Schedule / Routine
When my son was a little baby it was way easier to lull him back to sleep in the middle of the night.
And then he got a little bit older, and he wasn’t so tired anymore.
When he woke during the night, he was just that…awake. Many of the sleep disruptions that an older baby might experience are sleep disruptions that a toddler may also experience.
Night waking seems to go in fluxes around here. Teething, overtired, illness, my child afraid to sleep alone, travel—you name it, we’ve done it. Well, at least most of it. I’m sure many parents can easily relate to that.
An awake toddler in the middle of the night is sometimes a tricky situation to navigate.
How in the world do you get a toddler back to sleep without creating bad habits?
I’m not entirely sure the answer, but I will share exactly what I do in our home with our son.
Related: 2 Year Old Sleep Regression Explained. Why It Happens and Solutions.
1. Don’t rush in.
In the most popular post on this blog—my top 10 newborn baby sleep tips—I talk about using this technique. Well, this same tip can apply to a toddler. Basically, I wait a few minutes and listen to my son’s cry. Is he crying in his sleep? Is he fussing or is he truly crying?
The majority of the time he wakes up, it is a legitimate issue, and I go to him shortly after he wakes. Sometimes though, he is just fussing in his sleep. Allowing him to go back to sleep on his own is worth trying.
2. Always go to your child.
Okay. This probably sounds like the opposite of what I just said.
And it is.
While I wouldn’t rush in, I almost always go in after I’m sure he is really awake, and he really needs me. If your toddler typically sleeps through the night, and now he is suddenly waking, it is likely a legitimate issue. Using my motherly instincts, there has yet to be a time when I regretting going into check on my son.
3. Discover and treat the cause.
First, I always think about what the cause could be. Too hot or too cold, a dirty diaper, pain, a bad dream, etc.
Teething is a killer. The molars seem to drag on and off for weeks and weeks.
Diarrhea is another one. Sometimes my son eats something that upsets his stomach, and it causes problems during the night. This has happened on more than one occasion for him.
Being cold is another one. When we moved and were in temporary lodging, we couldn’t regulate the temperature. The lodging was freezing and so was my sleeping child. There were several nights when I had to snuggle him and warm him up after adding an extra layer of clothing.
Whatever you think the cause could be, use your instincts to discover and treat it.
4. Here’s the real deal.
I do have a method to my madness in dealing with toddler night waking. After not rushing in and then actually going into my son’s room and then hypothesizing what the cause could be I start a nighttime routine.
–Offer comfort. After picking my son up, I cuddle him in my arms and let him know I’m there. An obvious, but legitimate step.
– Change the diaper. I always change the diaper no matter what. Even if it’s not that dirty, I always still change it. Better to go back to bed dry than even a little wet. In my mind, I think it would be easier to fall asleep that way. I am able to change the diaper in the dark, using only a nightlight from the bathroom across the hall. If you need to turn on a bunch of lights, I would skip the diaper change unless it is absolutely necessary.
–Offer a small snack if night waking is infrequent. My son wakes up maybe about twice a month during the night. There are times, as an adult, that I wake up hungry and cannot fall back asleep. Because of this, I try to eliminate hunger with a small snack. This could be a little bit of milk and a cracker. Usually I stick to just milk, but if I think it’s a crazy growth spurt, I may offer a small amount of food.
-If your child is waking up nightly, avoid food altogether- I know this sounds like the exact opposite of what I recommended, but night waking a few times per month versus waking daily is completely different. If your child wakes nightly, and you offer food, it will encourage them to continue waking for food. If your child is experiencing normal, healthy development, then a night feed is typically no longer medically necessary beyond the age of 1 year, usually sooner.
–On rare occasion Tylenol. I don’t want to push medicine, but I tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to pain. A small dose of Tylenol is an intervention I am okay with implementing from time to time.
–Cuddle. On rare occasion, my son’s been very emotional during travels and after moving and I took him to bed with me. I was trying to do a good thing for him, but after a while, I could see it wasn’t what he wanted.
We currently have a twin bed in his room. This is wonderful. We can still snuggle in bed together without actually being in my bed. We cuddle for as long as he seems to need it, but usually after 15 minutes or so I will attempt to put him back to bed. When he seems tired and sleepy, I go through my 5 minute bedtime ritual. I say his sleepy words, offer his blanket, and put him back in his crib.
