A biting toddler is no joke, friends.
A while back I wrote about How to Get a Baby to Stop Biting, and after using the steps I discussed in that post, we effectively managed to stop our son from biting. Funny enough at the end of that post I wrote, “I am vigorously reinforcing ‘No biting’ and keeping a very watchful eye, as biting will surely rear its ugly head once again at some point down the road.”
Well, that definitely happened. At 14 months, our son and biting fell madly in love, and as a mother, it seemed there was little I could do to break them apart. It’s one of those moments in motherhood when you realize you have a serious problem on your hands.
By serious I mean…
He was biting me incessantly, running after me with his arms and mouth wide open ready to chomp down.
He was also biting other children incessantly, running after them with his arms and mouth wide open.
For me, this was the breaking point. He was unsafe to be around other children without being watched intensely 100% of the time. I could not look away for a second. Something had to be done. There are several steps to lead your child down a bite free path (#5 is the clincher and probably the least wise of all!).
1. Tell the child “No biting.”
We worked really hard to teach “no biting,” knowing Jameson would eventually learn the meaning of this phrase through frequent repetition. In order to teach “no biting,” I get down to his eye level and look him directly in the eye. I wait until he is looking at me, then say “no biting” while using a grimacing facial expression. I try to convey a calm tone without yelling.
2. Walk away.
In my post about stopping baby biting, the number one thing that helped our son stop biting was sitting him down on the floor and walking away. It helped our son learn that biting is not rewarded with play, cuddles, or interaction from others. After telling my son “no biting,” I simply sit him on the floor and walk away a bit. You don’t have to go far.
I typically walk to the other side of the room and wait for a few minutes.
Returning to him after a few minutes, I remind him “no biting” and sit next to him. Some things that I read suggested saying “I love you” or offering kisses and cuddles at this point. However, we were dealing with a serious biting issue and my son was clearly confused that it was some sort of a game. I wanted to reinforce that the logical consequence of biting was not play or affection from me.
The whole process of saying “no biting” and walking away and then returning is only a matter of a few minutes. Then we move on with our day.
3. Examine the cause.
Toddlers may often have a reason for biting. Treating the underlying cause may easily eliminate biting, and if used in conjunction with the above two steps, I think there is a good chance for success.
Here are a few common causes I discovered:
- Teething → I try managing the child’s pain as best I can with teething toys to chew on and over the counter Tylenol, if needed.
- Boredom → I try to make things a little more exciting around the house. Dance parties are always fun!
- Frustration → I try to repeat back what I hypothesize my son is trying to do or say.
- Seeking attention → I try to offer more quality time.
- Tired → I start getting sleep in order by reading some good information about sleep.
- Lack of language skills → I use baby sign language and again try to repeat back what I think my son is trying to say.
- Experimenting → Sometimes kids are just testing the waters.
4. Prevent the problem.
If I know there is a type of activity or situation when my toddler is more likely to bite, I try avoiding those types of situations. This seems really obvious, right? And it isn’t always easy to avoid situations, especially when real life happens and you have to leave the house and be around others at some point. This brings me to my last and final step.
5. Avoid resorting to desperate measures.
As a mother, I hope to use gentle parenting methods throughout parenthood, especially since research shows that harsh discipline actually causes more behavioral problems than gentle parenting. But that’s a whole other post.
My son continued to bite me, my husband, and other kids. Actually, he pretty much tried to bite everyone. All. The. Time.
It was a terrible, terrible problem. After completing all the above steps, I was truly at a loss. I was in the midst of a motherhood crisis, incapable of teaching my toddler that biting was not okay. I talked to a lot of other moms about this topic, seeking advice. I researched about biting on the internet, scouring to find any method I could.
If you read expert recommendations they will tell you never to bite your child back. I agree that inflicting pain on your child is not a wise parenting method. If you read many forums I found parents advocating for biting a child back. Several parents that I personally spoke with told me to bite my son back. Other parents said biting your child and inflicting pain is abuse. These are merely the facts.
