I’ve never minded when my husband got orders, and we had to move. It meant we could start all over again. I mean, yes, having to pack everything is a pain and saying goodbye to friends is never easy. But the flip side meant we could explore a new place.
Having said that, I always worry my husband will get orders overseas, and I don’t want to go there again. We were at RAF Lakenheath for three years. I actually grew up in various Air Force bases overseas since my mother was in the military.
I was in Italy. Germany. Belgium. And don’t get me wrong, all those places were fantastic. I love history! I love to visit these places.
I just don’t want to live there.
A lot of people I’ve told this to think I’m crazy for not wanting to go back. “But it’s beautiful over there!” they’ll argue. Or I’ll get the whole, “You can travel cheaply!” Yeah, I know. But with my husband’s job, he doesn’t exactly get a bunch of leave to do this.
I really don’t want to go overseas again. And here’s why.
1. You hate being so far away from family.
I always worry something might happen. If something happens, it means we have to pay a lot of money for plane tickets to get back to the states. On top of worrying, I feel detached from everyone. They all continue with get-togethers and we can’t be there. Skype and Facetime helps, but it’s not the same. Not to mention having a baby with my service member while abroad…
2. The plane ride is too long.
I’m one of those people who hate to fly. Having to be in a tiny space for 8+ hours makes me nervous. I panic with every odd sound I hear.
3. You miss Target.
I know, I know. This is ridiculous. But I do. I love Target and no other store compares to it in my eyes. When we were in England I went to Tesco a few times, and it was lovely, but it’s not Target.
4. You even start to miss commercials.
When we were in England we had Sky TV and I started to miss the silly American commercials. Growing up when I was overseas I had AFN commercials, which are incredibly cheesy. (Seriously. Look up AFN commercials on YouTube.)
5. The conveniences of the States feels more like home.
I enjoy being able to walk down the street and finding a store or a place to eat. If you’re driving and miss a turn you can easily get off at the next exit. In England if you missed a turn you had to drive for what seemed like forever to turn back around.
6. It seems dangerous to be overseas these days.
I know not ALL places are like this. And I know there are places in the United States that are dangerous. (You always hear about shootings here too!) But when I hear about bombings and shootings in cafes over there, it worries me.
7. Some people automatically hate Americans.
This can happen even if you haven’t done a thing wrong.
I didn’t like the mean looks we’d sometimes get. I wanted to say, “I’m a nice American, I promise!” Granted, most people were friendly if you were friendly or attempted to speak their language, but some immediately thought, “Here’s some rude Americans!”
8. Mail takes forever to get there.
I’m impatient. I like getting my mail two days later.
9. Some places won’t even ship over there.
Since I’m a blogger, sometimes companies will send me stuff to review. But some companies are unable to send to PO Boxes or to an overseas address. This impacts my work. Yes I could have it sent to my parents and they could send it to me, but sometimes that could take too long.
10. You miss out on all the new foods that come out.
You know those new Oreo flavors? I need those. New soda flavor? Yes please. The commissary doesn’t always get stuff like that. Again, I could have people send stuff to me, but again, I am rather impatient.
Obviously if my husband got orders overseas I’d suck it up and go. But I’m hoping our current base is our final base. However, I’ve learned a long time ago that the military likes to surprise you.
So I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Do you like being overseas?
Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
How can you call yourself a proud military wife…..shame on you….you should change your title to crappy Whitney military wife.
Well, I don’t feel any shame. Last I checked, I’m allowed to have an opinion. But thank you for your input! It’s super encouraging.
I googles blunt reasons wives struggle with i the military and this has been a very honest answer. Im switching to active duty and try to give my wife a lot of input. I dont think this was garbage. It was blunt and to the point. Thank you.
Whitney military wife? Lol.
Just because we don’t agree with every aspect of military life, it doesn’t mean we can’t be proud to be a military wife.
Remember this the next time you complain about a deployment. Or the commissary. Or any other less than glorious part of military life.
Seriously, sheesh, it’s like you can’t have your own opinion anymore.
I guess I’m supposed to be like, “Overseas is the best, I love overseas, I can’t wait to live overseas,” at all times.
Yikes, what silly reasons not to want to go overseas. That’s fine, though – more room for those of us who want to go!
Exactly! 😉 I know there are some who DO enjoy it, and that’s fantastic for them.
Thanks for the comment!
Damn i don’t understand why there are so many people hating on your post! I’m a military child and would not want to go back overseas for the same reasons you listed.
I feel I can go back to Israel Bc of how dangerous it is, being uprooted from several schools was hard and I def can speak German, Arabic or Tagalog.
It was fun but I’m happy to be back in California where I am from.
I could get into the hot topic of women who seek out military men just for the benefits but I’ll save that for another day.
Thanks for sharing your opinion Bc ii agree with them
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.
I love my experiences overseas, but it’s just not where I want to live. That’s so cool that you can speak multiple languages!
First question: Why did you live on base and subject yourself to the hardship that is base life?
Suggestion: Live on the economy with the locals and become part of the community. For example there are these stores in Bury St. Edmunds that are basically Target or even better…SHOCKING!! Also you know England isn’t a 3rd world country. You can walk down streets and find places to eat. Yes while local British food might be lacking there are plenty of places that don’t include Rugby’s on base….or Subway!
Second Question: The plane ride is to long for you?
Answer: Really dude? You aren’t in a C-17 with a combat ruck on your back about to jump in the middle of the night on a enemy held airfield…you are sitting in a fairly comfortable seat and drinking beer watching movies. SHUT UP!