–Wait. I try to give it at least 15 minutes to allow my son to settle himself. Sometimes he will cry or protest, which is very common among toddlers. He is testing the waters sometimes. If he isn’t quiet after a reasonable amount of time, I go back and offer comfort and cuddle with him again. Then once again, I offer him the opportunity to settle himself for a bit. Many times he does really well with this. Other times, he is crying from the get-go, and I know he needs more time with me. I’m okay with that, but I at least want to try.
–Start again. I continue through the cuddle then wait process until my son is willing to go back to sleep. Basically, I go back in and offer a few minutes worth of cuddles, and then I lay him back down and allow him the opportunity to resettle himself. On a good night, this whole routine–start to finish–will take about 30 minutes. When we were traveling internationally and had a whole mess of disruptions, this did take about 2 hours on rare occasion.
I have a no-nonsense philosophy when it comes to toddler night waking. (Baby night waking is a totally different story) I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea; however, this is what works well for our family, and my son is happy, thriving, and typically sleeps 11-12 hours thought the night. When he has a night waking, I stick to to this routine and instead of creating a bad habit, he starts sleeping through again. If this isn’t for you, I completely understand. Sleep is a very personal choice.
We like to sleep in our home, and we are all so much happier, patient and focused after a good nights rest. I do think being really consistent and offering your child the opportunity to work it out while still providing love and reassurance sends a clear message: night time is for sleep.
I should note that this is all about toddler night waking when your child is still in a crib. My son cannot climb out of bed and that will make a difference here. (We do use a HALO SleepSack Wearable Blanket
to prevent him from climbing out.) I’m sure we will experience a whole new set of challenges once our son moves to a real bed. Eek.
Want more on toddlers?
- Toddler Anxiety: 3 Strategies That Really Work
- Teaching Toddlers to Love Healthy Eating
- 9 Phrases That Change Life with a Toddler (Better Listening Included!)
- How to Parent a Toddler and Newborn at the Same Time
How to you deal with toddler night waking? Let’s chat in the comments!
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
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I don’t remember going through this stage to be honest. I think all our kids went without it, except occasionally a bad dream (and even then they lulled themselves back to sleep because I didn’t hear about it till next morning). These are very handy tips though!
Great tips Lauren! I do think you have to trust your motherly insticts and occassionally stick to your guns as well. Once my daughters went through a phase were if they got uncovered in the middle of the night, they would wake up and cry and demand that we tuck them back in. Obviously, EVERY night they mess up their blankets, so it was a losing battle for me, so I had to just stick it out and make them do it themselves. After a few long, stressful, nights they got the picture and stopped crying about it and waking up.
Toddlers go through all sorts of stages. One of my daughters though, I KNOW that if she gets up in the middle of the night something is wrong, because she never, ever gets up. So usually she’s sick, so I give her loving. My other daughter will wake up crying for a drink or because she’s scared or because of itchy bug bites, etc. I’m not always as patient with her, unfortunately. I try to take care of her needs, and sometimes, all she really needs is a good cuddle and another drink of water.
Hey Katelyn! I totally agree that you have to stick to your guns. There have been many a nights, especially after traveling, where I just allow J the opportunity to work it out on his own. I’ve been a little conservative with suggesting it though because it tends to ruffle feathers, ha 🙂 I usually just go with my gut. Sometimes he wakes, and I just know he needs me. Other nights, I know we are heading down a path of really bad and unnecessary habits, and I allow him to work it out. Thanks for sharing your ‘real’ experience. I know that tip is going to help a lot of moms reading your comment 🙂
Lauren
Thank you – this post is really helpful/thoughtful and resonates with what we’re going through. Did you ever run into a time when your toddler physically resists being put down (clings) and will just stand and cry in the crib without lying back down at all? This is the boat we’re in right now. Even after we rock him for a bit and try to put him back down when he’s more asleep, he will rouse and resist and cling. It’s taking hours in the middle of the night, and feeling like newborn days all over again.
following bc that is my EXACT situation rn. waking between 2-4 and not going back down til noon for nap!
