MilSpouse LifeThere is rarely a week that passes where I don’t hear from a military girlfriend. She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community. Researching this post, I found much of the advice for military girlfriends discouraging.
She needs to know “her place.”
She is “just a girlfriend.”
She is “not entitled to anything.”
Related: Boot Camp Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
Geeze! It made me think back to my days as a military girlfriend and how small the military community made me feel at times. It hurt most at the time because my service member and I had been together for years. I wasn’t a fling. And I definitely wasn’t a floozy. I was a young professional with a career and my own money. In the civilian community, people wouldn’t dream of constantly reminding you of “your place.”.
Related: 13 Useful Gifts for a Deployed Service Member
Of course, there are a few military girlfriends who give the title a bad name. They lack character and morals. They take advantage of service members and make poor choices.
As a military community, we have so much encouragement and sound advice to offer the military girlfriend.
One day I hope I am lucky enough to sit down and have a cup of coffee with one of those military girlfriends, who email me each week genuinely seeking help.
And when I do. I will tell her this…
Having a life in addition to the one with your service member will help you remember who you are as a person. Military life tends to take over a bit from time to time, but remember your individuality. Remember what you love to do for fun. Doing this will help your survive long deployments and separations so much better.
Connect with others in your community through Facebook groups, blogs and community events. This could be military community members or civilians. Establishing friendships and good relationships with others will offer you the support you need to overcome the ups and downs of military life.
Related: Where to Find MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
Grow your relationship.
Learn beneficial ways to improve communication in your relationship. Be open and honest with each other. Learn to grow and establish trust with your significant other. Honesty and trust are the foundation for every strong military relationship.
Use this as a time to weigh the positives and negatives of this life. Take time to really consider what it looks like long term, consider the possibility of moves (and not just the exotic possibilities but the very real not ideal possibilities), deployments, training, absences… talk to other spouses your your boyfriend’s trade honestly about what it’s looked like for them. Make an informed decision now, because that’s what dating is about. It’s okay if it’s not what you’re willing to accept in life, it’s not going to be what everyone wants (nor should it be). But make that decision now.
Take an open mind to making friends within the military community. There’s so much to be gained through positive friendships with other military spouses! — Kim
Seek out the positive.
Try to see the good in every situation, even when it’s not easy. Keeping a positive attitude through everything makes a HUGE difference. I often think of the Danes, who are touted as the happiest people on the planet, and how they seem to find the positive in every situation imaginable. They are what many like to call realistic optimists. They don’t sugar coat challenging circumstances, but they often look at things through the perspective of others, realizing that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Discover ways to become more understanding and patient. The military will dictate many parts of your life and allowing yourself to remit control will prepare you for the unexpected.
Give the relationship at least a year before making plans for your future. Don’t rush it. Take your time to know whether this is the life that is right for both of you. The military introduces a unique set of challenges to every marriage–separations, frequent moves, and a demanding job just to name a few. Think rationally, logically and wisely about marrying into military life.
Embrace it as much as possible.
Embrace your time as a military girlfriend. This season of life will help you learn if military life is where you want to be. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who see military life in a good light. There will be challenges and day to day frustrations and at times it can be overwhelming, but with a group of people that truly support one another in a healthy empowering way it can be an incredible experience. — Judy
Being a military girlfriend feels hard sometimes. It’s normal to feel that way.
Hang in there.
Feel encouraged.
You are welcome here in this community.
Want more on military life?
- 43 Awesome Tips for the New Military Wife
- 31 Encouraging Quotes for the Military Spouse
- The Biggest Mistake a Military Spouse Can Make
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
What’s your perspective on being a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
I want to be the perfect girl friend to my boy friend.he is my life and my everything.we have a good relationship.it is so sweet,lovely and romantic
Hi! My name is Destinee Reyes and I am a senior in high school. My fiance is about to take his ASVAB and if he passes, he will officially be on his way. i still get to see him but…it hurts knowing soon that I will only receive phone calls and skype calls. I try to support him in his decision but…i can’t. I really can’t. I know I should be grateful I can see him but everytime I am with him..I get reminded of the pain. it hurts so much. This is what he wants to do but..I need advice. How do I get through this? I am afraid my constant sadness will cause him to leave and…I’ll be even more broken than him leaving to serve. Thank ya’ll so much. Ya’ll are strong women. I need some guidance.
Hey, so it’s all really hard and so crazy at first, everyone always says stay busy and so on and it’s true it does help because it helps you not have complete focus on the loneliness constantly but I’m not going to lie it hurts a lot. Atleast you get to comtact him, for my boyfriend I have no contact at all except for letters that I haven’t got yet for he next 10 weeks (all together 13 week) you will never get used to it but the homecoming and the love that you guys share will all be worth it you just have to keep that in mind. Always talk it out that helps too.
