If you ever find yourself wondering “Why do babies fight sleep?” you are not alone. You try all the baby sleep tips, and your baby still struggles to fall asleep when he is oh-so tired.
I remember taking care of my son in the first months of his life, and he was incredibly fussy.
Fighting sleep for naps and bedtime, he definitely did not sleep like a baby.
How to Stop Your Baby Fighting Sleep
So if you are like me and find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few tips to help your baby stop fighting sleep and start enjoying some much needed rest.
1. Over-tired.
Keeping a baby up in hopes of tiring him out will, unfortunately, result in the opposite effect. Babies who are overtired or overstimulated will sleep for shorter amounts of time and wake more frequently. Carefully watching for your baby’s sleep window will help you gauge how much awake time is right for your baby.
How exactly do I watch for the ‘sleep window?’
A baby’s sleeping cue may come in the form of an eye rub, a yawn, a fuss, or looking away. This is the signal that you’re baby entered the ‘sleep window.’
Keep your eyes peeled to determine what an appropriate wake time is for your child. After you know your baby’s approximate wake time, it can help you gauge when to set the stage for sleep.
Approximately how long should my baby stay awake?
Birth – 6 weeks: 45 – 60 minutes
2-3 months: 1 – 1.5 hours
4-5 months: 1.25 – 2.25 hours
6-7 months: 2 – 2. 75 hours
8-9 months: 2.25 – 3 hours
10-12 months: 3 – 4 hours
12+months: 3 – 6 hours depending on number of naps
2. Nap Times Are Too Short or Long.
Are you looking for a sleep schedule to guide your nap times?
I have a complete age-by-age guide with sample baby sleep schedules for you to use.
I also have a comprehensive Rhythms, Routines, and Schedules book with 20+ printable schedules that can help you find the right nap time schedule for your baby.
How to find a good nap routine:
3. New Developmental Milestone
If you are struggling with sleep, I highly recommend familiarizing yourself with The Wonder Weeks book and website.
All babies go through mental leaps (developmental milestones) at the same age markers. With each leap, you baby is learning new things, but this can also mean a fussy baby or a baby fighting sleep.
This is especially true around 6 months when babies experience a leap and separation anxiety can start.
According to the Wonder Weeks, the fear of strangers…
- … can start from the leap of relationships (6 months)
- … is at its peak between 8 and 18 months
- … can sometimes last until your child is 3 years’ old
4. Teeth and teething discomfort.
Of course teething is a common “go-to” reason experts like to use as blame for sleep disruptions. In my experience and based on other research, I think this is highly overused as a reason for sleep issues.
According to Bupa Dental, an individual tooth will usually only cause discomfort for a few days at most, but it can take longer for some babies.
5. Overstimulation leads to an overtired baby.
Babies are natural little learners, who want to explore and play and don’t want to miss anything.
As a parent, it’s often your initial instinct to fulfill that need for your baby.
Stimulating a baby is important, but it’s also important to do so in moderation.
Little babies become overstimulated very quickly with too much noise, colors and too much activity.
Beware of toys that light up and make noises. This is can quickly lead to overstimulation.
So just how much stimulation is too much?
Watch your baby’s sleep cues closely, if he starts to look away, engage in eye rubbing, yawn or fuss, it is likely time to decrease simulation.
If he is active and engaged, it’s likely okay to keep playing for a bit.
Often times, simply looking around at other people, listening to a nursery rhyme, or playing with a simple rattle is enough to stimulate a young baby.
6. Not taking full feedings.
Your baby might be feeling hungry during sleep and waking up prematurely due to snacking throughout the day.
The goal is to encourage your baby to take full feedings rather than snacking, and the best way to do that is to feed the baby right after he wakes from sleep.
It is often our initial instinct to feed a baby right before sleep, but in doing so, the baby is very likely to take a snack rather than a full feeding.
Right before sleep a baby is tired and lacks the energy to take a full meal, falling asleep at the bottle or breast.
How exactly do I keep the baby from eating before sleep?
The one thing you can do to fix that is to follow the eat, play, sleep cycle, in which the baby wakes from sleep and eats right away, then plays, then sleeps.
When a baby eats after waking from sleep, he will have the most energy to take a full feeding.
7. Swaddling – especially newborns.
Many parents avoid a swaddle because “their baby doesn’t like it.” While many babies fight swaddling, it doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate being snuggled in a swaddle.
Remember, all babies spent 9 months snuggly swaddled a mother’s womb. Swaddling is familiar, safe and cozy.
All babies possess a startle reflex, in which they jerk themselves awake with startle-like movements up until 4-5 months of age.
Swaddling prevents your newborn from waking themselves up just after they fell asleep.
How do I know which swaddle is right for my baby?
As always, I recommend the HALO SleepSack Swaddle. It has Velcro to help keep a secure, snug, yet safe swaddle. It also enables the babies legs to move freely, preventing hip dysplasia, which is very important.
We started with the HALO Swaddle and then moved to their wearable blankets (which psst is a totally awesome way to keep your baby from climbing out of the crib!)
