Like I said in my Top Ten Newborn Baby Sleep Tips, laying your baby down awake but drowsy can be kind of tricky sometimes trying to get the timing down and catching your baby’s optimal sleep window.
It’s also helpful because I believe it is the number one way to help your baby sleep through the night when he is ready. My goal in sharing this step-by-step is to help you guide and encourage your baby to have good sleep habits to allow sleeping through the night to happen naturally over time. Night feedings will begin to drop off naturally when your baby is ready.
This means when your baby wakes up in the middle of the night and does not have a legitimate need, he will put himself back to sleep independently. No rocking, bouncing, or doing 10 handstands required by mom or dad. On the other hand, if your baby does have a legitimate need, I assure you he will cry and let you know. And you should go to him, and feed him, and do what needs to be done. Then repeat the process of laying your baby down awake.
Let’s discuss how to teach your baby to fall asleep independently.
1. Catch your baby’s sleep window.
This refers to monitoring your baby’s wake time, which is the amount of time awake that your baby would have before needing to rest again. In the first month a newborns wake time may only be around 35-40 minutes or so. At the first year mark, your baby may have a wake time of 2.5-3 hours before needing a rest.
I prefer to focus less on the actual number of 35-40 minutes of wake time, and more on the baby’s actual sleep cues. In the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All your Problems, Tracy Hogg talks about watching for sleepy cues.
A baby’s sleeping cue may come in the form of an eye rub, a yawn or a fuss. Keep your eyes peeled to determine what an appropriate wake time is for your child. Once you know your baby’s approximate wake time, it can help you gauge when to set the stage for sleep.
2. Setting the stage for sleep.
Setting the stage helps release hormones in your baby’s body to help him prepare for sleep. When we are exposed to bright light, our bodies stimulate Cortisol, which is a hormone that helps us feel awake. When we are exposed to dimmer light or darkness, our body activates melatonin, which is a hormone that helps us feel sleepy.
In the home. Once you learn your baby’s approximate wake time, you will want to start setting the stage in your home about 20 minutes before an anticipated nap time. Keep stimulation low key: books, relaxing music, or gentle talking or playing are just a few examples. If it’s daytime, there is no need to block out all the light, but trying to keep your baby in a room that is less bright with the curtains partially closed can help prepare your baby for sleep.
In the baby’s room. Once you notice your baby’s sleep cue, you will want to start setting the stage for sleep in the baby’s room. This usually means taking your baby to his room, closing the curtains, swaddling, singing a lullaby, sitting with your baby for a few minutes to help relax and settle him, and saying your sleepy words (e.g. I love you. I hope you have a good sleep. Night. Night.)
3. Establish a good pre-sleep routine.
Like I just mentioned above, setting the stage is really all about establishing a good baby sleep routine. You can use an abbreviated sleep routine for naps (5-10 minutes) and a longer sleep routine for bedtime (30 minutes).
Use these newborn routine and baby routine cards to help get you started…
Choose whatever sleep routine you think will work best for your child and your family. Keeping it simple and functional will best serve you and your child and increase the likelihood you will stick with it for the long run.
A good sleep routine could include anything such as a bath, soft music, stories, massage, swaddle, dimming the room, turning on white noise, etc. Whatever you choose, you will want to use the same sleep routine every single time, as it will best cue your baby for sleep.
Such sleep routines offer reassurance and security to a baby, who sees the world as a very chaotic place. These sleep routines help your baby learn to anticipate sleep, which in turn, helps them fall asleep better because he knows it’s what he is supposed to do.
4. Lay the baby down.
Now you are probably nervous or shaking in your boots because you’ve done all the work to prepare your baby for sleep. You lay your baby down awake, but drowsy and hope he doesn’t cry or fuss. I encourage you to give it a few minutes to allow your baby to settle himself. See what happens.
