Raising KidsInside: A simple strategy when your 3 year is out of control, ignoring you and flat out not listening. Post contains affiliate links which means if you make a purchase I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
I was awake for only 15 minutes, and I was already dealing with my 3-year-old not listening. My daughter stood at the coffee table banging a cheap plastic maraca, and directly across from her, my son was simultaneously doing a headstand and screaming for me to look at him.
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During the morning commotion, I attempted to chat with my friend Rachel about a project we were working on. And between messages to her and sips of coffee, I told my son to sit nicely on the couch and gently removed the maraca from my daughter’s hand and put it in the freezer. Except…
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My 3-year-old wasn’t listening.
Teaching kids how to listen is like hanging your clothes out to dry in a torrential downpour. It takes patience to wait out the storms of power struggles and temper tantrums to see the break in the clouds.
It takes perseverance to look at all the rain and hold out hope that it will stop soon.
Or…
It just takes an electric dryer.
When your 3 year old is out of control, this phrase is handy.
Simply put, this phrase is to parenting what the electric dryer is to sopping wet clothes. It dries up the energy and primes your kids for better listening waayyy faster than if you let them hang out to dry.
But first, you should know that there are two big reasons phrases work well in general:
- Phrases offer consistency and routine. When you use the same parenting phrases again and again, your kids learn your phrases and how to respond or problem solve in response. Think of phrases as regularly flipping on a light switch in the brain.
- Phrases offer short bursts of communication. And we know from science that kids respond best—especially younger kids—to short, succinct bursts of communication.
Recommended Reading: If you enjoy parenting based on science, you’ll love The Whole-Brained Child.
One simple phrase can help your high energy child.
As my son continued with the headstands and bouncing all over the couch like a kangaroo who landed in Sydney, I knew it was time to bust out the 3-year-old not listening parenting phrase.
But before I spurted out my phrase. I wanted him primed and ready to hear the phrase. I said two quick things:
- “You have a lot of jumps to get out.”
- “You can jump in the yellow chair.”
Then I said the golden words.
Immediately, he made his way over to the yellow chair in the living room. And as he planted his feet firmly on the chair cushion, I repeated my phrase three times…
“Get your jumps out.”
“Get your jumps out.”
“Get your jumps out.”
This phrase is perfect for high energy kids and here’s why: We know that simple exercise is a science-based way to improve kids’ behavior.
When your child starts jumping, the brain recognizes this as a small stressor. As heart rate increases, the brain thinks your child is fighting or fleeing some bad guy down the street. To protect his brain from stress, Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) is released.
BDNF is awesome because it’s nature’s medicine for healthy brain growth and development. It repairs, protects, and improves the learning and memory capabilities of the brain by stimulating neuron growth in multiple areas of the brain. This is why kids feel more relaxed, connected, and happy after exercise.
When your child is ignoring you, it’s like their brain is literally not working. BDNF can help your child start to turn the corner.
Related: 2 year old not listening? Try this remarkable tip.
Why jumping and not something else?
First, jumping requires little-to-no instruction, and it doesn’t require me to do the exercise alongside him, which is especially useful if I am cooking dinner or tending to my daughter.
Second, “Get your jumps out” created a consistent way for our son to quickly release his energy. Over time, he started getting his jumps out on the chair without me directing him. When he felt overwhelmed with energy, he had the tool he needed to solve the problem on his own!
Third, it was within a parental boundary we were okay with. I’m not a huge fan of running or soccer or karate in the house because it usually ends with kids hurt and crying. And that doesn’t help anything. But jumping allows kids to release energy without getting hurt.
Try it today.
Choose a jumping space in your home that will work for both you and your child. You want it to be a safe space, but also a space that your child has easy access to.
In our living room, my son is allowed to jump on the yellow chair, but a jumping space could be anywhere: a bed, a mat placed off to the side of a room or even a medium cushion on the floor.
If you aren’t sure where to have your child jump, we bought our son this mini trampoline from Amazon and it was worth every penny!!
Anytime your high-energy kids can’t listen or focus, direct them to a jumping space and say, “You have a lot of energy to get out. You can jump here.” Once they start jumping, encourage them to keep going saying, “Get your jumps out. Get your jumps out. Jump. Jump.”
This may sound ridiculous to you, but it’s made a world of difference in our home, and if you’re as tired a mom as me, then I know you’re open to try just about anything.
As for kids banging maracas on the coffee table, I highly recommend hiding them in the freezer next to the hidden chocolate.
Want more on parenting?
- 3 Things Every Parent of a Strong Willed Toddler Should Know
- How to Make Kids Listen: 30 Genius Resources
- 7 Surprising Benefits of Roughhousing With Kids
- The Tantrum Taming Tip Most Parents Don’t Know About
- 7 Powerful Ways to Deal With Toddler Whining
This is the most helpful advice you could have given me. We have a two and a half year old that is constantly jumping on the bed. He fell off the bed last week and smacked his head against a bedside table with such a bang, I was afraid he broke his head. Nothing we have tried has helped, but this will definately sort him out, I just know it.