So happy you commented on my blog (about our homecoming last year), because now I found your blog! Great tips!! My daughter is 20 months now, and I’m pregnant with our second girl…and we have another homecoming coming up around the corner! Hope your husband’s coming home soon, too!
Toddler waking is a new issue in our house. I strongly agree with the “wait a few minutes”, then always go in approach. It promotes self-soothing, but also lets your children know you’re there if they need you.
Our current cause is my daughter giving up her pacifier. She started chewing them up, and I am not willing to buy her a new one every day. (Having to learn to sleep in a new bed is a similar sleep issue.)
Here is what I do:
1. Go in with soft, soothing words, letting my daughter know it’s me and I’m there to help. Ask what’s wrong.
2. Fix the problem, if possible, keeping the light off when feasible. If I need to change a diaper or offer medicine, this may not be possible, but I find it’s easier to go to back to sleep if I keep it off. If this is a frequent problem, a nightlight might help.
3. Comfort my child with caresses. If I can do this without taking them out of bed, so much the better. I find that taking them out of bed makes it more difficult for them to go back to sleep. Sometimes, they’re already out of bed. In that case, I will get them back into it as quickly as possible. Some kids may want hugs & cuddles–not my daughter.
4. Try singing the bedtime song–or a favorite song. Mom takes requests! If my daughter isn’t ready to go back to sleep, she will object to this step.
5. Try a story. I don’t know about you, but I have to read the same story over and over again so many times that I have a few memorized. She may request books and pictures, but I gently tell her the lights need to stay off. Some parents may be able to make up their own stories, and that’s fine too. I have found this works especially well with my little one.
6. Once she is calm (and the story is over, unless I hear snoring first), I quietly say goodnight and leave her room as quietly as possible. Keeping the room clean helps with this. Last night, I stepped on a couple toys on the way out.
In my experience, changing diapers in the middle of the night does more harm than good, unless your child is complaining about it. You have to take them out of bed and probably turn on the lights, which causes them to be more wakeful. Most modern diapers are extremely absorbent, so sleeping with a damp one is probably not going to cause any problems. Also, I would generally recommend AGAINST feeding in the middle of the night as it promotes bad sleeping habits. (Since you say this is a problem for you, it might be a problem for your children as well, but don’t feed them unless they are specifically complaining about being hungry, and only if you don’t mind them waking you up because they’re hungry until they’re old enough to get food for themselves.)
Toddlers are usually starting to communicate with their parents about their problems, so you don’t need to flail about trying everything like you did when they were babies. If they can’t articulate a problem, try comforting them with a song/story/snuggle before resorting to food or medicine.
Good luck!
Wow, Dawn. Thanks for such an awesome comment! I know sharing your experience will help a lot of others reading this post. With the diaper change, I agree that sometimes it isn’t necessary, but sometimes my son has an upset stomach and needs a soiled diaper changed. I honestly don’t turn on any lights, but if you need to turn on lights, I would agree that skipping the diaper change is probably better. I used to work the night shift as a nurse, so for whatever reason, I can do a lot of things in the dark.
I also AGREE that offering a night feeding isn’t always recommended. My son wakes a few times per month, so not every night. I try to assume that sometimes he wakes up hungry and simply cannot fall back asleep because of that. As an adult I experience this sometimes, so I tend to err on the side of caution. However, if night waking is a daily thing, then offering a feed is probably not wise, nor helpful in stopping the child from waking during the night. Perhaps I should clarify these things in my post!!
Great advice! Thanks for sharing!
Lauren
I feel like I have read every blog, tip, routine and for most of it I tick all the boxes. Routine, consistency, bedtime routine, wind down time (massage, milk, story), reduced naps to one nap between 30 – 45 min (previously was a 2 hour nap)
My eldest (10y) woke every night until he was about 4y – although he was easy (handed him a bottle changed his nappy and left the room, a few minutes later i heard the ‘clunk’ as he tossed the empty bottle over the cot/out of the bed).
