MilSpouse LifeThere is rarely a week that passes where I don’t hear from a military girlfriend. She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community. Researching this post, I found much of the advice for military girlfriends discouraging.
She needs to know “her place.”
She is “just a girlfriend.”
She is “not entitled to anything.”
Related: Boot Camp Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
Geeze! It made me think back to my days as a military girlfriend and how small the military community made me feel at times. It hurt most at the time because my service member and I had been together for years. I wasn’t a fling. And I definitely wasn’t a floozy. I was a young professional with a career and my own money. In the civilian community, people wouldn’t dream of constantly reminding you of “your place.”.
Related: 13 Useful Gifts for a Deployed Service Member
Of course, there are a few military girlfriends who give the title a bad name. They lack character and morals. They take advantage of service members and make poor choices.
As a military community, we have so much encouragement and sound advice to offer the military girlfriend.
One day I hope I am lucky enough to sit down and have a cup of coffee with one of those military girlfriends, who email me each week genuinely seeking help.
And when I do. I will tell her this…
Having a life in addition to the one with your service member will help you remember who you are as a person. Military life tends to take over a bit from time to time, but remember your individuality. Remember what you love to do for fun. Doing this will help your survive long deployments and separations so much better.
Connect with others in your community through Facebook groups, blogs and community events. This could be military community members or civilians. Establishing friendships and good relationships with others will offer you the support you need to overcome the ups and downs of military life.
Related: Where to Find MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
Grow your relationship.
Learn beneficial ways to improve communication in your relationship. Be open and honest with each other. Learn to grow and establish trust with your significant other. Honesty and trust are the foundation for every strong military relationship.
Use this as a time to weigh the positives and negatives of this life. Take time to really consider what it looks like long term, consider the possibility of moves (and not just the exotic possibilities but the very real not ideal possibilities), deployments, training, absences… talk to other spouses your your boyfriend’s trade honestly about what it’s looked like for them. Make an informed decision now, because that’s what dating is about. It’s okay if it’s not what you’re willing to accept in life, it’s not going to be what everyone wants (nor should it be). But make that decision now.
Take an open mind to making friends within the military community. There’s so much to be gained through positive friendships with other military spouses! — Kim
Seek out the positive.
Try to see the good in every situation, even when it’s not easy. Keeping a positive attitude through everything makes a HUGE difference. I often think of the Danes, who are touted as the happiest people on the planet, and how they seem to find the positive in every situation imaginable. They are what many like to call realistic optimists. They don’t sugar coat challenging circumstances, but they often look at things through the perspective of others, realizing that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Discover ways to become more understanding and patient. The military will dictate many parts of your life and allowing yourself to remit control will prepare you for the unexpected.
Give the relationship at least a year before making plans for your future. Don’t rush it. Take your time to know whether this is the life that is right for both of you. The military introduces a unique set of challenges to every marriage–separations, frequent moves, and a demanding job just to name a few. Think rationally, logically and wisely about marrying into military life.
Embrace it as much as possible.
Embrace your time as a military girlfriend. This season of life will help you learn if military life is where you want to be. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who see military life in a good light. There will be challenges and day to day frustrations and at times it can be overwhelming, but with a group of people that truly support one another in a healthy empowering way it can be an incredible experience. — Judy
Being a military girlfriend feels hard sometimes. It’s normal to feel that way.
Hang in there.
Feel encouraged.
You are welcome here in this community.
Want more on military life?
- 43 Awesome Tips for the New Military Wife
- 31 Encouraging Quotes for the Military Spouse
- The Biggest Mistake a Military Spouse Can Make
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
What’s your perspective on being a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
I met and started dating my current boyfriend three months before he was deployed. And I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, I have multiple friends in the military, and friends married to military and I was always around when their spouses were deployed. But now all of my friends have left and moved and I feel like I do not really have anyone here who understands. I try to be cheerful when I get to speak with him on the phone, the once in a blue moon it happens. I try to be there for him, and not make him worry about me and how I am doing. Which he does anyway, and I was wondering if any of you have advice for things to do to keep my mind off of it, or things to do.