Can anyone offer any advice? I met this man who was formerly a pilot in the Navy. He is still a pilot with Homeland Security. Homeland Security follows military rule. I am new to all of this and have been seeing a man for approximately 6 months. Over the past six months, he has offered things and said he would do several things but he never comes through on any of it….He told me when we first met that their weren’t any other women and that his life revolved around his job….I can deal with him being gone but I can’t deal with someone who doesn’t follow through on their word.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Tisha
Hi,im.Siena,, dating a military man online,,just two months ago we met,,,just reading all mssgs. To get some knowledges ,,of what i need to learn and do,,honestly i still didnt meet him.personally,,, at first i have doubt,, of him,,but always convince me that he is real,, i fell in love with him,, and i’ve decided to tied up my self on him coz i really love him,, i’m looking forward of being with him for the rest of my life,,but sometimes ,, being away from him is giving a super stress,, specially when he is sending pictures of what happening over there,,but as his future wife as we consider,, i will try to be strong like a rock,, just to make him happy ,,so hard to think that sometimes his situation is not really good, specially when they loose one man,, and thanks God he was not there when it happened,, the only thing i know now is to always let him feel how much ilove him, and i will wait ,with the faithfullness until we meet,, Frank! I want you to know,,, that all my prayers can reach you even i’m not beside you,, to comfort you,,i will wait for the rest of my life if i need to,, coz i love you, and you’re the only man i want,,God bless is both,,i love you,,
Hi my name is Lillie. My fiance will be deployed around Sept. This yr. We have been together for 3 yrs and friends for 9yrs we have 4 children from previous marrages. We had been planning our wedding but everything was placed on hold for i lost my father. I know what it’s like waiting and scared for someone (only difference is it was my father.) I was wondering is there programs for children going through the deployment struggles. I know that unless your a wife it’s hard for you. But for our children he’s been their father from the time they were pretty much toddler age.
I’m 18 and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. We love each other so much. And he recently decided that he wants to join the military for it’s multiple benefits. I support him whole heartedly. But I keep crying because I know I’m going to miss him and it’s the hardest thing ever to know that I’m going to miss him. I feel so alone but I’m trying to be so strong and smile for him. Make his data with me so special but my brain won’t stop thinking about when he’s gone.
Days*
I just wanted to say I am so so so glad I came across this blog. I’m an Air Force girlfriend and one thing my boyfriend always says is that one of the hardest things someone can do is love a military man. And I totally feel that. There were weeks during basic when I thought I was going to lose my mind. Not being able to talk to someone you’ve been dating for 2 years is really hard, especially when you’re used to talking to them daily. Even now, almost 3 months past basic, it’s still a new-ish adjustment and there’s not really a lot of support for anyone who isn’t either a spouse or a family member. Reading this really helped put things in perspective and encourage me to keep doing my best to be the best girlfriend and best friend I can be. Thank you so much!!!
p.s.- to anyone who has a significant other in basic or boot camp right now, I promise it will get so much better. The day you get to see them on graduation will make it all worth it.
Hi Allison, I read your comment and I was wondering if you had any advice on how to get through this, I am so terrified that when he gets back he will be so different and not want to be with me anymore when he gets back. He promises me that he will still want me, it has just been a tough transition from being with him and sleeping in the same bed to him just being gone, I know it’s only 3 months but he has a high likelyhood of getting deployed not too long after. I just feel so empty without him. I don’t want to disrespect the wives so I have not even tried to join a Facebook group or anything because even though when he gets back we are getting married, I have already gotten the whole, you are just a girlfriend. My friends have no idea how to help me, I feel like I have no one.
Reading this helps so much! My boyfriend and I were dating for a month and he got deployed for a year. Its a month into the deployment now. I totally feel the whole just a girlfriend thing, and on top of that most my friends aren’t there to support me. Or tell me it not a big deal. Reading this truly makes me feel better. Thank you!
This was such an inspiration to read. My boyfriend is in the Marines and leaves for his first big deployment in July. My daddy has been working overseas since I was six so I am pretty use to the lifestyle. At least I thought I was until my best friend, my person, my rock had to start leaving for training for multiple weeks at the time. He is about to leave for a month and half for more training before deployment. It is so very hard because now it is my turn to be his rock. If anyone has any advice for me and this journey my ears are open and it is much appreciated.
Hi, I’m Rachel. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now. He is currently a reservist in the marines. He is in the process of switching to the army and commissioning as an officer. I love my boyfriend very much and i want him to follow his dreams, but I’m afraid following his dreams will crush mine. We just graduated from college a year ago and I’m very passionate about my career. I’m trying to find some guidance through this process. Thanks