MilSpouse LifeThere is rarely a week that passes where I don’t hear from a military girlfriend. She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community. Researching this post, I found much of the advice for military girlfriends discouraging.
She needs to know “her place.”
She is “just a girlfriend.”
She is “not entitled to anything.”
Related: Boot Camp Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
Geeze! It made me think back to my days as a military girlfriend and how small the military community made me feel at times. It hurt most at the time because my service member and I had been together for years. I wasn’t a fling. And I definitely wasn’t a floozy. I was a young professional with a career and my own money. In the civilian community, people wouldn’t dream of constantly reminding you of “your place.”.
Related: 13 Useful Gifts for a Deployed Service Member
Of course, there are a few military girlfriends who give the title a bad name. They lack character and morals. They take advantage of service members and make poor choices.
As a military community, we have so much encouragement and sound advice to offer the military girlfriend.
One day I hope I am lucky enough to sit down and have a cup of coffee with one of those military girlfriends, who email me each week genuinely seeking help.
And when I do. I will tell her this…
Having a life in addition to the one with your service member will help you remember who you are as a person. Military life tends to take over a bit from time to time, but remember your individuality. Remember what you love to do for fun. Doing this will help your survive long deployments and separations so much better.
Connect with others in your community through Facebook groups, blogs and community events. This could be military community members or civilians. Establishing friendships and good relationships with others will offer you the support you need to overcome the ups and downs of military life.
Related: Where to Find MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
Grow your relationship.
Learn beneficial ways to improve communication in your relationship. Be open and honest with each other. Learn to grow and establish trust with your significant other. Honesty and trust are the foundation for every strong military relationship.
Use this as a time to weigh the positives and negatives of this life. Take time to really consider what it looks like long term, consider the possibility of moves (and not just the exotic possibilities but the very real not ideal possibilities), deployments, training, absences… talk to other spouses your your boyfriend’s trade honestly about what it’s looked like for them. Make an informed decision now, because that’s what dating is about. It’s okay if it’s not what you’re willing to accept in life, it’s not going to be what everyone wants (nor should it be). But make that decision now.
Take an open mind to making friends within the military community. There’s so much to be gained through positive friendships with other military spouses! — Kim
Seek out the positive.
Try to see the good in every situation, even when it’s not easy. Keeping a positive attitude through everything makes a HUGE difference. I often think of the Danes, who are touted as the happiest people on the planet, and how they seem to find the positive in every situation imaginable. They are what many like to call realistic optimists. They don’t sugar coat challenging circumstances, but they often look at things through the perspective of others, realizing that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Discover ways to become more understanding and patient. The military will dictate many parts of your life and allowing yourself to remit control will prepare you for the unexpected.
Give the relationship at least a year before making plans for your future. Don’t rush it. Take your time to know whether this is the life that is right for both of you. The military introduces a unique set of challenges to every marriage–separations, frequent moves, and a demanding job just to name a few. Think rationally, logically and wisely about marrying into military life.
Embrace it as much as possible.
Embrace your time as a military girlfriend. This season of life will help you learn if military life is where you want to be. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who see military life in a good light. There will be challenges and day to day frustrations and at times it can be overwhelming, but with a group of people that truly support one another in a healthy empowering way it can be an incredible experience. — Judy
Being a military girlfriend feels hard sometimes. It’s normal to feel that way.
Hang in there.
Feel encouraged.
You are welcome here in this community.
Want more on military life?
- 43 Awesome Tips for the New Military Wife
- 31 Encouraging Quotes for the Military Spouse
- The Biggest Mistake a Military Spouse Can Make
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
What’s your perspective on being a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
Thank you for the article, it helps comfort a bit.
I am a military girlfriend as well, my airman just graduated June 1st, and sadly I wasn’t able to go. We have been dating in serious terms for more over a year, however, we were a type of high school sweethearts in a sort of manner; we started dating senior year then things didn’t go so well and we stopped talking for about a year then began to talk again, sadly things didn’t work out (AGAIN) and well skipping to 2016, we started dating and became more of a “matured” relationship. We have plans of getting married, he wanted to get married a year/two in once he graduated, however, I am still in college wanted to finish my B.S. and be able to provide for myself. I love him, and he is well aware of that but I just don’t think I am ready for that next step yet, I mean I am still 20! I have plans to travel and create new experiences but at the same time I know that it wouldn’t be the same without him, I know it’s a long stretch thinking we could be able to travel together since he has his duties and that will be his major priority so I understand that. I don’t know I think I am just afraid that he will meet someone in Texas and I become just a blur. I myself am not a confident cookie, I have self-esteem issues at times which I know is bad because I need to be confident in myself and but nonetheless I get crushed every now and then. To continue, his communication skills are not the best, he is more reserved in that sense which I don’t like at times but seeing where he comes from I can see where he got it from. I know he loves me, and him missing me through BMT helped him become a bit more loving but the problem I think is just in me. That I won’t be able to understand his lifestyle and that he may just become irritated with me that I don’t. Confusion at its finest.
