Schedule / RoutineLike I said in my Top Ten Newborn Baby Sleep Tips, laying your baby down awake but drowsy can be kind of tricky sometimes trying to get the timing down and catching your baby’s optimal sleep window.
It’s also helpful because I believe it is the number one way to help your baby sleep through the night when he is ready. My goal in sharing this step-by-step is to help you guide and encourage your baby to have good sleep habits to allow sleeping through the night to happen naturally over time. Night feedings will begin to drop off naturally when your baby is ready.
This means when your baby wakes up in the middle of the night and does not have a legitimate need, he will put himself back to sleep independently. No rocking, bouncing, or doing 10 handstands required by mom or dad. On the other hand, if your baby does have a legitimate need, I assure you he will cry and let you know. And you should go to him, and feed him, and do what needs to be done. Then repeat the process of laying your baby down awake.
Let’s discuss how to teach your baby to fall asleep independently.
1. Catch your baby’s sleep window.
This refers to monitoring your baby’s wake time, which is the amount of time awake that your baby would have before needing to rest again. In the first month a newborns wake time may only be around 35-40 minutes or so. At the first year mark, your baby may have a wake time of 2.5-3 hours before needing a rest.
I prefer to focus less on the actual number of 35-40 minutes of wake time, and more on the baby’s actual sleep cues. In the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All your Problems, Tracy Hogg talks about watching for sleepy cues.
A baby’s sleeping cue may come in the form of an eye rub, a yawn or a fuss. Keep your eyes peeled to determine what an appropriate wake time is for your child. Once you know your baby’s approximate wake time, it can help you gauge when to set the stage for sleep.
2. Setting the stage for sleep.
Setting the stage helps release hormones in your baby’s body to help him prepare for sleep. When we are exposed to bright light, our bodies stimulate Cortisol, which is a hormone that helps us feel awake. When we are exposed to dimmer light or darkness, our body activates melatonin, which is a hormone that helps us feel sleepy.
In the home. Once you learn your baby’s approximate wake time, you will want to start setting the stage in your home about 20 minutes before an anticipated nap time. Keep stimulation low key: books, relaxing music, or gentle talking or playing are just a few examples. If it’s daytime, there is no need to block out all the light, but trying to keep your baby in a room that is less bright with the curtains partially closed can help prepare your baby for sleep.
In the baby’s room. Once you notice your baby’s sleep cue, you will want to start setting the stage for sleep in the baby’s room. This usually means taking your baby to his room, closing the curtains, swaddling, singing a lullaby, sitting with your baby for a few minutes to help relax and settle him, and saying your sleepy words (e.g. I love you. I hope you have a good sleep. Night. Night.)
3. Establish a good pre-sleep routine.
Like I just mentioned above, setting the stage is really all about establishing a good baby sleep routine. You can use an abbreviated sleep routine for naps (5-10 minutes) and a longer sleep routine for bedtime (30 minutes).
Use these newborn routine and baby routine cards to help get you started…
Choose whatever sleep routine you think will work best for your child and your family. Keeping it simple and functional will best serve you and your child and increase the likelihood you will stick with it for the long run.
A good sleep routine could include anything such as a bath, soft music, stories, massage, swaddle, dimming the room, turning on white noise, etc. Whatever you choose, you will want to use the same sleep routine every single time, as it will best cue your baby for sleep.
Such sleep routines offer reassurance and security to a baby, who sees the world as a very chaotic place. These sleep routines help your baby learn to anticipate sleep, which in turn, helps them fall asleep better because he knows it’s what he is supposed to do.
4. Lay the baby down.
Now you are probably nervous or shaking in your boots because you’ve done all the work to prepare your baby for sleep. You lay your baby down awake, but drowsy and hope he doesn’t cry or fuss. I encourage you to give it a few minutes to allow your baby to settle himself. See what happens.
5. Offer reassurance when needed.
If your baby cries or fusses for longer than you are comfortable with, go ahead and offer some reassurance. Pick the baby up for a minute or two and offer a few kisses, cuddles, and pats on the back. Resettle the baby and then lay him back down awake and quietly step out of the room.
You can continue repeating this process until your baby falls asleep. When I timed the sleep window and we were on a good routine at home, it was very common for my son to fuss less than 5 minutes, if he even fussed at all.
It’s not to say there were never times when if really fussed or protested. Certainly there were from time to time, but for the most part he responded very well to this technique. If your child is fussing or crying before sleep, you could even wait 5 minutes. Listen to your instincts and your baby. Decide what is right for your baby.
If you don’t feel comfortable with fussing or crying, I completely understand. You can also try the ‘shush-pat’ method described by Hogg with a 4 month old or younger. Just before you lay the baby down you start shushing and then pat your baby’s back.
According to Hogg, a very young baby is not capable of keeping several thoughts in his head, so by shushing and patting, he will begin to settle, as he will not be able to focus on crying. Once you lay the baby down awake, continue shushing and patting your baby until he falls asleep. This method is effective; just know you will likely just need to be more patient before your baby is able to fall asleep independently.
