MilSpouse LifeThere is rarely a week that passes where I don’t hear from a military girlfriend. She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community. Researching this post, I found much of the advice for military girlfriends discouraging.
She needs to know “her place.”
She is “just a girlfriend.”
She is “not entitled to anything.”
Related: Boot Camp Communication – What You Can Expect Phone Calls, Letters, Graduation Day, etc.
Geeze! It made me think back to my days as a military girlfriend and how small the military community made me feel at times. It hurt most at the time because my service member and I had been together for years. I wasn’t a fling. And I definitely wasn’t a floozy. I was a young professional with a career and my own money. In the civilian community, people wouldn’t dream of constantly reminding you of “your place.”.
Related: 13 Useful Gifts for a Deployed Service Member
Of course, there are a few military girlfriends who give the title a bad name. They lack character and morals. They take advantage of service members and make poor choices.
As a military community, we have so much encouragement and sound advice to offer the military girlfriend.
One day I hope I am lucky enough to sit down and have a cup of coffee with one of those military girlfriends, who email me each week genuinely seeking help.
And when I do. I will tell her this…
Having a life in addition to the one with your service member will help you remember who you are as a person. Military life tends to take over a bit from time to time, but remember your individuality. Remember what you love to do for fun. Doing this will help your survive long deployments and separations so much better.
Connect with others in your community through Facebook groups, blogs and community events. This could be military community members or civilians. Establishing friendships and good relationships with others will offer you the support you need to overcome the ups and downs of military life.
Related: Where to Find MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
Grow your relationship.
Learn beneficial ways to improve communication in your relationship. Be open and honest with each other. Learn to grow and establish trust with your significant other. Honesty and trust are the foundation for every strong military relationship.
Use this as a time to weigh the positives and negatives of this life. Take time to really consider what it looks like long term, consider the possibility of moves (and not just the exotic possibilities but the very real not ideal possibilities), deployments, training, absences… talk to other spouses your your boyfriend’s trade honestly about what it’s looked like for them. Make an informed decision now, because that’s what dating is about. It’s okay if it’s not what you’re willing to accept in life, it’s not going to be what everyone wants (nor should it be). But make that decision now.
Take an open mind to making friends within the military community. There’s so much to be gained through positive friendships with other military spouses! — Kim
Seek out the positive.
Try to see the good in every situation, even when it’s not easy. Keeping a positive attitude through everything makes a HUGE difference. I often think of the Danes, who are touted as the happiest people on the planet, and how they seem to find the positive in every situation imaginable. They are what many like to call realistic optimists. They don’t sugar coat challenging circumstances, but they often look at things through the perspective of others, realizing that things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Discover ways to become more understanding and patient. The military will dictate many parts of your life and allowing yourself to remit control will prepare you for the unexpected.
Give the relationship at least a year before making plans for your future. Don’t rush it. Take your time to know whether this is the life that is right for both of you. The military introduces a unique set of challenges to every marriage–separations, frequent moves, and a demanding job just to name a few. Think rationally, logically and wisely about marrying into military life.
Embrace it as much as possible.
Embrace your time as a military girlfriend. This season of life will help you learn if military life is where you want to be. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.
Surround yourself with supportive and positive people who see military life in a good light. There will be challenges and day to day frustrations and at times it can be overwhelming, but with a group of people that truly support one another in a healthy empowering way it can be an incredible experience. — Judy
Being a military girlfriend feels hard sometimes. It’s normal to feel that way.
Hang in there.
Feel encouraged.
You are welcome here in this community.
Want more on military life?
- 43 Awesome Tips for the New Military Wife
- 31 Encouraging Quotes for the Military Spouse
- The Biggest Mistake a Military Spouse Can Make
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
What’s your perspective on being a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
Really great article! I would also add that military members should help in making that experience positive for girlfriends and boyfriends alike. My husband and I are both military and when we were “just dating” – even though I knew we would get married – I really felt like our relationship was marginalized and one of us was overlooked in the other’s circle (we are statione apart). That experience taught me to be welcoming and accepting of the military girlfriends and boyfriends I meet along the way, trying to treat them like I would a spouse with invites to events and including them in fun things on base. After all it’s crazy to look down on a dating relationship when you HAVE to date if you want to get married someday. So I try to treat them like future spouses and show an interest I’m what they do outside the military. Overall I think the military could do au have better job of respecting relationships and how they affect both the service member and his significant other.
Yes! I agree with you 100%. And I think in general being kind and generous to those you meet, welcoming them into your community, and appreciating the fact we all must date in order to marry are important things to keep in mind. Thanks for a great comment on this post!
Hi my name is Keyona, my boyfriend James is in the Army currently in South Korea. Our relationship started as high school sweethearts we dated for almost three years and we broke up right before he first left for the army because he felt like he was dragging me alone and it was too soon too much to be involved. Anyways since then I have two sons their fathers are not involved. But since me and James started back talking since January he has been a supporter and a survivor just everything to us. I love him so much and I try to be encouraging and learn as much about his military life as much as possible. But I feel horrible currently not working and struggling to find a job, I feel like I’m not as much as he needs me to be and there is no support around me and just negativity about the distance and risk of our relationship it’s quite depressing. I’m just looking for someone to talk to who understands and can help and can adivse me about everything. There is a lot of pressure and no one is understanding. I want to make this work because he loves me and believes in us and our future I feel like I don’t measure up and I’m lost. The article was great thought and very encouraging.
Im a Canadian women who has been talking to a solider he’s a staff sergeant and I’m struggling we haven’t talked on the phone says he can’t but he messages me. I don’t get it am I being catfished lied too played can some one give me advice. He says he’s deployed but can’t talk please anyone advice on what is going on?? I’m really new to this.
I’m in the same boat . We talk alot then he gets distant. I see him online. We’ve spoken of seeing when he gets back and has vacation time. We talk on facebook and instagram. It’s obvious he has no girlfriend, but I’m faling for him and I’m scared hes talking to others too, but I dont want to be unnecessary drama and ask
Hi Valerie,
Your story sounds almost exactly the same as mine! I’m Canadian and I met a soldier in the US Military on a dating site. He says he’s deployed overseas and needs me to register as his girlfriend so he can request leave. I’ve gone so far as to ask for information, but have not submitted any payments. I’m not sure if I should go ahead with the payment or if I’m being catfished as well. Help!!