I would like to see if I can get some help if any. I apologize if I kept ranting off on things, it’s just hard to find people who don’t tell you “you are wasting your time waiting on him,” “he’s going to find someone else,” “good luck with that mess,” etc. It’s very discouraging obviously but it would really be nice if I can get some encouragement rather than that.
Thank you for whoever reads this and helps shed a bit of light on my tunnel!
My boyfriend is about to go into the Air Force. This year was our last year of school together.
In the fall, I’ll go to college and he’ll be wherever he has to go. I knew that getting into a relationship at the end of my high school career, period, was not such a good idea. Especially starting a relationship with a military boy. I always said that I would never end up with one because of all the uncertainties and yet, here I am. But I love this boy with all my heart, we’ve been best friends for the past five years and we’ve always known that we would end up together.
I guess I’m just really worried. Its the summer before everything and he’s already busy with this whole process. Then he’ll go away to who knows where and I won’t see him for a long while. I want this work because I can’t lose my best friend.
Thank you for this article. I’m going to need all of the advice I can get. 🙂
I am new to the military girlfriend world. I have a guy asking to open a bank account so we will have money when he comes home is this normal? Something about diplomatic fee.
Awesome article! I’m a really new military girlfriend, my boyfriend just left for boot camp last week. The day he left was really overwhelming. We’ve been together almost 3 years and definitely want a future together. I’m really trying to take it day by day it’s just so hard cause I know being a part and not being able to have constant communication will be tough and he’s worried about it taking a toll on our relationship. It’s nice to read about other women going through this as well because most people can’t understand this type of life or relationship unless they themselves as experiencing it.
So I’m struggling being a military girlfriend. The love of my life has become an officer in the army. He lives at fort benning for training and I’m in Wisconsin finishing my degree. Right now we’re facing financial difficulties with him not getting pay and me making barely enough to make rent. The stress he’s facing and I’m facing is causing a serious tare in our relationship. both our family have little support for us. This article helped but I’m starting to feel guilty for having my own life. Everything that could go wrong has seemed to go wrong. Any advice or helpful tips would be greatly appreciated.
The military girlfriend status thing is hard. I’m in my mid thirties with a career, I own my house, and bf and I are in a committed relationship and have been for some time- but I get weird “little kid” vibes from some people in the military community. Bf is gone a lot doing training, which I can only assume is leading up to a deployment pretty soon here. I am lucky to have my kids and business to keep me busy, but I think about him all the time and I’m glued to my phone worried I’ll miss a text. It stresses me out that when he deploys I don’t have a right to know if something happens to him, and I won’t be notified. My best friend and other half could be gone or hurt and I wouldn’t know. There definitely needs to be more support and understanding for military girlfriends (and boyfriends). I enjoyed reading this article, thanks!
Just found out my boyfriend is getting deployed and has to do another month of basic (this is his 2nd deployment, first was a few years ago before we were together) ive never dealt with anything army related. Learning very quickly alot of people say your not married so its no biggie you can move on from him. It makes me so very angry. Any suggestions besides this wonderful blog that anyone can suggest to make this more bearable and help get through it all?? Everyone says stay busy, I will I have 5 smaller children. Which makes it even harder hes come into our lives and loved them like no one else, so they are going to have to cope as well. :/ We are in Ohio, any suggestions or contacts would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to email me prwithjamilynn@gmail.com
Thank you in advance!!
I am new to being a military girlfriend. He was home for only two days. I hardly got any sleep because I felt like every minuet with him counts and in the result of that I am probably more sad and depressed than I should be about him leaving for four months. Does this get better, and if so how? I will be a freshman in college and I am wondering at what point we should talk about marriage considering the circumstances. I don’t know if I can wait four years to be together.
My boyfriend left for his basic at Ft. Benning a week ago and I am finding it hard to cope with this. We used to live together, so I find it very weird to go back home from work. Fortunately, he is still in “Reception” till 7/6 and he had some phone privilege time so he called me and I’ve been able to talk to him for about 5-
10 minutes every other day (3 times in the last week). He ships off on 7/6, the thought that worries me the most is I am able to talk to him now (if not everyday, every other day), what is going to happen when the only kind of communication is letters. I know many of you have already gone through this and I just want some advice.
The day he left was so overwhelming for me. I know everyone says “stay strong and you will be okay”, but its been a week and I don’t see it getting better- Does it ever get better? I also do not have a lot of friends here as I moved to Boston 1 year 8 months ago and I think its harder when you have no one to talk to about the things that make you sad/depressed.
Any advice on how to cope with this will be appreciated!
My fiance left on Monday, he arrived at the fort last night. He had to call someone to confirm that he’s arrived safely, so of course he called me (I am a night owl), but I never got an address or any information. He won’t be able to call or write for three weeks… It’s hard. He is my best friend and we haven’t been without each other for three years. I try to do things, I go out with friends, but all I can do is worry about him. It’s hard not knowing if he’s okay. His family and I talk often, as they know he’ll probably contact me first, but I feel alone even with all the people around me… I feel selfish, I’m happy for him, but I just want him to he happy and safe and I want to be there for him…