Hi! My boyfriend leaves July 31 for basic training and I am already struggling to stay positive. I would absolutely love it if I could be a part of the group. I need all the support and encouragement I can get. I am 18 and will be a freshman in college this fall. I couldn’t imagine doing this alone, I would love to be a part of something so supportive. <3
Hi, my name is Monica & my boyfriend just left to boot camp this september 4th it’s honestly been really hard for me. I would love to be a part of the group !
My names Vanessa and my boyfriend will be leaving this Monday… I would love to be apart of this group to help me cope…
Hi, I’m 18 years old and I married the love of my life who just turned 20. He left for basic a week after we got hitched. It’s been so hard without him, and I’m in desperate need for someone to talk to. I miss him dearly and I feel so empty inside.
I would love to talk to you, any chance you have a facebook?
Hi my name is Ashlyn I am 19 and my boyfriend who is also 19 just left today for boot camp he is going in the Navy and it has literally been the hardest day of my life I miss him with all my heart. And I will not be able to here from for 3 weeks. I love him so much and he is my one and only.
Hi My name is Elaine and I am 17 years old. My boyfriend left to marines boot camp on August 6th and I’ve already sent him 9 letters from sandboxx. I’ve been checking my mailbox everyday expecting a letter from him but I still haven’t gotten one. Everywhere I check it says I should be getting one 2 week after he leaves.
Hey Elaine , my names Monica i’m 17 as well and my boyfriend just left to marines boot camp as well on spetember 8th and omg i am honestly so sad it’s very hard i just sent him a letter through sandboxx today because i had just got his information yesterday . I hope he writes back as soon as possible. Have you recived any letters from your boyfriend ?
Im 18, and my fiancé is turning 19 next week. He just left today. he wasn’t suppose to go until january but they gave him a chance to go now and he took it so i only had 3 weeks to prepare and I feel so empty and like crying but my family is just acting like nothings up and i’m suppose to just be fine. i don’t really have friends so it’s hard for me to talk to anyone about it. i’m stressing too, about paying for my car and all this money stuff. If any of you guys feel like talking message my instagram @dudario. Thanks.
My boyfriend and I are celebrating our 1 year on November 11 and he leaves for basic training November 13. It’s hard to say how I feel , it’s nerve wrecking. It’s waking up every day knowing that the time is dwindling down. I’m so proud of him but so scared of the unknown. I know he will do great.