Entering into the toddler years presents a whole new set of parenting challenges, especially when your toddler doesn’t listen. Many days when I wonder if I’ll ever learn how to make kids listen. I enjoy a good challenge. So there’s that.
Our listening journey started the moment my son started to run around the house checking to see if off limit items were still–in fact–off limits.
He would run away in the parking lot, pull at electrical chords, throw food on the floor and when I corrected him, he would laugh and make silly faces at me.
I wasn’t laughing.
10 strategies when your toddler doesn’t listen.
Let’s check out ten strategies you can use when your toddler doesn’t listen to make your days a little less frustrating. For me, these listening strategies are worth it.
If I experience a fewer frustrating moments each day or avoid one power struggle, it can keep me from turning into an angry mom volcano, and let’s be honest, that benefits everyone.
1. Call your child by name.
Using nicknames and terms of endearment is commonplace when interacting with small kids. I call my son all sorts of crazy stuff, but when it comes to listening, I’ve found using the good old fashioned birth name is really the most effective.
Using your child’s real name helps get his attention specifically, and it let’s them know you are about to share important information.
2. Get down to the child’s level.
This is something I learned working full-time as a nurse. We were taught to get down to the patient’s eye level to help them know we cared. If a patient was lying in bed, I would squat down or sit in the chair to look the patient in the eye as we talked.
This technique applies perfectly to any age or ability. When your toddler doesn’t listen, squat down or sit on the ground before communicating. Plus, when you are at the same level, you can hear and see each other better, both of which improve listening.
3. Make eye contact.
This is an overwhelmingly popular parenting tip because it is very effective when toddlers don’t listen. In a variety of situations, eye contact is huge! After getting down to your child’s level, say his or her name again and wait until your eyes meet. At that very moment you’ll know he or she is paying attention and focusing on what you are saying.
4. Use gestures and expressions.
Toddlers understand a reasonable amount of language, but using gestures and facial expressions can better clarify your message and improve understanding. Your child will better understand what you are saying, if you furrow your brow or shake your head than if you list instructions. Similarly, you can also try to use happy expressions and nodding if you want to reinforce something your toddler is doing well.
5. Keep realistic expectations.
Recognize age appropriate expectations for your child. Most toddlers will obey only some of the time. It isn’t realistic to expect toddlers to listen to every instruction.
Related: How Much Should Your Toddler Listen?
6. Keep instructions short.
The shorter and more succinct your message, the more likely your toddler with understand you and listen. Toddlers are easily overwhelmed with long instructions and stop listening. Using one or two very short sentences, aim to keep it simple.
We also love using these printable routine cards at bedtime, mealtime and in the morning and they help A TON with cooperation!
7. Use praise effectively.
Using the right type of praise is so important when toddlers don’t listen. Using the words “good job” or “you’ve won” offers momentary praise, but it doesn’t share what the child did well, and in the long run creates narcissistic and entitled kids.
Instead, describe specifically what your child did well in each situation without using “good job.” An example would be, “You found a way to put all the toys away quickly.” Or “You carried your sink to the plate. That was helpful.” Or “You played gently with your sister.”
Recognizing your child’s individual strengths will help him or her to start doing more of what you like and less of what you don’t.
Related: The Problem With Over-Praise and What To Do Instead
8. Use validation to gain cooperation.
When kids feel heard and understood, they are far more likely to want to cooperate with you! This is often referred to as sportscasting with your child. Repeat back what the child is saying or doing. Even if you don’t agree with what the child wants, repeat the child’s upset back to them. “You want….[insert what the child wants].” This doesn’t mean you will give in to what the child wants. It simply means you understand the child’s communication, and in doing so, you’re building a bridge to cooperation.
9. Try the whisper technique.
When all else fails, I start whispering and get very quiet. When I am at my son’s level, and I am looking him in the eye, and I know he is ready to listen, I start to whisper. It’s almost as if I am telling him a secret. He starts to listen very carefully and often starts smiling. I also love using this technique when he is screaming around the house or I feel compelled to yell at him. It’s fun to do the opposite and whisper.
You could also try this crazy and weird noise tip that I learned from Language of Listening.