Hi Valerie, got a Marine guy as boyfriend. Idk too. We had the same experience. We talk and chat but I can’t see him whenever we do vdo calling. He says its confidential and he can’t tell details. We only have 1-2 hrs time to talk per day. Am I being catfished here too? But I’m falling for him
My same situation it sounds like except we didn’t split solely on him going to the army but who knows that could of been the reason he moved out 2 mos before he left but the weekend before departure he made sure he stopped by and told me he was going that he loved me and we will keep in touch. He has called me to check up already it’s not even a full week he’s been gone. He definitely stated we had a future but I’m very confused myself. If you live him and it’s worth it go for it keep the Debbie downers out your ear and so what you want and what makes you happy after all it’s your life. I’m not stressing I’m taking one day at a time keeping my body and mind right (lol) and keeping busy enjoying my kids and working. Keeping busy is important wether your together or not because it helps the time go faster and keeps sooooo much idle time to think what if. Take some college courses or look for work
Hello,
My name is Kham. I have been dating my military man for about a month. He found me through Facebook through a mutual friend, my cousin. At first, I was skeptical about his advances, because I myself, in the midst of finalizing my divorce from a previous marriage. I wasn’t looking because I dont want to be the same situation. I have dated military men before, and it was hard but manageable. He is currently in Iraq on his 10th mission. I am a strong woman that can handle many situations. In this situation, what would be your advice as to a gathering and knowingly I would not know his military circle.
Thank you so much,
Hi Im Yvonne. I have a military boyfriend and he is now in Kuwait. We are 1 year and 10 months talking online.And I didnt meet him yet. I dont want him talking someone online.Im really afraid I will lose him. I get jealous. I dont know whats happening there to him a week now.He did not call me but he just texting me.And I just think he is busy at work but why he cant call me when he is home,and I think again that he is tired☹️😢.I dont know what to do Maam. I need your advice.
Hi, try not to feel like you don’t measure up, raising two kids is a massively important job on its own and you should be proud of it. It sounds like what you have got with James is really special. I think you should go with your gut with the relationship. I’m sure it will have its challenges with the distance but if you love each other then it will all be worth it. Stay strong and believe in yourself. Everything will be alright. And if you go for it and it doesn’t work out then at least you know that you tried and aren’t left wondering about what could have been. Enjoy the journey I’m sure you have many good memories ahead.
My boyfriend we met recently in the few weeks and we have this connection that we both can’t explain but we both have openly expressed these feelings.
I am having health issues and he wants to come home to see me for my surgery.
He asked if I would let him. Should I let him ? I am a military girlfriend this sounds like something a service member would do for a spouse.
Hi my name is Shrink, I am from India. My bf is in Army too and recently he go into field location where there is no mobile reception and only satellite phones work. He calls whenever he can sometimes in 48 hours, sometimes even later then that, most of the time I have no whereabouts of him. These thoughts definitely scares me , then I remind myself of all happy days that we have spent together. I am really struggling though about how to focus on my career especially when I am planning to do my PhD in law and all I think about when will he call next. Is he alright, waiting for his homecoming.
My fiance and I are highschool sweethearts we’ve been together for 6 years and together since middle school, he has 3 days left with me and I cant stop crying we just graduated and we live together so together every minute and im not sure what im going to do while he’s gone hes my only support system and the only person im ever with and im super scared about myself hes the reason i never fall apart
Situation I am in. He’s leaving tomorrow and I’m trying to be strong, but I find myself crying. We’ve been together for 5 years, and this is his dream. I want to support him in every way I can. I just.. feel like a part of me is leaving too.
Hi 🙂 my girlfriend is in the navy I’m concerned because she was suppose to graduate the beginning of October I got a phone call where she might graduate late ….. idk if I should keep sending cards to her division I haven’t heard from her but how many weeks do u think they are going to held her back
Hi ! I am wondering if you guys can help me reach my US marine .I can’t reach him for days now and it is worrisome. He told me his a few days away from ending his work contract but then he has not contacted me which is unusual for him. He sent me a message to ask how i was on thursday and that’s about it . I live a different country from him and it really worries me cause I know he lives all alone . I am really hoping nothing is wrong with him. is it possible to get help ?
Hi ! I am badly in need of advice. I could not reach my marine and I was wondering if there’s anyway to find out . his last contact to me is on a thursday and nothing more . I am so worried and I hope he is fine . I live faraway like in a different country so I dunno how to reach him aside from the app i usually talk to him.
Hello there. My name is Annalise. I’ve been talking to my soldier for almost a month. He found me on a Facebook dating site. We talk all the time, every day bit we have never met each other. He’s been deployed for just over a week and I just miss him so much. In the short time that we have talked, we have fallen in love and we talk about marriage all the time. He mentioned the other day about me registering to be an Army wife. I sent an initial email and I received an email from the people saying I would have to give them $300 for registering but apparently the money is given right back after 24 hours. Has anyone ever heard of this? Did any of you deal with something like this, being that you’re military wives?
Thank you
hi lauren my name is ashley and my best friend is in the army but i don’t know how to tell him that i have feelings for him. do you know what i could say or do?
I was dating someone in Special Forces and am prior service myself. We dated a few months and then he went on a ten month mission. We were talking and having a great time on the phone one day and then right after he texted and called it off and said he lied and is not in the military. I know he is but the whole conversation was odd…about how we could not communicate and under the circumstances we had to stop everything now. Could it have had something to do with Spec Ops? Or just a break-up?
The good way to find out about these people is asking about his A.P.O. Or a .mil email and then you would have it figure through . Its so deceiving of this. Stay strong in you.
Hi.. I’m a new military girlfriend. I met Davin 3 weeks before he left for Basic. He’s home now. I’m just unsure of where to go from here. I love this boy, I really do. What is the best way I can be there for him and with him before he leaves again in 2 weeks before more training? someone help 🙁
Hi Alyssa! I’m in the same boat with you. I just started dating my marine one month ago, and he’s been doing pre-deployment training for the last three weeks (he has a 6 month tour coming up in April). I understand how rough it is to be so new into a relationship with someone who can’t be there, even if he wants to be. I’m trying to learn as much as I can by talking to other people about their military lives, whether they are the service members or the spouses. I think the best thing we can do is go about living our lives, staying positive, and having strong communications with our partners when they are here. We need to have clear understandings of what to expect and a solid foundation of trust.
