MilSpouse LifeBeing a military girlfriend is a difficult role for many young women in today’s military community. And I do mean, girlfriends. This short series of posts is written directly for my readers, who email me each and every week, sharing their struggles. This amazing group of young women always refer to themselves as a military girlfriend.
Time and time again, I hear their struggles and it causes me reflect on my years as a military girlfriend. Even though it was only a few short years ago, it feels like forever. Our lives are different now: We live in Japan, we have a toddler and a baby on the way, and I work from home running my own business. It’s a far cry from my days on the East Coast as a military girlfriend when I struggled to find my place in the military life world.
So if you find yourself filling the role of military girlfriend, you are not alone. You are among friends who understand these exact problems…
Related:
- Where to Find Helpful MilSO Groups Online for Support and Encouragement
- 42+ Top Missing Him Quotes to Send Your Long Distance Boyfriend
- 101 Long Distance Relationship Quotes to Keep a Strong Relationship
Your relationship endures separations well before it’s ready.
Separations are a part of life, but they are heavily prevalent in military life. Many pre-marital military relationships experience long-term separations over a long geographical distances. This creates a difficult scenario for young relationships to even have the chance to survive.
Getting on base is sort of an ordeal.
Sometimes it even feels a little embarrassing if you need to get a base pass. Standing in line with your significant other each time you need to get a vehicle pass starts to feel a bit unwelcoming. Thankfully, you only need this on rare occasions when you need to drive on base alone to meet him somewhere.
You need your hand held to purchase anything at the Commissary or PX.
One of my most embarrassing moments was shopping at the PX and realizing I wasn’t allowed to actually make the purchase. I do understand now why only service members, retirees and family members are allowed to make a purchase. At the time however, it never dawned on me that I wouldn’t be allowed to buy something at a store simply because I wasn’t married.
Related: 13 Deployment Gift Ideas for Your Military Boyfriend
People look down on you if your significant other gives you any sort of legal rights.
A Power of Attorney is a powerful thing and should not be granted unless absolutely necessary, but there is a time and place when a Power of Attorney is necessary in a non-marital relationship. I cannot think of another profession or community where legal marriage and legal rights are such a prominent part of everyday life.
You grapple with when is truly the right time for marriage.
Because legal rights are at the forefront of the military community, you often consider just getting married already. Things like deployments and PCS moves weigh heavily on your decision to marry. In any other profession, this is typically not the case.
You struggle to know if you should stay or go during a PCS.
If you are a military girlfriend and your service member receives orders to PCS, you are forced to decide stay or go. If you go, you are uprooting your life and picking up the tab for it. It’s not easy to leave behind school, a career, friends and family for a relationship that may or may not be destined for marriage.
If you stay, you create a challenging long distance relationship scenario OR you end the relationship, which is challenging and sad as well.
You are seen as transient.
Many military girlfriends come and go in the military community. This is one of the reasons why the title of military girlfriend seems to carry the transient label. It feels discouraging some days. Many of those in military relationships choose to marry young, some only months into their relationship. I can only imagine feeling transient plays a huge role in couples marrying quickly.
Whether you are a military girlfriend years or months into military life, I applaud you. It is challenging, and I know you are filled with immense strength, heart and determination to carry the weight.
The road of military life is rewarding, yet filled with ups and downs, and your time as a military girlfriend will prepare you for all that is yet to come. Don’t rush leaving behind the challenging role of military girlfriend for the wrong reasons. Years down the road, you’ll feel grateful for this time of immeasurable growth.
Want more on military life?
- The One Thing You Miss Most During Deployment
- Military Girlfriend to Military Life: One Important Lesson You’ll Never Forget
- The Best Advice for the Military Girlfriend
- Are Military Spouses Unknowingly Violating OPSEC?
- 7 Bootcamp Graduation Gifts That Will Make Your Service Member Smile
- The Brutally Honest Guide to Dating a Military Man
What’s your biggest struggle as a military girlfriend? Let’s chat in the comments!
