Like I said in my Top Ten Newborn Baby Sleep Tips, laying your baby down awake but drowsy can be kind of tricky sometimes trying to get the timing down and catching your baby’s optimal sleep window.
It’s also helpful because I believe it is the number one way to help your baby sleep through the night when he is ready. My goal in sharing this step-by-step is to help you guide and encourage your baby to have good sleep habits to allow sleeping through the night to happen naturally over time. Night feedings will begin to drop off naturally when your baby is ready.
This means when your baby wakes up in the middle of the night and does not have a legitimate need, he will put himself back to sleep independently. No rocking, bouncing, or doing 10 handstands required by mom or dad. On the other hand, if your baby does have a legitimate need, I assure you he will cry and let you know. And you should go to him, and feed him, and do what needs to be done. Then repeat the process of laying your baby down awake.
Let’s discuss how to teach your baby to fall asleep independently.
1. Catch your baby’s sleep window.
This refers to monitoring your baby’s wake time, which is the amount of time awake that your baby would have before needing to rest again. In the first month a newborns wake time may only be around 35-40 minutes or so. At the first year mark, your baby may have a wake time of 2.5-3 hours before needing a rest.
I prefer to focus less on the actual number of 35-40 minutes of wake time, and more on the baby’s actual sleep cues. In the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All your Problems, Tracy Hogg talks about watching for sleepy cues.
A baby’s sleeping cue may come in the form of an eye rub, a yawn or a fuss. Keep your eyes peeled to determine what an appropriate wake time is for your child. Once you know your baby’s approximate wake time, it can help you gauge when to set the stage for sleep.
2. Setting the stage for sleep.
Setting the stage helps release hormones in your baby’s body to help him prepare for sleep. When we are exposed to bright light, our bodies stimulate Cortisol, which is a hormone that helps us feel awake. When we are exposed to dimmer light or darkness, our body activates melatonin, which is a hormone that helps us feel sleepy.
In the home. Once you learn your baby’s approximate wake time, you will want to start setting the stage in your home about 20 minutes before an anticipated nap time. Keep stimulation low key: books, relaxing music, or gentle talking or playing are just a few examples. If it’s daytime, there is no need to block out all the light, but trying to keep your baby in a room that is less bright with the curtains partially closed can help prepare your baby for sleep.
In the baby’s room. Once you notice your baby’s sleep cue, you will want to start setting the stage for sleep in the baby’s room. This usually means taking your baby to his room, closing the curtains, swaddling, singing a lullaby, sitting with your baby for a few minutes to help relax and settle him, and saying your sleepy words (e.g. I love you. I hope you have a good sleep. Night. Night.)
3. Establish a good pre-sleep routine.
Like I just mentioned above, setting the stage is really all about establishing a good baby sleep routine. You can use an abbreviated sleep routine for naps (5-10 minutes) and a longer sleep routine for bedtime (30 minutes).
Use these newborn routine and baby routine cards to help get you started…
Choose whatever sleep routine you think will work best for your child and your family. Keeping it simple and functional will best serve you and your child and increase the likelihood you will stick with it for the long run.
A good sleep routine could include anything such as a bath, soft music, stories, massage, swaddle, dimming the room, turning on white noise, etc. Whatever you choose, you will want to use the same sleep routine every single time, as it will best cue your baby for sleep.
Such sleep routines offer reassurance and security to a baby, who sees the world as a very chaotic place. These sleep routines help your baby learn to anticipate sleep, which in turn, helps them fall asleep better because he knows it’s what he is supposed to do.
4. Lay the baby down.
Now you are probably nervous or shaking in your boots because you’ve done all the work to prepare your baby for sleep. You lay your baby down awake, but drowsy and hope he doesn’t cry or fuss. I encourage you to give it a few minutes to allow your baby to settle himself. See what happens.
5. Offer reassurance when needed.
If your baby cries or fusses for longer than you are comfortable with, go ahead and offer some reassurance. Pick the baby up for a minute or two and offer a few kisses, cuddles, and pats on the back. Resettle the baby and then lay him back down awake and quietly step out of the room.
You can continue repeating this process until your baby falls asleep. When I timed the sleep window and we were on a good routine at home, it was very common for my son to fuss less than 5 minutes, if he even fussed at all.
It’s not to say there were never times when if really fussed or protested. Certainly there were from time to time, but for the most part he responded very well to this technique. If your child is fussing or crying before sleep, you could even wait 5 minutes. Listen to your instincts and your baby. Decide what is right for your baby.