Someone please help us! 🙂
Hi Kaitlyn,
I’m a marine girlfriend as well and my marine just found out he’s being sent to Yuma for his orders and no longer gets to come home on leave after he graduates on Thursday. It’s been so difficult trying to find the right words to say to him to let him know it’ll be ok but I’ve found constantly sending positive vibes is a key. He keeps talking about marriage but almost doubts me and wants me to keep reading what other people have to say so he can insure that I’m prepared for all of this. Is there any other tips y’all can think of that would help in general?
♥️Positive vibes yes. I figure negatives ones will not help. Plus considering the circumstance, it’s a little more challenging discussing certain things so far away
I’m a new military girlfriend. I met my boyfriend Ian, who is a MP in the army, 2 weeks before he left for his first tour in South Korea. He’s been there for nearly two months now and is struggling with depression and not liking it there. I’ve been trying to encourage him as much as possible but it’s hard to know what to do to help him. Especially with the relationship being so new… I’m just looking for any advice to young couples on how to make this work in the long run. I’m only 18 and he’s 19 and I feel like this can work as long as we do the right things!
hey its been the same for me as well i met my boyfriend 2 weeks prior to him leaving for bootcamp. At this point he has already come home from bootcamp for his two weeks and is now back in training. I miss him and love him like crazy and i’m super excited for him to be home in a few months, but sometimes it’s difficult. I am not positive how to let him see that i’m not going anywhere and that i will be here when he gets back. I love him so much and wouldn’t dream of ever leaving him, i graduate soon and my original plan was to go military but i would hate to be deployed when he got his leave to come home so i decided maybe college is my best bet. Anyway what can or should i do to show him that i’m not going to leave him simply because he is living his dream and doing wha he had always dreamed to do. Because i know that he is going to be gone a lot and it makes me sad yes, but I am not angry about it.
Hi Delaney,
I totally get where you are coming from. My boyfriend of almost a year is leaving for training next month but has depression about the whole situation. I had known about him leaving since I met him, but it still does not feel real. I feel like I am tormenting myself with nerves and uneasiness, and he is becoming distant and not reassuring. I do not know what to do because this is taking a greater toll on me than I had expected and he did not even leave yet.
Unfortunately I have no idea when your reply was posted, but I’ve been a Marine girlfriend for a while now. 2 deployments later, and all is well. Its hard. Communication is so important, throughout deployments you’ll notice that your significant other is different. Not always in a bad way, but it is important to remember what they are going through. They’ll more than likely be in a new, very uncomfortable place, training every single day, and especially remembering they are busy. When my boyfriend was first deployed, I had no idea where he was, and no idea when I would talk to him next. We had only been together a matter of months when he first left. It was hard, my heart hurt, but I know it was worst on him. It is important to remember that they will come home to you, and that no matter what, what circumstance they find themselves in, they will be there for you. My boyfriends problems seemed so much bigger than mine when he was gone. He’s deployed now, and we have about 3 more months left, its hard, but I know my Marine is coming home to me. If you need anything, please find a way to reach out to me. Its hard not being “entitled” to your boyfriend because you aren’t married, I get it. Ive been in this boat for so long, but in the end, I don’t care what anyone thinks. I know how he feels about me, and how I feel about him!
Hi Shelly! I don’t know how long ago your reply was but I’m pretty much in the same boat. When my boyfriend and I started dating we only knew each other for a few weeks and then he was deployed for 7 months. I did not really know what to do but we talked everyday and yes I agree with you, he was different during his deployment than when he was back. He was more distant. Now we’re together for 2 years and he got orders to go back to the states for good. I’m staying here in Germany. He has a 6 months training and doesn’t know his next station yet. It’s been hard lately since you don’t really know what will happen. How are you holding up?
Thank you so much for this comment. Any positive words of advice as the service member is deployed. What can I say or do to help him during this until he is finally home to me?
I am Airforce girlfriend. My Airman is in tech school. During BMT we did not get to talk on the phone. But i wrote him letters everyday. Now that he is in tech school he has his cell phone but rarely calls or talks to me. He just snap chats me.
When I call him he always cuts the conversation short.
We have dated for a year before he joined the airforce.
Sometimes I feel like I am the only one keeping this relationship going. I just want to hear his voice.
Lived and survived it!! My boyfriend and I started dating when he was stationed at a closer base. Two days later, orders came for 8 month deployment. My heart sank and I thought that was the end of us. A year and a half later, still the most amazing man I’ve ever met and will be my husband one day when the times right. You’re much stronger than you tell yourself. You guys got this! It’ll go by so fast I promise. His smile waiting for you after all that time takes away the pain from those months
If you love him and he loves you then ask him where he see’s you two going! I asked my army boyfriend this before he went back into his training and we were official before he left, we’ve now been together over a year and he’s leaving next month for his first deployment. It’s so hard. He’s quite a closed book with emotions so that is hard with a long distant relationship too. You need to ask yourself if that’s something you could do xx
Just have fun with him. Most of the time all they have during camp is memories because the military strips everything else. Make them happy, try not to cry :'( , it might overshadow the good memories you’re trying to create.
Hi!! I am totally new to the military lifestyle. I met my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago. (Please don’t judge). He’s stationed in Turkey now and is coming back to California soon. I am currently living in Minnesota. I would keep myself busy with work, taking my 2 out of 2 kids to volleyball practice 2 days a week. I am looking for some advice on how to stay motivated throughout his deployment. Plus meeting new friends in the same situation could take my mind off of stress. Thanks.
Hey, i just read your comment and feel so related. Im actually from Germany so i hope you dont mind my English. Im also new to this military lifestyle. My brother and his wife live in America, where i met my boyfriend and we´re seperate for almost 3 months now. Its hard, cause i dont know anything about the military life. I try to read as much as i can and this website really already helped me. So i would love to connect with people in the same situation, cause none of my friends really is supporting long term relationships, nor do they understand the whole military life. Thank you!
Hey Claire and Maggie!