9. Light sleep.
Many babies fight sleep because they are unable to stay asleep during light sleep.
Unlike adults, babies sleep in 45 minute sleep cycles and can take up to 20 minutes to reach deep sleep.
Read: 8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
So if your baby wakes 5-20 minutes after you lay him down, it’s simply because he couldn’t stay asleep during light sleep.
And if your baby wakes 45 minutes after falling asleep, it’s simply because he couldn’t transition from one sleep cycle to the next without waking up entirely.
10. Temperature and sleep environment.
If your baby is too hot or too cold, he might feel uncomfortable and fight sleep. Many experts warn not to overdress a young baby, and it’s important to note that.
How do I know if my baby’s temperature is just right?
The best thing you can do is what I like to call the “toe test.” When your baby wakes from sleep, remove his swaddle and/or socks and feel his toes. If they feel too hot or too cold, adjust your baby’s sleepwear or the temperature of your home slightly in order to meet his needs.
Using other things like using blackout curtains can help create an ideal sleep environment for your child to drift off to sleep more easily.
11. White noise.
Not everyone is a fan of white noise machine, but it works wonders in our home. It especially works wonders if your baby fights sleep due to sleep cycle or light sleep issues. Hearing a gentle humming in the room mimics the womb, in addition to minimizing background noise in the home when everyone else is awake.
What is the best thing to use for white noise?
A small fan in the room (not directly blowing on or near the baby) will do the trick. You don’t need anything fancy. This is the exact Honeywell Fan we use. Placed on medium, the fan sits across the room from our son’s crib on his dresser.
12. Sleep Routines.
Nearly all babies and children alike thrive on routine and predictable sleep patterns. The world is a chaotic place and routines create a safe predictability, in which a baby relies.
Routines help a baby learn what comes next in a series of events and what he needs to do as a participant in the routine. For example, if you establish a consistent sleep time routine, your baby will learn that a nap or bedtime follows at the end of the sleep routine. It will help him realize, “Oh, now it’s time for me to rest.”
How do I create a good bedtime routine?
The most important thing about a bedtime routine is that you are consistent. This means you do the same routine at the same time each and every night. Putting your baby on an approximate schedule and a good baby bedtime routine can work wonders.
Here’s how we do the bedtime routine in our home from 6 weeks old to present toddler years:
7:00 pm bath
7:15 massage, soft music, clean jammies
7:20 breast, bottle or sippy of milk (+small snack after 10-12 months old, usually cheese, crackers or fruit).
7:30 place in swaddle or wearable blanket, kisses, cuddles, say our sleepy words (I love you. I hope you have a good sleep and I will see you in the morning). Down for the night.
You can use these simple cards to help create a consistent routine.
Wrapping it up
Sleep is often a tricky situation to navigate and can sometimes take several weeks and months of consistency to lay a strong foundation that will last for years to come.
If you don’t see instant results, it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.
It means your baby is completely normal and if you stick to your plan, it will continue to get better the more consistent you are.
Print your free baby sleep checklist!
Chances are…you won’t remember the tips from this post. This printable simplifies it! Plus, when you grab this printable, you’ll get instant access to my free 3-day baby sleep eCourse.
Download your free printable
- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable straight to your inbox, plus get my Free 3-Day Baby Sleep eCourse!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Use it as a quick reference and don’t forget a thing!
Want more on sleep?
- My Top 10 Newborn Baby Sleep Tips To Help You Get More Sleep
- The Newborn Routine That Will Help Your Baby Fall Asleep Faster
- Top 7 Challenges + Solutions for Parenting a Newborn and Toddler
- 8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
Resources for sleep:
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
This free email series will help you:
- Free sample routines for your child
- Best morning routine tips and tricks your kids will actually follow
- All-time favorite parenting hacks for getting more cooperation at bedtime
- Step-by-step guide for using a printable daily schedule with kids
Ana Lynn
This is in my near future after 6 years of not dealing with it. I have to say it’s all coming back to me now, the closer I get to June – even though June is still 4 months away! Wish me luck!
Lauren Tamm
Oh man…I hope this doesn’t discourage you Ana! It’s a whirlwind, but as well all know…it does get better!
Tricia
My son used to fight sleep a lot and very hard. I think it was mainly because it was really difficult to see his sleep “signals.” He could go on happily playing for an entire day. In the beginning I would just have to read the clock and put him down even before he seemed tired. I really focused on the awake times you listed. They are very helpful!
Lauren Tamm
I had a heck of a time as a mom in the newborn phase. I felt so incredibly lost. I feel like I will feel so much more confident the second time around. But who knows, it could end in disaster as well. Ha. The saving grace is that it all REALLY does get better with time.
It was also really hard for me to realize that a baby would need a nap after being awake only an hour. Once I got that figured out, things started to get better.
Allison
My daughter is 8 months and flights naps with every bit of strength she has. I’m lucky if she takes two 30 minute naps, some days she only takes one 1 1/2 nap. I’ve tried everything mentioned above and then some yet she still doesn’t seem interested in going down. At least she sleeps well for the most part at night.