It’s probably one of the most challenging times especially trying to go to college and have my boyfriend in the military. All the girls in my dorm floor constantly ask me why I do it, isn’t it hard with all these boys around? How do you stay faithful? What’s wrong with you? And so on and so on. Some days I just want to cry, it hurts when people ask me questions like that. Their all complaining how their boyfriends are thirty minutes away and I haven’t see him in two weeks… Try having your boyfriend be away for 8 weeks in bootcamp. I write him every night, it’s like our little lifeline to each other. I wish girls at college would realize that distance doesn’t define us, it only makes the kiss sweeter, the hug longer and our love stronger. That’s the only thing that matters to me is him. If Only they realized that if the love you have is true, then it’s very easy to stay faithful no matter how far apart we are.❤️
This is so me. I am going to college right now and my boyfriend got deployed. We have been together for 4 years now and still going strong. It is super frustrating that those 4 years go under looked and it doesn’t mean anything being “just an army girlfriend”. Seriously frustrates me and I try so hard to stay calm and remind myself that it’ll be worth it someday. I can’t wait for that reward to be his wife. Someday…
This entire post resonates with me on such a deep level. I am very new to the military girlfriend “lifestyle”. I’ve only been dating my boyfriend for about a year, and a lot of people discredit that fact, but I love him a lot and know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I get a lot of questions from people in college with me, regarding the temptation of other guys, or how I handle not being able to see him so often. I’m writing this as I am about to catch the train back home, from seeing him during his pass. He is being deployed soon. This is the first deployment I am going through with him. I am looking for support groups//friends that know how I feel and have been through this. I’ve spent the last few hours crying from just watching him walk away. How I will be strong during this time, is unfathomable to me. He is really my everything. I know I can do it, and everyone keeps saying the time will pass quickly. But if anyone wants to chat or give me any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all <3.
I have been with Jason 7 months and he is Army infantry Soldier and we went from texting every few days to every 5 days in May and now it’s been 10 days I’m a hot mess so worried .
We are engaged and it’s killing me with worry to not hear from him at all .
Stop a Divorce or Breakup Revealed by Olivia Stephen form Tx,USA.??? After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman.??? I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again.??? i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast.???So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr_Mack@ yahoo. co m.??? he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Mack is real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need love spell??????????
I haven’t been with my boyfriend very long, but he’s my absolute everything.. we fell so in love 7 months ago and he’s now in the army as an officer and been in training for only 3 weeks so far. I only get to speak to him for 20 minutes every week at this stage, and it looks like it could be up to 6 months before I actually see him again. I really don’t know how to deal with it sometimes, because when I talk to him and he’s not good because of the training I’m upset because I just want him to be okay, but when he’s really happy and fine it makes me worried he doesn’t miss me and won’t want or need me anymore. So it’s honestly just a double edged sword. In this particular moment I honestly just hate the army and everything about it, I just have to hope that it could hopefully do great things for our relationship and future, and just make us stronger. Please do reach out anyone, I would so love someone to talk to anyone that’s experiencing similar things.
Don’t worry too much because your future husband will be fine..is normal for you to feel that we’ll is just Love speaking in you…God bless you
This was such an amazing post to read! I’m currently on month 3 of deployment and I’ve got 3-4 to go. It’s so hard to be away from the person you love for so long (especially when the WiFi is crap in the Middle East). Talking is an absolute blessing and only happens rarely but when it does, it brings me out of some dark stuff. We’ve only been together for a little under a year, so when he got the news he was deploying we were just starting to go out. I had a decision to make: should I break things off and make it easier on myself? Or should I stay with him because I think I can take him going away. It was an easy choice and one of the best ones I’ve ever made. I love Dustin with all of my heart and the pain and frustration from being separated will all be worth it in the end.
