Military ResourcesMoving every few years in military life puts a real dent in your local friendships.
Unless you already know people at your upcoming duty station, you’re basically back to “dating” to try and find military spouse friends.
A big fat ZERO starring you in the face when it comes friends and family nearby.
That can be really tough.
I’ve moved twice in the past 5 years, so if you are feeling in need of a good friendship, I know how you feel.
My husband and I just moved overseas, so it’s not like I can simply fly to visit a friend or family member as easily as before.
And after traveling internationally with a baby, it’s not something I’m very eager to do any time soon.
This means making friends is incredibly important to help myself build a support network. My husband will be gone quite a bit on and off, which emphasizes the point that I need friends FAST.
1. Smile – fake it until you can make it.
Use this when you want to practice feeling a certain way.
“‘Fake it till you make it‘ works well for when you want to change a feeling you have often. For example, if you often feel self-conscious or self-critical, you can “fake” confidence until you actually feel more confident. This can be an extremely effective way to prove to yourself that you are capable of feeling and exhibiting confidence.”
2. Introduce yourself to your neighbors.
Being friends with your neighbors is really a dying art form. When you move somewhere new, always knock on your neighbor’s door, tell them a bit about yourself, and invite them to stop over sometime.
Even if you are skeptical about becoming friends with your neighbors, I would really stress the importance of at least having some relationship with them.
If you are flying solo while your husband is away, and you find yourself in a real pinch, being able to rely on your neighbors is so, so important.
3. Join a Facebook group.
If you live in a military community, it is very likely there is a Facebook group for your given area. If there isn’t, I would start one. Wives of such and such military base is a great place to start a search on Facebook.
These groups allow for easy and frequent communication without feeling like to you are being “too much” with people whom you don’t know very well. If you have a quick question, such as where to find good child care or what are some great restaurants in this area, the Facebook group is a great resource.
Additionally, military spouses love to help other military spouses.
You could also say, “I’m new to the area, does anyone have suggestions for places to meet new friends?” You might be surprised at how informative and friendly many of the spouses are towards you.
You may just get invited over for lunch somewhere or asked to join a spouse meetup group in the area.
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4. Seek out the military community resources in your area.
Every military branch has a community services department that host lots of family friendly events. Specifically search for your local Military Spouse Association or rec sports league.
Even if you’re weary about this, I would get on the website and mark down a few events to attend.
This helps you put yourself out there, and you never know when and how you will meet other spouse, who are looking to form friendships too.
One of the things I did when we first moved to Okinawa was join the New Parents Support Group, and I’m so glad I did. This is for all parents.
5. Keep on trying.
Everyone is in the same boat as you. Literally everyone. All military spouses are all too familiar with picking up and moving every few years. We all need to make new friends all the time.
So if you are ever feeling discouraged, remember this: there is another military spouse out there who is feeling the exact same way. Probably hundreds actually. We are all dying to make new friends with each other. So next time you see someone that looks friendly, go ahead and smile, say hi, and invite them over for a cup of coffee or tea.
What are your best tips for meeting new friends in military life?
My husband grew up as a “military brat” and they moved around a lot. I think not being able to make friends (or having to keep finding new ones rather) was the hardest part for him. Your tips are great and I am sure a lot of new military moms will appreciate them!
Finding new friends, whom you truly relate to, is honestly the hardest part. I’ve had a lot of success using the tips I mentioned, and I’m hopeful they will help someone else too!
I am a stay at home mother. I have two beautiful children ages 6 and 15 months and we pcs’d to Fort Carson from California and oo my it is tougher than I thought to find friends here..I get so lonely at times because of that. That is why I decided to join in hopes I would get to meet new people that are in the same situation as me.:)
I totally relate, Cristina. Making friends is really, really tough. I wrote another post about making friends that I have scheduled for next Monday. I’ve been working really hard at meeting people since we moved to Okinawa, and I learned a few more ways that I hope will be helpful to others. We are totally all in the same situation. Feel free to email me if you ever want to chat or just say ‘hi’ 🙂 It’s always so much fun getting to know readers. Have a wonderful day and cheers to making new friends! I hope you meet some great ones soon!
Lauren
Thats so sweet..Thank you so much!:)
You’re welcome 🙂
My husband and I don’t have children yet, so I’m grateful that there are different opportunities to make friends for couples like us as well.