My youngest is almost 17m and doesn’t sleep. He had colic (as did my eldest), for 4 months from 1am until 5am he didn’t sleep he just cried. He has never slept well through the night, unless he sleeps at my mums then he is a dream – wakes once for a bottle and goes to sleep immediately after. He used to wake every 2 or 3 hours whilst he was in our room, my partner snores loudly so we worked out that was disturbing him. We put him in his own room in a toddler bed (he is a pretty big strong baby and kicked the side rail slats off his cot/or escaped when he fancied). He now wakes up every night for 2-3 hours. His nappy is fine, he refuses milk, he has not medical issues- teething etc. He lies in bed, struggling to keep his eyes open and simply just wants me to be sat in the room with him. Each time I’m firm ie “no, lie down go to sleep” and offer him back rubs or head strokes. He isnt crying hes just awake. I leave the room and 5 or 10 mins pass and hes out of bed and opening his bedroom door again – not crying just awake. As soon as he hears my footsteps he runs back to his bed and lays down. So initially I will close the door and walk away. Then he opens the door again usually crying. So I wait a little then go in firm but caring. We do this for 2 or 3 hours from midnight until 2/3am until he tiers himself out. Meanwhile I’ve got a dead leg from falling asleep on the floor at the side of his bed. Its exhausting – i work full time and am also doing a degree full time, with housework, shopping and an older child to look after, to make it worse i have fybromyalgia so sleep is important lack of sleep makes me feel weak and ill like having the flu. My partner works 12 – 14 hours a day so he needs sleep – plus the baby thinks its playtime when he sees his daddy so it makes it worse.
Genuinely I am exhausted,
If you have other suggestions I could try its worth a shot … Is there such a thing as a baby sleeping pill haha! 🤣😅
Help! I love most of these ideas and we have tried most to use them BUT our 2.5 year old has an older sister. He is LOUD. I can’t let him fuss too long or he wakes up the entire household. (He is also in a Halo sleepsack in a crib.) TIA
Sleep is never easy is it? My husband and I are hoping to grow our family and I know that will add an additional layer of complexities when trying to encourage sleep. Pahaha, I’m in for it! Thanks for sharing, I know a lot of parents in your exact same situation. But can I just say, I think the HALO sleep sack is a brilliant way to delay climbing out of the crib!
Lauren
I’m going to have to try some of these tips out. My little guy has been waking up a lot lately. I’m a sleepy momma!
Good luck! 🙂
I think I may have stated a bad sleep habit. My daughter has been waking in the middle of he nigh off and on for the last two months. Prior to that she was a good 12 hour a night sleeper. First it was illnesses, fever, teething, now I am not so sure. When she was sick I would nurse her as she was not nursing very well in the day. She also transitioned to a new classroom and I have started nursing her only 2 times a day (from 4).
Now it seems that the only thing at night that will get her back to sleep is nursing. My husband tries to rock her and such but she just wants me and she lets him know it. We let her fuss for a little while and sometimes she does fall back to sleep. Other times it seem like fussing, sleeping than screaming.
We love our sleep at our house and we both do not function well at night. We have not been overly tired because the solution of nursing her works. After reading this article though I am feeling a little convicted about creating a bad habit and am not really sure what this habit will turn to look like in the future.
Malarie
Hey Malarie,
You didn’t mention the age of your daughter, but if she is older than a year, I would say she should no longer require feedings during the night and is merely using you as a pacifier. It is possible that she has learned to call for you after waking during the night, thinking that is what she is supposed to do. By continuing to nurse her, it reinforces that habit. Honestly, if it isn’t a problem for you than I wouldn’t feel overly concerned; however, getting a good nights rest is best for both kids and adults alike. Sleep has a tremendous affect on our learning, development, memory, mood and overall happiness. So if you would like to work on getting her to sleep through the night again, the benefits are certainly there. It would likely take 1-2 weeks of your husband only going into settle her in order to break the habit. It might be a difficult habit to break and take quite a bit of consistency, but if it isn’t working after a few nights, it doesn’t mean it isn’t working. It simply takes time to break a habit, if that is what you choose to do. Dr. Markham has a great article on toddler night waking on her website Aha Parenting! Here is the link if you are interested…
My son is 17 months now and he still wakes up at night, he is simply hungry! He is a bad eater since i remember. He was refusing normal food until he was almost 12 months old!! And even then it was only in little amounts. He drunk lots and lots of milk since he was 4 days old (midwifes in hospital refused to give me more milk for him – they must have think i’m stealing it or sth but he just drunk a lot!) He is still refusing to eat and tbh i know its mostly caused by teething. When he have a good day he will go on drink and food all day but usually he needs to have up to 2-3 bottles a day and always minimum one at night. I do know he wakes up hungry and I do realise it’s because he is not getting enough food during the day. Teething really is an issue here. He will eat a little but then stop and wont finish and is requesting a milk. There is no way not to provide him with one because he kicks off so badly that its impossible to calm him down and stop him crying (to the point he cant breathe). I’ve learned that you just have to be patient. I tried all sorts of different type of food in different shapes and sizes but it simply doesn’t change at thing here. He eats when he feels fine and we can only accept that. Midwifes run out of the ideas for us so we decided to roll with it. One wake up a night is not that bad. He will get there just like he started falling asleep in his cot on his own (up to 12 months he only fall asleep on one of us, when we tried putting him down he got so stressed that there was no point hurting him, he also never napped through the day. We’ve been told of by everyone about the way we did it but it was right for our child at the time – nobody could believe us! But he proved everyone wrong when suddenly one day it all changed – he start napping and since then he is good as gold when goes to bed)
I do agree with all your methods though! They are amazing but i think mothers need to remember that each child is different and you cant force them into things and when the things don’t work out – try again later and don’t stress that all other kids do stuff! I will definitely be sharing this page and your advices with my friends as I find them very helpful!
