A biting toddler is no joke, friends.
A while back I wrote about How to Get a Baby to Stop Biting, and after using the steps I discussed in that post, we effectively managed to stop our son from biting. Funny enough at the end of that post I wrote, “I am vigorously reinforcing ‘No biting’ and keeping a very watchful eye, as biting will surely rear its ugly head once again at some point down the road.”
Well, that definitely happened. At 14 months, our son and biting fell madly in love, and as a mother, it seemed there was little I could do to break them apart. It’s one of those moments in motherhood when you realize you have a serious problem on your hands.
By serious I mean…
He was biting me incessantly, running after me with his arms and mouth wide open ready to chomp down.
He was also biting other children incessantly, running after them with his arms and mouth wide open.
For me, this was the breaking point. He was unsafe to be around other children without being watched intensely 100% of the time. I could not look away for a second. Something had to be done. There are several steps to lead your child down a bite free path (#5 is the clincher and probably the least wise of all!).
1. Tell the child “No biting.”
We worked really hard to teach “no biting,” knowing Jameson would eventually learn the meaning of this phrase through frequent repetition. In order to teach “no biting,” I get down to his eye level and look him directly in the eye. I wait until he is looking at me, then say “no biting” while using a grimacing facial expression. I try to convey a calm tone without yelling.
2. Walk away.
In my post about stopping baby biting, the number one thing that helped our son stop biting was sitting him down on the floor and walking away. It helped our son learn that biting is not rewarded with play, cuddles, or interaction from others. After telling my son “no biting,” I simply sit him on the floor and walk away a bit. You don’t have to go far.
I typically walk to the other side of the room and wait for a few minutes.
Returning to him after a few minutes, I remind him “no biting” and sit next to him. Some things that I read suggested saying “I love you” or offering kisses and cuddles at this point. However, we were dealing with a serious biting issue and my son was clearly confused that it was some sort of a game. I wanted to reinforce that the logical consequence of biting was not play or affection from me.
The whole process of saying “no biting” and walking away and then returning is only a matter of a few minutes. Then we move on with our day.
3. Examine the cause.
Toddlers may often have a reason for biting. Treating the underlying cause may easily eliminate biting, and if used in conjunction with the above two steps, I think there is a good chance for success.
Here are a few common causes I discovered:
- Teething → I try managing the child’s pain as best I can with teething toys to chew on and over the counter Tylenol, if needed.
- Boredom → I try to make things a little more exciting around the house. Dance parties are always fun!
- Frustration → I try to repeat back what I hypothesize my son is trying to do or say.
- Seeking attention → I try to offer more quality time.
- Tired → I start getting sleep in order by reading some good information about sleep.
- Lack of language skills → I use baby sign language and again try to repeat back what I think my son is trying to say.
- Experimenting → Sometimes kids are just testing the waters.
4. Prevent the problem.
If I know there is a type of activity or situation when my toddler is more likely to bite, I try avoiding those types of situations. This seems really obvious, right? And it isn’t always easy to avoid situations, especially when real life happens and you have to leave the house and be around others at some point. This brings me to my last and final step.
5. Avoid resorting to desperate measures.
As a mother, I hope to use gentle parenting methods throughout parenthood, especially since research shows that harsh discipline actually causes more behavioral problems than gentle parenting. But that’s a whole other post.
My son continued to bite me, my husband, and other kids. Actually, he pretty much tried to bite everyone. All. The. Time.
It was a terrible, terrible problem. After completing all the above steps, I was truly at a loss. I was in the midst of a motherhood crisis, incapable of teaching my toddler that biting was not okay. I talked to a lot of other moms about this topic, seeking advice. I researched about biting on the internet, scouring to find any method I could.
If you read expert recommendations they will tell you never to bite your child back. I agree that inflicting pain on your child is not a wise parenting method. If you read many forums I found parents advocating for biting a child back. Several parents that I personally spoke with told me to bite my son back. Other parents said biting your child and inflicting pain is abuse. These are merely the facts.
Because he was biting so frequently, I felt a lot of pressure to do something fast to get my son to stop biting.
And then it happened…
I bit my kid.
It was enough to hurt him without breaking the skin.
Horrible! It’s was one of my bad mom moments, but I was at a cross-roads. Something had to change, and I was willing to try anything at that point. I actively tried to prevent him from biting.
Horrendous, I know! I did not want to bite him, but I felt I needed to follow through. He was never bruised, nor were there teeth marks.
Now please, don’t send me hate mail…
I realize that biting your child isn’t a wise idea. I am in no way advocating for parents to bite their children. I am simply sharing my experience. In fact, if you have tips and suggestions for how to stop biting, I would love to hear your ideas in the comments because I could really use some help! I do not plan on biting him again. It’s just not the route I want to travel down. I am continuing with steps 1-4 to remind him not to bite others.
My son still needs gentle verbal reminders, but for the most part, we can go out in public again. He can be around other children without me worrying that his will take a giant bite of flesh, and that is a very good thing.
Want more on parenting?
- How to Get Your Toddler to Stop Biting, When Nothing Works
- One Thing You Can Give Your Toddler to Get Better Behavior
- 15+ Best Tips to Manage Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers
- 9 Parenting Tricks to Teach Kids to Listen
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Darice Tucker
Excellent article. Thirty years ago, I bit my son, just hard enough to make him think about his behavior. He has never ever bitten anyone else. He doesn’t even remember the incident. It was the only thing that worked. So moms, don’t beat yourself up. Life does move on. Blessings to all, from the 63 year old grandma who has a four year old biting grandson. Oh, my!
