MilSpouse LifeAfter dating for about three years, my boyfriend, Jon finally proposed to me. He had decided to go into the military and join the Air Force and he wanted to propose before he left for basic training. I was officially a military significant other. After being engaged for just one month, my boyfriend turned fiance left for basic training.
Related: Being a National Guard Spouse
At the time, he had been staying in the guest room at my mom’s house and it was nice because I had been able to see him every day. I remember he had to leave very early in the morning.
It was still dark outside when I got up to tell him goodbye. I remember the emptiness I felt inside after he left. I had no idea what to expect.
Would he be okay?
When would I hear from him again?
What if he changed?
So many thoughts and questions ran through my mind. I knew the next few months would be hard: I would be planning a wedding by myself and learning all about what it means to be a military spouse.
Related: Basic Training Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
My service member is in basic training, now what?
While this was a tough time for me, it is something that I am so glad I went through. I grew so much as a person during this time and learned about the true meaning of resilience.
While every person will have a different experience, I believe that you too can grow and find a strength you never knew you had before.
If your significant other is going through basic or about to go through basic, here are some things you can do to help get you through this time.
Find Support.
When Jon first told me he was going to join the military, I was devastated. I knew nothing about the military except what I heard on the news and I was scared. Soon after, I decided to turn that fear into action.
I took to the internet and tried to find as much information as I could about the Air Force, basic training, and military life in general. If this was something he was going to do, then I needed to be prepared and learn as much as possible.
One thing you will learn very quickly in the military lifestyle is that some of your best friends, support, and resources will be online. Start with social media. There are many many Facebook groups for military spouses, girlfriends, and fiances.
Try searching for message boards or blogs for military S.O.’s. These types of sites will offer plenty of support and encouragement and you will be able to ask questions about what you’re going through from people who’ve gone through it too!
Learn How to Cope.
Those first few weeks after your loved one leaves are the hardest. I cried a lot. I took my phone with me everywhere, even in the bathroom so I didn’t miss a call.
You will probably not know when the first phone call will come through, but prepare for it to be very short. That first call will be just long enough for them to tell you they are safe, and to give you their mailing address.
I missed that very first phone call from basic. I had a meeting with our wedding photographer and I put the phone down for just a few minutes. If you miss that first call, it will be hard, but they will be able to leave a message with the same information.
One of the best things I did to help me cope was to write him a letter every single day. I kept a Word document up on my computer and would type things in it throughout the day and as I had time.
I talked to him about my thoughts and concerns and I told him about my day and what was going on with the wedding planning. It was very cathartic for me and he loved having those letters from home to help him keep pushing through.
I also encourage you to find a military spouse mentor during this time. It helps to have at least one person to call or talk with when you’re having a hard day or just a hard time coping.
While many of your family members and friends won’t truly understand what you’re going through, another military spouse or significant other can help guide and encourage you through those bad days and give you the encouragement that you need.
Take Care of Yourself.
While you may not feel up to going out and doing things after your significant other leaves, you still need to take care of YOU. Give yourself a few weeks to grieve and miss your loved one, but then try to move on and find things you can do to keep busy.
For me, cleaning, organizing, and wedding planning were some of the main things that I immersed myself in during this time. I also started exercising. When I exercised I could put all my energy and feelings into my workout.
It would help me feel and look better and it helped me deal with the stress of our situation. If working out is hard for you, try going to yoga or doing deep breathing and meditation. These things can help you decompress and help your body to heal from the stress.
Remember: it’s okay to go out. It’s okay to have fun. Many significant others may feel guilty during this time, but it’s okay, you can still have a life even when they’re gone.
Go out for a girl’s night with friends, go for a walk and get some fresh air, travel to see new places and people. These things will help keep you busy and keep the time flying by!
If you’re really having a hard time, go talk with a counselor. This can help you process your thoughts and feelings and also help you to better cope during this time.
Kathryn Sneed is Christian military wife and stay-at-home mom to her two special needs kiddos. She has a passion for God, family, the military and helping others through her blog and services. Connect with her on Facebook or Pinterest.