5. Offer reassurance when needed.
If your baby cries or fusses for longer than you are comfortable with, go ahead and offer some reassurance. Pick the baby up for a minute or two and offer a few kisses, cuddles, and pats on the back. Resettle the baby and then lay him back down awake and quietly step out of the room.
You can continue repeating this process until your baby falls asleep. When I timed the sleep window and we were on a good routine at home, it was very common for my son to fuss less than 5 minutes, if he even fussed at all.
It’s not to say there were never times when if really fussed or protested. Certainly there were from time to time, but for the most part he responded very well to this technique. If your child is fussing or crying before sleep, you could even wait 5 minutes. Listen to your instincts and your baby. Decide what is right for your baby.
If you don’t feel comfortable with fussing or crying, I completely understand. You can also try the ‘shush-pat’ method described by Hogg with a 4 month old or younger. Just before you lay the baby down you start shushing and then pat your baby’s back.
According to Hogg, a very young baby is not capable of keeping several thoughts in his head, so by shushing and patting, he will begin to settle, as he will not be able to focus on crying. Once you lay the baby down awake, continue shushing and patting your baby until he falls asleep. This method is effective; just know you will likely just need to be more patient before your baby is able to fall asleep independently.
Print your free baby sleep checklist!
This post comes with a free printable baby sleep checklist to help you support longer stretches of sleep for your baby! Plus, when you grab this printable, you’ll get instant access to my free 3-day baby sleep eCourse.
Download Your Free Printable
- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable straight to your inbox, plus get my Free 3-Day Baby Sleep eCourse!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Use it as a quick reference and don’t forget a thing!
Want more on baby sleep?
- My Top 10 Newborn Baby Sleep Tips To Help You Get More Sleep
- The Newborn Routine That Will Help Your Baby Fall Asleep Faster
- Top 7 Challenges + Solutions for Parenting a Newborn and Toddler
- 8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
Resources for baby sleep:
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
This free email series will help you:
- Free sample routines for your child
- Best morning routine tips and tricks your kids will actually follow
- All-time favorite parenting hacks for getting more cooperation at bedtime
- Step-by-step guide for using a printable daily schedule with kids
normaleverydaylifeblog
Great advice! I did the Babywise sleep training with all five of my kids. It really helped me as a new mom because every other book kept telling me to just let the baby sleep and eat whenever. That’s difficult to do for a long period of time and it helped me to have some kind of schedule. With the younger kids, I learned to be more flexible with the schedule, but the principles were always there.
Lauren Tamm
It’s always encouraging to hear of other Babywise moms who enjoyed success. I think, as mothers, honesty is exactly what we should be sharing. It’s okay to say letting your baby sleep and eat whenever didn’t work well for your family. Gosh, I’m right there with you! And I’m so with you on the flexibility as well. Humans are not robots and we should not expect such, however, an approximate schedule really helps bring our day together and we are a much happier family when we are surrounded by predictability. Thank you so much for sharing! And I am super excited about your post today!! Thank you so much for that!
Susan Carroll
AuntSue
My six babies all had their own ways. I had younger siblings, so of course I knew how to take care of babies, right?!? My first was only a week or two old, I had nursed him and was rocking him to sleep ( like my mom of course) he just wouldn’t shut his eyes, I rocked and rocked and I was soooo tired. Finally I just laid him down. He let out a big sigh, and shut his eyes.(about time you figured it out, Mom!) My second always fell asleep in my arms. My third would only go to sleep in her yellow crib and slept there until 4 years old. Number four wanted to be put in bed for an hour before sleep to talk to himself, and then stay awake in bed for an hour before he would let me pick him up. Three and four would always take a 3 hour nap at the same time in the afternoon – heaven! Child number five wanted to sleep with mom and nurse all night. It took dad saying “Your mother is not coming!” to get her to throw herself down in the crib and go to sleep. Number six only slept from 11 pm to 6 am with a 5 minute nap at noon. Even the hospital nurses couldn’t get him to sleep! When he did fall asleep as a toddler, it would happen all of a sudden, sprawled on the stairs in the afternoon, or at night with a book falling on his face.