My boyfriend and I just found out he has been offered a place on an intake for the army (he’s been with the marines for 6 years). This means him going to the other side of the country. We’ve only been together properly for 2 months (we dated a year ago and reconnected over lockdown) but we decided we would make it work as he’ll finish in April next year and we know we will get some time together at Christmas. He then found out this week that he’s likely to be sent to Canada after his army selection process but we’re unsure for how long. He’s now questioning whether it’s right to put me through all the waiting, but the idea of him being away upsets me less than the idea of us not being together. We’re ridiculously compatible and have come such a long way. It’ was very unexpected news but I really want to support him and encourage him to pursue his dream career whilst not having to choose between that or me. It’s not a certainty that he’ll end up in Canada, so I feel we should take it one step at a time and cross that bridge when we get to it. He’s worried that as our feelings become the distance may then be too hard to cope with, but I see it more that the feelings, coupled with our development of trust and commitment, will be what gets us through it. He’s worried about getting hurt – either because things could come to an end, or through him missing me. But I really feel it’s a risk worth taking. We won’t know unless we try. I know we’re a very premature relationship but it’s one of those situations where I ‘just know’ it’s right. I know it’ll be hard, but I also know it’s effort that makes a relationship, not distance. Am I being naive? I like to think not. I’m 26 years old and I finally found the one I’ve been looking for – in terms of his character, personality and values. The only compromise I’m making is distance, but that’s a compromise I’m willing to make for the man I see my future with.
How often are you able to talk to him? I can’t handle a day without a message on hangout with him.. I understand there will be times that I won’t have that much. I have never felt so alone in my life I literally carry my phone around.
Hi sweetie, I have the same problem and look him online on Facebook but always think how much he loves you and maybe he had a bad day … or try to talk with him and clear the thing… I hope I can help you
Hi hun we are all here for you stay strong xx
My boyfriend is being deployed in July and although it is months away I know it is going to come soon. We have only been dating a little less than a year but I know this love is real and I don’t want to lose them. It has come up recently where we talked about how I am going to deal with his absence when I leave. As a college student, I am aware that I have a whole future ahead of me but, I don’t want to live that future without them. He comes from a long line of a military family so he questions if im ready for it because I don’t have the experience that his mom does or his dad. I want this more than anything I just don’ know how to prove it.
Seeing other woman blog makes me feel relieved knowing many can relate. My boyfriend and I started dating in September, and it’ll be 7 months on the 28th. Knowing he is National Guard part-time, deployment can happen anytime of course. They have a two week assignment and most of the time, it’s out of state. Well he’s been promoted to full-term active duty in Maryland. From being raised in San Antonio almost my entire life to starting a whole new chapter in another state? Huge changes I shall say. I am a military brat myself. My parents divorced when I was younger, and I ended up living the rest of my timeframe down in San Antonio. I didn’t experience the true life of moving every four years. Finding out this past week, it’s been a relief to know that my boyfriend’s hard work is being paid off, but to also know I’ll be away from my intermediate family, close friends, and the culture of Texas. Being 22 years old, it’s a time to really decide what you want to do in life and what is for your best interest. I have faith and trust in every move I seek to make with him especially when we plan to take our relationship into marriage and so forth. Overall, it’s quite a decision to make knowing that you have choices. Being a military spouse is a huge sacrifice, and I applaud their relationships, because men have woman who are strong-willed emotionally and will do as much as they can to take care of what was promised.
See I am trying to get to this point but I am almost feel like I’m trying to hard. I’ve been with my boyfriend since he’s started the military which will be 3 years this year and it’s definitely been hard to maintain. My boyfriend has yet to deploy but we have communication issues already. He works on base. And he’s in NC while I’m in MD. I feel like he often blames having a *shitty* week or day or being tired as to why he can’t consistently give me the tlc I need (which is a phone call so we can have our time to talk) He’s often moody and even though I’m aware there’s not much I can do. It just feels he’s not as dedicated to this as he should/could be. BEing as though he does get free time in the evenings the least he could do is call. But if I miss his it’s a big deal. Something urgently telling me to let this go but I do love him and I don’t want to be unreasonable.
