Raising KidsIt’s hard to say when this whole biting thing started to go downhill exactly. It’s been a part of our lives for so long now that it’s become a bit of a blur. I’ve spent hours scouring the internet for how to get your toddler to stop biting.
I’ll just take a step back for a moment and share that my son is 22 months and he absolutely loves to run and climb and play in the dirt. He has a spirit of adventure in him that I admire and wish I had more of in myself. He finds his greatest happiness in life’s smallest adventures.
Chew on a few sticks outside? He’s in heaven.
Climb up and down a hill just because? He’s in heaven.
Bang on the table just for fun? Yes, he is still in heaven.
All this chewing, climbing and banging is great until he gets around other children. Around other children, these things translate into biting and hitting. I can tell you that I’ve tried just about everything to teach him that biting and hitting are BIG no-nos. It’s almost shocking that this is still such an issue because our son lives in a very peaceful and loving home.
So if you are like me, and you find yourself wondering how to get your toddler to stop biting all the time, here are a few major lessons that I’ve learned along this biting journey.
You have to dig deep to find the trigger.
You probably already know that addressing hunger and tiredness is really important when addressing a biting issue. I’ve been gently reminded that by parents often. I’m going to assume that you are dealing with a bigger issue that you’ve already tried those two common-sense things and they aren’t really the root of the problem here.
While I can’t say for sure what the trigger is for other children, I can tell you that, for my son, being indoors with other children for too long is a major trigger for him. After about 30 – 45 minutes around other children indoors, he starts to get overstimulated and overwhelmed. He doesn’t quite know what to do with himself, so he just starts tackling and biting other kids. Oddly enough, he almost always tries to bite other children in the face.
The other trigger for my son was going to story time at the library. There is a computer in the children’s room, and my son sees it and wants to play on it. He cannot play on it, and I cannot make the computer disappear. After being in that room for too long, he becomes more and more frustrated that he cannot have the computer, and he will start to take his aggression out on other children through biting. We stopped going to story time because it wasn’t worth it any longer. We may try it again in the future, but for now we are taking a break.
So again, each child is going to have a different circumstance or situation that tends to set them off, but look at when and where the biting is typically happening, and go from there. Dig deep to find the trigger.
Seriously, do avoid using extreme measures.
I share this with a lot of humility, but I have tried things like spanking, yelling and biting him back to curtail this biting issue. I am almost always offered this advice from other parents when sharing about our serious biting problem. This is not an exaggeration. People tell me to bite my son back all. the. time. It’s the number one piece of advice I get from parents face-to-face.
So now that I have tried all of those things and they haven’t worked, I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that those methods don’t work when you have a legitimate biting issue at hand. The only thing biting and spanking my son back taught him was that it’s okay to bite and hit people. It perpetuated the problem in our home.
While biting, hitting and yelling to teach your child a lesson may sound awfully tempting, try to avoid going to extremes. I’m not going to say that I never raise my voice, but I am working on not yelling every day.
Think progress, not miracles.
Teaching a toddler just about anything takes a lot of diligent time and effort. Whatever you discover works best to get your toddler to stop biting, be consistent and keep trying. It’s easy to convince yourself that it isn’t working when a miracle overnight doesn’t happen.
Give your methods and interventions at least a few months to see progress. Yes, just progress. Not even that the biting is gone completely, but simply a few months to see that the biting is less than it was a few months prior.
Tell other parents right away, up front.
One thing that I started doing was to tell parents immediately that my son was a bad biter when we were around other children. This wasn’t to make them aware that my son was “bad.” It was simply to help them know and anticipate what might happen. The best way to nip biting in the bud is to catch it immediately and offer a correction to a child. So if that comes from myself or another parent, that’s okay.
First, this also helps other parents know that it’s okay to reprimand your child. Not that other parents need permission, but many other parents don’t feel comfortable intervening when they should.
Second, this helps parents keep a watchful eye. Often times other parents don’t even have biting on their radar. They are enjoying a conversation with another parent and checking-in every now and then. However knowing that another child may be aggressive towards their child helps keep everyone on guard.
How to get your toddler to stop biting.
1.) Say, “No biting. Please be kind and gentle. Can you show me how to be kind and gentle?” This helps toddlers learn what to do instead or what the desired behavior is.
2.) Remove the child from the situation / trigger. This is huge when it comes to minimizing the biting.
3.) Sit the child down somewhere a few feet away and stay near your child. Repeat the words “No biting. Can you show me how to be kind and gentle” as many times as you feel is needed. I personally don’t set a specific amount of time before my son is allowed to get up because of his age. At the present time, I typically allow him to get up whenever he gets up. The goal is really just to move him to another area and make him sit for a short bit—to snap him out of it. It’s now common for him to get up and give me a hug and show me that he is gentle.
4.) Rethink what triggered the biting, and avoid that trigger if possible.
So are any of these things biting cure-alls? I wish that I could give you a resounding yes. They won’t cure toddler biting, but they will help you to address biting in a practical and purposeful way if you are struggling right now. You will see progress if you are consistent. My son still bites from time to time, and if he is presented with his typical biting triggers, it’s almost a guarantee for a bite. BUT things are A LOT better than they were!! I can only hope that after enough time, effort and much diligence that my son will outgrow this nasty habit completely. In the meantime, we are doing everything we can to make progress towards the goal of zero biting.
Want more on toddlers?