10. Sing your words.
Music is a powerful tool to use when your toddler doesn’t listen. It can improve a child’s mood, catch their attention, and improve listening. In addition to whispering, you could also try singing to make the words more fun and enjoyable. Children often feel like following a set of instructions that are sung to them is an exciting game or activity.
We love these following direction and listening games in our home to help our kids “practice” during play.
When your toddler doesn’t listen.
Listening is a struggle no matter the age of your child. These 10 strategies are the building blocks to help grow and nurture your child’s listening skills.
Will all of these tips make your toddler listen ALL the time?
Probably not.
However, they will help when your toddler doesn’t listen at least SOME of the time. My son is now a preschooler and his listening is getting better each day. From staying close to me in the parking lot, to making smart meal-time choices, to going to bed on time, I promise you, these techniques work if stay consistent.
Print this free toddler listening checklist.
This post comes with a free printable checklist to help with toddler listening. I always have the hardest time remembering these phrases. This printable simplifies it!
Here is a sneak preview…
Download Your Free Printable
- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable, plus join 37,000+ parents who receive my weekly parenting tips and ideas!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Check things off as you go and don’t forget a thing!
Want more on toddlers?
- What No One Tells You About Parenting Toddler Boys
- 9 Phrases That Change Life with a Toddler
- Dear Moms of Wild Toddlers
- The Real Reason Why Kids Won’t Listen, Focus or Sit Still
- 7 Core Following Directions Activities That’ll Improve Listening
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with teaching your child to listen, this series will help transform your parenting. Yes, really. I've seen my proven strategies work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
After taking my free email series, you will:
- Learn simple, yet highly effective listening strategies
- Experience a stronger connection with your child
- Enjoy more peaceful parenting days
- Gain more cooperation from your child
brittanybullen
Lauren,
Wow, 41 pins! You are the Pinterest Queen, lady! How do you do it?
In other news, of course these are super helpful tips. I used many of them all the time back when I taught preschool, especially the whispering and getting down on their level. I might add singing to the list! Even now with my own kids, I’m always looking for ways to turn things into a song.
I used to perform my own rendition of “Splish Splash” when my preschoolers were waiting for their lunch to get them to stay in their seats if the food didn’t arrive when we expected. Worked every time!
I made sure to pin this, I always pin your stuff though =)
Brittany
Lauren Tamm
That is so funny, I was just singing instructions to my sweet guy this afternoon and he loved it. I was thinking I really need to add singing to the list. I’m going to add it in as a bonus update courtesy of the fab BB. Thanks for the share. Very much appreciated as always. And happy to see you received my email from earlier today. Have a great weekend. P.S. LOVED your latest blog post. So spot on!
Stephenie Ann Hallowell
You definitely have to praise them if they put the sink in the dishes LOL great article though.
Charlee
I love the idea to whisper. I am going to have to try that today. My daughter has been testing us a million times more the past few weeks, and it’s really, really exhausting! I am trying to point out when she’s doing a good job about something, but it’s so much easier to recognize the bad. Getting down on her level and then showing her my facial expressions is something I’m going to work on more. I think you just about covered everything on the topic!
Lauren Tamm
I definitely know how you feel. Jameson is really giving me a run for my money lately. He just started this whole screaming at the top of his lungs things…all.day.long. Oh my goodness. I keep whispering and he keeps screaming, lol. He listens better with these tips, but haven’t figured out how to get him to stop screaming. Any ideas, Charlee?
Lauren
Charlee
I actually haven’t had to deal with screaming until more recently. Sofía is starting to throw many more tantrums, and if she’s angry enough she will scream! I try to keep my cool and not make a big deal of it, but it’s going to be really interesting when we’re out in public and she does it! My nephew (who is now 2.5) lived with us for a year last year and he was quite the screamer. My sister-in-law always sent him to his crib, and I don’t think that really helped much. I hope you can find something that helps and share it!
Lauren Tamm
So far I’ve got nothing, ha ha. But I’ll keep you posted, Charlee. I think Jameson is just enjoying being vocal and having a voice, so right now we are just riding the wave 😉
Ana Lynn Amelio
I used the whisper tip frequently too, when I felt everything else was failing. What’s funny, I noticed that my child pay more attention to me when I am serious if I speak in Croatian and not English. So sometimes, I use that language to convey the right message. Great tips as always Lauren!
