In many ways, military deployments are such a part of our lives now that I don’t even blink when it’s about to happen. Or at least that’s what I think in my mind. Then it actually happens, and I feel this overwhelming sense of stress, anxiety, distance and disgust with the whole thing.
Ugh.
Deployment.
How I loathe thee.
Each time my husband leaves for another military deployment, things start out the same way around here. Okay, maybe not exactly the same way, but reasonably close.
It’s my best (and possibly dysfunctional) effort to cope with our bizarre military lifestyle: the goodbyes and hellos, the coming and going, the homecoming and deployment cycle that seemingly never ends.
Surviving the first week of deployment.
It takes skill to operate at this level of crazy. But if you’re anything like me, you’ve got it down to a science. And if you’re still trying to figure it out, here’s my best version for surviving the first seven days of deployment.
Rage clean.
Clean the house incessantly top to bottom trying to clear your home of any sign of deployment. It’s almost as if you are washing (or wishing) it all away. Bleach will not eradicate a deployment, but try anyway. Deployment absolutely justifies a complete fumigation of your residence.
Make everything “just so.”
Get everything in the house exactly to your liking. Put the remote where you want it. Center the coffee table to align with the couch that your husband insists on moving all the time. Put away any remnants of gear vomit that plagued your home for the past several weeks. Don’t you feel better already?
Prepare for something to break.
Usually in the first week something will break. Murphy’s Law is a force to be reckoned with, and it’s sparing no mercy this time around. Take this one in stride, leaving it for another day or calling someone to fix it. You have rage cleaning to finish.
Ben and Jerry’s (Oh yes).
Since Ben and Jerry’s is going to take up regular residence in your freezer, you may as well grab a carton of Ben and Jerry’s to eat that first night. Scratch that. Better make it two cartons just to be safe. Nobody said drowning your sorrows in emotional eating didn’t have a time and place.
Plan extreme work out plan.
You plan out your extensive work out and weight loss plan for the deployment, but first, you fit in a few more nights of Netflix and pizza before getting started. You have the entire deployment in front of you, no need to work out for the first week.
Meltdown. Yes, really.
According to science, having a good cry releases stress and helps you feel better both physically and emotionally. In fact, people who don’t cry feel worse than their weepy counterparts. I like to think of it as starting deployment with a good emotional purge.
Think of it this way, each tear running down your cheek during deployment is another drop of emotional baggage you’re leaving behind.
It’s like therapy, only cheaper.
Related: Why Deployment Meltdowns Are Actually a Good Thing
Then, call your mother.
You have a good cry and then you call your mother to wallow in self-pity and to discuss. She always sees the best in you when you’re at your worst.
Because moms are amazing. Because moms make everything better. Because moms help you feel safe, loved — and above all else — perfect as you imperfectly are.
It’s time to turn it all around.
The end of your first week is near. You’ve cleaned and purged, rearranged the house, emotionally ate, cried to your mom, and emotionally ate some more, and then you realized that after all this self-destructive behavior, there is only one thing left to do…
Pull yourself together.
You remember all the fun things you enjoy doing by yourself.
You think of 25 self-improvement ideas to do during deployment.
You realize how independent and strong you really are, and you find some sense of emotional balance.
You make peace with the deployment and start to embrace all the things you can do on your own. You put on that song from Rocky and sing along to the lyrics…”Getting stronger, getting stronger.”
You write a “getting stronger” affirmation on your bathroom mirror in lipstick. Then you wipe it off, realizing you just spent 3 hours cleaning the whole dang house earlier this week. You start using these affirmation cards instead.
You stop feeling sorry for yourself and you start enjoying life as a military spouse.
You take a trip.
You call a friend.
You write a letter to your husband telling him how much you love him.
You think about cleaning the house again and then realize that can wait until just before homecoming. No one else will know the difference, right?
You drink wine.
You eat a steak or a salad or even a truffle maybe.
You smoke one cigarette and pretend you’re totally badass (then choke on the smoke).
And then you take a deep breath and say, “Bring it deployment. I’ve got this.”
Want more on military life?
- 75 Amazing Military Care Package Ideas
- 3 Telltale Sign You’re Friends With an Awesome Military Spouse
- 47 Things No One Tells You About Being a Military Wife
- 10 Things Military Spouses Won’t Tell You About Deployment
Molly
i buy champagne to celebrate the end of the first week down. Annnnd pick one of his tshirts out of the dirty laundry to wear to bed for a few days allowing myself to wallow in self pity for just a tiny bit.
Lauren Tamm
Hahaha. Yes, that is awesome! I could use some champagne right now.
Tracy
I usually spend the first week sitting on my couch snacking and watching Netflix. Then I realize I can’t spend 6 months like that, and I get back to normal life!
CavWife785
Lol! Right!?
Candi
I believe everything you said in the exact order is what happened both deployments for me! So strange…I never realized that other military wives followed the same routine! Lol! I’m in the organizing phase at the moment however it’s just starting since the school routine phase just got ironed out. Im definitely concerned about the holidays this go round.
Emmalee
My boyfriend just got his orders the other day, so we’re gearing up to go through our first deployment together, but everything you said in this article is how I was when he left for basic for 6 months. I can already tell I’ll be coming to this website a lot for advice and tips! Hopefully the next year flies by for the both of us!
Lauren Tamm
Thanks so much for reading! I hope your deployment flies by as well!
Bobbyjo
How do you handle when your boyfriend is going to Africa until March how can I handle it …help me please .can you give me a good book to read on realships .for a boy friend
Francesca
This is so true. I usually also had one cigarette the day he left. Didn’t even like it, it was just a ritual I started with an old neighbor in 2001. The sad thing that is left out here is the crushing fear of ringing phones, doorbells and news reports of downed helos. I prayed till I couldn’t pray anymore. You fellow military wives are the bravest people I know and I was so proud to be among you. God Bless
Lauren Tamm
Thanks so much for your encouragement and for visiting! That is too funny about the cigarette!
Natalie
For the first month I slept with his coat. This post is as if I wrote it! Or taken from my diary
Fran lynn
I love this! Thank you! I am preparing for my years of this with my boyfriend! Self improvement is one of the time passers on my list!
Lauren Tamm
That’s awesome!
megan
Experiencing my first deployment and omg I have done so many things on this list. I started with the cleaning, the eating junk for a week and then starting the diet/fitness plan hahahahahahahha crying to my mom. Then when I find random bits of gear I had missed in the cleaning I CRY AGAIN missing him. Really the only thing that helps me get my mind off of everything is working out and going on walks with my son.
Spivey
I’m usually alright for the first bit. I clean and cook and workout I’m happy knowing he’ll be home soon… but this time it was all that but then I go a week, 2 weeks a month.. a month and a half… and now 2 months without contact. What do you suggest when youre not able to talk to your husband everyday? Or you’ve gone completely mad because you just miss him so much. I’ve got 2 jobs right now to keep myself distracted. But i’ve got another 5 months till he comes home. I miss everything about him.
Ciera
I write a lot to release the emotions. Ill just confess my love uninhibited in a journal to let it go. Otherwise its too heavy on my heart. Get creative to express your love 🙂
L Anne
My bf just got his orders this week. We are set to get married in a few months, then move the first of next year. I go through a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute I’m okay and the next I’m already missing him! Thanks for this article. I can already tell this will be my routine! 🙂