Raising Kids
Entering into the toddler years presents a whole new set of parenting challenges, especially when your toddler doesn’t listen. Many days when I wonder if I’ll ever learn how to make kids listen. I enjoy a good challenge. So there’s that.
Our listening journey started the moment my son started to run around the house checking to see if off limit items were still–in fact–off limits.
He would run away in the parking lot, pull at electrical chords, throw food on the floor and when I corrected him, he would laugh and make silly faces at me.
I wasn’t laughing.
10 strategies when your toddler doesn’t listen.
Let’s check out ten strategies you can use when your toddler doesn’t listen to make your days a little less frustrating. For me, these listening strategies are worth it.
If I experience a fewer frustrating moments each day or avoid one power struggle, it can keep me from turning into an angry mom volcano, and let’s be honest, that benefits everyone.
1. Call your child by name.
Using nicknames and terms of endearment is commonplace when interacting with small kids. I call my son all sorts of crazy stuff, but when it comes to listening, I’ve found using the good old fashioned birth name is really the most effective.
Using your child’s real name helps get his attention specifically, and it let’s them know you are about to share important information.
2. Get down to the child’s level.
This is something I learned working full-time as a nurse. We were taught to get down to the patient’s eye level to help them know we cared. If a patient was lying in bed, I would squat down or sit in the chair to look the patient in the eye as we talked.
This technique applies perfectly to any age or ability. When your toddler doesn’t listen, squat down or sit on the ground before communicating. Plus, when you are at the same level, you can hear and see each other better, both of which improve listening.
3. Make eye contact.
This is an overwhelmingly popular parenting tip because it is very effective when toddlers don’t listen. In a variety of situations, eye contact is huge! After getting down to your child’s level, say his or her name again and wait until your eyes meet. At that very moment you’ll know he or she is paying attention and focusing on what you are saying.
4. Use gestures and expressions.
Toddlers understand a reasonable amount of language, but using gestures and facial expressions can better clarify your message and improve understanding. Your child will better understand what you are saying, if you furrow your brow or shake your head than if you list instructions. Similarly, you can also try to use happy expressions and nodding if you want to reinforce something your toddler is doing well.
5. Keep realistic expectations.
Recognize age appropriate expectations for your child. Most toddlers will obey only some of the time. It isn’t realistic to expect toddlers to listen to every instruction.
Related: How Much Should Your Toddler Listen?
6. Keep instructions short.
The shorter and more succinct your message, the more likely your toddler with understand you and listen. Toddlers are easily overwhelmed with long instructions and stop listening. Using one or two very short sentences, aim to keep it simple.
We also love using these printable routine cards at bedtime, mealtime and in the morning and they help A TON with cooperation!
7. Use praise effectively.
Using the right type of praise is so important when toddlers don’t listen. Using the words “good job” or “you’ve won” offers momentary praise, but it doesn’t share what the child did well, and in the long run creates narcissistic and entitled kids.
Instead, describe specifically what your child did well in each situation without using “good job.” An example would be, “You found a way to put all the toys away quickly.” Or “You carried your sink to the plate. That was helpful.” Or “You played gently with your sister.”
Recognizing your child’s individual strengths will help him or her to start doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t.
Related: The Problem With Over-Praise and What To Do Instead
8. Try essential oils.
I know it sounds crazy, but lately we’ve been using essential oils to help calm the mood in our house! A few months ago I would have laughed at anyone that told me that a few drops of essential oils could help in a stressful situation. Lavender and Peace and Calming are two oils that we use to help our toddler stay calm (especially before bedtime!) and focus on what I am saying.
9. Try the whisper technique.
When all else fails, I start whispering and get very quiet. When I am at my son’s level, and I am looking him in the eye, and I know he is ready to listen, I start to whisper. It’s almost as if I am telling him a secret. He starts to listen very carefully and often starts smiling. I also love using this technique when he is screaming around the house or I feel compelled to yell at him. It’s fun to do the opposite and whisper.
You could also try this crazy and weird noise tip that I learned from Language of Listening.