Good day Jazmone. I am currently a deployed male Soldier and I am going through some ups and downs with my girlfriend and our relationship. We dated for a while and tied the not for my B-day on 28 December 2017. She is completely new to the Army life. We just made one year on 19 October 2018. Ever since July the communication has been very vague on her behalf. Before me deploying she would demonstrate the tender loving care and write letters to show that she cared for us and the relationship. Now almost completing my deployment there has been many changes on her behalf. I constantly look for her and text, write letters, but no reply’s or responses in return. That makes me feel some type of way as a deployed Soldier. I love and care for her passionately. In completion of our one year anniversary I prepared a cake for her which was delivered by her best friend. I did not receive a thank you via text or anything on her behalf. Just don’t know what is going on and what to do.
In regards to your situation, if free time is available on his behalf he should take the time out to reach out to you because it’s the least he can do. It’s a two way street, not just one way. Communication is key to everything no matter if it’s a girlfriend, spouse and that is vise versa, it’s key to keeping each other balanced. It is hard not to hear from the person you deeply care about and can become frustrating at times. As my mom always say have inner strength and have faith. You hang in there Jazmone
Im going the exact same thing. He is so moody and always stressed and pressed. But when we are together he is so affectionate.
I feel the same way My boyfriend is leaving for the army and basic on July 6th and 7th and we have only been together for 3 months we talk about this a lot but I know this will make our love stronger and will be faithful and loyal while he is gone.
I have a military boyfriend and he’s just at Bootcamp and I don’t like it, it sucks completely and it wasn’t even my choice and yet my world has to be different now. I will decide to go to college and stay in the state I currently am, I can’t follow him around when I want a life of my own. It’s very hard and I’m being supportive but I hope it’s not a lifetime.
I have a military boyfriend and he’s just at Bootcamp and I don’t like it, it sucks completely and it wasn’t even my choice and yet my world has to be different now. I will decide to go to college and stay in the state I currently am, I can’t follow him around when I want a life of my own. It’s very hard and I’m being supportive but I hope it’s not a lifetime.
I don’t if that’s hard, or try talking to a service member. You’re so confused on everything.
Hi im sonia I have been dating my military boyfriend for a month now itry to control my emotions but its tough I love him and i think he does too but sometimes i struggle to understand his job we talk ones in a month or in 2 months im from south Africa hes from alaska should i worry is it normal he says they are mot alowed to take their phones during working hours or in his unit but hes said he will retire in 2 years then we will be together could he be serious about this relationship?
This is me right now to. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. With him being off at military quarantine for almost a month now, then a 13 week bootcamp, with no graduation or family day and then he has to go on to MCT and his job training. In all I probably won’t see him for almost 6 months unless covid changes. All my friends at college don’t understand why I am doing it, only a few can kind of grasp the idea but don’t truly understand. I’m just waiting for him to officially get to bootcamp so that the letter can finally start because he can’t get them in quarantine. The moment when we will finally see each other will make it all worth it, and all I can think of is how if we make it through this, then we will make it through anything. That one thought is what is getting me through this time and i can’t wait for us to be back together again.
I’m am a new military girlfriend also in college. I told my roommate that I started dating a soldier, and she said “why would you do that to yourself?” I’m 24 and my parents were both in the military and that’s how they met. I always told myself that if I ever started dating a military man I would make it and be strong for the both of us! My boyfriend is about to go on his 3rd deployment my first as his gf. 9 months in Iraq. Numerous of girls have told me I’m crazy, and that I won’t make it. Which makes me really sad, and upset that they would say such a thing! It will be easy to stay faithful and strong because everything will be that much sweeter when he gets home!
