Why I Didn’t “Go Home” When My Service Member Deployed

Whenever my husband had to deploy, I was asked by friends if I planned on going home until he returns. I know my parents would welcome me with open arms and I appreciate it. I appreciate them.

I remember when Tom went to Korea for a year, people were surprised to learn that I wasn’t packing up my kids and going home.

So why is “going home” not for me?

Let me explain.

I feel like I am home.

My home is with my family–as in my husband and children. Maybe I feel this way because I was a military brat. We were always moving around so I didn’t grow up in one home. Even when my husband is gone, it’s still my home with my belongings.

I like my own things.

As in, my television. Yes, I watch a lot of ridiculous shows on it. My father would not like these ridiculous shows. He has his own schedule of things he watches every night. There is no place for Real Housewives. There is a TV upstairs, but it’s in the same room where my son sleeps, so I’d be missing a lot of my programs. Yes, I would watch them online but it’s not the same. I also like having my books around me.

I need junk food.

My parents don’t appreciate junk food as much as I do. Of course they indulge, but not as much as I do. They mean well, but I can imagine comments being made, “Another candy bar? How about I cut you up some carrots?”

I didn’t have a baby.

Whenever my husband left, my kids were at least over the age of three. Maybe if I had a baby I’d have considered going home, but honestly, I doubt it. I just really like my possessions and space too much.

My kids would have to leave their schools and enter a new one.

Sometimes when my husband left, my kids weren’t always in school yet. But when they were, it didn’t make sense to pull them out of a school and away from their friends. I’d want my kids to have stability.

I’m able to visit my family.

I might not go live with them, but we do visit. My mom will come out at least once when Tom goes and I’ll visit once as well. So it’s not like I’m completely without family.

I have my own schedule of how I like to do things.

If I moved in with my parents, this might be messed up. I would no longer be the only adult so I’d have to respect their wishes. When my husband is gone, I already have enough on my mind so I’d be irritated if I couldn’t do things the way I wanted to do them.

I can manage.

With the help of friends, I’m always able to survive deployments. Of course I have moments when I feel like I can’t do it–but my friends are the ones who help remind me that yes I CAN do it. Or they’ll invite me over for chocolate and cake. Chocolate and cake can fix anything. (And a lovely cocktail can help as well.)

The choice to go home is a personal one. While it works for some, it doesn’t for others, and that’s okay. Everyone is different.

This post originally appeared on Airing My Laundry. Connect with Amber on Facebook and Twitter.

Want more on military life?

• 9 Reasons Why It’s Okay When He Deploys
• The Surprising Thing You’ll Miss Most During Deployment
• 31+ Genius, Tips and Hacks for Surviving Your Next Deployment
• The Pictures You Didn’t Take With Your Service Member