10. Sing your words.
Music is a powerful tool to use when your toddler doesn’t listen. It can improve a child’s mood, catch their attention, and improve listening. In addition to whispering, you could also try singing to make the words more fun and enjoyable. Children often feel like following a set of instructions that are sung to them is an exciting game or activity.
We love these following direction and listening games in our home to help our kids “practice” during play.
When your toddler doesn’t listen.
Listening is a struggle no matter the age of your child. These 10 strategies are the building blocks to help grow and nurture your child’s listening skills.
Will all of these tips make your toddler listen ALL the time?
Probably not.
However, they will help when your toddler doesn’t listen at least SOME of the time. My son is now a preschooler and his listening is getting better each day. From staying close to me in the parking lot, to making smart meal-time choices, to going to bed on time, I promise you, these techniques work if stay consistent.
Print this free toddler listening checklist.
This post comes with a free printable checklist to help with toddler listening. I always have the hardest time remembering these phrases. This printable simplifies it!
Here is a sneak preview…
Download Your Free Printable
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- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable, plus join 20,000+ parents who receive my weekly parenting tips and ideas!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock
would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Check things off as you go and don’t forget a thing!
Want more on toddlers?
- What No One Tells You About Parenting Toddler Boys
- 9 Phrases That Change Life with a Toddler
- Dear Moms of Wild Toddlers
- 3 Parenting Phrases to Avoid When Teaching Toddlers to Listen
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After taking my free email series, you will:
- Learn simple, yet highly effective listening strategies
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Lauren,
Wow, 41 pins! You are the Pinterest Queen, lady! How do you do it?
In other news, of course these are super helpful tips. I used many of them all the time back when I taught preschool, especially the whispering and getting down on their level. I might add singing to the list! Even now with my own kids, I’m always looking for ways to turn things into a song.
I used to perform my own rendition of “Splish Splash” when my preschoolers were waiting for their lunch to get them to stay in their seats if the food didn’t arrive when we expected. Worked every time!
I made sure to pin this, I always pin your stuff though =)
Brittany
That is so funny, I was just singing instructions to my sweet guy this afternoon and he loved it. I was thinking I really need to add singing to the list. I’m going to add it in as a bonus update courtesy of the fab BB. Thanks for the share. Very much appreciated as always. And happy to see you received my email from earlier today. Have a great weekend. P.S. LOVED your latest blog post. So spot on!
I love the idea to whisper. I am going to have to try that today. My daughter has been testing us a million times more the past few weeks, and it’s really, really exhausting! I am trying to point out when she’s doing a good job about something, but it’s so much easier to recognize the bad. Getting down on her level and then showing her my facial expressions is something I’m going to work on more. I think you just about covered everything on the topic!
I definitely know how you feel. Jameson is really giving me a run for my money lately. He just started this whole screaming at the top of his lungs things…all.day.long. Oh my goodness. I keep whispering and he keeps screaming, lol. He listens better with these tips, but haven’t figured out how to get him to stop screaming. Any ideas, Charlee?
Lauren
I actually haven’t had to deal with screaming until more recently. Sofía is starting to throw many more tantrums, and if she’s angry enough she will scream! I try to keep my cool and not make a big deal of it, but it’s going to be really interesting when we’re out in public and she does it! My nephew (who is now 2.5) lived with us for a year last year and he was quite the screamer. My sister-in-law always sent him to his crib, and I don’t think that really helped much. I hope you can find something that helps and share it!
So far I’ve got nothing, ha ha. But I’ll keep you posted, Charlee. I think Jameson is just enjoying being vocal and having a voice, so right now we are just riding the wave 😉
I used the whisper tip frequently too, when I felt everything else was failing. What’s funny, I noticed that my child pay more attention to me when I am serious if I speak in Croatian and not English. So sometimes, I use that language to convey the right message. Great tips as always Lauren!
Ana,
I love that you speak more than one language. So jealous of that. I took German for 5 years and remember like to words now. If I had a second language in my parenting tool belt, I would definitely be using it. By the way did you know I’m 50% Slovenian? Still have family over there too. Anyways..have a great day!