Gillian, you are going to make it! I know it seems like mission impossible but those days turn into weeks faster than you think! I find the first month is the toughest. I love looking up care packages on Pinterest or finding cute, yet manly, cards in the store. Training and deployment allow you to rekindle your love through letters-which I think is much more romantic than texting anyways! Just remember “the longer the wait the sweeter the kiss”, best of luck! <3
I’m in my first month as a miltry girlfriend my boyfriend has gone on his first phase 1 training for 14 weeks we are going into week 2 now and not going to lie it’s so tough and I feel so alone tell me is it going to get easier? I love him to bits and miss him every day it certainly makes you think about cherishing the time you have together for sure I am dead proud of him though as I know he is doing this for himself and a better life for us I am just finding it hard and everyone around me is like I don’t know how you do it etc. I love reading all the comments truly inspirational it is Thankyou x
I know how exactly how you feel.. my boyfriend just left for boot camp a few days ago and I already feel like I can’t bear it anymore. It’s only the third day and I’m already weeping every hour. I’m still awaiting his first letter – I also feel alone without him, even though I have my family and friends, it is not the same without him. I also ask: is it going to get easier?
I am a new military girlfriend as well with two daughters. My boyfriend left on the 8th of this month and it’s so hard I write 3 letters a day just so I can clear my head of him being away. My oldest daughter who’s 2 asks for him at least 50 times a day. And I constantly tell her that he’s making a better life for the four of us. I cry only at night time when I have to climb into bed alone and cuddle his shirts. I hope it gets better soon
It does get easier!! Not by much but it certainly does, not to mention you get stronger, tougher and more accustomed to the life. Keep your head up and maintain your own interests as well, it will keep you happy and therefore your relationship happy. I’m rooting for all of you!
I am a military girlfriend. My boyfriend and I have been datjng for almost a year and I know we are just at the beginning of this journey. He is in the Air Force. I am in my fist year of college. We have made plans for the future, we want to get married and have kids. I tend to feel overwhelmed by all of the uncertainty that comes with being in a relationship with someone in the military. I find it hard to voice my worries and concerns when we are apart from each other. I don’t want to spend the time we do get to talk to each other on such difficult subjects especially since it’s over the phone. All I want to do is talk to him as much as possible on the phone, but I also don’t want to hold him back from having a life where he is at. I feel like there have been or could be women in the same boat as me who have advise or could share similar feelings.
I feel like I’m in a similar spot to you. My Boyfriend and I have also been dating for under a year, but it has been long distance from the start even before he joined the army. I went to college for my first year, but I switched my plans during the year. He was severely hurt during his basic training but continued to graduate and go on to his AIT. He won’t be able to work his assigned job and we had already planned on getting married and settled down, so I switched to an online school so I could be flexible to be wherever he goes if he takes a medical discharge. He is still in AIT as of now and this is where I relate to the long distance communication. I am constantly worried about him and I feel as if I sound overbearing or smothering to him sometimes, but it’s only out of my love and concern. Staying positive is a really hard thing to do, but I feel as if I have to stay strong so that he knows that he has a strong support system when everything else around him seems to be failing. My love (boyfriend) reaches out to me when he can, and yours should do the same since you can still have a life and be committed to your girlfriend I feel like, because it can’t be a one way street, it’s not fair to you. I also have a tendency to think the worst situation possible and I end up scaring myself for no reason, whether that be him “ignoring me”, to days without a text or call, or the fear of cheating. In reality it’s usually been the fact that phones were taken away, or his pain medications made him sleep the whole day, etc. It’s really hard not having them to talk to everyday because the worrying builds up and I give myself grey hairs for no reason. I still find myself crying every night because I just want him home with me.
My boyfriend and I were barely on out 3rd month of dating when he left for boot camp. We met when he went into processing the first time he was set to leave in August a month or so after we first met and he was sure he wanted me to be there for him. Things came up so his ship date switched to October so we had more time to know each other, which made it a harder goodbye.
Most of my friends have asked me why I decided to stay with him or how I can stand not talking or seeing him everyday like we use to. I know it gets so hard not being a text or call away, but I don’t was ensured that it’ll always be worth it in the end.
I’m proud of myself staying strong and counting down the days until I see him after graduation (next week). Seriously time flew by quicker than I thought, I wrote him twice a week and have only got about 4 letters from him. I’m busy being a full time student with two part time jobs while he’s out there training to save the world. I always stay busy and patiently wait for communication.
I can’t wait for what the future will hold, it’s hard but not impossible to make a long distance military relationship work. Thanks to the support group I have at home and military girlfriends I’ve met through social.