Because he was biting so frequently, I felt a lot of pressure to do something fast to get my son to stop biting.
And then it happened…
I bit my kid.
It was enough to hurt him without breaking the skin.
Horrible! It’s was one of my bad mom moments, but I was at a cross-roads. Something had to change, and I was willing to try anything at that point. I actively tried to prevent him from biting.
Horrendous, I know! I did not want to bite him, but I felt I needed to follow through. He was never bruised, nor were there teeth marks.
Now please, don’t send me hate mail…
I realize that biting your child isn’t a wise idea. I am in no way advocating for parents to bite their children. I am simply sharing my experience. In fact, if you have tips and suggestions for how to stop biting, I would love to hear your ideas in the comments because I could really use some help! I do not plan on biting him again. It’s just not the route I want to travel down. I am continuing with steps 1-4 to remind him not to bite others.
My son still needs gentle verbal reminders, but for the most part, we can go out in public again. He can be around other children without me worrying that his will take a giant bite of flesh, and that is a very good thing.
Want more on parenting?
- How to Get Your Toddler to Stop Biting, When Nothing Works
- One Thing You Can Give Your Toddler to Get Better Behavior
- 15+ Best Tips to Manage Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers
- 9 Parenting Tricks to Teach Kids to Listen
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Ana Lynn Amelio
Ok, first of all I want you to know that your tips are great and I am pretty much the advocate of never harming your child physically; but I had to chuckle at the image of you biting your son. I can imagine the point of desperation you reached and I know how terrible you must have felt the very second later.
It’s okay, we all have bad mom moments (I once shut the door in my daughter’s face after running errands the entire day and honestly thought she was in the house… until a neighbor kid knocked on my door to hand over my daughter two minutes later). I have never dealt with child biting problem so unfortunately I have no words of advice, other than re-enforcement of the No biting.
I am dealing with a kitten that won’t stop biting when she is playing and it’s driving me nuts but I am trying to use a similar method of saying no biting and putting her down.
Lauren Tamm
I totally agree that harming your child is a really bad idea. I feel really bad about it actually, but he seems to love me just as much. There are so many days where I don’t know what in the world I am doing, but I think we all feel like that sometimes. Good luck with your kitten, Ana 😉
April Thompson
Ask Dr sears, 14 ways to stop biting and hitting has some really good advice. My child bits sometimes and I don’t believe in aggressive behavior though I been fustrated though and had not so great moments. I remember my daughter slapping a spoon out of bowl being a butt and I pushed her enough to make her ploo on her butt and she lost it. Then of course I felt terrible, my point is patenting isn’t perfect, we are all human and make mistakes so just hang in there and take a break when u need it. That’s what I have found works for me. Every kid is different so trial and error is necessary to see what your child responds too. Good luck and hang in there.
Diane
As a RN and well educated in child psychology I patiently worked with older 3 yr old to not harm “bite” younger 12 mo old son. I had minimal improvement with close oversite and redirection….
Well…. I also lost it. In the back seat the older 3 yr old broke skin and I saw blood on her younger brother. I calmly came to backseat and bit the older 3 yr old. Saying biting hurts. Biting is bad.
It was unfortunate- but the older sibling stopped biting! A light bulb moment event….
Sarah
My 17 month old daughter has gleefully bitten me and her dad since she was about 4 months old. It is especially bad at the moment as she will come up all sweet and say “cuddle” and wrap her arms around you and then bite your face as hard as she can laughing! It is horrific as neither of us want her to cuddle us anymore 😬 nothing has worked yet… I don’t think I am able to bite her so she will probably still be biting me when she is 17 years old
Stacey Cannon-Dykes
You are writing this to me. My 3 year old os biting my 7mo and I lost it today and bit him back and it hurts my heart so much but I don’t know what else to do. The gentle method is not working. I’m hoping that feeling how it feels will get his attention.