Third Question: Are you the reason why everyone hates millenials?
Answer: I think so. While I have never meet you, I have a strong feeling you would complain about getting a million dollars cash. I can’t tell if I feel more sorry for your husband or the entire demographic that you represent. Being in England, or Germany or even Italy is one of the few luxuries military members get in their line of service. The fact that you are welcome over there at all should be good enough for you. Make the most of it and stop complaining and find real job where you are being a productive member of society.
Yeah, dude, really.
Hey, I can have an opinion on where I’d like to live. It might not be YOUR opinion, but that’s fine.
I was in England for 3 years and sorry, I didn’t find a store I enjoyed more than Target. But there were some pretty great ones, I’ll give you that.
Thanks for the comment!
I’m at military spouse and a Millenial and I completely agree with her and I found her opinion to be interesting!!! You shouldn’t group people together and make rude comments abou them, she has a blog, her opinions aren’t going to match up to others, that’s the great thing about the USA…….diversity in all things including opinions!!!
Amber, I think you make good points. I assume you meant to make really bad points and you are just a annoying dependent who’s primary daily activities are wearing yoga pants in the commissary and search DIY projects on pinterest.
The mail really? Amazon.co.uk ships in a day.
Hey, those DIY projects are pretty damn cool.
And Yoga pants rock.
Thanks for the comment 😉
I agree with you completely. It is one of the hardest things to give up everything, and move to a foreign country, especially when the move is to support your husband, and not have anything in place for you. I left my country, my full time job, which payed better than his, my business, which had just started to thrive, when I had to close it down to move with him. I left my family and friends, and my child also went from going to nursery everyday, to having to be homeschooled for two years. It is difficult. I went from being very independant to depressed and miserable. It was especially hard because when we got married, he told me he was only planning on staying in until 10 years, then we could move back and it would be my turn for a career. Now its almost time, he’s turned around and said he wants to do 20 years, and he wants to be based half way across the world. I now don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave him, but I also don’t want to go. I don’t want to sound rude, but I also think that the military spouses who love military life and love being stay at home mums for the 20 years, are the ones that are not ambitious and would not have strived for a career outside of the military, so they are better off in it, and i’m glad it turned our well for them. And, as for military personnel having an opinion about this, they don’t know what it’s like to be a trailing spouse. My husband has had two months off now, and he hates it, he said he understands why I hate it. Sorry for the long post, I need to rant lol.
Amber, I totally understand your reasons.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to live overseas. It’s not as if you’ve never done it before and are whining. You clearly said you’ve done it more than once and don’t care to do it again. And of all the milsos I know, I damn sure know you’d make the best of it if you had to! These people clearly don’t know you. Don’t sweat their nonsense. Xxooo to you girl!!
Thank you 🙂
Yup, it’s easy to type something out behind the safety of a monitor. You can tell who has really read the post and who has just skimmed it.
It kind of depends for me. When my daughter is older I would love to go overseas so she can really experience the culture. Right now, we are trying to get back to Hawaii which is considered OCONUS. Not really the same as another country but still far.
I loved being there and have felt so out of place since moving back to the mainland! The distance from family bothered me the first go around, but now I’m just so ready to go back that I’m not bothered by it.
However, I wouldn’t want to go to another country at this point in our lives, although I would just love to get the heck out of Georgia!!
Actually, I have the same concerns as you have expressed above. I have been a military wife of 11 years. My husband was NOT in the military when we were married. It was shortly after 9/11 that he joined. I am about to embark on my first OCONUS move and have appreciated these blogs to help comfort me during this transition. I have never been an “all in” military wife, meaning we live off post and I rarely go to events, which does not mean I don’t completely support my husband and his commitment to our country. We have two young girls (4 & 9), which is my main concern at this point. If you have anything that will help me to help them with this move, I’d greatly appreciate you sharing! Thanks for all that you do to INFORM us! You are a true blessing & I truly appreciate your honesty!! We need more of it (without worry of the negativity)! God Bless & Merry Christmas!
I’m at an OCONUS location right now and absolutely love it., and we will hate to leave when the time comes. Although I don’t agree with a lot of your points, I enjoyed your post because I think it’s important to see different opinions, and I think you expressed your view very eloquently. To each their own 🙂
My husband recently got orders for cuba and I came across this article looking for some one to tell me I’m not a bad person. I’m not going with him. We have a son who id 10 months old. He is getting out after this contract which ends in 18 months. I feel awful. He agreed it would be pointless for us to come since he works so much and we wouldn’t be there for long since he has to clear in the states. I still feel like an awful human being.
Sorry, a little off topic. I’m about to be a military mom. My son’s finishing up this semester, taking the ASVAB in April and hoping to start BMT in July (delayed program for college students). With all of your knowledge about being stationed overseas, I was wondering if he was given the correct information about the Dreamsheet. His recruiter said if he leaves the overseas selection blank, they won’t send him overseas. Is that correct? He has elderly I’ll grandparents at he was partly raised with and does not want to leave the states during his first 4 years. Please let me know if you know. I have searched the internet for HOURS and cannot get an answer. You have a lovely website. Thanks for any information you can provide.
Lori
I see this was a bit ago, and I’m also not 100% sure of the answer. But in my experience they can pretty much send you anywhere they want to any time. If it did happen he may have a chance to get it changed based on his circumstances. However I’m not sure there would be any guarantee they would do it. I think they have final say over where he would get sent. Sorry it’s not more help. Hope it works out for your family!