If you don’t feel comfortable with fussing or crying, I completely understand. You can also try the ‘shush-pat’ method described by Hogg with a 4 month old or younger. Just before you lay the baby down you start shushing and then pat your baby’s back.
According to Hogg, a very young baby is not capable of keeping several thoughts in his head, so by shushing and patting, he will begin to settle, as he will not be able to focus on crying. Once you lay the baby down awake, continue shushing and patting your baby until he falls asleep. This method is effective; just know you will likely just need to be more patient before your baby is able to fall asleep independently.
Print your free baby sleep checklist!
This post comes with a free printable baby sleep checklist to help you support longer stretches of sleep for your baby! Plus, when you grab this printable, you’ll get instant access to my free 3-day baby sleep eCourse.
Download Your Free Printable
- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable straight to your inbox, plus get my Free 3-Day Baby Sleep eCourse!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Use it as a quick reference and don’t forget a thing!
Want more on baby sleep?
- My Top 10 Newborn Baby Sleep Tips To Help You Get More Sleep
- The Newborn Routine That Will Help Your Baby Fall Asleep Faster
- Top 7 Challenges + Solutions for Parenting a Newborn and Toddler
- 8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
Resources for baby sleep:
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
This free email series will help you:
- Free sample routines for your child
- Best morning routine tips and tricks your kids will actually follow
- All-time favorite parenting hacks for getting more cooperation at bedtime
- Step-by-step guide for using a printable daily schedule with kids
Laura
Any advice for a baby who repeatedly throws their Pacis out of the crib almost as soon as you lay them down and then they can’t settle back to sleep. This happens at naptime but not bedtime.
Sarah
We have had the same bed time routine from day 1 of being home. For naps, I had a system where I swaddled him, sang Winnie the Pooh, and gave him a paci. This was working because even if he was agitated, he would take the paci and settle. I could lay him down awake. He was napping an hour up and an hour down. I listened to people tell me he should be in his room and nap longer. Since I changed the setting he will not sleep without nursing almost every time. He stopped taking be paci and kicks every time I try rocking him. He doesn’t settle if I let him cry it out. I’ve tried, 3 different times and increased the crying time. I’m at a loss.
Jazmine
Hi Lauren,
Thank you so much for providing this resource and for helping moms out! I have a 7 week old and I tried putting him to bed drowsy, but awake last night, but I accidentally moved him too much lowering him in the crib, so he wasn’t drowsy anymore when his head hit the mattress. Since my son didn’t cry when I laid him awake, I walked away quietly to see what he would do. He was quiet and was looking around for a few minutes, and then he started to make a few sounds. A few minutes later, he began to cry, so I came back to his crib, and began to shushh him and patty his belly. This didn’t go well and his cries got louder, and I ended up having to pick him up. I am going to continue to try putting him to bed drowsy but awake, but I have a few questions:
Is the goal to always put your baby down on the mattress drowsy and see if he drifts off? If what I did last night happens again in that I awake him in the transfer down to the crib, should I pick my baby up and try to make him drowsy again and retry so that his head hits the mattress drowsy?
If the baby cries after I put him on the bed drowsy, do you suggest that I pick him up and make him drowsy again, but awake, to put him in the bed or do I put him back just awake after I hold him for a few minutes? In your website, you said to resettle the baby and put him down awake if he cries, but I just wanted to make sure that resettle didn’t mean to make him drowsy again.
Do you recommend that babies be put down to bed drowsy for naps as well as soon as you begin to try to put your baby down drowsy at night (regardless of whether you were successful at night)? I don’t know if I will confuse my baby if I am doing one way at night and another during the day.
How did you make your babies drowsy?
What swaddle did you use while putting your babies to bed drowsy?
Sorry for asking so many questions, but I am desperately trying to quickly learn how to put my baby down drowsy, but awake so that he can take longer than a 30 min nap (currently, he is in my arms for 20 minutes of this nap since I am putting him down asleep). His nights are a little better, but after his first stretch of sleeping 3 hours at night, he is up every 2 hours after that for the remainder of the night, and I suspect that my son is not very hungry at each of these 2 hour wake ups at night since he doesn’t seem too interested in nursing and appears more sleepy instead. My son is fussy during the day since he is not getting the sleep that he needs. So, both of us are miserable!!!!
Thanks so much for your time and help!
Lindaaa
I have the same questions, did u get any advice on your questions? My son cannot make himself sleep on his own if I put him down drowsy either and is a horrible napper/sleeper.