Wow, I’d love to hear what you guys are up to 2 years later. My boyfriend just left for boot camp, so I’m really in need of some advice and guidance.
Yeah me too my boyfriend graduates Aug 2nd and I’m unsure what will happen afterwards. I cant even drive him to Ait because I’m not family. I miss him.
Lauren bless you and your blog posts! Everything I have been reading has been striking a chord with me, and it’s a relief to read about someone who is not only surviving being a military wife, but thriving. My boyfriend just started basic and it’s much more difficult than I had anticipated, but you have helped tremendously. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
I’m older 55 dealing with him being 67 miles away for last. 12 mths, I’m his Lady. We are 1yr 8mths in. It’s hard for me to deal with the he’s at the beck & call of the military. I feel lost alone he disappear for a day or 2. He try to see me every chance he cane. I was going there 2-3 days a week but orders changed and he was sent 40 MILES from there. I was wondering since I’m a crybaby is he not telling me before hand but share once he returns . I think he knows when he’s leaving. He calls me often most days but now once a day. We plan to marry as soon as he retires, He started last Aug. Now the next 12 mths. I just need some hang in th there support!
my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 8 months now. he just left January 12th 2016 for basic training. we met over 2 years ago and I knew this is what he wanted to do all along. of course I support his decisions. he was suppose to leave last summer but his shipping date got changed. it gave us more time to see each other and spend time. I believe in us and he graduates in 15 days. I have been in contact with his parents and it’s been a blessing to have them by my side. I haven’t received any letter yet and his parents have only received one. all my friends think having a military boyfriend is easy. I’m in this for the long haul and I want us to workout. he gets his phone back this coming Saturday for a few hours so hopefully he will contact me. I’m thankful to have my parents, friends, and family to talk too. I knew this was going to be tough but missing him more than anything. it’s just hard. I do dance outside of school to get my mind off of things. hope it all works out in the end.
I hope it works out too! It really is so hard. Hang in there friend. It’s great to have you as part of the community.
Thank you so much for sharing! All your posts(especially for the military girlfriends!) help me realize I’m not alone in this. Sometimes it’s hard, getting judgement from people around me, specifically once I tell them I’m waiting more than a year to see my boyfriend again on his leave. I let those statements effect me, and reading these posts really helps me to stay strong and remember why I’m in this for the long haul. Thank you so much!
I am in highs school and I met my boyfriend who is soon to leave to be part of the military in a couple of months after senior graduation. We talk about it and I love him with all my heart we decided to stay together and we are not giving up on each other. It is scary at the same time and people around me tell me if I’m sure. I have never been pore positive in my life of what I want to do ! I’m seen as young and told a lot that things don’t always work out and I know that. It’s hard to imagine it though because you don’t enter a relationship saying it’s going to end . Before me he had hate toward his father and wanted to leave as soon as possible and said he couldn’t wait to not come back! Now he told me he has a motivation and so many things we want to do one day ahead of us ! I’m happy he changed his mind because he’s amazing gives me meaning and I’m proud of him for his decision ! I say I’m ready for what comes but I’m scared . Everyone believes that I wish too big! I don’t know where to start thinking ! I am not giving up ! I just need to know how to settle my thoughts and where to start thinking !
I am also in high school and my boyfriend is shipping out June 10th of next year. He is a senior but I’m only a junior. He will Graduate boot camp once I hit my senior year. This means he will then hit the fleet once I start school. Any advice on what we should do?
I just graduated highschool and my boyfriend did too, we started dating around January and he left to go to bootcamp march 9th. He graduated june 5th but was sent straight to mct because the corana virus and he has no idea if he will be able to come home. its frustrating having friends and older people tell me I’m young and shouldn’t be worrying about that stuff and go have fun. Also having people tell me long distance never works and I believe it will.
I am a proud girlfriend of a marine and I have had really hard times just being accepted. I sometimes feel like the feelings that were there before aren’t there anymore. But I have to remember that his duties are first. I have been with him for 3 months now. We have been friends for 4 years. He is a bright guy and I know he will do great things I have just been struggling to feel loved right now. It’s hard to be away from him but I know it will be worth it later.