I love to read your blog. Babies and children do need predictable routine. Your information is so helpful, I forward it to my daughters. Thanks.
Lauren Tamm
Sue! Your parenting musings make me laugh and laugh. Thank you so much for sharing! There is such joy in this winding and unpredictable journey of parenting, but it can be exhausting at the same time. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. As a blogger, I open myself up to both positive and negative feedback. The positive motivates me to keep this blog going. Thank you!
Tricia the Good Mama
Ah! This NEVER worked for my son! We tried everything to try to get him down to sleep drowsy, but awake. The problem was that he never wanted to go to sleep. Instead we started putting him down in his crib and standing right next to him patting his back until he was asleep. We then moved on to just standing next to the crib, until finally he was doing it on his own. He still likes to roll around and sing to himself before falling asleep. He is sleeping much better at 1, but it sure took awhile! Hopefully these tips will work for my next baby.
Lauren Tamm
I totally understand a son who never wanted to go to sleep. It sounds like you did EXACTLY the right thing…patting, then standing, and then independent. Tricia, you are the perfect example of how to lay your baby down awake and teach him how to fall asleep independently. If he is 1 and falling asleep independent of a sleep prop, I think that is a job well done. I’m sure so many of my readers will find this comment really helpful! And yes, sleep training does take a lot of diligence and patience, but for our family, it was so worth it! Thank you so much for sharing!
Mrs. AOK
Great tips! I miss those days, I’d love to rock my babies forever, again. Two out of three still let me rock them in the chair 🙂 but not to fall asleep. Thanks for sharing via Mommy Monday.
XO
Lauren Tamm
I definitely miss those days, too! We used to rock for a short while right before bedtime while he drank a bottle. Thanks so much for visiting, Mrs. AOK!
Steph J
This was a very helpful article to stumble upon this morning. I have 3 boys. The older two were both excellent sleepers (and still are at 8 and 6) and were sleeping through the nite on their own by 4-5 months. Now I have a 15 month old and he is not a sleeper unless he is in my lap. He wakes several times in the nite and doesn’t fall asleep unless I go to him and rock him for awhile. His crib is in the bedroom with his brothers so I feel badly letting him cry as it wakes them (honestly though, if they do wake they fall back to sleep very easily). I have been working on getting a schedule set for his sleep routine but it’s hard. He does not like to lay in his crib. If I lay him down drowsy he usually screams and cries and stands up and runs around the crib. I’ve tried rocking him until he’s very sleepy and starting to close his eyes and then laying him down with his lovey and blanket and softly humming to him and leaving my hand on his back. He seems to be receptive to this sometimes and will fall asleep, though it doesn’t happen nearly enough. I do leave him to cry sometimes for a short time then go to him and progressively stay away for longer lengths of time. I’m not comfortable leaving him for much more than 5 minutes though.
Are there any more tips, books to look into, etc that you might recommend? I would love a full nights sleep, but mostly, I’d love for my little guy to get good rest. He seems so sleepy during the day, even with a 2 hour nap.
Lauren Tamm
This article is mainly geared towards infants, preferably infants who are younger than 6 months, although it could be done with a slightly older baby. With a 15 month old, you could try ‘Pick up, Put down’ strategy from the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All your Problems by Tracy Hogg. This would probably take up to 1 week of really hard work and consistency to decrease night waking and improve sleep. While I do recommend the book, the strategy basically says to lay your child down awake but drowsy. Stay with your child. Each time he stands up, lay him back down and tell him to go to sleep. Minimizing any other engagement, you would continue with this process until he fell asleep. I am assuming there is tears involved with this process, however, your child will not be alone. Do what you feel comfortable with. In reading about this, Hogg shares that it may take a long while for him to fall asleep (perhaps more than an hour). This could be very frustrating. Per Hogg, after a week of being really consistent you will start to see results. I’m guessing you would need to move your son to a different room while you used this strategy. I’m sorry that I am not able to offer more help!! I hope that things improve and you are all able to sleep well! I definitely recommend her book. Plus, it’s filled with a lot of other great parenting content. About half is babies, and the other half toddlers.