I am also a Military girlfriend. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and a half. This is the first time he is being deployed while with me. He has been in the Army for the passed 8 years and we met a couple of months after he had gotten back from a deployment. I would love to chat and get to know people who are going through the same thing. Just like you guys, none of my friends nor family understand what i’m going through. Maybe we can help each other!
Hi Aline! I would love to rally a support group together. It sounds like a number of us are either new to the life and/or managing a relationship during deployment. I started dating my man three weeks before he started ramping up his pre-deployment training for a 6-month tour in April. I’m admittedly already struggling not getting to see or talk to the first man I’ve cared about in five years, but this is a good wake up call for what his deployment will look like. I’m trying to have faith and be strong, but it’s difficult when it feels like you’re doing it on your own.
Like you said, we need friends who understand and can support each other!
Hi Aline and Maggie!
I am a new military girlfriend as well. We started dating about 4 months ago but we have known each other for 7 years already. He’s deploying soon as well. I think a support group is such an amazing idea. I geniunely don’t know what to and I feel so alone in the way that I am feeling. I would really like to get to know and talk to people who are going through and feeling the same way. I feel like its something that can be beneficial to everyone involved!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 5 months and in that time he’s had to go away for either a month too 3 weeks at a time. He’s currently gone at the moment but will be back in the next 2 weeks. It’s hard and stressful but communication is key! I’m a worrier and he knows that making sure I know what’s going on will make it better for us both in the long run. It’s nice too read and hear about other girlfriends and wives stories! I love him more than anything and I have no doubt we’ll get married. I’ll stick with him in this crazy life no matter what! Giving up this kind of love would be inconceivable.
Hi ,
I have been in a relationship with someone for a few months now. He has decided to advance (which I encouraged) with that being said he will be restationed to Alabama for 9mths . Being a new military gf I am so anxious about him meeting someone else and never seeing him again. Is it normal to worry about such a thing?
Hi everyone, I’m not exactly a military girlfriend but I’m going through a situation with a military guy. I live in Germany and I met a guy who works in the US Army but now he’s stationed here in Germany, we met through internet but none of us was looking for someone to date, we met in November but we started to talk in January and then we decided to meet in person. I can’t explain how strong are my feelings for him, we connected even before we met, it’s something special
And I never felt like that before. When we met we kissed and he said that he likes me too, he also said that he doesn’t want to rush things but after that, he just asked me to be his girlfriend and I couldn’t resist ?, I felt like I had to be with him.
He’s gonna leave to the states in March and maybe he’ll come back to Germany in October and stay for 3 years, that’s why he decided to start a relationship with me, but 2 weeks ago he told me that he doesn’t know if he’s going to come back and that’s killing me cause he broke up with me but we still being friends, he said that we should known each other better and that he will try to come back for me. I’m ready for a long distance relationship, but he isn’t and he told me that he doesn’t want to keep me waiting for him and also doesn’t wanna hurt me, but I wouldn’t mind, I can wait cause I know that it could be something good.
Do you guys maybe know if he could ask for a deployment to Germany? He said that the possibilities are 50/50, but can he like, ask for a transfer? I don’t know how this army thing works.
My other question is: how can you trust someone that you barely know? He said that he doesn’t want another girl, but I’m scared, I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I can trust him but sometimes he doesn’t reply for a long time and I start to doubt it.
I’m sorry for this long ass text but I don’t have anyone to talk about, i decided to keep this as a secret, my family and friends won’t understand me and I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose him even if we’re just friends.
I hope you guys can help me?
I’m in the same situation but he’s navy. It looks a mirror. I’m lost too and don’t know what to do but don’t wanna lose him too. Can you help me or give me directions?
Hi guys this is Eva, I forgot to add that my experience with my man is identical to Valeria’s. We know each other for 4 months now. Both of us had this amazing connection right away. He’s gonna be deployed soon for over 4 years. My family and friends don’t understand this life and I don’t have anybody else to count on. Please can somebody has any advice?
Hi Eva,
It’s been 2 years since I published this comment and I would like to know how it went with you?
Actually my story didn’t really end how I wanted it to end, but I’m happy that I could overcome that hard time. I waited for
him until October 2019 and he just played with me and ghosted me like 3 times. He came back and didn’t text me or called me, so at that time I realized that I deserved much better and decided to move on and block him. Unfortunately my story with him ended up bad, but I’m grateful even though I had a hard time and was feeling really down at that time. I learned to love myself more and became much stronger 🙂 and now I was able to meet a very good guy who knows my worth and who loves me a lot❤️.
Anyways I hope your story has a different ending and hopefully went well 😁.
Hi Maggie, I read your msg, and realise that I am new to the military family,as I only known my boyfriend for 5 weeks ,but heven has been deployed to Africa,and we only had communication upto till 20.1.2019,and now I had no contact since then and I am worried as I am not use to this.
Hello everyone,
I’ve been a military girlfriend for about a year now definitely had some ups and downs with my boyfriend especially while him being deployed overseas. My fear is that when he comes home things might be different like what if he gets depressed or he has hard time adjusting. Lately I’ve been feeling a lot of overwhelming pressure and major anxiety from my professional part of life and our relationship now that its almost homecoming time. Would love to connect with other military partners.
Hi lovely. Me and my army boyfriend (I am British) have been together over a year. He is based 300 miles from me all the time and is soon to be deployed for 6 months. I suffer with bad anxiety and I feel very much alone too. My boyfriend is quite a closed book too when it comes to emotions and that doesn’t help. I’m struggling too.
Hi guys! I’m also new to this whole military life. I recently started dating my navy man. Two months to be precise. And his getting deployed soon. I live in Bahrain and this is where I met him. These few days have been really hectic. His been really busy and I understand he can’t talk about work but it’s been really upsetting. I guess I’d just love to meet women who are in the same situation as me, to help me understand the entire thing. I don’t want to stress him out since work has been taking a toll on him.
Hi Maggie,
I dont Know how long this comment is but I would love to be part of the support group if there is any. I am a new Military girlfriend and we are continents apart I need all the support I can get right now.
Hi Maggie. I stumbled upon this article today and saw that you had the most recent comment so I thought I’d respond to you! My boyfriend is currently on a short deployment right now so I’m also seeking others in the same situation. It’s hard because I’m a girlfriend and not a spouse. I’m also not close with the other military spouses and my friends don’t understand what it’s like. So I understand what you’re going through.
Hey Claire and Maggie!