Hello I’m 16 years old and my boyfriend is 17 he leaves June 5th and im in need of some advice i would talk to my parents but they never went through something like this so please help me.
My boyfriend left may 30th….I have to admit it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I keep my phone on me to hear from his calls. The first week is reception he will get to just barely text you. Maybe. Afterwards he gives you a call saying his address..be prepared so you can write him letters. I sadly wasn’t so now I’m waiting for his first letter to me ? As hard as this is definitely be around friends and family as much as you need until you feel you can cope or deal more on your own. I’m still in that phase but whenever I’m with my friends it just helps so much, they’re your support. Try to be positive think about how great it will be when he comes home
Hi, me and my boyfriend has been together for almost 3 hrs now and he left for basic training two weeks ago and I have not received a phone call from him yet. He was supposed to call after reception to give me his address but I still have not received a call. What should I do?
My boyfriend is to leave for basic soon, the end of next month, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.
Going from seeing him everyday and than to not at all. I know I can do it but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep going on with my daily work and things like that.
Hi. My name is Amy. I’m sixteen and Im going through the same thing as you and I’m scared out of my mind.
hi Amy i just wanted to let you know that i hope you still doing good. i don’t know if you two are together now but im 15 and sill going through high school. i love that you kept your head up an i just want you to know that we are all in this together! ?
I’m only 16 too just like a lot of girl’s my boyfriend is 18 and he’s going to basic training the second half of summer. I don’t feel extremely nervous but that for me usually doesn’t come until the actual time comes around I am scared though that he’ll change or become someone else. Or even find someone else. Although I know he loves me. I’m still scared and don’t know what to do :((
Hi Whitt! I’m only 17. My boyfriend left for San Antonio 4 days ago to join the Air Force. It’s been really hard lately. I’ve also heard that I need to be careful of who he will become when he gets back, but I talked to people with actual experience and what they had to say was amazing! It made me feel so much better! They said when their loved one got back they were on better terms than ever! They said they were very respectful and made them really appreciate the experience even though it was tough! They just said make sure to write everyday, even if he doesn’t say it, he really appreciates the letters and it helps him get through a lot! I really hope this helped I know you wrote a while ago!
Hi I’m Demii and I’m coming 20 this year ,I was with my partner for nearly 3 years and the first time I met him he told me he wanted to go into the army Air Force and I didn’t think much of it then because we had a lot of time to spend with each other and I’m really close with him family especially his mum we have a close bond ,but just this week he decided that we should of separate ways as he’s going pretty much tomorrow and I was so heartbroken and hurt because I felt like I did something wrong but he said that he still loves me and still cares about me and for me he said he doesn’t want to go in being emotional all the time and I’ve been a wreck for the past 3 weeks I haven’t been my self ,I keep getting emotional and the only thing I can do pretty much is cry and along with his mum to we kept having conversations about it each day it came near and now he’s going to tomorrow I literally don’t know what to do ,how to feel ,I still love him a lot ,he has my heart and I would just like some advice as in how to deal with him because I feel lost without him we are still in contact and speaking civil ,I even slept at his house for the past 2 days and went out yesterday with his family ,I would just really like some advice ,thank you
hey Kenzie!! i’m 17 too and reading this reply put so many of my worries at ease. i’ve been thinking a lot about my boyfriend (left for navy basic a little over a week ago) changing when he comes home but hearing that other relationships came out stronger because of this really helps.
My boyfriend went to basic training a couple days after our 1 year anniversary this is the second week hes there and it’s been hard to adjust to the drastic change of him being gone. I feel like I’m being too dramatic because somedays I just break down crying because I wish I could hear his voice or go on fun dates and enjoy our summer. I didnt realize how much I relied on him until I couldn’t anymore. I’m waiting on a letter but every time I don’t see one it hurts a little more. I feel like I’m being very selfish and I don’t want to be. I can’t really rely on my family because they disapprove that he went to the army. I just want to stop being so dramatic and be okay.
