There is rarely a week that passes where I don’t hear from a military girlfriend. She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community. Researching this post, I found much of the advice for military girlfriends discouraging.
She needs to know “her place.”
She is “just a girlfriend.”
She is “not entitled to anything.”
Related: Boot Camp Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
Geeze! It made me think back to my days as a military girlfriend and how small the military community made me feel at times. It hurt most at the time because my service member and I had been together for years. I wasn’t a fling. And I definitely wasn’t a floozy. I was a young professional with a career and my own money. In the civilian community, people wouldn’t dream of constantly reminding you of “your place.”.
Related: 13 Useful Gifts for a Deployed Service Member
Of course, there are a few military girlfriends who give the title a bad name. They lack character and morals. They take advantage of service members and make poor choices.
As a military community, we have so much encouragement and sound advice to offer the military girlfriend.
One day I hope I am lucky enough to sit down and have a cup of coffee with one of those military girlfriends, who email me each week genuinely seeking help.
And when I do. I will tell her this…
Having a life in addition to the one with your service member will help you remember who you are as a person. Military life tends to take over a bit from time to time, but remember your individuality. Remember what you love to do for fun. Doing this will help your survive long deployments and separations so much better.
Connect with others in your community through Facebook groups, blogs and community events. This could be military community members or civilians. Establishing friendships and good relationships with others will offer you the support you need to overcome the ups and downs of military life.
Related: Where to Find MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
Grow your relationship.
Learn beneficial ways to improve communication in your relationship. Be open and honest with each other. Learn to grow and establish trust with your significant other. Honesty and trust are the foundation for every strong military relationship.
Use this as a time to weigh the positives and negatives of this life. Take time to really consider what it looks like long term, consider the possibility of moves (and not just the exotic possibilities but the very real not ideal possibilities), deployments, training, absences… talk to other spouses your your boyfriend’s trade honestly about what it’s looked like for them. Make an informed decision now, because that’s what dating is about. It’s okay if it’s not what you’re willing to accept in life, it’s not going to be what everyone wants (nor should it be). But make that decision now.
Take an open mind to making friends within the military community. There’s so much to be gained through positive friendships with other military spouses! — Kim
Seek out the positive.
Try to see the good in every situation, even when it’s not easy. Keeping a positive attitude through everything makes a HUGE difference. I often think of the Danes, who are touted as the happiest people on the planet, and how they seem to find the positive in every situation imaginable. They are what many like to call realistic optimists. They don’t sugar coat challenging circumstances, but they often look at things through the perspective of others, realizing that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Discover ways to become more understanding and patient. The military will dictate many parts of your life and allowing yourself to remit control will prepare you for the unexpected.
Give the relationship at least a year before making plans for your future. Don’t rush it. Take your time to know whether this is the life that is right for both of you. The military introduces a unique set of challenges to every marriage–separations, frequent moves, and a demanding job just to name a few. Think rationally, logically and wisely about marrying into military life.
Embrace it as much as possible.
Embrace your time as a military girlfriend. This season of life will help you learn if military life is where you want to be. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who see military life in a good light. There will be challenges and day to day frustrations and at times it can be overwhelming, but with a group of people that truly support one another in a healthy empowering way it can be an incredible experience. — Judy
Being a military girlfriend feels hard sometimes. It’s normal to feel that way.
Hang in there.
Feel encouraged.
You are welcome here in this community.
Want more on military life?
- 43 Awesome Tips for the New Military Wife
- 31 Encouraging Quotes for the Military Spouse
- The Biggest Mistake a Military Spouse Can Make
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
What’s your perspective on being a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
Kiersten Solomon
Hi guys. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month now, and he is leaving for basic training in about 10 days. The past 5 or 6 days have been really weird. He is kind of shutting me out and won’t talk to me about whats wrong. He wont answer my phone calls and he barely answers my texts. Is this normal for someone about to leave for basic? I want to believe the best that he is just trying to mentally prepare himself for what he is about to go through, but I am kind of freaking out and afraid that he might break up with me before he goes. Given he has told me that he isn’t leaving me when he leaves for basic, but that was before all of this started. He told me a couple days ago that he wasn’t pulling away from me, but I don’t know. Every time I ask him what is wrong he just says “Nothing I’m okay, I just have a lot going on right now.” Am I overthinking things? Are him and I going to be okay?
Jean grey
Good thing I found this blog, never in my life I would ever thought meeting someone in the military and I thought Im done with LDR but we met online last May he was based in S. Korea and ready to go back to the US. Since then we kept communicating and last Oct I was able to see him for the first time during my US trip he is now back in his training for 3wks and communication is not easy and next year he will be deploy again to Afghanistan I asked him that he should prepare me about it and if its worse than our situation now. I asked him to visit me first before his deployment I dont have trust issues when Im in a relationship but communication plays a big part even though I know how to keep myself busy its just hard sometimes.
elizabeth pruitt
i am talking to someone the army . he told me we can talk but i texted last week and today but he didn’t reply. but he can post on snapchat . what does this mean ? i really want to get to know him better before i say i like him .