- The Secret Only Moms of Toddlers Really Know
- How to Help Toddlers Cope with Big Emotions
- 10 Empowering Ways to Improve Toddler Listening
What are your thoughts about how to get your toddler to stop biting? Let’s chat in the comments!
I was a teacher for about a year and my students were all between 12 and 24 months old. Biting was one of the biggest issues. Most times, we found that they bit other kids as a way to communicate. Not all the children in my classroom could verbally express themselves yet so they’d bite if a friend was bothering them. They weren’t being vicious, they just didn’t know what else to do. It’s a tough issue for both parents and teachers.
It is such a tough issue.
My son is 4.5 years old. And we had issues woth biting when he was about 2. And now all of a sudden it’s back. He knows it’s not right to do it and will say sorry but on the heat of the moment he bites. I’m lost!
My child is 10 months and she bits more if you try biting back
This sounds like you may need to speak with your family doctor or pediatrician. Biting and aggression towards others to this degree and sensory overload that seems unlike peers his age may be a sign that he may have some special needs.
Oh yes! I agree with you 100%. We did get our pediatrician involved and currently have a speech therapist seeing my son to help give us more tools to work through both speech and sensory issues.
Thanks for your input!
We have a biting issue with my 2 year old. We’ve done all the things listed above (saying, “biting hurts”, time out, and spanking) with no improvement after 3-4 months. His biting only got worse from only biting his sibling to now biting other kids at school. After talking to our partent educater and a family friend, we decided on 2 things. 1.) his discipline needs to be consistent at home and at school (or any other person watching your child) 2. Immediate discipline with little words. We came up with squirting his mouth with something distasteful like Listerine or apple cider vinegar. I’ve been told you will see immediate improvement. Hope it works. We start this plan tomorrow.
Here is a follow up article to what ended up working for us: https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/get-better-toddler-behavior/. Biting is very challenging. I’m so sorry you are struggling with this right now.
I am super curious to know if the idea of spraying the child’s mouth with something distasteful has worked?? I am definitely at my wit’s end with my 2 year old son biting other children at daycare. It’s gotten really bad and I just cry when I pick him up and am told that he bit another child. Again! I am at breaking point!!
Vinegar spray has backfired on us to a degree where my son asks for us to spray his mouth with the yucky juice. Everything is a game and nothing works.
Hi there I am Karen mom of four girls ages 4,6,9, and 14 years old and a step son age 11 I am alone most days and I found some creative ways to handle discipline with my strong willed children I would love to chat karen
I have two year old twins that bite each other a lot they always have bite marks on their back. And the hardest part is they are always together so of course they love each other and of course they fight. What I do is put them in their cribs when they bite because they need to be separated because they hurt each other really badly and it’s not one more than the other it’s pretty even. They don’t want to stop playing and sit in bed so I have them say sorry to get out. But I think you are right about hungery tired and over stimulated thing that makes a lot of sense when I think back to all the times they bite each other I just hope it all ends for us soon. Thanks for the article.
You are welcome! Hang in there. Biting is one of the hardest things to work through. Keep trying. If my son can change, I feel it’s possible for anyone.
Hi. Just for your readers information, occasionally, biting is a sign of a sensory processing disorder, such as dyspraxia. For a long time we dismissed my son’s biting, chewing and random living if things as a phase and being naughty. But we were lucky to have a pre-school teacher pick up on it. So, yeah, just for your readers to bear in mind! X
I was having a very tough time with my twins with biting each other, my daughter started the biting but it got so bad that her brother started defending/ retaliating by biting her back. It started around 20 mos and for at least half a year we tried everything: redirection, verbal corrections, every reasonable correction that we thought might stop the behavior. The behavior got so bad that they (mostly my daughter) were drawing blood, even when biting through clothing!! It was awful.
So I thought of that old-fashioned punishment for kids when they used foul language–soap!!
I very clearly and methodically prepared them both for what would happen the next time they bit.
My daughter got it first; one little squirt of foam soap and she didn’t do it again for about 6 wks. Then of course she tested things and had to get the soap one more time and that was that. She never, ever did it again.
My son was even easier, he just got it once and that was that!
I would stress that you need to calmly explain to the child what the consequence will be and when they do bite–deliver the punishment calmly, matter of factly.
My son is 23 months and has started biting a lot in the last few weeks but just at daycare. I think he does get overstimulated/overwhelmed after being in the room with all those kids more than 20 minutes. He starts acting out – biting, pushing, hitting. They tell him no and put him in time out but this doesnt phase him at all and is usually still in the same room. They really don’t have the ability to take him out all the time. Any suggestions?
Have the teachers smear a dallop of Vaseline In his mouth over his gums. It’s gross tasting and feeling for the kid but they learn quickly that if they bite they get put in time out with a mouth full of gunk.
That would be against any state liscensing and could be considered abuse. As a care taker I would not risk my job by doing this.
I have a 2 year old and 3 year old at home and they bite all the time I have tried everything on here and they still do it and I am at my wits end they are driving me nuts i have asked all my family friends and friends with kids my sons ages and nothing is working I don’t know What to do
Hi Lauren, after desperately searching the internet for articles on how to stop my 22 month old from biting I stumbled across your article and what you have discribed sounds all to familiar! I am wondering where things ended up with this? Is your son still biting? Was any specialist intervention required? Thanks
Amie,
Here’s a follow up post for you that might help: https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/get-better-toddler-behavior/
Warmly,
lauren