DeploymentInside: If you’re feeling weird about homecoming, read these military homecoming tips and you’ll know everything really is normal. Or how to avoid the awkward altogether.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi,” he responded.
“Hi.”
“Um. Hi.”
This is basically how the conversation went when my husband returned home from his first deployment. I couldn’t believe how overwhelmed with emotion I was. Butterflies were fluttering around my stomach.
I felt like I was going to puke.
I also felt like I wanted to click my heels and announce to the world that my husband was coming home.
When I saw him come off the bus, my tongue suddenly felt glued to the roof of my mouth. Of course I hugged him. But the only word that would squeeze past my lips was “Hi.”
It was awkward; I won’t lie. It’s not always easy when a military member returns from a deployment. All sorts of crazy things can happen.
1. You’re at a loss for words.
You suddenly don’t know what to say to your spouse because you’re so nervous. See above. It’s okay if the words won’t flow. They’ll eventually come, I promise.
It might take a few hours, but they’ll appear.
2. Or the opposite happens.
….and you vomit out words and can’t stop talking. My friend once told me she just couldn’t shut up. Her husband kept asking if she was drunk.
3. He’s confused.
Your husband seems confused that you totally redecorated the house and purchased new furniture. Sometimes to help cope with the distance, I would buy new things.
I never re-arranged anything, but I had friends that did. Their husbands came into the house and thought they entered the wrong one.
Me, I bought new couch pillows or end tables. Nothing big, and honestly, my husband didn’t even notice the pillows because he’s a dude. He did spot the end table, but only because he crashed into it.
“Where did this come from?” he wanted to know.
“Target,” I answered.
4. Then there’s the parenting together thing.
It’s okay to be weirded out if your spouse disciplines the kids. After all, you’ve been doing it alone for the past six or so months.
I remember my husband telling my daughter to “keep it down” and my first response was to say, “Excuse me, the noise doesn’t bother me, who do you think you are?” But then I realized, okay, he’s the dad, it’s his right. Relax.
5. You’re not sure who does what.
At the same time, if your husband doesn’t do much when he gets back, gently remind him that it’s okay. Some spouses might not want to step on any toes and will stay silent.
Or they’ll be feeling awkward and not knowing where their place is anymore.
6. Wait…what’s the routine?
You got into a routine when your spouse was gone but he or she might not realize it.
So if you walk past him carrying the trash and he’s all, “What are you doing? That’s my job!” gently remind him that hey, you did it all when he was gone. But then let him do it if he insists.
7. There’s new rules in the bedroom.
“Um, your leg is sort of on my side.” Oops! If one of the deployment perks is getting the bed to yourself, you might forget that you have to share again when they return.
I stretch out when my husband is gone and sometimes I forget that I have to share again.
8. Romance might be different than imagined.
Look, your spouse might fall asleep soon after returning home. They’ve been traveling all day so don’t be offended.
You might have images of a romantic evening playing through your mind, but it might not happen until the next night. It’s not you. It’s simply because they’re exhausted. I repeat: it’s NOT YOU.
It’s not always easy or smooth when a military member comes home. It’s not a lie when you hear that reintegration can be tricky. Yes there will be awkward moments.
But there will also be wonderful ones and the best part? You get to fall in love with your spouse all over again.
I came home on two weeks leave from VN. After countless hours in the air, when I arrived home, I headed straight for the bedroom, fell into bed and slept for I don’t know how long. Thankfully, my family understood, and just waited for my recovery. Only then did my way too short two weeks at home begin.
My husband has been deployed alot and TAD alot so I handled the home front almost our entire marriage. He currently is deployed again, but we text everyday. His co workers make fun of him because we act like newlyweds. It’s ok, 20years, shows we still love each other that much more. He has yet learned the concept of taking out the trash, doing dishes and remembering the 4 kids names, he knows the dogs names lol. It’s ok. I miss him alot but love those welcome home days, not the first day of return. I can’t stand the pile of stuff in MY living room so, I have to clear it, wash it and put it where it belongs lol . We honeymoon at a fancy local hotel for a few days I get a break from cooking, kids and cleaning.He recoups from living with 20 stinky guys.He dosent anymore at his rank and age but he stinks lol. I guess I can say we are pretty lucky. Just wish his MOS taught him to work a lawnmower. That is one job I dispise. So what I’m trying to say is”You are his/her biggest supporter and if you blast out talkative or are speachless, he/she knows you are the greatest person in the world. Gives them pride for what they do for all and especially you and your family.Fur parents too. “
I SOOO wish I had found this article a few months ago. My husband was at BOLC from Jan-April. Home 2wks just to turn around and leave for AT for 2.5wks. So almost 5mnths apart and we truly had to learn to live together again. We have 3kids. The youngest had just started walking when he left. She was ruling the house when he returned.
My sister has been through 4 deployments. About to be 5. She and my BIL both warned us that you have to learn to live together again. It was rough. Weird. Hard. Strange. But it was a trial run for a real deployment. We see that coming down the line soon. Some people don’t get the trial run. They are just thrown into it. My sister was. Married in April. Deployed in June.
Thank you for this! 🙂
My future wife was in airforce, may returnater after we have kids and get married. I’m really struggling with building a relationship and then she deciding to join back up in reserves and possibly be deployed. I was cheated on in previous married and ended it. Trust is hard for me. I weep to think of her being with marines and other airforce guys. As she has done in the past. But she was single. She knows of my worries, and reassures me. I really don’t think our marriage will survive. HELP!
There is definitely a readjustment time frame when your spouse comes back from being away. During the time apart you have had to come up with new daily routines to compensate for their absence. For the first little while it may be awkward but eventually you both will readjust to living with each other and fall back into a normal routine.