Lauren Tamm
Sleep is never easy, is it? I completely understand.
Katie
My son is 20 weeks old and has a hard time staying up more than 1.5 hours, but then he usually only naps 30-45 minutes. He doesn’t wake up wanting to eat so I know he can definitely do the 4 hour schedule but then I usually just have to put him down for two naps in one cycle. So it’s wake, eat (if he will), sleep, wake/play, sleep, eat… does that make sense? I want to try and get him to start taking longer naps (1.5-2 hrs). How can I help him transition?
Lauren Tamm
It sounds like this is a sleep cycle transition issue more than anything. He woke up at the 30-45 minute mark because he entered a light sleep stage and couldn’t put himself back to sleep.
https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/help-baby-nap-better/
https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/help-baby-nap-better-part-2/
https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/understanding-infant-sleep-8-facts-every-parent-should-know/
Sometimes infants have chronic short naps for quite some time. Is your baby able to fall asleep on his own? In the long term that is likely the best way to extend naps, and also to try and lull him back to sleep (in whatever way you think is best) mid-nap at the 30-45 minute mark. If this doesn’t work, don’t stress. My son could not be lulled back to sleep mid-nap. He simply had to wake up and try again at the next cycle. I shared the above posts with you to get started and it is something I talk about extensively in my book https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/love-sleep-ebook/.
Please feel free to message me with more questions 🙂 Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing a great job! Really, you are.
Diane
I never had a problem. However, we were on a routine. Then he was pretty young and didn’t need naps, but we went to be early so that helped too.
Lauren Tamm
Yes, routines help immensely.
Jessica
I thought the opening of WHY did not match to the title but overall I like the advice. Ty.
Lauren Tamm
You’re so welcome.
Lindsey
Loving your blog!
So my son is 3 months old. He has always been a cat napper (30 min naps), but I know he can go longer because he can do 1.5-2 hour naps when we hold him. So, lately, so that he gets more sleep, we’ve been holding him for naps. I also cave and allow him to comfort nurse while napping, and he now sleeps with me at night, nursing the entire night (almost). Any tips for how I can start teaching my son to self soothe? he starts day care on Wednesday, and I want him to get enough rest during the day. Also now that he is older and his bedtime will be earlier, I would like to not have to go to bed when he does! Thank you!! Oh and he won’t take a pacifier and can roll back to front so I don’t feel comfortable trying to swaddle any more, but he still has quite the startle reflex. 🙂
Laurie Leigey-Snow
This is my first reading of your blog. I love your style. I’m in a co-grandparenting of a newborn situation. Our precious is 2 months. He’s beautiful and perfect. ? ….except for sleep. Thank you. I’ll be asking some questions soon.
Cindy
My daughter is 6 weeks old and she never takes a nap during the day, she is awake since 8 an until 3 pm. In try a lot but I can’t sleep her. However during the night she asleep perfectly.
Help me please !!!!!
Lauren Tamm
Hey Cindy,
I would troubleshoot to determine if this is pain from reflux or something else. She should be taking 4+ naps per day at 6 weeks old. She is possibly very overtired and caught her second, third, and fourth wind. I would do whatever you need to do to help her sleep, even wearing her, nursing her or holding her to sleep. Babies need lots of rest for their growing and developing brains 🙂 You’re doing a great job, mama.
Paris
I am a mother of 2, my most recent is one month old. It has been rough. She’s cries every night whee she’s sleepy. I dread night time. I’ve been trying a routine but every night no matter what she cries herself to sleep.
Laurie Leigey-Snow
This is my first reading of your blog. I love your style. I’m in a co-grandparenting of a newborn situation. Our precious is 2 months. He’s beautiful and perfect. ? ….except for sleep. Thank you. I’ll be asking some questions soon.
Graham
Thanks for this blog post Lauren. I think the big one is being overtired. Sometimes when my wife comes home from work later than me, my baby girl gets all excited when she sees her, and consequently becomes overtired and can’t settle down to sleep. Nothing more frustrating than a baby who fights sleep! However, we’ve generally found a later bedtime works well for her (and us) as she will “usually” wake up around 7am if she goes to bed about 8pm.
Graham = > http://www.bilinguababy.com
Julia
This is a really nice quiz! Great idea! Sleep is a difficult subject! Parents need some support! I used “How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone” guide by Susan Urban ( found it here https://www.parental-love.com/shop/baby-sleep-training-pdf ). The author knows exactly what to do and WHEN! The two parts of the book are for parents with children aged from 0 to 3 months and from 3 months onwards. The author says exactly what to do with babies to make them sleep better since they were born.
She describes what and how to use (like swaddling, rocking white noise etc) and when and how to stop using them.
I tried it with both of my kids so I can really recommend it.
Jessie
It worked, and I’m so thankful 🙂 I’ve never heard of Urban’s guides before so thank you for posting the link!
Melinda
This guide is actually a great help! I had to come here and thank you Julia for sharing your story with parents. My LO finally sleeps and is well rested
Kelly
Great guide! Love this method. My son finally sleeps and I’m so happy and proud of him!