Lauren
bridtm
How early did you implement this technique? My baby is 8 weeks old, and her sleep patterns vary widely. I just don’t know if she istoo young to leave like that.
Lauren Tamm
We started at 6 weeks, but we also had a good sleep schedule and routine down by then. It really depends on what you feel comfortable with. I wish that I could offer you a concrete time table. Since every baby is different, I would follow your instincts. Having a good sleep schedule and routine first before trying this is incredibly helpful. If you haven’t read this post yet, it might help. How to Find a Baby Sleep Schedule that Works /
Michelle Jeffers
Thank you so much for posting this article. My husband and I have been struggling to get our newborn daughter to sleep without a crazy amount of crying and this saved our life. Knowing her window of sleep was the most important thing for us. Ever since we’ve paid attention to that, she’s been a dream to put to sleep. Thank you so much!
Lauren Tamm
Oh wow, that is so encouraging to hear that Michelle. Thank you for sharing. Sleep is not an easy situation to navigate with a baby. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job!!
Lauren
Areta Mackey
I’m struggling to figure out the appropriate awake time for my four week old before settling her to sleep – I want to figure it out as she’s either not tired enough, or overtired!! Would also like to nail it by weeks 6-8 so that I can start putting her down drowsy but awake… Any tips?
I find that by the time I see a yawn she’s already overtired, on the other hand I tried putting her down today 45mins after her last nap and she was really hard to get to sleep, and had a fitful nap. Help!
Lauren Tamm
It can be very tricky, as I’m sure you are feeling! Wake time does include feeding time, but I would say you are spot on with 45 minutes for a 4 week old. It’s tough. My son was very fussy in the early months and the schedule was a goal for us, but it was approximate. Each day there was some adjustment. I would say keep doing what your doing, watching her cues, trial and error, etc. to discover her ideal wake time. As she gets older each week and settles into life outside the womb it will get easier and easier for you to predict. If you have more questions and would like to chat more feel free to email me at themilitarywifeandmom (at) gmail (dot) com 🙂
barbieru izabela
It would be very helpfull for me if i can get an advice from you. I really liked your article and I wish for my baby to get a good night sleep.And me too, actually. My baby girl is 6 months old and I tried all kind of methods to help her to sleep by herself. The only way she falls asleep is at the breast. I know that this is a wrong way but is the only way we could do it. And is very frustrating for me to let her cry for more than 10-15 minutes. When i am very tired we sleep together in our bed and she sleeps like an angel. Me too. But if I lay her down in her crib she wakes up several times a night for breast. She uses it as a pacifier. I feel that sheis becoming more and more dependent of me.
Kelly
My baby girl is 4.5 months & was 5 weeks premature. Developmentally she’s about 4-5 weeks behind. I am a first time mama & I’ve been trying to put her down drowsy but awake for a month now & always cave when she fusses more than 5 min. I pick her up & try to lay her down awake again & she instantly gets worked up again..any tips? I don’t see myself letting her cry it out..
Lauren Tamm
Yes, this does not always work without some tears and now that she is a bit older and more robust, she may be inclined to fight sleep more than as a younger baby. So I would say only do what you are comfortable with, Kelly. If she isn’t cooperating with you and going to sleep awake, but drowsy, then keep doing what is working for you. The only thing I usually recommend is to avoid nursing to sleep. Rocking, walking, singing are all much easier habits to break down the road, when you feel ready. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Don’t stress if she isn’t cooperating with you. You can always try some gentle sleep training down the road if you feel ready later. I hope this helps!