Jessica
I know this has been posted for quite some time but Ive come across it as I am in desperate search to try to get my son to stop biting. He went through a phase when he was teething and he really only ever bit me. Now he is 19 months old and biting EVERYONE. It’s often embarrassing and frustrating. He’s started biting other kids and it seems like he just gets so excited and he can’t contain it and doesn’t know what to do so he bites!! I know it sounds odd but he does also bite out of frustration as well.
I will tell you that MANY people told me to bite my son back after trying time outs and many, many talks about biting and I also reached my breaking point and bit him back….and he laughed and stuck his arm back in my mouth. I was baffled. And I bit him harder than I wanted to and couldn’t believe he thought it was a game! So back to square one! My son will be starting daycare soon and I am hoping we can break this bad habit by then…I know it will be highly frowned upon. I am somewhat relieved to see posts like this know that this s just a phase!
Thanks for sharing!!
Lauren Tamm
Hey Jessica,
Thanks for reaching out! I completely understand struggling with a major biting issue. I actually have a post that I recently wrote about chronic biting. It isn’t scheduled to publish until next month, but I could email it to you in advance.
Lauren
Adriane Ford
What is the name of that article? Or a link? My 15 month old is on the verge of getting kicked out of his day care. He bites because another kid has a toy or object he wants. He bites when kids try to push him out of the way to get something. He bites when he’s tired. He bites when he’s excited… He bit a little girl this morning within the first 5 minutes of being there. I read him the book. I’m stern when I tell him “No biting”. He doesn’t really bite me, his brothers, or his dad, but on pretty rare occasions. So, I’m not around when the biting is happening. I need help.
Layla
Yes! Bites all the time, even when excited! Why?!?!?!?!?!?! I’m desperate for help!!!! Won’t stop biting! Hitting! Throwing! Pinching! My days are literally exhausting and depressing because I can’t for one second not have my hand near him to pull him away from my 10 month old daughter. (He’s 2.)
Please share all the advice you can! I’m about ready to loose my mind!
Lisa
Hi, my son is almost three and the same and I have tried everything and don’t know what to do anymore. Did something work for you?
Krystal
Oh my word! Youmy dear are telling my story. I have two boys in daycare. 4 and almost 18m. My 18m old bite 6 kids today and one broke skin. My four year had three time outs for spitting. Great day at daycare.
Susan
Came across this site looking for advice… My 4yo gets so frustrated she bites her 8yo sister often, today she drew blood! We are at our wits end – time out, losing her lovies or privileges and endless conversations about using her words that it doesn’t make an impact anymore. She knows she needs to use words rather than harm but I have no clue how to get her to follow through, especially when the 8yo is screaming/crying and I’m instantly exasperated with the situation! Any thoughts??
Ana Morar
I think your 2 year old need more entertain / fun, one on one during the day as much as possible, but not just one day, (2 to 3 weeks) in order to see results, ask a family member for help, or a babysitter for 2h a day. I know is very difficult with 2 small kids but patience and patience, because the kids sees/ sense your frustration and than poor kids act / express themselves how they can.
Anna
Mine is the same! My 21 month old is about to get kicked out of daycare. I sit him down and talk to him and he just laughs and looks away and tries to stand up and get out of the area. He doesn’t care about time out. All he says is No. help!
Clarisa
Great post, so honest and great tips…hopefully they will work with my 18 months old daughter…!
Stacey Neukam
I think you did the right thing😉 kids at that age do not understand how bad it hurts and that is the only way to show them. That is being a good parent😀
Kendra Owens
I was wondering if you could send your post to me about chronic biting. My 1 year old only bites at daycare and I am a a total loss of what to do to help her.
Lauren Tamm
Yes. I can do that. It is set to go live 5/4 on the site as well 🙂
Melissa
I’d love a link to your chronic biting post. My 19 month old has me at my wits end. 😭 and my other 3 children as well.