Thank you so much!!!!
Lauren,
On Sunday, we had an incident with my niece that scared me to death. She has developed a habit of running off from her mother when it is time to leave the park or get in the car at Gam Gam and Papas. She ran off and was at least 30-40 ft from my sister, too far, in my opinion, for my sister to catch her if she ran toward the road. That was the horrifying part. She was maybe 10 feet from the road during a large chunk of this. My sister was walking behind her, not wanting to run and create a game out of it, which is good, but so dangerous. I’m now having waking nightmares of my niece running into the road. When she came around the corner of the yard and headed back to the house, I yelled sharply, “Autumn Grace, stop!” She took another step or two, slowly, so I yelled again, “Stop!” She did and her mom caught up, but I did not think it would have worked by the road, and it can’t be just my voice that makes it work.
I loved your article today about “Get your jumps out.” and setting up the ability to listen. We have started using, “You need to turn your ears on,” as a que when she seems to need it. But, how do we get her to “Stop!” for emergencies. How do we discourage this running off?
Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
Dana Cramer
Try a game with her where you teach her to freeze. In an emergency, the key word is freeze. Only use it in that instance.
Good advice 🙂
Ive tried the freeze game with my child and it doesnt work anymore. She will completely ignore whatever I have to say and its driving me crazy and its embarrassing because it looks like ive lost control of my own child.
I am a grandparent-skyping with my 3 year old grand son like your idea about jumping with a mini trampoline! jabow34
This would be great, but we live in an upstairs flat. I don’t think our downstairs neighbours would be impressed. The furniture wont survive jumping on! Any alternatives?
I wonder if you ordered a very small kid trampoline and set it on carpet, it your neighbors would here that. You could also buy a used couch cushion or grab one from the junk yard and cover it with new fabric. That should absorb the noise from the jump even if it’s on the ground. Would love to hear if you find something that works for you!
What if your child uses running to get his energy out…in an upstairs flat,with horrible neighbores threthning they will sue you because of your 3 y old not listening to stop or ‘let’s jump on the bed instead of running”? This is my situation, and I tried every idea and advice I got. Even time outs for not listening. He’ll stop for 5 sec after time out ,then he’ll go again. I mention I take him out as much posible and tell him wherever he is allowed and safe to run ,he can do it…
i think the neighbours should understand children are children,(if they have children they will understand)especially boys, sometimes i think its age that cause our hildren to be the way they are, give him time. the more they grow the more they will be embarrased to be the way they used to..i think,,
This is great! My son is almost 4 and he is very high energy. He actually does this some on his own. Before nap or bed he’ll sometimes ask if he can jump on the bed for X minutes so he can get his energy out ?
hi
i like the advise very much,i have a 3 years old kid and his so hyper active and likes to jump on a bed,me and his mom we are worried maybe we dont give him enough attention that he wants, he likes screaming too much when ever we tell him to stop he will yell NOOOOO, we dont know what to do anymore as we always struggling to discipline him,sometimes he listen sometimes not.his too clever knows much, i love him so bad that i dont even give him hidings much as i was told hidings is not good for kids,i want to try the trampoline thing, or is the any alternative we can use for discipline?
At my home daycare we call it the “wiggles” and sometimes you just gotta get those wiggles out. We put on LOUD kid friendly music and dance the wiggles away. AWSOME trick before nap time. Don’t do it immediately before naptime about 1/2 and hour so their little bodies can cool down. We also do a 15 minute TV time (part of a movie or cartoon) so they stop moving and they just sort of decompress before nap. Works wonders!
I don’t mean “loud, blow your eardrums out” Just louder than normal to get the kids excited!
Hi I’ve read your blog about jumping. My toddler jumps forever and ever. He also do a throwing of his body, almost like in a scrum or wrestling. I’ve let him be with the jumping as it appears to calm him. He is very smart and knows a lot of things. Sometimes i look at him in awe when he is talking to me. He is my little baby, but an independent boy. He don’t want to be called baby, he is just Jordan, driving me insane, but we love him sooo much with his crazy behaviours and all. I will certainly try to use the FREEZE option, as he tends to run fast and without thinking. Thanks again for the advise that you shared about your experiences. I use very big words with him when we are driving to get him to say them, that keeps him busy especially when i’m driving. However this don’t last very long, then he unbuckle his car seat and walk in the car while i’m driving and refuse to be buckled up, i have bought additional straps to tie him down, he overpowered them all. Any advise on how to get him to sit, tablet don’t work. The music in the car work as long as he can touch the radio.. not a good idea.