You gotta just push past those negative thoughts. Don’t let her mind wander to those! He loves you. You love him. Love fights for each other, and I know you can do it. Tell those doubts to be gone, cut them off before they even enter! Look at pictures of you guys together, hold onto the memories where you’d look at him and wonder “how could I ever be without him?” Just keep your chin up, hon, and know that this is temporary! You’ll be able to hold him in your arms, and be held in return. Be his rock, his strength. Be the safe place he can turn to when he needs it. Don’t be afraid to communicate with him; gently tell him your fears and worries. I’ve had to do that with mine, where I’ve literally had to ask him “hey, we are forever right? Don’t know why but my mind is doubting things” and immediately he puts my heart to rest. I know your marine would do that with you too. Just be honest, be open, and let him love you 🙂
My boyfriend and I just found out he has been offered a place on the next paratroopers intake (he’s been with the marines for 6 years but has always dreamed of this). This means him going to the other side of the country for the next 18 weeks. We’ve only been together properly for 2 months (we dated a year ago, building our friendship, and then reconnected over lockdown and began dating). We decided we would make it work as he’ll finish in April next year and we know we will get some time together at Christmas and hopefully the odd weekend. Nothing compared to what so many of you incredible men and women are going through!
He then found out this week that he’s likely to be sent to Canada after the selection process but we’re unsure for how long. He became quite distant after this news and found it really hard to talk about with me. He’s now questioning whether it’s right to put me through all the waiting, but the idea of him being away upsets me less than the idea of us not being together. I’m trying to reassure him that I want to keep things going and I would never say this if I had any doubts but he’s scared of getting hurt. We’re ridiculously compatible and have come such a long way over the past few months. It was very unexpected news but I told him I really want to support him and encourage him to pursue his dream career whilst not having to choose between that or me. It’s not a certainty that he’ll end up in Canada after his initial 18 weeks away, so I feel we should take it one step at a time and cross that bridge when we get to it. He’s worried that as our feelings become stronger, the distance may then be too hard to cope with, but I see it more that the feelings, coupled with our development of trust and commitment to one another, will be what gets us through it. He’s worried about getting hurt – either because things could come to an end, or through him missing me. But I really feel it’s a risk worth taking. We won’t know unless we try. What if we gave it all up and then he doesn’t end up leaving? We always said we’d get through the first stint away from one another, so I really don’t want the potential for a second run to be a deciding factor. I knew coming into this there’s every chance of deployment and/or distance being an issue!
I know we’re a very premature relationship, and some people are telling me I’m silly for even contemplating it, but it’s one of those situations where I ‘just know’ it’s right. My feelings are too deep and the thought of ending things ‘just in case’ is hurtful. We’re both very honest people so I know we can make it work. I know it’ll be hard, but I also know it’s effort that makes a relationship, not distance.
Am I being naive? I like to think not. I’m 26 years old and I finally found the one I’ve been looking for! The only compromise I’m making is distance, but that’s a compromise I’m willing to make for the man I see my future with.
Any advice?
I am military girlfriend, I am in high school and my boyfriend is in the infantry, I haven’t seen him since Christmas eve. I get judged at school, you know different things, you’re stupid, why would you do that, do you even love him. It’s hard, he might be going to Afghanistan this summer, it’ll be my first deployment with him, as well as his first deployment. Nobody here knows what I’m going through, I’m the only military girlfriend around. I walk the halls stronger than any other girl, knowing that my boyfriend will want me to walk with my head high. It’s hard, it’s very hard, but I love him with all my heart, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
You just spoke what I think everyday. You’re not alone.
I don’t understand why it would be embarrassing to get a base pass… Its just a pass lol. Who cares?
I wish I could remember the comment the lady made getting my base pass…it was about 11 years ago. It was insinuating that I would just be there for the night or something like that. Offensive and embarrassing. I’m glad you haven’t had an experience that could relate!