Mom LifeMan, when I first became a mom I had all these grandiose ideas about how parenting was really going to go for me. I think it’s normal to feel that way. You know? That everything will turn out “just so” and you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your masterful parenting skills.
You adore parenting books and read as many as you can get your hands on. I totally relate to that. I actually love parenting books, and thank goodness for them because I’d be in even more trouble without them. But let’s face it, parenting isn’t always by the book. It’s more like by the book with a twist of lime and some hot sauce.
Here are 8 things I swore I would never, ever do…until they actually happened:
1. Carry my tantruming toddler around like a sausage under my arm.
Oh yes, I’ve talked about this many times before. It’s no secret around here that my son thinks he’s 2 going on thirty. He wants to do all the things mommy does, which is awesome, unless you have somewhere to be on time. Then the meltdowns ensue and before you know it you are carrying your toddler around under your arm like a sausage. In fact, I’ve gotten so good at this that it doesn’t even phase me anymore.
I used to worry what people staring at me were thinking. Now I know that if they have kids, they’ll understand. And if they don’t, well hopefully they’ll understand.
2. Give my kid goldfish and a fruit cup for lunch.
Motherhood is just mentally exhausting sometimes, so there are days when I throw a haphazard lunch together. I know some people are going to think I am a bad mom for giving my son processed food. There is a whole war about fruit cups going on that you probably already know about. So I’m not going to even share that sometimes we have mac and cheese too…with the powdered cheese package.
3. Look the other way when my child is doing something naughty.
Of course, it is way better to correct the behavior right away. However, I often feel that my poor toddler is tired of me telling him to stop this and that all day long. And quite frankly, I’m tired of telling him too. So yeah, looking the other way every now and again not be the worst thing in the world.
4. Be the parent who can’t leave their kid for a few days.
Leaving your kids with another caregiver is hard! Even when you trust the other person, it’s just not that easy to walk away for so many reasons. I’ve been gone for one overnight in two years…oh well. I’ll get plenty of alone time when I’m dead?
5. Be the parent who doesn’t take enough date nights.
I’m a huge advocate for investing in your marriage and taking time alone with your spouse. So, so important. Also, not as easy as it looks. We aim for date nights once a month…sometimes we meet that goal and other times we don’t.
6. Yell and lose my temper over something that I really shouldn’t.
It’s easy to be the most patient person in the world when you aren’t in the thick of it 24/7. A few hour break to myself and my patience goes on forever and a day. However, when the days get long, it’s a lot easier than one would think to lose your temper and yell.
7. Hide in the bathroom so I can go eat some dang chocolate in peace.
Sometimes chocolate is just vital to surviving the day. Sugar does make me feel better, I don’t care what anyone says about it being evil and bad for your health!
8. Use a $600 iPhone as bribery so my child will stay quiet while I’m hiding in the bathroom trying to eat some chocolate.
Yes. I’m hanging my head in shame. But sometimes when you are at your max and you just need a break, you are willing to do just about anything. This includes bribery with incredibly expensive devices that children probably shouldn’t have.
So there ya go! I’m clearly in the top running for mother of the year 😉 Is anyone else with me?
Hahahah… love this!
Ha. Thanks!
Now just imagine carrying two sausages, one under each arm, with a pregnant belly. Now THAT makes you a freak show. And I’ve totally done it. ha ha ha. Great list. I could probably add several more to this list.
Oh yeah, ha, I could definitely add A LOT more things to this list. Geeze, I knew nothing.
There’s a new Kacey Musgraves country song called “Mind Your Own Biscuits.” You can look it up online. When you’re tempted to wonder “what other people think,” I promise that song will make you happy!
Ok. I’m going to check it out! Thanks 🙂
Love this! and I’ve totally done every single one!
Yeah, I understand. We can commiserate or laugh together about it 🙂
I have done all of these! The one thing I swore I would never do but am THIS CLOSE to doing now is putting a leash on my kid! He’s two and a half and weighs 42 pounds and likes to run. He’s also INCREDIBLY stubborn, and I’m very pregnant, so chasing him hit just ain’t happening! No matter how many times we talk about listening, practice stopping, etc., inevitably he will take off.
Oh…we had a runner too! This sounds so much like myself when I was pregnant with my daughter. There is nothing wrong with using a leash or a stroller until you can help him develop enough self-control to understand why he needs to stay by you. For a 2.5 year old, it takes quite a bit of time to develop and hone in on that self-control trait. Do what you need to do, mama.