Bee
My daughter was having bad bitting issues. I think she learned it when another little boy bit her at a party because she took his ball. (Neither of them were right, not the bitter for bitting or my daughter for talking the ball.) We tried everything you mentioned and we’re still not having any luck.. so had kept telling her no bitting, bitting is bad and finally, I made her bite a clean unpeeled orange. I told her every time she bit someone, something that was not food. She would have to bite the “bad” orange. It works! I don’t feel the best about the solution, but I can relax a bit now that we have this agreement. The only time it is really hard is if she gets too tired and can’t think. Then it’s on me and I make sure that I adjust her nap or bed schedule.
I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.
Bee
Cindy
My son just tuened two a couple weeks ago and has been on a biting rampage for about 9 months. At first I am pretty sure it had to do with teething, but now he does it out of frustration (i.e. Twin sister is in his way) and sometimes out of excitement (he has already bitten several babies…poor defenseless babies!)! I have been saying “no biting” in a firm tone and tapping his mouth, followed by timeouts where I explain biting hurts,etc. I recently added in (along with the routine I just mentioned) starting to fake cry myself since he seems to have an emotional reaction other than just looking at me blankly like he always does. Then, last week he got suspended des from daycare, this week bit his sister so hard it broke skin and bruised her, AND tonight he bit me! I sucked it up and bit him as a final resort (not bruising or leaving a mark) and then secretly cried afterwards. Then I saw him trying to bite himself in the same spot!!!! I am so freaked out. I even talked to the doctor who said “it’s a phase.” I’m glad to know not the only mom out there who is in such a bind. I feel just horrible and don’t know what to do to help my son.
Lauren Tamm
Hey Cindy. Thank so much for your comment on this post. There are actually two follow up posts on this topic that you may find helpful. https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/how-to-get-your-toddler-to-stop-biting-when-nothing-works/ and https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/get-better-toddler-behavior/. Hang in there. It took us a year to get our son to stop biting. You are a good mama. I know because the very fact that you even worry about the biting shows you are an amazing mom. Keep trying.
Maria
When you bit your son, did he stop biting or at least cut back?? Just curious? You never really say in your post!! Thanks!!
Lauren Tamm
Maria, biting him back did absolutely nothing. He continued relentlessly. And if anything, I’d say it encouraged him to bite more. Here’s another post where I talk about it more: https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/how-to-get-your-toddler-to-stop-biting-when-nothing-works/.
Warmly,
lauren
Renee
I babysit my grandkids, 5 of them for the summer. 3 of them live with their mothers in Calif. we live in Arizona. I have two-2 year olds, one-3 year old, one 4 year old & one 7 year old. I have tried everything with the youngest 2 year old. I have bit him back and he just says ouch, tried removing him from the situation, nothing, time out, a dab of soap on his tongue and even spanking. At the time of any of the above I sure to be at eye level and tell him NO BITING !! Nothing fazes him, he just seems to brush it off. He’s not teething, he has all his teeth. He only says a few words but he understands what you say to him. When you ask him a question he will say yea or no and a few other words. He only bites when he want something another child has. I cant or wont just let him have what he wants because then he will use the biting to get what he wants. His biting is getting so bad that the pre school hes in is talking about dismissing him fro the program. His mother works and needs him to be there. I/we are desperate to find a cure for his biting. He bites so hard he leaves teeth marks for hours and it also leaves a bruise. With 5 kids I cant just sit and monitor them. HELP !! HELP !!
Terri
I have a 9 month old grandson who has started biting. Usually it’s when he’s tired and fighting sleep but other times he lays his head on our shoulder like he’s going to love us but to our surprise he bites. What to do?
Erin
Thank you so much for this post my boy just turned two and is on a biting rampage. I just wanted to ask how long did it take for the biting to calm down ?
🙂