MilSpouse LifeThere is rarely a week that passes where I don’t hear from a military girlfriend. She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community. Researching this post, I found much of the advice for military girlfriends discouraging.
She needs to know “her place.”
She is “just a girlfriend.”
She is “not entitled to anything.”
Related: Boot Camp Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
Geeze! It made me think back to my days as a military girlfriend and how small the military community made me feel at times. It hurt most at the time because my service member and I had been together for years. I wasn’t a fling. And I definitely wasn’t a floozy. I was a young professional with a career and my own money. In the civilian community, people wouldn’t dream of constantly reminding you of “your place.”.
Related: 13 Useful Gifts for a Deployed Service Member
Of course, there are a few military girlfriends who give the title a bad name. They lack character and morals. They take advantage of service members and make poor choices.
As a military community, we have so much encouragement and sound advice to offer the military girlfriend.
One day I hope I am lucky enough to sit down and have a cup of coffee with one of those military girlfriends, who email me each week genuinely seeking help.
And when I do. I will tell her this…
Having a life in addition to the one with your service member will help you remember who you are as a person. Military life tends to take over a bit from time to time, but remember your individuality. Remember what you love to do for fun. Doing this will help your survive long deployments and separations so much better.
Connect with others in your community through Facebook groups, blogs and community events. This could be military community members or civilians. Establishing friendships and good relationships with others will offer you the support you need to overcome the ups and downs of military life.
Related: Where to Find MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
Grow your relationship.
Learn beneficial ways to improve communication in your relationship. Be open and honest with each other. Learn to grow and establish trust with your significant other. Honesty and trust are the foundation for every strong military relationship.
Use this as a time to weigh the positives and negatives of this life. Take time to really consider what it looks like long term, consider the possibility of moves (and not just the exotic possibilities but the very real not ideal possibilities), deployments, training, absences… talk to other spouses your your boyfriend’s trade honestly about what it’s looked like for them. Make an informed decision now, because that’s what dating is about. It’s okay if it’s not what you’re willing to accept in life, it’s not going to be what everyone wants (nor should it be). But make that decision now.
Take an open mind to making friends within the military community. There’s so much to be gained through positive friendships with other military spouses! — Kim
Seek out the positive.
Try to see the good in every situation, even when it’s not easy. Keeping a positive attitude through everything makes a HUGE difference. I often think of the Danes, who are touted as the happiest people on the planet, and how they seem to find the positive in every situation imaginable. They are what many like to call realistic optimists. They don’t sugar coat challenging circumstances, but they often look at things through the perspective of others, realizing that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Discover ways to become more understanding and patient. The military will dictate many parts of your life and allowing yourself to remit control will prepare you for the unexpected.
Give the relationship at least a year before making plans for your future. Don’t rush it. Take your time to know whether this is the life that is right for both of you. The military introduces a unique set of challenges to every marriage–separations, frequent moves, and a demanding job just to name a few. Think rationally, logically and wisely about marrying into military life.
Embrace it as much as possible.
Embrace your time as a military girlfriend. This season of life will help you learn if military life is where you want to be. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who see military life in a good light. There will be challenges and day to day frustrations and at times it can be overwhelming, but with a group of people that truly support one another in a healthy empowering way it can be an incredible experience. — Judy
Being a military girlfriend feels hard sometimes. It’s normal to feel that way.
Hang in there.
Feel encouraged.
You are welcome here in this community.
Want more on military life?
- 43 Awesome Tips for the New Military Wife
- 31 Encouraging Quotes for the Military Spouse
- The Biggest Mistake a Military Spouse Can Make
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
What’s your perspective on being a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
I really enjoyed this article. I’m currently an 18 year old army girlfriend with my boyfriend on his first deployment. It has been extremely tough trying to continue my daily life while worrying about him. Any advice to help me get through this would be very much appreciated.
Be strong and remember that every day that passes your one day closer to seeing your souldier. Keeping your self busy and doing what you love could really help. Work on projects or set a goal for yourself and focus on it. Sometimes writing in a book could really help and it has helped me but it doesn’t work for everyone. If you find something you love you should pursue it and remember your not alone. Talking to other can really help and sometimes it’s hard because those around may not really know the way you feel or what you are going through. You can always email me talk to me if you’d like. After all I could use some one too !
