Inside this post: Military base gate etiquette faux pas to avoid. Save yourself from an embarrassing moment at the military base gate.
Ah, the military base gate. To get onto base you have to pull up to the gate. Then you show your ID card to the security forces member. (Or MPs–military police.) (Or Daf guards, which are civilian police.)
It seems like a simple process and most of the time it is. You hold out your card. They take it. Look at it and/or scan it and then hand it back.
But…
I’ve had moments when embarrassing things have occurred because, well, it’s me.
Embarrassing things that happen at the military base gate.
1. I’ve dropped my ID card onto the ground when holding it out. Multiple times. Sometimes the person picks it up. Sometimes I get one that stares at me like, “Am I supposed to get it? Am I your personal servant?”
2. Handed over my credit card instead of my ID card. The MP was like, “Cool, thanks!” in a joking manner.
3. Smacked my hand against the window. I thought it was rolled down. It wasn’t. I was laughed at, naturally. And I hurt my hand.
4. Replied, “The cheese is great,” when asked, “how are you doing?” I’ve no idea why I said this. It was before I had any caffeine and well, I do think about cheese quite a bit.
5. Accidentally flung my ID card into the back seat. I had to actually pull over and find it.
6. Had a coughing fit and the gate guard looked at me like I was diseased. I tried to explain that I just inhaled some dust, but I was coughing so much and couldn’t get it out so yeah, he thought I was diseased.
7. Pulled up right when the “give it to me, baby!” part of Pretty Fly For A White Guy came on. I think the security forces woman thought I was coming onto her from the expression she had on.
8. Replied with, “I will after lots of Diet Coke and chocolate,” when asked, “Are you having a good day?” I think most expect the generic, “I’m good,” response.
9. I forgot to turn down my headlights and blinded everyone at the gate. They then told my husband that “dude, your wife totally blinded us last night!”
Do embarrassing things happen to you?
This post originally appeared on Airing My Laundry. Written by Amber Myers.
Want more on military life?
- Military Base Gate Etiquette: 10 Small Ways to Avoid a Giant SNAFU
- Why I Didn’t “Go Home” When My Service Member Deployed
- 47 Things No One Tells You About Being a Military Wife
- Are Military Spouses Unknowingly Violating OPSEC?
Vicky V.
I worked those gates many years, most memorably at Grand Forks AFB, ND during insane winters. I remember being on a 12-hour shift in -40° weather, and people complaining about rolling their windows down when I’m standing there freezing! If they were too nasty, I’d make them pull over and clean the snow and ice off of their license plates as revenge.
jules
hahaha!!!
Liz Burnett
I got selected for inspection while pumping. That escalated quickly!
Alex
We just bought a new car and the first time I was driving it, I went in front of the gate and rolled the wrong window… lol I spent a good minute trying to figure out while it was making noises but not going down (it was dark though) lol
Lauren Tamm
Hahahaha.
April
Two things happened. First, I almost gave my library card because I keep it and my ID in the pocket of my phone case. Second, many times I have to open the door and hand them my ID because the window refuses to roll down. I swear recently as soon as I pull away from the gate, it decides it wants to roll down. Which then results in me yelling at the window with nobody around, lol
Lauren Tamm
Oh my goodness, I’ve had problems with my window too. It was so embarrassing.
Jessie
My friend and I handed our IDs and he asked us to take off our sunglasses…. We both smiled! He looked perplexed and said “Beautiful smiles but I really need you to take off your sunglasses.” OMG be both died laughing of embarrassment!
Lauren Tamm
LOL
Rachael
I had to get a friend a guest pass at a gate I had never used before and casually drove through the zig-zag barrier things (what are those called anyway?) and parked in the lot of Pass and ID. Then I noticed the gate guard waving me down to tell me that I’d come in the ‘out’ and had to turn around and enter the correct way for which there was ample signage. I have never been so mortified.
Rachel
I had a couple this past week. A couple friends and I were going to see my fiancé and my friends started making stupid comments to each other not realizing that the person on post was still listening. And then when we went to drop him off later that day we got stopped by an MP saying the tag was expired. The worst part of it was it was my friends moms car. We were in another state
Nilda
I stalled my car out one time, like I don’t know how to drive a stick. The guard was looking at me like, you sure you got this?? Mortifying!
Patricia
I have tons of them, but they aren’t truly embarrassing. I think they all know spouses (and veterans alike) are a tired, exhausted bunch. I have a love for PINK’s music. I really like her son True Love..I went thru the gate and sang loudly the verse that started with..I want to slap your whole face…right as I got to the gate..he only laughed and said..but I haven’t said anything yet! I used to put my id right where the speedometer is and it fell thru the crack and down inside the car itself…my husband was deployed and of course was extremely lucky to get on base to get a new one.
Hannah
On one of my first trips through the gate by myself, I handed my ID card to the MP upside down. Learned that that means I’m in trouble and need help. It was pretty embarrassing, but the guy was cool about it.
Hailey
My mom pulled up and stopped, but completely forgot that she never showed her ID, and proceeded to drive away. The mp looked very confused as he speed walked next to our car, knocking on her window.