Sara
I could have written this post. My 4 month old is the same way. I have tried putting her down drowsy but awake so many times but she always ends up having a full blown melt down. I wait until she cries before picking her up and right when I pick her up crying turns into screaming. I bounce her on an exercise ball back while swaddled to drowsy just to put her down again and then she cries pretty quickly. Rinse and repeat for several hours and I usually give up and let her fall asleep in my arms because she looks traumatized. Once asleep I’ll gently put her down and she will take a very short nap. Sigh. Is it just that I have a fussy baby or am I doing something wrong here? I’ve been trying this for over a month now. Did I start too late?
Christine
I too, like the comment above, am struggling a bit with putting baby down drowsy. By the time I’m transferring her to the crib she no longer appears to be drowsy. She doesn’t usually cry, but will immediately squirm and kick her legs, sometimes so much so that she completely turns 180 in her crib. I swaddle her, rock her until she’s drowsy, and use cueing words to help signal it’s time for sleep, but I can’t seem to get her to take a nap- and when I do, she’s usually up within 15-25 mins with either a wet diaper, or she just woke herself up. Any suggestions? Should I continue to leave her be if she’s not crying? Any suggestions on getting her to take longer naps? She definitely seems to be one of those babies that would stay awake all day if she could
Lauren Tamm
Yep…if she isn’t crying and she’s been awake for a reasonable amount of time, I would feel very comfortable leaving her for 15-20 minutes and see what happens. I have a post on longer naps that you can find here https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/help-baby-nap-better/.
Chelsea
Hi there,
I have an 8 week old who will not nap and is very difficult to put down to bed at night. I’ve read the baby whisper book and several other books, and have established some kind of routine for naps and bed time, but to no avail. The room is dark, we sing some songs, I hold her and rock or sit with her. I did the shush pat method one day for each attempted nap, and felt like my arm would fall off and my back hurt from stooping over the crib. I once did that for an hour! I watch for signs of sleepiness, but she not only wakes up hungry from “naps” but is already yawning! She seems tired all the time, and fussy all day long basically. I’m lost, tired, frustrated, any suggestions?
Chelsea
I should add she cries when I set her down in her crib when I think she’s drowsy, like the instant she hits the mattress. In fact, she starts crying when I start swaddling her, like she knows!. She cries and squirms (and even after an hour of the shush pat, she still woke up in about 5 minutes). It’s even worse getting her to fall asleep at her “bed time” which I am for around 7-8. But she may cry and wail until 9:30, then sleep for 4 hours, then feed and is up for another hour, and then sleeps for 2-3 hours and then the day starts again. My husband and I take shifts taking care for her when he gets home. I can’t imagine going back to work with this situation in 4 weeks. She also has reflux, for which she is getting medication.. Elevating the mattress did not seem to help. We do have a peds appointment next week and will discuss with her doctor these issues. Any advice or tips? Thank you!
Marianne
Hi Lauren!
I’m a first time mom to an 11 week old boy. We didn’t have any sort of schedule up until this point which has led to a very fussy baby who didn’t sleep much along with his parents! He also preferred to sleep on us for his naps and bedtime so transition to a crib solo is a new adventure. I came upon all of your info and I started to follow the 3 hour schedule in hopes that it helps with his fussiness, gets him the sleep that he needs as well as establishes a predictable routine for all of us.
My question is what do you do when your baby just won’t settle into a nap after a wake, eat, play cycle? I offered reassurance multiple times with no luck. I’m assuming persistence and consistency is the key so do you recommend that I just start all over when the time for the next wake, eat, play cycle approaches?
How do I also eliminate the need for a pacifier during a nap? He cries without one so we give it to him but he’ll cry again once it falls out of his mouth so we can’t seem to win. Any tips on eliminating the dependency sooner rather than later?
Thanks in advance for your help! I’m already seeing progress with his sleeping and I couldn’t be a happier, more rested mother! 🙂
Michelle
I am terrified of “drowsy but awake!” Whenever i attempt this with my 5 week old, his eyes pop back open. If i try for too long, he gets overtired and goes into meltdown mode. How many attempts do you suggest per nap/bedtime before going back to rocking to sleep?
Caroline
This is great advice! We have successfully put our 2 month old down in the crib for naps and bed time. All that’s needed is a quick head rub and a pacifier and he is out in 5 mins.
Unfortunately lately we may have done too good a job associating his room with sleep because every time I walk towards his room, he starts screaming his head off in protest of the nap. The usual swaddle, pacifier, head rub still works, but he is much more worked up when he is put in the crib. Any advice on how to make his bedroom a positive association?