Want more on baby sleep?
- My Top 10 Newborn Baby Sleep Tips To Help You Get More Sleep
- The Newborn Routine That Will Help Your Baby Fall Asleep Faster
- Top 7 Challenges + Solutions for Parenting a Newborn and Toddler
- 8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
Resources for baby sleep:
Hello, I have been trying the following bedtime routine with my now 5.5 month old: settle down, bathtime, massage, pjs, sleep sack, bottle, burp/upright time, then close the lights and turn on a fan or white noise to signal sleep time. She tends to get drowsy toward the end of her bottle and I try to keep her up/semi awake until she burps before the next steps in the routine. When I put her down in the crib close to 8pm she has her eyes closed and will start to suck her thumb (this baby never liked pacifiers since birth). She will signal for one bottle feed at midnight/1am and afterward tends to wake up frequently at night rolling around or getting stuck on her tummy – but does tend to soothe herself back to sleep for short periods of time until 6:45am, but I am always going in to flip her if she can’t after a few minutes. I am worried that her frequent wakings could be related to my bedtime routine or is it because of meeting developmental milestones? I try not to allow the bottle before bed to be the final stage of the routine and talk to her through out the whole feeding, even though she starts to get really drowsy.. I am a first time mom so any advice is appreciated! or if I should try a different method?
Additional background: She is a picky eater during the day (does not take more than 4-5oz every 3 hours with some breakfast and dinner solids); cat napper and hyperactive during the day
I have 8 week old daughter who has a very sporadic sleep and eat schedule. I EBF on demand. I’ve tried to implement a routine and put her down drowsy but awake. However, once she senses that I’m putting her down, she wakes up and gets more worked up. Or she wakes up after I laid her down and cries. Nothing I do will soothe her unless I pick her up. After each attempt, she gets harder and harder to soothe. This all seems to be doing the opposite of what I want since it’s getting her more stressed and worked up instead of relaxed and sleepy. Any tips?
I’ve taught my two children how to fall asleep on their own after putting them away in a crib with this ebook: https://www.parental-love.com/?category=SLEEP+TRAINING
Since then I recommend it to anyone who wants to stop rocking or feeding a baby to sleep
A few days ago after reading your comment and all good things about “how to teach a baby to fall asleep alone” guide on the internet I decided to give it a try and just wanted to report that it went extremely well 🙂 the instruction was clear and I was able to read it quickly and get started. Big thanks for sharing this title!
The technique in this guide gave my family desperately needed sleep in just 3 nights 🙂 Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s fantastic! I’m impressed by this short guide! I still can’t really believe that it took us only 3 days to stop rocking our son to sleep! pretty amazing!!!
Love the idea, but when I try this method my 5-month old screams the minutes I put her down. So I soothe her again and repeat. 2 hours later she still hadn’t slept and was ready to nurse again. I’ve tried this multiple times always with the same outcome – no nap. What am I doing wrong?
I have a question about this…my baby is doing well with this I think. He falls asleep drowsy but awake but then wakes up 5 min later. Somy question is, do I go back in and re attempt? How many times? His cycle today has been 1. Drowsy but awake 2. Sleep for 5 min 3. Awake 4. Noisy 5. Light crying 6 . I go in and put him back to sleep.
I’ve tried this 5 times since 915 am
Hi Lauren,
Thank you so much for writing this. I didnt sleep train or had any good routine with my first who happens to be 27 months to the tee today.
I have tried my best to have a consistent as possible bedtime routine (both myself anf hubby are nurses, we work long days and will have a hard time putting him down before 8pm) with My second who is13.5 weeks old since 9 weeks. I have been beating myself up for the last few days but reading this post helps reassures me that all moms have a different tolerance level. I am glad to read that it is okay to pat the little or pick the little one up. As you already know, with the second one, sleep training and routines becomes more challenging to establish. To make matters worst, we have an inconsistent schedule and the prospect of not being able to put my son down consistently at a specific window, having a second child who needs to sleep with mom or dad and then dropped into the crib takes a set of hands off deck stressed this mama out even more.
Some questions I have that you might be able to shed light on, how soon is too soon to sleep train? —rather than an age range, what are some physical signs parents should watch out for to ensure the safest and most success for sleep training. I have to use a pacifier for my sanity, how should I take that away? Its challenging because little one goes to grandmas house when we are at work, grandma sees nothing wrong with using a pacifier (prevents SIDS too)…. which leads me to question… if we use a pacifier, even though without one is better… what are some ways we can make it as pain free for us as possible (having to replace it constantly when he is in his own crib rather than the pack and play next to our bed currently)?
Thanks so much!!
Good pointers.
At the heart of sleep training has to lie routine, When we started sleep training our girls, we weren’t very keen on sticking to the routine. This of course led to a lot of struggling to get them finally sleeping. We finally learned to stick to a familiar and rhythmic routine and the change has been delightful.
‘Decide what is right for your baby’ – I love your approach!