Keep yourself busy
I met my Army guy 2 weeks ago online and things have been good, however what are the norms for dating a guy in the service? Can they call or skype if they are overseas? do i need a background check? I’m curoius as to if i am being told the truth or being lied to as to why he only communicates online.
yes they can skype and they can also kik you if you have that app downloaded im engaged to one overseas in the uae and we kik each other all the time no you dont need a background check some places dont have landlines or they cant call on their cell phones my guy can only use data or wifi to talk to me im ok with it though
I met my soldier online. I have chatted with a few of my army friends that are overseas. It depends on where they are and also the time difference. Because just to talk them usually I or them have to stay up later or wake up earlier. Just have to flexible with their schedule especially overseas.
im a army fiance i’ve been with my fiance for 6 months now but hes in trouble and was put in jail now he asking me for money for a lawyer my question is dont the army provide one he is station in the uae and i have been trying to get the address there can anyone help me i also have kik if anyone would like to talk to me throught that kik name coxapril72
I mean no disrespect to anyone who is married and has been living this life for a while, I am a new military girlfriend and my boyfriend just left for training. We have been together a long time and we are getting married when he gets back. I feel so terrible because as I am trying to be supportive of him, I feel as if I am completely empty. I turn to touch him or hug him in our bed and he isn’t there. The date just came up so fast and I honestly just feel so lost and I have no idea what I should do with myself. I am hesitant to join social media groups because they are aimed more toward spouses and I do not want to offend or disrespect anyone. My friends are trying to help but they do not understand the absents and the longing that I have right now. Any advice or something at all would be greatly appreciated.
i know how you feel im engaged to a man in the uae and waht to hold him real bad and touch him
I am very very new at this. My boyfriend is in the army and is leaving soon to go train before he is deployed in a couple of months. It hasn’t been long since we started dating but boy are we in love. I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m with him before so everything is very new to me. I have support from my friends here at home and my parents approve of him but I’m going back to college for one more year…and I have not told any of my friends from over there about him because they feel negative over me dating someone in the military. I’m scared that when my boyfriend goes off for 9 months while I’m at school, I’m not going to have the support I know I’m going to need and all the friends that do support won’t be near me as well. I don’t know what to do and to be very honest, I’m scared.
Andrea, I know how you feel. When I started talking to my boyfriend, my roommates and some of my did not approve of him. Now being home for the summer, I have to hide it only my dad know him. My man is at training now and deployment later this year. Please you can email me and we can talk and help support each other. Email me gabrielleb26@gmail.com
I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is 18 and he is going to basic in September. I come from an army family so I know the drill but its still hard to figure out how to deal with him being far away. he and I have known each other for about 5 years and we just recently started dating and I found out that he was leaving. I was looking for any tips that can help me deal. since I am 17 I can not move to where he is for about a year so other than letters, packages of goodies, and occasional phone calls is there any way he and I can keep in touch with whats going on with each other.
So I’ve recently connected with a Marine – friend that I haven’t seen in ten years. He was on leave and decided to let me know he was in town. We spent the last four days of his leave together. Before he left he told me that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone else and he doesn’t want me to either. I know I want to wait on him. He wants me to come see him in Japan in December. I guess because it’s so new I’m questioning everything. I’m worried I’m getting on his nerves, and I guess that’s because I don’t really know what’s to come out of this. A 13 hour time difference is difficult. He’s literally been back in Japan for two days and all I want to do is talk to him. Does this get easier? Thank you, xoxo.
My soldier is NTC and in the box for 2 weeks. We have talked everyday except for 3 days. Now I can not talk to him at all for two weeks. :'( Please I would love to talk so please email me gabrielleb26@gmail.com
Hey Gabrielle. I emailed you to talk. My boyfriend is currently at NTC right now too. I know how you are feeling. You can email me at: andreafalet97@gmail.com
I posted before that I wasnt sure how my roommates and those at my university would react to me dating someone in the military. After posting about our relationship, only three people from my university reach out with support. The others…well, they haven’t communicated with me. It took me sometime to realize that not everyone is going to support me in all my decisions but that’s okay…because I’m happy. I oh so am falling so deeply hard for my solider that I wouldnt trade our relationship for approval from “friends.” I’m missing my solider as he is off at NTC right now and I cant wait to talk to him again and see him again. Before he left, he had asked if I would be there when they came back. Honestly, I’m not sure how homecomings work especially for homecomings after training. Does anyone have tips or advice? Thank you!
I’m a new military girlfriend as well, although I know the military lifestyle very well since I’m an Air Force Brat. Me and my boyfriend started dating a few months before we graduated high school. He left for Georgia for Army basic a week ago and I’m now in Texas for college. I struggle because we never really discussed what we would do once he comes home from basic and now I have all this time to sit and ponder about what can happen to us. I understand that we are a very young couple being that he just turned 18 and I’m still 17. I understand how hard his job can be and I understand how it takes a toll on a couple, seeing it through my parents. I struggle further because all of my friends are back home, so I really don’t have someone to talk to about all this stuff.
Kayla,
Email me gabrielleb26@gmail.com