Faith
Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. He is in Marine Corps boot camp and will be graduating on November 15th. To be honest I am absolutely terrified about what is to come. This time has been hard but I know that we will both be coming out better for it. I am so scared that we will drift apart permanently. I don’t know how to do this and I’m terrified.
mary wagner
this is not a comment this a question i got this boyfriend and not to long after we became boyfriend and girlfriend he had to leave and we talk but he ask me too send him a $100 dollars amazon gift card for his phone data i don’t know what to do i never had to give money to my past boyfriend so i don’t know what to do i really like him but i don’t what i should do
B
Have you met him? Do you know him outside of the internet? I don’t know what you decided to do, but be careful.
B
He’s a Marine in CA, I live in the midwest with a special needs child. We’ve been together for a year and a half and we get to see each other about every 4-6 months. He’s fantastic, and asked us to move out there. I work full time, go to school full time, have a small business, and I’m a mom. When he’s gone for training or sent somewhere for a few days, there’s plenty to keep me busy, I just wish I could be there when he gets back from those things. Neither of us are ready to get married, so we’re trying to figure out how to navigate through the housing issue coming up in the next year.
Jessica
Hi, my name is Jess and me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now. He just recently got an intelligence position in the military and will be leaving for bootcamp right after our anniversary. After bootcamp he will be across the country for a year for language training and then he will be positioned somewhere else for 4 years to do his job. I’m still in school and honestly not in the mindset or position to move with him for his work. I’m terrified… I want this relationship to work out because he makes me so incredibly happy but I’m scared our relationship won’t make it. Before he joined everything was great! I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, now I’m scared to get my hopes up. I can tell that this is already putting a strain on us because I’ve been getting a little more tense, distant, and irritated with the situation. I’m afraid that our relationship is already falling apart before he has even left… These thoughts have been circling in my head for a while now and have been stressing me out. It pains my heart to think about the relationship ending and I know how devastated we would both be if we broke up. I don’t know what to do, what to think, how to handle this situation, or who to talk to… I hope that here someone can understand how I’m feeling and can make me feel a little less alone in this situation.
Marley Lawrence
Hello! I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years when he decided to join the military. I’m very supportive of it and insanely proud of him. He just finished basic training and is currently in AIT but we found out he’s being stationed in Texas. Just being apart for four months has been really hard and since he’s been home for Christmas it’s really showed us both how much we don’t want to be apart again. We’ve been talking about getting married and having kids for a while now and both feel really strongly for each other and our future. I want to move to El Paso with him to be closed and be a home for each other but we both don’t want to tie the knot until he’s out of active service. I haven’t been able to find any information on living near base and if I’d be able to get a pass to his base and how it would work. I was wondering if anyone had any good links or information so I could learn more. Any help is appreciated. I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and be there for him as much as I can. Thanks for reading this
Erin F.
Hello everyone,
So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little bit over a year now. He left for basic maybe a month and a half or two months into our relationship. It’s hard to go through all the holidays. To see my best friends with their boyfriends and significant others. Something they complain to me about see them too much. I feel so bad, I feel like I bring nothing to the relationship sometimes. It’s so hard, he’s more of an in person kind of guy which makes communicating so much harder. During Basic and AIT he was in Georgia but about two maybe three months ago he left for Korea. I want to go and visit him but I don’t know what to do, how to do anything. I have a military ID but will I even be able to see him. He’s going to be there for a year and it’ll probably be extended out. I knew I loved him very early on in our relationship and he told me about 8 months in verse my 5 months. And it’s not that I don’t think he loves me or anything. But everyone says how if I keep being me (I’m kinda moody and a mess) that he’ll leave me or that he’ll come back with another girlfriend. And he reassures me All the time. I know it annoys him because he wants me to believe in him. We’ve already expressed to each other we want a future together. It’s sucks because I’m trying to be reliable to be there for him and then everyone is just talking and saying terrible things to me. He’s wonderful, so funny. I met him in college while I was in an emotional abusive relationship, we were friends and then I ended the other relationship and it blossomed from there. I know it’s stupid because he has his work and everything to focus on but I don’t know how to get over the fact that I want to feel at least a little bit important. I’m sorry I’m just really struggling recently with him being across the world in another time zone and the communication. If someone could give some advice I’d greatly appreciate it.
Rene
Hi, all. I met a man in the US air force 4 months ago and we’ve been dating ever since. Since I’m not American, I have no context of how demanding a military job can be in terms of time spent at work, so I would appreciate any insight. He says he’s being deployed soon and I don’t know if I should hold on or let go. What is the communication like? How often are you able to talk? I don’t know if I could deal with not hearing from him for months on end. And I like him, but since it’s so new I don’t know if it’s worth pursuing. I need help, please
Sen L
For deployment, the usage of phone is a lot more likely than being in basic. All you need is trust and love. You have to think is it worth it? and if the both of you see a future together, then yes it is worth the wait.
Sen
Hi my name is Sen and I am currently dating an Infantry man. We have been dating for 8months now but things are going downwards fast for the both of us due to lack of not understanding each other. He thinks i’m not supportive enough But I am, i Just don’t know how to show him. We have been arguing ever since he came back for Christmas and still kind of is.. He feels hopeless and does not have the courage to keep going anymore.. What should I do and say?