Mom Life
It wasn’t easy becoming a stay-at-home mom. I remember being in college dreaming about how awesome my career was going to be. I dreamed of the big fancy promotions, leadership roles, and making a difference in the lives of others. Being a nurse was both a practical career path, as well as a rewarding one.
When I left my nursing job in the Midwest to be with my now husband in North Carolina, I think many of my peers were baffled that I would leave my growing position for a some guy in the Marine Corps. Turns out that ‘guy’ became my husband, but that’s a whole other blog post! I think many of them would be even more baffled to learn that I left nursing all together shortly after my son was born.
But here’s the kicker…
Becoming a stay-at-home mom was a no-brainer when the time came. My life as a military wife is filled with ups and downs and tons of inconsistency, and my job as a staff nurse was filled with crazy hours that made child care a strain. Between 12 hour shifts and commuting an hour each way, I was often gone for 14+ hours each day I worked. For our family it just wasn’t going to work. The stress wasn’t worth it. While the decision to become a stay-at-home mom was certainly the best decision for our family, it still took me a while to make peace with it all.
Here are 5 ways I learned to let the career go and make peace with my stay-at-home mom status:
Staying at home isn’t less important.
When I reflect on starting my career as a nurse, I often remember how I wanted to ‘help people.’ So cliché, yet so true. Well now I’m helping 3 people each and every day—my husband, my son, and myself. Because being at home makes all our lives easier and less stressful.
Life is crazy, and one stay-at-home parent offers our household a constant through all the ups and downs in our life. When my husband is away, my kids can count on me through each and every difficult moment. My husband can also count on me to manage our household and care for our kids without a worry. Years down the road, this will matter. My career will wait.
Doing something for myself matters.
Taking a day for myself is highly encouraged. I’ve said this so many times before. I’m not afraid to take some much needed time to recharge, even if it is only for a few hours. Being a full-time mom is challenging, and it’s easy to lose yourself in the midst of chaos. Taking time away matters, and it helps me feel good about the choice to stay home.
This is a short season in life.
One day my kids will walk out that door never to come back quite the same. I’m sure you’ve heard it all before. You know, treasure every moment? Blah, blah, blah.
I hate to say it, but all those cheesy people might be right. These days really are so fleeting. Some days I pick up my independent toddler and hold him in my arms just like I would a baby. His arms and legs dangling well beyond my own arms, I am reminded that he is already so big.
It was only one year ago when he was nestled on my chest unable to do a single thing independently. In the future, I will look back and treasure these early years we spent together.
Work isn’t going anywhere.
In a few years or in a decade, when I decide to return to nursing, a job will be there. The work, the money, the crazy hours—all of it will still exist. There’s no need to lose sleep or wonder if I will have a fancy career again because right now my career is raising up a little boy and a sweet girl who both need me.
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I always knew I wanted to stay home with my kids, but I didn’t know that I would also kind of miss working. I don’t long for it often, but when I do, I remember that if I was working I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my sweet girls or take care of our house as well as I can as a stay-at-home mom. Great perspective, Lauren!
Some days I miss it and other days, I’m just so thrilled to be home. I know it would be a lot less fun in real life than it is in my head. Ha! Thanks for stopping by.
Lauren
I remember feeling this way at the beginning and on and off over the years. All of my kids are in school now but I still feel like I stay very busy and haven’t gone back to work. My husband travels a lot and I think it’s important to be available for all those things that come up. If I had to juggle working, it would be very frustrating.
It is really important to be available, especially with my husband gone all the time. I feel like it really offers the one bit of consistency for my son. Work would put a lot of stress on our family life right now. Not worth it. Thanks for your encouragement, Marie. 🙂
Lauren, I so agree with this post. The work you do in the home is so important and the years go so fast. I do work (a teeny little bit) but I must admit that the time I spend at home is so important to me, and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do so. I think being at home is exhausting as well and I love that you addressed this! Beautiful post.
Being home is exhausting some day; other days, it’s totally fine. It kinda just depends. With a toddler you never know, right? I do work now from home blogging. I do consider that work 😉 And honestly, if my husband’s job wasn’t so crazy I would love to return to work part-time, but I don’t think it’s in the cards right now.
This is a great post Lauren. 🙂 My transition wasn’t easy, even though I didn’t have a “career” before I had kids (I was a full-time student). But, it didn’t mean I didn’t miss adult interaction and working on… something! Anything! But, with twins, my days were both full and empty at the same time. I really think one of the best things a SAHM can do is have projects to work on, something for herself that will be edifying, and at times that may be as simple as a goal to read 25 books that year. But, whatever it is, it has to be fulfulling to her soul and herself, independent of her children. And regular nights away help too. We really need good friends.
Such a great comment and thoughts shared here, Katelyn! I completely agree that we all need projects to work on…anything that offers purpose outside of motherhood alone. You know? For me it turned into blogging. It give me something to feel proud of that is just for me…a job now too and a contribution to my family. I need that. Any type of project or lofty goal can help fulfill a SAHM mom. Regular nights out with girlfriends work wonders. We all do need great friends to celebrate our greatest victories and console and support us during our weakest moments.
We all need these reminders as a SAHM. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I am featuring you this Friday on the IBA Weekly Roundup. #ibabloggers
Thanks Tina! You just made my whole month. Totally surprised and completely grateful. Thanks for the feature!
Lauren
Lauren, your clarity of purpose and ability to express it is inspiring. I think that when we can clearly identify what is important to us and pursue it with courage, we have the best chance of happiness–inner peace and a sense of strength within our family life.
Kathryn,
You always leave the most thoughtful comments here on the blog. Thank you for always taking the time to do that. It’s been a while since I’ve read this post, and I will need to go back and read it again. I hope you are doing well.
Lauren
It has taken me more than four years, but I’ve finally gotten there. My career defined me. Everything I imagined about my future was centered around it. And then… I was at home with a young baby, then we moved overseas. Then there was another baby. Then we moved back to the US. Then 11 months later we moved back overseas. One day along the way I stopped feeling guilty for being able to enjoy my day as a stay at home mom. I accepted that maybe my job in this life right now is to ENJOY it. Because what a gift, now that my kids sleep through the night and talk in full sentences!
Hi Lynn,
I can see your post is from 2015 but your story is the closest to mine I have found so far. I’ve been SAHM for almost 2 years and unfortunately is was not exactly my decision. Let’s say that I had “the career” earning half of our household income, had the baby and during my maternity leave decided with my husband to move abroad following a good job opportunity for him. But despite having loved the new location at first, reality for me is much harder than expected: straggling to get a job (forget about my career, just a decent job), creating disconnection with my husband and feeling more and more isolated. I want to stop feeling miserable to focus on enjoying but how do you “re-centred” yourself? And I’m not talking about the baby being the most important thing in my life, I’m referring about “you as a person” to then be a happy mum to your child and a happy wife to your husband. Thanks!
Having been prior active duty Marine, I still struggle with being a stay at home Mom. I thought I would have a good grasp, especially with my husband always gone. Unfortunately I had medical issues leaving the military, which makes normal tasks harder. It eventually not only from physical struggles, but mental as well. This gave me a new perspective, thank you!
Lauren,
I have been a SAHM for almost 2 years now, and I still get that feeling of struggle time to time. I remember feeling so out of place and like I had lost my voice. Obviously things have changed. But you best be sure that working outside of the home brings some good quiet time for the husband. :). So good to know that I’m not alone, after all this ks them most important JOB there is. Good luck!