Lauren
Awesome tips! I’ll be sharing this and pinning. I know I’m going to have to keep this in mind as my son gets older. I used a lot of these when I taught kindergarten. It’s amazing what the whisper technique can do!
Tricia, thank you so much for sharing. You are too kind! Pretty soon we’re gonna start a whispering revolution, ha ha. That’s so fun that you taught kindergarten. I’d love to hear more about that! My friend Brittany had the great idea to add singing to the list…maybe you used that when you were teaching too?
Lauren, I wanted to learn more about you and came over from Be A Better Blogger )clicked on a link from one of your comments). SO glad I did, as children are the center of my world, both professionally and non.
As a father of soon-to-be twelve children (we’re hoping twins, so HOPE 13 in all)…I’m excited to see good, solid and effective tips for parents!
It’s so easy to lean forward when you’re sitting down to get on their level and the whispering? Perfect.
I’d like to add that when they might be doing something wrong and I need to get their attention, I add holding out my hand and asking questions.
Physical contact helps with attention, especially when I can lightly (and lovingly) squeeze my daughter’s (Wynnie, age 4) hand. Then with that whisper I smile and ask her questions as we interact. The human brain seems to be automated in producing answers…which gets the kids thinking and connecting to you.
I’ve learned that not all things work with all kids–but this has worked with 11 of mine.
Awesome article!
-Jaime
I love the idea of holding out your hand and asking questions, Jaime. Great tip! I love whispering and I think adding physical touch into the mix might just be the golden ticket. I adore that you have 11 kids and counting. You are amazing. Man, you probably have a bunch of crazy good parenting tips…good thing I subscribed to your site 😉 Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Have a great day!
Lauren
Oh, I’ve got parenting tips alright….people say, “What lovely, well behaved children you have!”
Then they’re so shocked when I say, “I adore them…take them everywhere. Unfortunately they always find their way home.”
…my wife still laughs at my stupid jokes though–so I am comforted =).
Ha, ha…Well, I think your jokes are funny!
Lauren,
These are some excellent tips on how to improve toddler listening. I often use the whisper technique – works like a charm EVERY time! I also am very facially expressive and ‘talk with my hands’ – that’s just who I am and I’ve found this quirk is always very engaging especially with children. They pay attention more because all of me is talking, requesting, instead of just the words of my mouth. Another great post, Lauren! Keep up the good work.
Katie
I agree being really expressive and talking with hands is such an awesome tip. I know my son doesn’t always understand 100% of what I’m saying, but using my hands and face can really help him understand me better. Talk to you later!
Lauren
some really practical ideas here, well documented too Popping by from Monday Pin it Party
Thanks for visiting! It’s great to have you here!
Great list of ideas for parenting toddlers. I like the whisper idea as a fun way to change it up and grab attention. I pinned this. Glad I found you at the Parenting Pin it Party.
Whispering is a really fun way to change it up and grab attention, Scarlet 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and thanks for sharing! You are too kind!
Have a wonderful day,
Lauren
Excellent advice! I have always appreciating the whispering technique. It’s amazing how much attention a whisper garners. Thanks for linking up at the #laughlearnlinkup!
Thanks for stopping by Michelle. Looking forward to visiting all the great posts from this week! Have a great day!
Lauren
Some excellent ideas here – really great – my kids are older now, so wish I had had this to hand when they were a bit younger. Thanks for popping by to the Parenting Pin it Party again. xx
Thanks for hosting such a wonderful link up, Helen. I really enjoyed so many of the posts from this week!
I really need this advice right now – I have toddler twins who are constantly testing boundaries and I’m not dealing with it too well. I’m going to print this out and put each of these strategies to the test. Thank you!
#laughlearnlinkup
Clare, you are too kind. Thank you for your encouragin words. I hope that they help. My son only listens some of the time, but he is a young toddler and I think that is reasonable at this point. We are a work in progress. Have a great day!
Lauren
I wish I had worked with my toddlers on table manners earlier!
It so hard to do. I really struggle with sticking with it, but I know it will be worth it in the end! Most days are far from perfect, but we are a work in progress around here 🙂
Have a great day,
Lauren
When my oldest was little… Getting dressed could be a hassle. We played a game! Who could get dressed fastest! Mommy or son?
