Schedule / Routine
My in-laws were recently here visiting us in Japan, which meant it was time for another round of our son sleeping in our room again. My husband and I had a whole plan of action ready to go. He would sleep in our bed.
This seemed like a great idea, but I was secretly dreading it. I know some parents are great at co-sleeping and room sharing. I’m the opposite. I’m not good at it at all.
It’s one of those areas I wish I were so much more patient as a parent. You know? I wish that I was cool with our son laying in our bed poking my eyes out and kicking me in the face. Hardy har har. But the truth is both my husband and I last about 2 minutes flat before we’ve had enough.
Our first night…
So here we were on our first night of bed sharing, and it was not going well. I was actually really surprised by this. I went through our son’s normal bedtime routine, using our printable routine cards and easing him into the whole idea. And then, I laid him down the same way I always do, said goodnight, and exited the room. Nothing new. The only change was a new location and a new bed.
What happened next…
The child was mad, hysterical, and completely beside himself. I decided to give it a few minutes to see if he would settle himself. No go.
After a bit of time, my husband and I finally decided to just bring him back out into the living room to chill for a bit. Normally, we wouldn’t do that but since he was so ramped up, our little boy clearly needed a cooling off period.
30 minutes later we went through a modified bedtime routine and laid him back down.
Oh the CRIES. He was still very unhappy about all of this. So I decided it was time to pull out all the stops and use the one trick I knew would work.
The one simple trick…
I went back to his room, turned on his gummy bear light, and picked him up again. I gave him a big giant hug, put his head to my shoulder, and sat us down together on my bed.
And then I started with the deep breathing..
In and out.
In and out.
Taking my own multiple deep breaths in a row, my sweet boy started to take his own deep breaths.
I took a deep breath.
Then he took a deep breath.
In and out.
In and out.
This isn’t something that I coach or tell him to do. All I do is take deep breaths myself, and then he follows. You see, deep breathing is just like yawning. It’s contagious! And it’s a completely subconscious cause and effect rhythm that you can fall into with your child.
When hugging or cuddling in a way that is natural for you and your child, the deep breathing becomes contagious between you. All you have to do is start the rhythm and your child will pick up on it. This technique is something you can use at any age. I’ve actually used it since my kids were infants.
10 minutes later…
Normally, we don’t spend this long deep breathing together, but this was a special circumstance. By now, we were 10 minutes into the deep breathing and he was practically melted into my body. I laid him down back on the floor mattress, keeping my hand firmly placed on his back to help him know I was right there. I told him I would stay with him until he fell asleep. And before I knew it, he was snuggled in tight and nearly asleep.
The next night…
I simply opted to start right off the bat with the deep breathing routine. After 5-10 minutes of deep breathing in a hugging position, I again laid him down, keeping my hand on his back. I again told him I would stay until he fell asleep. After a bit, I removed my hand and just sat next to him in the bed. Total time invested? Only about 15 minutes longer than his normal bedtime routine. Sweet boy.
The night after that…
5 minutes worth of deep breathing and he was practically jumping out of my arms to get in that bed. It was too sweet for words.
Related: 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Explained. Why It Happens and Solutions.
Why deep breathing actually works with kids.
The effect of deep breathing helps slow both your own heart rate and your child’s heart rate, which allows the body to relax and slow down. You can literally feel your heart rate slow down, your mind get quieter, and your whole body physically relax. You can literally feel your child’s heart rate slow down, as they start to relax and melt right into you. This is why I always do the deep breathing in a hugging position. It washes over you and your child like a calming, relaxing sleepytime medicine.
I often use this technique with my sweet little boy and wonder, “Is it really that simple?”
When all of parenting feels so overly complicated and stressful, it’s pretty amazing that something like deep breathing is the fix to a bedtime issue.
Turns out,
sometimes kids just need their moms,
and a big giant hug,
and a few deep breaths to go along with it.