I am also a Military girlfriend. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years and a half. This is the first time he is being deployed while with me. He has been in the Army for the passed 8 years and we met a couple of months after he had gotten back from a deployment. I would love to chat and get to know people who are going through the same thing. Just like you guys, none of my friends nor family understand what i’m going through. Maybe we can help each other!
Love this. I could for sure use the other women in similar situations to relate to as well. To stay positive and offer encouragement through the ups and downs of this crazy life.
I was new to this too, but I think email him. And do what you normally do. I usually keep myself busy and soon I’m going to gym.
Hey Nicole, I’m completely with you on this same journey. I actually reached out to my (now) boyfriend through Facebook and we’ve been talking since January ’21 while he’s stationed out in Kabul. I live in California and military life is completely new, but luckily my best friend grew up in the military life and offered me her best advice. Communication is so important so any given moment of a text message or phone call from your boyfriend, cherish every moment, tell him how you appreciate him. Let him know that you will be his support system, I always tell my man every chance given. Um, motivation? For myself, I’m in college so I’m naturally already busy lol. Although I have my moments that I miss my boyfriend terribly to the point that I have to have a good cry session or I have my fair share of just waiting by my phone for a text message from my man. But every chance we get to message each other, we always remind each other how important we are to each other. We talk about our future and share good laughs, and that’s something that I find important because at least for me I have something to smile about when he’s getting his rest while I’m attending my Zoom classes.
I don’t know if it’s too late for this to get answered, but my boyfriend left two days ago for his basic training for the Air Force; a day before my birthday.
It’s been really hard for me to cope. We’ve been dating for a year now and I love this boy passionately and I know he feels the same way about me.
I’ve woken up every morning crying since I’ve had to say goodbye to him. I’m also a freshman in college and my school is about an hour or two away from where he normally lives, so I didn’t get to see him much before he deployed. I don’t know how to stop the crying and the worrying and the anxiety. I miss him so much already and I just want to be able to talk to him everyday again, but I have to wait 8 weeks for that.
Plus, yesterday, his mom told me that he called to give his parents his address, but he made it clear that NO ONE else is allowed to have his address. I will have to send every letter I would like to send through his parents.
Please someone help. I feel reallly awful and I can’t sleep and it’s getting hard to eat or have the motivation to do anything really. I feel stupid for being this upset because In reality 8 weeks is a blink of an eye, but it feels like forever right now, and I don’t want my boy gone forever.
AS A MILITARY BOYFRIEND, I’m here to tell you in all okay. I promise.
Sby
I have a ? My girlfriend who is in Army AIT right now, hasnt really called me to talk…she snapchats and everything is very short. I literally havent spoke on the phone with her except for like 4 min. during basic and I though when she graduated and went into AIT, she would call. She hasnt, she says everything is fine, but the not calling has been hard to deal with. I am trying to be patient, but i am struggling….any words to help. We have been dating 8 months.
This is late but I am currently going through the same situation. I have been with the man I fell in love with for a little under a year now and he goes in tomorrow to officially swear into the US Airforce and prepare to leave for basic. Much of my time is occupied by school as I just started my second semester, but he is the one person I spend every single day with. How have things turned out for you? My heart hurts and it’s so hard not to break down everytime we’re together as I know he could be leaving at any given time.
I’m also going through something very similar. My boyfriend of a year and a half leaves tomorrow for basic training. I know he’s excited but I’m so worried because he will be gone for 8 weeks and I’m not sure I can even make it to his graduation because of cost and school. We are high school sweethearts, and I’m used to seeing him everyday and texting everyday. But now it’s going from that to no communication besides possibly one letter every week. I cry all the time and just feel myself breaking knowing my best friend and support system will be gone. After basic he gets one day off then he’s gone another 4 months for more training (though he could visit on some weekends or holidays and allowed to use his phone) but after that he’ll be stationed who knows where. It’s hard not to feel hopeless even though he’s all I ever want and we’ve talked-about getting married years later. Please help.
Hi, all. I met a man in the US air force 4 months ago and we’ve been dating ever since. Since I’m not American, I have no context of how demanding a military job can be in terms of time spent at work, so I would appreciate any insight. He says he’s being deployed soon and I don’t know if I should hold on or let go. What is the communication like? How often are you able to talk? I don’t know if I could deal with not hearing from him for months on end. And I like him, but since it’s so new I don’t know if it’s worth pursuing. I need help, please.
I am in the exact same situation. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and he just recently left for Air Force Basic Training. I thought it would be easier to deal with the lack of communication, but I’ve realized that I’m so used to talking to him regularly that it’s already painful. I’m sure he’s enduring much worse, so I probably shouldn’t complain but… And then I feel bad because I’m in college and I more than likely won’t be able to attend his graduation, he really wanted me to be there. I will always continue to support him in every way I can but honestly, I’m worried about us falling apart through this. I know he loves me and we’ve spoken about marriage later on, but in the back of my mind I know that many military couples don’t make it and it worries me. I can’t seem to find peace of mind.
thank you so much for writing this!! Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and a half and she’s going to basic in a few weeks. I have never been more scared in my life! I love this girl so much and I just want to support her in the best way possible.
Making the decision to become a military girlfriend is very hard. That is where I am right now. Me and the guy that I like have a really strong bond and really do like each other. I have one family member active in the armed forces so I’ve seen how hard it is to be involved in the military life. He ships off to Navy bootcamp the month I start college. Making this decision on whether or not I should get into this relationship is hard. I really like him but I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to keep up a distance relationship. I’m seeking any advice I can get.
Julia, how did you make long distance work with both of you being in service? The guy I’m talking with is in the same branch as me, but is very hesitant to establish a long distance as his previous ones (I’m not sure how many) have not worked out. We were stationed together for about 3.5 months before he left for specialized training. We’ve managed to make it work thus far (he is 6-7 hrs away from me) by visiting each other and we talk daily over txt with an occasional long phone call. His station after training will be Wisconsin and I will be leaving for my training in October. I am desperate for advice as I want to make this work with him! Every time we part I can tell it affects him from how he kisses me good-bye to how he greets me after we’ve been apart.
