Schedule / RoutineMy in-laws were recently here visiting us in Japan, which meant it was time for another round of our son sleeping in our room again. My husband and I had a whole plan of action ready to go. He would sleep in our bed.
This seemed like a great idea, but I was secretly dreading it. I know some parents are great at co-sleeping and room sharing. I’m the opposite. I’m not good at it at all.
It’s one of those areas I wish I were so much more patient as a parent. You know? I wish that I was cool with our son laying in our bed poking my eyes out and kicking me in the face. Hardy har har. But the truth is both my husband and I last about 2 minutes flat before we’ve had enough.
Our first night…
So here we were on our first night of bed sharing, and it was not going well. I was actually really surprised by this. I went through our son’s normal bedtime routine, using our printable routine cards and easing him into the whole idea. And then, I laid him down the same way I always do, said goodnight, and exited the room. Nothing new. The only change was a new location and a new bed.
What happened next…
The child was mad, hysterical, and completely beside himself. I decided to give it a few minutes to see if he would settle himself. No go.
After a bit of time, my husband and I finally decided to just bring him back out into the living room to chill for a bit. Normally, we wouldn’t do that but since he was so ramped up, our little boy clearly needed a cooling off period.
30 minutes later we went through a modified bedtime routine and laid him back down.
Oh the CRIES. He was still very unhappy about all of this. So I decided it was time to pull out all the stops and use the one trick I knew would work.
The one simple trick…
I went back to his room, turned on his gummy bear light, and picked him up again. I gave him a big giant hug, put his head to my shoulder, and sat us down together on my bed.
And then I started with the deep breathing..
In and out.
In and out.
Taking my own multiple deep breaths in a row, my sweet boy started to take his own deep breaths.
I took a deep breath.
Then he took a deep breath.
In and out.
In and out.
This isn’t something that I coach or tell him to do. All I do is take deep breaths myself, and then he follows. You see, deep breathing is just like yawning. It’s contagious! And it’s a completely subconscious cause and effect rhythm that you can fall into with your child.
When hugging or cuddling in a way that is natural for you and your child, the deep breathing becomes contagious between you. All you have to do is start the rhythm and your child will pick up on it. This technique is something you can use at any age. I’ve actually used it since my kids were infants.
10 minutes later…
Normally, we don’t spend this long deep breathing together, but this was a special circumstance. By now, we were 10 minutes into the deep breathing and he was practically melted into my body. I laid him down back on the floor mattress, keeping my hand firmly placed on his back to help him know I was right there. I told him I would stay with him until he fell asleep. And before I knew it, he was snuggled in tight and nearly asleep.
The next night…
I simply opted to start right off the bat with the deep breathing routine. After 5-10 minutes of deep breathing in a hugging position, I again laid him down, keeping my hand on his back. I again told him I would stay until he fell asleep. After a bit, I removed my hand and just sat next to him in the bed. Total time invested? Only about 15 minutes longer than his normal bedtime routine. Sweet boy.
The night after that…
5 minutes worth of deep breathing and he was practically jumping out of my arms to get in that bed. It was too sweet for words.
Related: 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Explained. Why It Happens and Solutions.
Why deep breathing actually works with kids.
The effect of deep breathing helps slow both your own heart rate and your child’s heart rate, which allows the body to relax and slow down. You can literally feel your heart rate slow down, your mind get quieter, and your whole body physically relax. You can literally feel your child’s heart rate slow down, as they start to relax and melt right into you. This is why I always do the deep breathing in a hugging position. It washes over you and your child like a calming, relaxing sleepytime medicine.
I often use this technique with my sweet little boy and wonder, “Is it really that simple?”
When all of parenting feels so overly complicated and stressful, it’s pretty amazing that something like deep breathing is the fix to a bedtime issue.
Turns out,
sometimes kids just need their moms,
and a big giant hug,
and a few deep breaths to go along with it.
Demi! Demi!!.. Calling on my girl already. Just need to try this out and see how it goes.
Nice job, Lauren
Hi Lauren.
I just recently had my first child at 22. Miss Ruby Rose will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. Me and my fiance have been having the hardest time getting her to lie down and go to sleep at night. She’s in the sleep all day up all night phase. When we do get her to finally fall asleep at night she typically only stays sleeping for up to an hour, then wakes up and cries. Even if I pick her up, feed her, burp her, change her and swaddle her she still does not want to fall back asleep. I’m also not sure on how to make her not sleep all day. Like I said this is my first child, and it’s only been three weeks. If you have any tips on what I should do to help it would be much appreciated. Thank you and God bless. ?
I just found this post through Pinterest and to say I’m excited is an understatement! I cosleep with my youngest and at times the oldest joins in. Some nights I literally dread bedtime! I can’t wait to try this tonight, and see if we can get a new routine going! Thank you so much for sharing this! 🙂
Going to try this if she wakes up again, g-d bless you and your family, lets get these kids to bed America!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m going to try it with my 2 year old who keeps getting out of his (new) big kid bed. Almost made me cry reading it. ♥️
My mom just has a newborn and has a 2-year-old.They are on opposite schedules and it is next to impossible for my parents to get any sleep.How do we get the two of them on the same schedules?
Oh, the way you shared is great, my baby has a hard time sleeping every time, I will apply your method to see how effective it is.