You took my emotions and put it into words….I’m so sick of myself already and it’s only been a week of no contact. We are used to long distance but I fear the fact that he won’t have his phone and I only get a letter every other week. I just over myself and I feel selfish as well. I bet it’ll get easier but it just seems so bleak
I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We have been together for a year and two months. He left November the 20th.. I was so emotional when he left cause I was very attached to him. The first week he left felt weird especially cause we were together a lot. He gets to call sometimes and we make the best of it. We also write each other letters and I feel ain’t nothing better than someone putting their true feelings on paper. Don’t freak out because everything happens for a reason. You never meet someone for nothing. Make the best of it if you really got love for him. Give him reassurance cause your all he’s thinking about. Have faith
My names Hailey and I just turned 17 This June 2020 I’m from Tennessee. I’m experiencing pretty much the same as most of the girls in these comments. My bf is 18 and he left for basic training on may 25th. It’s hard bc it’s already been 3 weeks and I can’t take it.. due to this virus it seems things are being changed where he’s at and I may not get to see him graduate BCT.. much less get to see him at all for maybe over a year.. I always remind him That I’m going to be here waiting no matter what. It’s just very hard, he’s wrote me a whole lot but I make sure the letters I send him smell like me 💜
Hi Hailey ! And all of the other girls in the comments too! I’m also 17 and my boyfriend just left for book camp a few days ago. It has been really hard because he really is my best friend. It makes me feel so much better looking at all of your comments and knowing I’m not alone. Maybe we should start a group chat so we can all talk and help each other through this ?
hi i’m Savannah i’m 20 and my bf is the same age. We have been together for a year now and we were completely inseparable. He went of to basic training this week. From time to time I think about his absence but I haven’t cried yet. We’ve been a long distance relationship before so I know it’s not gonna hit yet. But probably after the 2 week of not hearing from him it’s gonna bring in the tears. I try talking with friends around me but we had a lot of issues happening and I am close to losing this friend to the point I have no one right now. I been working out and focusing on me but I know it’s going to get rough soon. I am mentally not prepared. I haven’t got a called yet cause his reception isn’t until next week. I just hope when he gets back our relationship is stronger than ever.
Ha…I see everyone where is around my age or older and I am glad that I am not alone.
Hi everyone im nicole, me and my boyfriend has been together for 4 years, this year have been tough because we have gone thru LDR stage since april last year im here in philippines and he’s in california, he decided to join the navy so he could get me in Us sooner. Its his first day going to bootcamp and i feel so sad w just the thought of not hearing his voice and seeing his face on facetime. Its very hard but i’m mustering all my strength to stay strong i know all of this struggles will pay off someday and i’ll get to see him and talk to him again, i love him so much and i pray that everything works out fine. I think Trust and Faith is the key.
i’m in such a similar situation rn 🥺
im 17 and my bf is turning 18 soon and he leaves june 15th. im not really sure what to expect or how to cope. any advice?
Im 21 and so is my boyfriend. He’s joined the reserves and does not plan to do active duty but it still hurts not having him around for the next 6 months. He joined so that he could get through college and also to make his family proud. I know that this is my opportunity to grow and everything but I’m still terrified. I don’t know how to support him other than sending him letters. I’m scared that he might come and tell me he wants to do active duty one day and I’m not ready for that. I really need someone to talk to and experience this together. No one in my family is military and honestly, when I told my friends about this they saw how upset I was and told me to break up with him cause they just, didn’t understand. Can someone give me advice on how to show him I’m here and send him love and stuff? I don’t know what’s appropriate and what’s not and I would really appreciate some advice…
Hi, Destiny Miller
My name is Samira Sanchez and my boyfriend is currently in his 4th week at boot camp in San Diego. I have been in your shoes. Since you are young like my boyfriend and I, your relationship will be tested in ways that it has probably never been tested before. If this is the first time that you two are going to be long-distance, it may seem like a daunting transition, but you can do it! After he is gone for a few weeks, you’ll learn to appreciate the little things and let go of surface-level characteristics that used to bother you about each other. You may feel alone or many other emotions but those are the first couple of weeks. These are all normal feelings, and you should feel confident that you’ll be able to work through them. In the end, you’ll realize how much you love each other and value the experience of having time apart to learn that. Some tips I can give you is to write (positive) to him as much as possible because that’s what will keep him motivated and focus on his training. Be very supportive. If any questions you may have always try to reach out to his Recruiter. They are always willing to answer and help out. Remember they have been through this so they can give you info about what your boyfriend might be going through. Also you can always look at video’s or follow up on pages on social media. The most important thing I recommend to you is to focus on yourself and the well doing of your health. For example do things you like and things that will help you cope. I hope this helped you!