As a new military girlfriend I loved this article! I do have a few questions regarding how to get more involved and get to know other military spouses. Like join a Facebook page? I’m so new to this I do need a little help. For whenever my boyfriend leaves to Germany for basic training, I would want to be ready for this “life style”. I would love to see more articles regarding soldiers mental health. At time I feel useless when ever my boyfriend gets a bad dream or flashbacks and I dont know what to do in those cases. What I do is listen to him and he lets it all out. Thank you and god bless!
I’m really scared about what will happen to him while out on deployment. We have been dating for a month now and I’m scared .what if it doesn’t work out ,or what if he meets someone on the field and chooses her over me ? I’m scared of his safety and he talks about the future, but I’m scared what if this lifestyle isn’t for me and I really don’t want to loose him. He is an amazing guy .
If he does liberty in Subic, it’s over
I am a military girlfriend. I moved 5000 miles away from everyone I love to be with my one and only. My boyfriend is stationed in Pearl Harbor, and so far it has been the toughest thing I have ever been through in my life. We have just survived our first deployment together. But I will say that I am pretty disappointed in the lack of welcome to the military girlfriends that I have experienced here. When my boyfriend was here, we were invited to all kinds of parties and gatherings. As soon as he left, none of the military wives kept in touch or called/texted to check in on me or invited me to anything. It has been a painful and hard journey, but keeping busy with my own career and doing things that I love to do for myself has kept me going. This is a great article, thank you!
I’m actually in Alaska too, but my boyfriend is going away for a month or so in Virginia. /:
I am moved to tears reading this… my bf flew out 2 weeks ago to Japan and I have not heard from him since… my emotions are mixed like i think about all the time we spent together though most of it were spent in video calls and chats, this is the longest time of no communication… i stay positive but at the end of the day before i sleep i go missing him, wondering, worrying, having insecure thoughts. ive been to some support groups but i just get reminded that i will never be a priority. i understand that, i just wanna be familiar how flying off to a different base is so i know what to expect. im really mixed if ill ever hear from him again. i dont know anyone from the military. your words give me strength..
I’m new to the military girlfriend thing. I’m in a long distance relationship with an army man. I’m in kansas an he is stationed in Alaska. We hardly get to talk and we skype sometimes. His mom loves me and its hard when he is out in the field training
Kaylen,
I know how you feel. My boyfriend and I were friends in high school before he enlisted. He just came home on leave at Christmas for the first time after he graduated Basic, and that was when he asked me out. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions and anxiety watching him depart for Georgia then Texas knowing that I’m not going to be able to see him. His mother is the proud mom of two military boys, and she and her daughter-in-law are doing all they can to help me out and make sure I feel welcomed, but I still feel like others (including my own mother) think I’m just doing it so I can get their pity when I say I’m in a long-distance relationship with a soldier. The two hour time difference between us means that I have to wait until right before he’s ready to eat dinner to contact him and by the time I have my dinner ready, he’s headed to bed. I can’t imagine what it’s like being on an even bigger time difference. You have my sympathy and I wish you luck.
Reading your comment I can relate to makes me feel so much more relaxed. We’re exactly in the same boat. My boyfriend and I attended school together, he graduated and almost 6 months later he left for Basic in Texas. Graduated in Janurary and went on to School until May. He came home on for two weeks and we decided to really give it a shot. After that he was stationed in Denver. (Where he is now.) He just came home about a week ago, we spent every day together. It was hard to see him leave again. His mom has 3 other daughters who are still in school. She’s came to me with open arms. I know he’s only 12 hours away (1 hour difference) it’s still hard. I don’t feel like I fit into the community. I know he isn’t deployed and I’m lucky for that. But because of that I feel like I don’t have a reason to miss him as much you know? I can see myself marrying my airman. It’s crazy. I’m about ready to go through my senior year of highschool- the stress is building.
I’ve read the last few comments and I couldn’t relate more. I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know who to turn or talk to. I’ve gone to high school with this boy, and have been friendly with him for years but since graduation last spring we both have been in different states and today he left for basic. I’m new to all this and haven’t a clue how it works. Him and I talk every day and have for a little while and today when he was leaving to go and was about to board the air plain he called crying. He hasn’t said how he feels towards me in that way but I know I like him. I don’t know what to do. We’re going to write to each other when he’s gone but I don’t know what to do. Please could I have advice from someone? Thank you
My boyfriend is leaving for bootcamp in August of this year and I am going to be a junior in high school. We have been together a little over a year and it’s crazy to think he’s leaving me. I hope everything worked out between the two of you!
Whitney,
I’m in the same boat as you! I’ve been dating my sailor for 8 months! We were friends prior to high school and I’m a senior and he is in submarine training! Some days it’s hard when I miss him and how the Navy changed him a bit and communication gets hard to have because we get to talk but when we get to FaceTime is big because of our schedules and how busy he is! The stress does build but let me tell you it gets easier and I love my sailor and not rushing into anything but I’m very excited to see where this leads us! He’s bringing a his friend home and I’m curious how this will be when he comes, or if he comes home for Christmas. Anyone have advice on what I could expect?
Hello! I too am in the same boat. My boyfriend and I have only been together for about 4 months after having a “talking relationship” and losing touch with each other 14 years ago! It is so hard! I’m used to his good morning beautiful texts and his sweet dreams I’ll see you tomorrow texts and now it’s like a switch has been turned on and the messages feel so impersonal and rushed. He has just deployed so is still settling in so I’m hoping it’s just because he’s busy and stressed but it is just so darn hard! I am very excited to see what the future holds for us. Any advice from anyone is greatly appreciated!
I am recently in a talking relationship with a U.S army soldier… we’ve been knowing each other since we were little time passed and didn’t hear from him in forever he ended up texting me when he was in South Korea , then we stopped communicating due to going separate ways for a few months now he’s been moved to North Carolina and we started talking but this time we are taking things slow I’m not afraid and I’m a pretty strong person, he decided to take things slow due to the distance and whatever the future holds for us I’ve got to Admit I’m falling in love with him and he’s admitted the way he feels I’m soon to graduate high school in may im happy and I’m very nervous for what holds next, we talk day and night and I’m happy … I pray for him every day that God may protect him and to keep him in his guidance. I’ve read most of the comments on how people mention distances and communications I just want to say that you will be fine Pray at all times and ask God for strength when you are having those times just pray and ask God for his comfort and peace .