Hi Lauren, my three year old son falls asleep on his own at bedtime but sits on his floor and calls out for me 2 to 3 times each night. I have been going in and telling him goodnight and he usually goes back to sleep fairly quickly. Any tips on how ro get him ro stop calling for me or to get him to stay in bed?
If you’re struggling with getting your three year old to peacefully sleep through the night, I typically recommend Success Training.
Here’s how it goes (but it sounds like he already goes back to sleep easy). Keep reading for a few more ideas about helping him create is own safety net (rather than calling for you).
Start by offering to let your child set a time for you to check on him or her during the night (like in 1-5 minutes) so he can experience success in staying alone and in bed, set a timer, and return on time a couple of times. Each time point out a STRENGTH — any little thing he did right–you didn’t move (stayed under the covers, on your bed, in your room like you said below) that whole time! After a couple of successes, point out that shows he trusts you to come back noting how long he stayed in his bed and how hard that must be since this is a new routine. Then see if he is ready to try another minute between visits (or 2 or 5 depending on how quickly he is adapting to this new routine), and try that a couple of times. Keep checking and extending until he is asleep. The first few nights it will take a lot of your time, but you should see progress every night, especially since he is so young. As your child’s confidence grows, he will choose a longer time between visits, and you will know he is on his way to going to sleep on his own without a tantrum. If he comes out before the time of the visit, he may not believe you right away or may be worried you is tricking him. If so, you should adjust the time down until you find the success point and start or restart there. It may go back a forth a while at first before seeing steady progress.
Each time he finds a way to stay in bed or stay calm, name those strengths. You can coach your child to bring out the tools to help himself through the situation. “You stayed in your room the whole night and didn’t call for me.” “You found a way to stay calm at all night. That took a lot of self-control!”
To help him stop calling, you can help him create his own “safety net.” (In essence things that he can use to help himself feel safe after waking. This can help fill his need in the moment rather than needing to call for you.). Allow him to choose 1-2 things to take to bed with him to help him “feel safe when he wakes up.” Practice during the day and evening (Turning these scenarios into a play-based practice is extremely helpful for kids!). Have him pretend to sleep, then wake up, then use one of his things to help himself feel safe. It could be anything. Kids are very creative this way! And the more he can name and own this “safety net” for himself, the more likely it is to work.
Warmly,
Lauren
Hi there,
I started implementing your advice about 2 months ago when my 15 month old was suddenly waking and taking a long time to resettle back to sleep. He would be standing in his cot crying out. After a few long nights of following your guide, we started to get good progress. It was great because he knew I wasn’t go to rock him to sleep but I would see him briefly for a nappy change and I’d offer a bit of water and a quick (like 1-2 min max) cuddle. Then I put him back to bed and he puts himself back to sleep. This whole process Is now very brief but he is waking every night 1-2 times wanting his 1 min cuddle. Normally around 2am and then maybe 4am. It’s good in one sense because he is still self settling but I’m 4 months pregnant and feel every night is a step back. Do you have any advice? Thanks, Grace