Hello I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 18 and will be leaving for basic at the end of the mouth and I don’t know what to do I’m going to miss him so much and none of my friends understand…
The best thing you can do is to busy yourself as mentioned in the article. It’s helped me, for a while I only felt like staying at home watching Netflix or surfing the internet, but it only made me miss him more. If you keep yourself thinking of other things, the time goes by faster. I can’t believe it’s been a month now since my boyfriend left for training.
And just so you know, this is advice coming from someone who is also 16 and dating an 18 year old in the reserves 🙂 Stay strong.
My boyfriend left for basic, Im going to have to say its one of the hardest things for me. When, he left i felt secure and said I wouldn’t give up, but im dealing with his mom amd she wont give me his address, shes not a bad person, just things seem a little off for right now and I need a lot of support without him here. Im afraid when he comes back hes going to be a jerk to me, and everyone is warning me to be careful when he comes back. We love each other a lot, i just need advice on everything, this has to be one of the hardest days for me right now, and you all. My boyfriend left August 15, 2017 Army National Guard
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years and during the summer he came up with the decision that he was going to leave for the Air Force. He just left on January 29th 2019 and so far it’s been pretty hard on me without him being here cause we used to be with each other every single day. His older brother is also in the Air Force so I kinda know how long he’s going to be gone which it seems like it’s forever and I can’t talk to anyone about it cause they don’t understand. I got his first phone call and I’ve been writing him letters, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to our relationship like if we will find someone new with being gone for so long. He graduates in March and I’m very excited to see him but I don’t want to say goodbye again.. What should I do?
My boyfriend just left for bootcamp 2 weeks ago. Actually he left to do quarantine for 2 weeks then head out August 10th to bootcamp. And I was wondering how you can really cope? Work hasn’t been helping when I thought it would and it really isnt working, been making me more stressed. I’ve been writing lots of letter for him whenever I get the mail address, I miss him a lot. Hes pretty much my only friend lol. I hang with his sister because she doesn’t have many friends either and we get along just awesome. And I was wondering, for the girlfriends/boyfriends out there. Do you know how long it’ll take to like, be able to move in with them completely? Like are we allowed to when they are done with bootcamp? Like when is it ok and how long do you have to wait to be with them? My boyfriend said in maybe a year or so but, I want to ask on here if its sooner or way more than a year.
My fiancé is looking into the army we live together and I am starting to dread being without him what do I do..?
Any support groups for army reserve girlfriends? The army is so different from the reserves and any support groups or forums I find end up condescending me because “the reserves is nothing compared to the military”/”you’re only a teenager, you don’t know what it’s like.”
Also, I’m worried that my boyfriend won’t want to be with me when he gets back from the reserves. My parents wouldnt let me write to him and I know it would have been really important to him, so I feel that things may go south when he gets back. Any advice?