I know exactly how you feel. I’m new to this military girlfriend thing and it’s difficult it really is. He’s deployed right now and the time difference makes it difficult to talk to to him. The only time we get to really talk is when it’s 1 am here and its about 9am over there (he’s 17 hours ahead of Arizona time).
I completely understand. I just started a new relationship with an Army guy and where he is deployed is a 12+ hour time difference. It is hard when I don’t hear from him and i get worried. Because I know if something happens, I won’t be told.
Hi Georgia my name is Faith and I am in a 18 month relationship with a army man. I am not new to this lifestyle and am interested in making new friends I can relate too. My family and friends are not supportive of us. Our story isn’t typical but we are committed. If you are interested in a friend this would be great.
Same 🙁 we should email and talk
Hey Shirley, I live In AZ with a big time difference aswell… Maybe we can get together sometime? Im very very new to this as well
Hi Meliá, I also live in AZ and I am a new military girlfriend for the last 4 months to this Airman. He is younger than me (38) and I am 45. He told me that he loved me, but reading all these posts makes me so worried. I have been married before and have kids (older) and one 7 year old. He says he doesn’t mind this. I am a strong successful woman with my life in order. He will be in Korea for a year and then Italy for three. I am so scared of it all. We have talked about getting married in a year. Things are great now, but even just getting ready to leave in 4 weeks seems so stressful. Help
Hey guys! I relate to a lot of this too. I’m pretty new to it also. My boyfriend of almost 2 years left in July 5 days after my birthday for basic. He went to Oklahoma while I’m all the way in New York. After Oklahoma he went to Arizona. Over Christmas break I visited him for a week in Louisiana where his family moved and it was the happiest time of my life. I recently found out that he’s going to be stationed in Hawaii for three years starting in February. It’s all really difficult sometimes. I miss him a lot and have thought about transferring to a college in Hawaii to be closer to him. I’m so In love with him but want to make my life successful before I completely sacrifice everything to be with him. I’m so glad that this community exist and that’s there’s other people who feel the same. Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories.
Hi everyone! I’m also brand new to the military life and not sure how all of this works but your words of encouragement and willingness to share your stories has pretty much moved me to tears. I met my sailor almost 4 months ago and we have been going strong the entire time. I am beginning to fall in love with him and genuinely see a loving, committed future with him. I live in NY and he is being relocated to CA in about 2 weeks, where he possibly could deploy immediately. We have decided to continue seeing each other exclusively and have discussed the importance of open and honest communication, but I can’t help but fear all of the unknown, from being so far apart. Especially since this is such a brand new relationship. I am trying to stay positive and have been doing a lot of research. Posts like this are very encouraging so I can’t thank you all enough for sharing.
Hi Meghan! I’m also from New York and my boyfriend was also recently stationed in Hawaii. It’s been really tough but I’d love to talk to you about everything. It’s nice to find someone who understands the distance and time differences ❤️
Hi Meghan, Christine and Becca. I also am fairly new to the “military girlfriend” thing and I also live in NY. By boyfriend is currently in National Guard after 4 years of active, but I would love to make friends who are in a similar situation and who understand what this situation is like!
Hi, I’m Flabia!! And, I’m new to the military girlfriend thing.. We have been together for four months and he just got stationed in Hawaii for three years and a half.. It’s really hard because nobody in my family or friends really understand what I am going through, so their advice is to just forget about him, but I love him with all my heart.. However, the hardest part is seeing how he has become so cold (he is a Marine) and we aren’t communicating as we used to.. I feel like he still loves me but sometimes I can’t help it but think that it won’t work out. Any advice on that? Thank you so much!!
im right there with you ive been with mine for going on a year im in fl hes a marine in nc we talk and skype as much as possible but when they are out in the field not being able to talk bites his family loves me so huge bonus but it would be nice to have friends who really knew what i go through on a daily my civilian friends can only imagine and most times are no where close and the military wives basically acted like i dont exist the one time i was around them so be strong and good luck
im new to the military girlfriend thing too and its soo hard to not talk to him for hours becuase he just started his deployment and it hurts im trying to be strong but at random times i find myself crying when he was stationed in cali we was able to talk every day and facetime every night now ill be lucky if i got a text cuz the time difference is 13 hours ahead of new york so its tough but i just try to think he is doing this for us he needs my support and i need to be there for him
Hi, I’m in the exact same situation. He was also stationd in cali but deployed last month 🙁 If you would like you could email me, I know what you are going through. Stay strong and supportive
I am in relationship with a soldier in the army he is deployed we have been talking for a few months I am also in ks. We have not met but I love him and we are planning a future together, he is going to get out but I have some questions but I don’t think I can ask him so I need someone in the military or who had been that I can talk to.
Hi Janetta my name is Faith and when i read your story I am so happy. We are in the same situation and no one understands because he and I have not met in person. We are madly in love and committed 100% for 18 months now. I would love to hear more of your story, feel free to message me.
Hi ladies, I’m kind of in the same boat as both of you too! I’ve only met my Marine once and it’s super hard but I do love him. I’d love to start a group chat!
hey, me too…
I’m dealing with the same thing
Hey, me too
Hello, I am also interested in belonging to this support group, I am in the same situation, my head is a sea of days when my marine disappear for days, sometimes weeks.
I guess you could say I’m new to this military girlfriend thing. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months. He flew to Oklahoma for basic then is going to Arizona for AIT. It’s only been about a week but it’s been the hardest week of my life. Not knowing what’s he’s doing or being able to go to his house and see him open the door holding his dogs back from running outside. I know he’ll be back in 6 months and I have it pretty easy compared o a lot of girls who go years with out seeing their loved one. Or that he’s in the same country with me and not in active duty. But I can’t help but feel empty with out knowing what’s going on.
I recently met a military guy online. We haven’t met in person, but from day one he felt really special to me. Right now he’s stationed in California and I’m in Tennessee. We’re already discussing what we want out of this relationship as we’re both older (39 and 40). He’s been in the army for 16 years and this is my first time dating a guy in the military. It still feels like we’re giddy young kids just starting out as neither of us have been married or have kids. I had no clue what to expect until I started reading these posts. I just want to do the best I can do and not break any rules of the “army wife” code. It feels so much different than my past relationships.