This whole military life is new for me. I’m a navy girlfriend and my boyfriend recently graduated basic. He going to A School right now but it’s still hard. I question our relationship and the military groups on Facebook ? Most of them they’re so judgmental. I recently just got made fun of because of a question I asked. I was seek advice so as if the distance and lack of communication wasn’t enough to break me that definitely did but anyway.. I just feel like being a girlfriend means we’re at the bottom of the social spectrum. And it sucks . But this blog really helped and really relaxed my mind about things.
so many typos I’m sorry 🙁
I’m so happy that I came across your blog! I currently need advice about my relationship with a corpsman. I mean we just met a couple of weeks ago and he really wants to get married, considering the fact that we haven’t even gone on a date yet. I met him through an app while I was on vacation and we still communicate until now. I’ve been trying to convince him to visit my country, but he keeps on telling me that his passport isn’t with him so he wants me to go back to where we met instead. Thank you in advance for your advice!
My boyfriend and I have only seen each other once in person. We are about 3 hours away. He is going on a long deployment in the next few months. I love him! We are both perfect for each other. I will admit I am a worrying person. My boyfriend as well as other deployed people I know that communication is hard especially in a war zone. I am really nervous and fear that the worst might have happened if I don’t hear back every few days.
Hi Gabriel my name is Faith and I think that we are in a similar situation. My man and I have not met but we have decided that we are meant to be. We are together for 18 months now and is on a 5 month deployment. Maybe we could help each other get through this. Feel free to email me anytime
Hi Faith! I have switch to a different relationship with with a new guy who is still in the Army. I have yet to meet him in person. We talk everyday. He is currently at ntc but going on deployment at the end of the year. Email me gabrielleb26@gmail.com and we can talk more. I think we have a lot in common.
Thank you, Lauren for this post and the welcoming words to comment. I met my boyfriend in 2014, he started basic November of 2015, then we started dating January 1st, 2016. I would write him letters in basic and we now talk as much as we can but it is extremely hard on both of us. He is in Washington, D.C. and I am in Cape Girardeau, MO. Our home is St. Louis and we love it so much there. He gets to come home once in awhile and i go out to D.C. a good amount of times, but he is about to leave for Ranger School in a month. I am nervous with going back to no phone use a lot. I remember when he was in basic training getting a letter was the best feeling ever, but he is going to miss my graduation and some other special events while he’s gone. It’s always hard going to St. Louis without him because I just think of all our amazing memories. Our whole relationship has been long distance, but we have been dating for 2 years. It’s hard to know your place when he has such a huge life over there I don’t really feel like I am a part of. We have talked about marriage and living together, but i know i want to start a career before moving to different places. We just have to wait our turn but it’s still just so difficult. Reading the other stories really helps me understand I’m not in this alone.
My boyfriend is in the military right now hes going through AIT basic training and its my first time in the military life its struggle saying bye every time he has to leave but our young love has been growing since we first met there’s no one i could be happier with then with my soldier. Hopefully i could meet some girlfriends that is going through hard times too and i just want to have someone to talk too.
Girl, my boyfriend just left for deployment and I’m struggling just as much as you. I would love to come alongside you during this time because I don’t have anyone that really understands what I’m going through.
I’ve grown up with an Air Force family my whole life and my boyfriend just left today for marines boot camp. It’s hard and it never gets easier. I’m here to talk if anyone needs it. I know I could use it.
Hello my name is Brittany and I am currently in relationship with an Air Force Recruiter. We met In my city where I live and where he is stationed at. We have been together for 8 months now. We have met eachothers family and I believe our relationship is serious. As a recruiter I won’t talk to him all day sometimes I’d be lucky if I get a text. But what I have problems with the most is all the women he deals with and talk to on daily basis he’s recruiting. Because it’s not just a phone call it’s sharing in accomplishments it’s calling because they are struggling it’s a Snapchat saying can’t wait to see you guys. It’s letters from them while they are in boot camp. I don’t know how to handle this. I know it’s work and that’s what he tells me and he tells me I need to trust him. But I there’s a part of me that worries about it. Please I need advice.
Hi, i’m in south africa and i met my partner early december 2016 via facebook. He was deployed that same dec the 16th and its january 2018 he’s struggling to get leave to come to south africa to meet me in person and he wants to make me his wife. He’s tried his best to keep in touch, but I can see he is getting frustrated and even sound depressed. He’s taken ill twice already and I’m really worried about him. Do you have any advise on what I can do to help him.
My boyfriend is a Marine who just left for deployment. We’ve technically only been dating for about month (unless you count that time in 3rd grade lol), but we’ve literally known each other all of our lives. I’m so happy to be with him, but I’m already struggling with not being able to talk to him like normal. None of my friends really understand.
My boyfriend just left today, it’s so hard and the fear of uncertainty. Maybe we could stay in touch and help each other get through these 13 weeks and then on to the next 4 weeks.
I feel you. no one i know understands what I am going through. It is really tough.