Lauren Tamm
Ana,
I love that you speak more than one language. So jealous of that. I took German for 5 years and remember like to words now. If I had a second language in my parenting tool belt, I would definitely be using it. By the way did you know I’m 50% Slovenian? Still have family over there too. Anyways..have a great day!
Lauren
Tricia The Good Mama
Awesome tips! I’ll be sharing this and pinning. I know I’m going to have to keep this in mind as my son gets older. I used a lot of these when I taught kindergarten. It’s amazing what the whisper technique can do!
Lauren Tamm
Tricia, thank you so much for sharing. You are too kind! Pretty soon we’re gonna start a whispering revolution, ha ha. That’s so fun that you taught kindergarten. I’d love to hear more about that! My friend Brittany had the great idea to add singing to the list…maybe you used that when you were teaching too?
Jaime Buckley
Lauren, I wanted to learn more about you and came over from Be A Better Blogger )clicked on a link from one of your comments). SO glad I did, as children are the center of my world, both professionally and non.
As a father of soon-to-be twelve children (we’re hoping twins, so HOPE 13 in all)…I’m excited to see good, solid and effective tips for parents!
It’s so easy to lean forward when you’re sitting down to get on their level and the whispering? Perfect.
I’d like to add that when they might be doing something wrong and I need to get their attention, I add holding out my hand and asking questions.
Physical contact helps with attention, especially when I can lightly (and lovingly) squeeze my daughter’s (Wynnie, age 4) hand. Then with that whisper I smile and ask her questions as we interact. The human brain seems to be automated in producing answers…which gets the kids thinking and connecting to you.
I’ve learned that not all things work with all kids–but this has worked with 11 of mine.
Awesome article!
-Jaime
Lauren Tamm
I love the idea of holding out your hand and asking questions, Jaime. Great tip! I love whispering and I think adding physical touch into the mix might just be the golden ticket. I adore that you have 11 kids and counting. You are amazing. Man, you probably have a bunch of crazy good parenting tips…good thing I subscribed to your site 😉 Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Have a great day!
Lauren
Jaime Buckley
Oh, I’ve got parenting tips alright….people say, “What lovely, well behaved children you have!”
Then they’re so shocked when I say, “I adore them…take them everywhere. Unfortunately they always find their way home.”
…my wife still laughs at my stupid jokes though–so I am comforted =).
Lauren Tamm
Ha, ha…Well, I think your jokes are funny!
Katie Wassink
Lauren,
These are some excellent tips on how to improve toddler listening. I often use the whisper technique – works like a charm EVERY time! I also am very facially expressive and ‘talk with my hands’ – that’s just who I am and I’ve found this quirk is always very engaging especially with children. They pay attention more because all of me is talking, requesting, instead of just the words of my mouth. Another great post, Lauren! Keep up the good work.
Katie
Lauren Tamm
I agree being really expressive and talking with hands is such an awesome tip. I know my son doesn’t always understand 100% of what I’m saying, but using my hands and face can really help him understand me better. Talk to you later!
Lauren
Coombe Mill
some really practical ideas here, well documented too Popping by from Monday Pin it Party
Lauren Tamm
Thanks for visiting! It’s great to have you here!
Scarlet
Great list of ideas for parenting toddlers. I like the whisper idea as a fun way to change it up and grab attention. I pinned this. Glad I found you at the Parenting Pin it Party.
Lauren Tamm
Whispering is a really fun way to change it up and grab attention, Scarlet 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and thanks for sharing! You are too kind!
Have a wonderful day,
Lauren
Michelle Cannon
Excellent advice! I have always appreciating the whispering technique. It’s amazing how much attention a whisper garners. Thanks for linking up at the #laughlearnlinkup!
Lauren Tamm
Thanks for stopping by Michelle. Looking forward to visiting all the great posts from this week! Have a great day!
Lauren
Helen Neale
Some excellent ideas here – really great – my kids are older now, so wish I had had this to hand when they were a bit younger. Thanks for popping by to the Parenting Pin it Party again. xx
Lauren Tamm
Thanks for hosting such a wonderful link up, Helen. I really enjoyed so many of the posts from this week!