Being in a relationship with someone who’s in the military isn’t like regular dating, it does require patience and understanding, your significant other may love you but the girlfriend is not priority number one. i love my boyfriend we skype or call or text when we can and we tell eachother how much we appreciate each other. long distance relationships are horrible but we make the best of it..
It’s refreshing to see that you have such a positive attitude. It is really hard, but I agree it’s worth it.
Poor you. But we’re all thinking of you and sending our very best wishes to you. Stay warm, relax… and just get well soon. Even with mustard baths… You really mean “mustard”???
That’s a knowing answer to a difficult question
I don’t like hats because I don’t like anything trapping heat, but I’ve found “running” hats to be okay in that regard. I need to try a visor. My issue is sweat dripping down my forehead. I bought a hat by Halo that has the Halo thing stitched on the front. It feels weird but does the trick and keeps me from looking like a 70s throwback. Girls can get away with the headband.
Thank you so much for this post. I have been dating my military boyfriend for over a year. It’s hard to see where I fit in as a civilian girlfriend. He’s about to go on his first deployment, and I feel the whole “I’m just a girlfriend” vibe from others.
You are definitely not alone. It’s great to have you as part of the community! Welcome 🙂
My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months last year, and got back together just after he graduated basic training. I could really use a friend to talk to. My friends either think I’m silly for getting back with him, or ask if I’m going to cheat on him while he’s deployed, nobody seems to get that we might be a little young, but we love each other. He’s being deployed overseas for three years, either to Germany or Iraq, and he may or may not get leave before then.
When we decided to give “us” another shot, he told me point blank that if he wanted to marry me, he wasn’t planning on waiting three years to do it. Any advice? I’m so proud of him, but the terror of losing him is hard to bear on my own.
Hello,
I may not have a lot of advice to give because I am just as lost. But I am going through a similar situation and I would be down to talk if you wanted to!
Hi,
I am a new military girlfriend. My significant other and I went to the same High school and we knew each other 14 years and counting. He is in the US military and deployed to South Korea. We talk almost everyday and we do silly things together “like singing to each other or play some Roman Romance god and goddess and profess our love” on video calls but sometimes I do get lonely since he is so far away. People here at home (Jamaica) can be so discouraging and don’t have anyone to talk to with the experience who might understand what I am going through. We always know we would be together in the future and we have that bond that’s hard to explain but i really would like our relationship to work and grow stronger. We are in the same Alumni group, we know each other friends from High school, I work six (6) days a week and I do go out with the girls now and then for a girls night out. Above all that i wish i was doing some of these things with him.
Please help me on how to cope with him being gone for a year. Will see him in December 2016.
Hi everybody 🙂 I’ve been dating US Airforce commander for nearly a year now. We’re currently having a long distance relationship because I live in Ireland. We want to take things slowly since we do live in another continents at the moment and he’s being deployed, so wouldn’t really make any difference for us before he returns home. We do want to end up being “properly” together, and I was wondering how Army welcomes foreigners, even they were spouses? I am originally from Finland, doing nursing in Ireland just for life experience. I was just curious, because sometimes I feel it makes a difference that I’m not American myself… Like I wouldn’t be allowed to be proud of what he does.. Even it affects on our lives in Europe at least as much as in USA 🙂 Anyways, I wish best of luck to everybody and lots of strenght to deal with the difficulties this lifestyle may bring! xx
I’ve known so many service members who married spouses, who were not originally from the US. I think spouses from other countries are widely accepted here in the military community. At least in my personal experience. Currently, there are a lot of Australian spouses that I come into contact with and a few European. If I met a spouse from Ireland, I would be thrilled! Welcome Minna!
Hi Lauren!!
I’m soooo glad to hear that!!! Actually I’m Finnish living in Ireland just because I absolutely love Irish people haha! We’re facing our first deployment together at the moment, but for us it means we are so much closer! Especially time zones helps a lot even it’s hard to find time for chatting otherwise,, Anyways, thank you so much! Your blog is amazing and surely gives comfort for so many! All the best 🙂
Hey, that comment actually is really encouraging. Im from Germany and in a relationship with an Air Force Agent and all of this is so new to me. I try to read as much as i can and meet people that are or were in the same situation. None of my friends really is understanding what im going through or why i would even start going through all of it. But i just love him and i want to make this work.
Hi,
I am soon to be a military girlfriend..of sorts – my boyfriend and I we havnt been dating long but are committed to each other – and he will be joining an army band – he will be going into phase 1 training soon – I know that it will very much be his career first, and i want to be there for him 100% of the way – but he seems t be saying he wont get to talk to me much and I wanted to ask if that was normal? I am happy to be able to chat when I can to him but If im being honest I don’t really know what this is going to be like until he is in there and doing it and i am preparing myself for that. Just wondered if anyone knew of how much contact you can have within the military with boyfriends/otherhalves etc. I apologize if I sound ignorant but I am just trying to get a better understanding of how it will all work. I love him deeply and i know we can do it, it is just going to take time and patience but I know ultimatley it will be worth it.
I am a military girlfriend. His deployment is coming closet and closer, its hard, its very hard to think of the fact that we will have to say goodbye soon. His mother sat me down and said this deployment will be hard, but her and I will be strong for eachother. Ive been trying to enjoy any and every moment I can that I get to spend with him , but in the back of my mind, I keep thinking that that deployment date is now one day closer than it was yesterday. He is my rock, my best friend, my marine.
Hello, I really appreciate this whole article youve written it really made me feel much more welcomed as a girlfriend, I have been with my boyfriend a little over a year and when we first got together he was actually preparing for his first deployment to Abu Dhabi for 6 months, since hes been back I feel like weve been having a rough time communicating to each other properly and weve had some hiccups here and thre but over all we both truly love each other alot, this lifestyles definetly has been super stressful on both of us and about 2 weeks ago we found out hes going to S Korea for a year. Just to throw a wrench in our situation. Right now were in counseling and boy has it been a tough road but ive told him im in it for the long haul and he is as well. im still trying to get used to the whole lifestyle and I know it comes in time but man its hard! For a moment I was starting to think that I was alone in feeling like this but now it doesnt seem that way. Thank you so much for this, if two people truly love each other everything will work out!
-Peace 🙂
Hi Desirae, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. I’d love to connect with other military girlfriends. My family is very supportive but no one knows first hand what it’s like.