Note: We’ve been together for 2 years and have been dating before he signed up for the reserves,
how can they keep you from writing him? just write him letters and tell him to send letters back to you at a friends house or a relatives house so that way you can get your letters
Try to be strong, and explain to him why when he gets home. Also, if u drive u can always send a letter out, make a plan of writing him daily, so if he doesnt get letters from you, when he comes back he’ll see how much u care about him and guys need to know that we care and are there for them, even though it doesnt reach them while im basic. Im worried my bf is going to break up with me too when he gets back as well, even though I have a promise ring on my finger. You will get through this, im here for you even though im a stranger. Hope your doing ok
My boyfriend leaves for basic in 2 weeks and I’m so scared people have been saying that we won’t last and that I should just find someone who’s around all the time. I’m scared that he will not want to be with me when he’s back we have been together over a year and have already been through a lot but I’m worried we might not get through this. From the very start of the relationship he said he wants to go in to the army and he would not hold it against me if I left him because I can’t handle it but we have made it work and spoke about a possible future together
My boyfriend left for Bootcamp on September 14th, and officially started about a week ago, its so weird to think that this is my life now… We have been together for 3 years and we both know that we are going to make it through this, but it’s really hard not being able to talk to him, I miss him so much.
I feel you. My boyfriend left for Dallas today and will be flying to San Firho tomorrow morning for USMC BMT. I’m extremely upset and worried and missing him every second of the day. But we will get though this. One way or another.
Hi everyone, my first time writting , i have been looking for sites after sites to look for answers . This seems like the most recent ones going through the same experience as me. My name is Lissette and im 28 years old , my boyfriend left to BT October 23rd for the first time, it was very hard to say good bye that morning but it was like i was still on shocking of what whats happening, he was able to text me the first week suring reception week once everyday because they still had their phones in their bags so he used it before bed or whenever he sneaked to the bathroom lol. It was just until Thursday night were we finally said good bye because his phone was taken away. Friday morning i got a call from him abot 10 secongs phone call just saying his mailing address and stuff . (Not enough time to write things down lol but anyways. It now hit me to go to bed without my partner it has been difficult and my nights are longer, i have so much mix emotions , i have a special need child who is is not his son bt je does treat him like his own before he got the call
To joing a week before we had just decided to move to another state and begin a new life. Well here i am moving next week by my self with my son since i have to start working , im not going to like i feel that im drowing inside and cry it out but i know it will
Be fine and soon he will be home in our new home with us. He will be coming for Christmas for 10 dyas so that makes me happy! Now is all about a waiting game on when his letter will come, he was able to tell me his graduation date so i already made reservations to a apartment on base , if you know this info do so ASAP they go quick! His able to come with us into that room . We all in this together and im not giving up , i hear alot of comments such as they change when they come back but i dont want to put that on my head . Everything is going t be alright and love and family is whats important and what we have
Loved this article. My boyfriend just left this last Monday. It’s already Friday and I can’t believe time is flying by. For me personally- talking to my mom is a huge support and just being around my girlfriends. I live in a college dorm so that helps a ton.
Before he left we came to some common terms about our future together, and made sure we were in the same page. I high key recommend doing this as well so you have that reassurance when your loved one is off to basic. Unfortunately we haven’t got to talk yet, but I already wrote him a couple of letters that I’ll send out when I recieve his first one.
It’s nice to know I’m not going through this alone! So many other girls feel me, this is hard. Already. I know the potential for our relationship and how much stronger I’ll be and even our relationship will be- so I’m holding on for that! Good luck to you all!!
I need advice. My boyfriend broke up with me the day before he left because I got mad all the time. We’ve been together for 2 years and always got through everything. I couldn’t see him before he left and the last conversation was short. He said he’d write me and that he’d consider not giving up on me. He said he’d see me in 3 months. I had planned with his family to go up and see him and I’d stay with them. Now that we’re not together I’m not sure what to do. His parents want to make sure it’s okay with him but he’s gone for 3 months. All we can do is write letters. I made him really angry and he couldn’t even tell me he loved me. Should I write him and ask him if we’re okay and ask him if I can go to his graduation? Or should I just leave it alone and see if he comes to me when he gets home in 3 months? I’m not even sure he’d write me back.. I’m so heart broken. I obviously can’t talk to him at all so I don’t know how he feels.