Print this free toddler listening checklist.
This post comes with a free printable checklist to help with toddler listening. I always have the hardest time remembering these phrases. This printable simplifies it!
Here is a sneak preview…
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- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock
would be ideal. - Place it on your refrigerator. Check things off as you go and don’t forget a thing!
would be ideal.
Want more on parenting?
- 3 Things Parents of Strong Willed Toddlers Should Know
- 3 Mom Tricks to Help Kids Stay in Bed
- The Real Reason Kids Never Want to Go to Sleep
- How to Stop a Child From Whining – Immediately
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
This free email series will help you:
- Free sample routines for your child
- Best morning routine tips and tricks your kids will actually follow
- All-time favorite parenting hacks for getting more cooperation at bedtime
- Step-by-step guide for using a printable daily schedule with kids
I am so happy I found this post today. I thought I had tried everything to make bed time easier on all of us. I tried the deep breathing idea and it worked like a charm on my 4 year old son. I will be incorporating this into his bedtime routine from now on. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for sharing!
I have read sooooo many posts to find out how to help my kid to go sleep and I have follow so many checklists and nothing has worked. My husband and I have been 2 months trying to get my 10 month old son to sleep every day with same schedule but it seems to not be working and lately it has gone worst. It seems he gets a panic attack every time he goes to sleep and cries uncontrollably. Not sure what it is but there is nothing that can help him unless I put him in my arms which is something I don’t want hime to get used to. Tonight I seriously felt hopeless so I walked away from the room to think straight and clear my mind. Somehow I found your post and I said to my self, maybe it works, lets try one more thing. So I did same breathing method with him and it worked ?. I was so happy and finally I felt like I was doimg something right. Thank you so much for sharing this post, it was like something that came down from heaven. Now I can sit and relax knowing he is sleeping and resting. Thnks again
Petra M.
You are so welcome! Thank you for sharing such an encouraging story!
I realized this by accident. I would pretend to sleep which entails deep breathing and bam..out like a light:).
This is a proven technique that does work. However, dad’s and father’s (not just mom’s and mother’s) can be just as effective with the hugging and deep breathing to comfort a child and get them sleeping. Dad’s and father’s never get enough credit!!
I have done this too!!! So glad to know I’m not alone with these “crazy mom ideas” ha! I thought of how families must have slept in Biblical times, all together in a tent. While leaning over my daughter’s crib, I thought surely a child would feel more calm & relaxed hearing a parent’s slow & relaxed breathing, just instinctively. Now that she’s older, sometimes when she gets in trouble or is seemingly heartbroken over something I hold her & do this hoping she will read that I am still calm and it will be ok 🙂
Love this, I learned this trick to help my husband to fall asleep years ago. I cuddled him, start breathing deeply and slower and slower longer breaths and he was out in like 2 minutes! So when my first born was struggling to fall asleep as a toddler, I cuddled in behind her, took big deep breaths…and ta da! Asleep in minutes. Later, all I had to do was lay a heavy hand on her back and start taking noisy deep breaths, slowly in/out, and she would be asleep promptly! Haven’t done this in awhile, but I will never forget the first time I figured it out while cuddling my husband! 🙂
This is a great tip! My son has been in and out of the hospital most of his 10 months here on earth, which I feel has contributed a lot to our sleep habits. Although recently after a month long break at home, he has done well, except for a few nights here and there. Which I am more than happy to kick my fiancé out of bed to bring the baby in to get that snuggle time, but that snuggle time ends up either turning into an outburst or a kick fest. I will definitely try the breathing technique next time! I have taken deep breathes in the past when next to him and it does seem to help calm him. I know he really feeds off my energy and I think has a higher sensitivity to it and being more in tuned because of him having Trisomy 21(Down Syndrome) I will definitely pay more attention to the breathing technique the next time we have trouble sleeping! Thanks for the tip!
Bridget
TheBreastfeedingmommy.com