Awesome tip Tracey! Thank you! 🙂
Hi All! This is a fantastic article. I am currently in the same situation with my first (17-month old daughter). As a first time parent all I do is read up on different ways to improve toddler listening. She has recently started to hit or pinch when she disagrees with what my husband or I say. We’ve tried the “No Zoe, please be nice” passing our hand to show her the nice approach but she continues to test us. Do you have any other advice on this?
Funny enough an obedient toddler will only listen 50-60% of the time. Developmentally that is considered a really good amount. So if she is listening at least half of the time that is a really good thing and totally normal. The other thing is just being really consistent with obedience. I wrote a post on it here: and here . Just keep trying. It’s definitely a process over the long haul. Totally relate to everything you said. My son is the exact same age 🙂
Good list! I’ve learned, that you should mirror your child’s feelings. For example, they are sad they can’t read another book before bedtime, you say “I know it makes you sad not to be able to read another book, but tomorrow we can read it (or explain whatever the reason is)” It helps the kids understand their feelings and they know you care and understand.
Great tip! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Any ideas for a thirteen month old who bites? He is usually such a sweetie but when something doesn’t go his way he turns to bite whatever he can get.
I so relate to the biting issue! My son has a biting issue on and off since he was 6 months old and he is now 19 months old. I have tried everything. Really I have. The only two things that were the most effective: walk away. Once he bit me, I would just say “biting hurts” and then walk to another part of the room and didn’t engage for a few minutes. Then I recently told him to “bite yourself” and put his arm or and near his mouth to bite. It’s still an ongoing process for us. When he gets really frustrated, he bites. Which always makes me nervous when he is playing with other kids. Other obvious things are simply treating the cause of the frustration…I know that’s not always easy. And continuing to be very consistent over time. It’s a work in progress in our home!
Thanks for your comments. I think the one where walking away and saying that it hurts could be useful. I’m definitely going to try it. He is such a sweet baby, but he definitely acts out in frustration.
Completely relate and agree with you!
Wait, is your son’s name Jameson too?!!!
From my experience, finding the best moment to talk to toddler is important. My son is a very concentrated kid and when he was at montessori school he could sit for an hour for one single task. Sooner i realize whenever he seemed to not listening, hes actually engaged in something else and is actually learning something. So i would wait till hes done, or even better, when he comes to find me to preach what i plan to preach. It worked every single time!
Great tips. Although, I don’t think my toddler is physically capable of carrying ‘his sink to the plate’. 😉
Depends on the toddler and how far the sink is and how heavy the plate is 🙂 This is definitely not a requirement, simply a suggestion.
Hi Lauren
Thanks for this helpful article 🙂
I just wanted to let you know that in the paragraph about effective praise you wrote “carry your sink to the plate” instead of plate to the sink. 🙂
I have read this article a few times over the last couple of months and only just picked it up now.
Have a great week. Xx
Great tips! We have a 2 1/2 year old grandson in our household. I feel these tips will be very helpful especially if we all get on board! Thank you!
We all make little word switches sometimes but this was one of the funniest. Talking about a toddler say instead of good job say “you’ve carried your sink to the plate.” I think your child is superman! Just sayin. Lol love it.
My 3 year-old daughter has always had, and still has tantrum episodes every single day. It’s humiliating. Bedtime is so stressful EVERY DAY! And this is not the only time she is out of control. I have tried it all; routine, stories, positive reinforcement, games, etc., still, nothing works. We can’t figure it out…we would appreciate your input… I’m all ears!!! Thanks!!!
My baby is already 6 years old, but I can remember tantrum horror like it was yesterday. I had some advice from my mother; my favorite was time-outs… sparingly. Depending on the child, using a time-out occasionally, beginning at about the age of 18 months especially intense and other techniques aren’t working. Placing your child in a quiet, or –better yet– boring spot for a brief period (about one minute per year of his age) can be a good lesson in self-soothing. Also there are lessons online on how to talk with your toddler correctly. Most of them are rubbish, but few are gold. I found this one https://bit.ly/2F3SvFk helpful.