Patricia
I did that also with my own kids and it stopped them, not with my 2 yr old grand daughter though.
Julie
Oh yes…I remember the horrible biting stage. I was a young mom…19 when my daughter was born. She went to a nice in-home daycare, but one day came home with bite bruise marks on both arms when she was around 18 months. The day care provider had put her in a playpen to protect her from the current “biter” but when she put her arms out the sides, he bit them. Unfortunately, my daughter learned INSTANTLY how effective biting was for getting what she wanted and began to bite other kids, me, anyone who frustrated her. It went on for weeks and nothing we tried helped, other than keeping her separated from the other kids. She was playing with an electric socket one day at grammas and after I explained it was dangerous and she couldn’t do that, and picked her lovingly up and away from the danger, she started screaming in frustration and sank her sharp teeth into my neck as hard as she could…VERY VERY painful…and kept them latched on. Well her arm happened to be right across my mouth and without thinking I bit her HARD on her arm to make her get her teeth out of my neck. She screamed bloody murder and never bit anyone anywhere ever ever again. Sorry Dr Spock. Sometimes instinct takes over.
S K
Thanks to all!!
I feel desperate too!!
My 3.5 old daughter bites and started 8 months ago. Sometimes she doesn’t bite for couple weeks and in one day she bites couple kids. She is in wonderful daycare but other parents star to worry about safety their own kids. Teachers say that she doesn’t bite due to aggressive behaviors but I am total lost!!! I have been crying over and over when my daughter is not around. I keep trying all methods except to bite her back. It crossed my mind but never done it.
When she was 2.5 years old she was bitten 3 times with bruises from same boy.
I don’t know what to do anymore?
Seeking professional help???
Lorraine
My daughter has twin girls who are just shy of two years old. They have both been buyers for probably 6 months. Sometimes several times in a day. Mostly directed at each other but their 2 yr old cousin is being bitten too when they are all here. Nothing has stopped it yet including time out and biting them back. Doctor had suggested biting them back. A friend of mine told me something today that might just work. Must say I am normally highly against anything involving soap as my m.i.l. Washed my daughters mouth out with soap once for something she said and I was livid!
My friend said when they bite to make them in turn bite a bar of soap. Let them know if they bite again this will be the result. Kids at this age are much smarter than we give them credit for. I have discussed with their mom as to using this if they agree. She is going to talk to her husband and hopefully this will end this problem.
Patricia
Let me say I came across your page tonight. Frantically trying to find ideas on how to stop my grand daughter from biting. We have a weird situation. I have custody while my son works out of state, then he and his wife gets them back. She actually encourages her to bite other kids. Which I no longer allow her here when I have the children. She has left major bruises on her younger brother. She will be 2 in January, Her brother will be 1 in January. She bites any kid she is around. I talked to her pediatrician, and she says when she bites, to point at her, tell her no, and remove her from the situation. The problem there is you point at her and she bites you and laughs like her mother did after she bit a kid her mom told her to. She doesn’t much talk. And I am looking into getting help for that. I am truly at my wits end trying to figure this out. Thank you for writing about your challenges, at least I know I am not alone.
Monica
Hi,
I know this is an old post but my daughter had 3 biting incidents at her daycare/preschool, 2 of them being this week alone! The first time, 6 months ago was due to fighting over a toy. This week she bit one of her closest friends because she was excited, and today (2 days after) another kid while they’re just playing. I wanted to cry, I felt horrible for those kids and parents and as if Im not being able to teach my daughter not to harm others. I’ve being telling her every day “No Biting, it hurts” and she always says “Ok, Mommy” but I’m always nervous when I ho pick her up at preschool. She seems to understand, but she also seemed to understand the first time and did it again.
Monica Juarez
Thanks lots, I read so many post about talking to your kids never bite them or such but I try them all and I can not make my daughter stop biting her sister. I can imagine how hard was to do so but I consider your post so real and helpful some times the no punish method won’t do it.
Thanks lots for sharing and be so real
Natasha
Hi
I am absolutely desperate, my son is 3 years old and he has bitten other children, I am still trying to figure out what his triggers are. I have tried yelling, time outs, spanking and even biting him back. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions????
Desperate
Michelledecker
Hi my name is Michelle decker and I have a 1 year old granddaughter who is just now starting to bite and my daughter doesn’t know what to do can you please tell me what she should do ?
Taylor Wright
I found it interesting when you said that even seeking attention can be a common cause and that offering more quality time can combat that. My sister’s toddler has a biting problem and they were wondering what could be done for this. I will gladly pass along this article to try and help her stop her toddler from biting.
Scott
Many years ago my wife and I were taking care of a good friends 16 month old boy while they were on vacation. Turns out he was a biter! One day, after my wife and I had been bit multiple times, he was sitting in my lap and bit me…hard! I instinctively bit him right back. It left no marks but made him cry a bit but after that he never bit anyone again.
Now I am dealing with this with my own 16 month old grandson. I came here looking for some other tips on how to stop the bitting without resorting to my previous method. Keep in mind he is not talking at all yet and doesn’t quite know the meaning of “no”. So communicating with him by talking to him about it has no effect. But we will continue to try some of the methods with some adjustments based on other tips.
Thank you!!