I just put on a normal bra for the first time in about a year, and you know what it felt like?
It felt like freedom. Then I put on a dress that is entirely not conducive to nursing (unless of course, I would yank the dress from the skirt up all the way to my collar bone).
And you know what that felt like?
It felt like even more freedom. It made me feel normal again.
At the same time, I feel incredibly sad.
This morning was probably the last time I will nurse my son ever again. There are tears in my eyes just thinking about it, as my son and I will never be physically connected in that way ever again.
So I’m trying not to think about it.
Weaning a child from breastfeeding is a bag filled with mixed emotions: freedom, independence, sadness, heart-ache, ambivalence, guilt.
If you are a future or current breastfeeding mom, you may be wondering about how to wean, when to wean, what to expect emotionally, and how to emotionally cope with weaning.
Today I’d like to address those topics, and if you already stopped breastfeeding, this post may offer a few thoughts for reflection on your breastfeeding relationship and experience.
1. When to wean from breastfeeding.
There is no precise methodology to determine exactly when to wean; however, there are often a few signals, cueing mothers that it may be a reasonable time to wean.
Before weaning, it is helpful to ‘set the stage,’ in essence creating an optimal situation for weaning.
Consider following the criteria in order to make the weaning process easier for you and your child:
- The child is tolerating a good quantity and variety of solid foods.
- The child no longer uses breastfeeding as a sleep prop.
- The child no longer uses breastfeeding for comfort.
- The child no longer receives night feedings except on rare occasion.
- The child seems to be losing interest.
- The child is capable of taking a sippy cup or bottle.
- Mom feels as emotionally ready as possible.
While these criteria are not required, they may simply offer an easier transition. When choosing an ideal time to wean, avoid weaning completely during big life changes, such as moving, family separation, deployments, travel, etc.
Try weaning during a time when minimal other changes are occurring to make the transition easier.
2. How to wean from breastfeeding.
It is most common to start weaning by first dropping the feeding your child likes the least. Dropping an afternoon feeding is a good place to start. Go ahead and offer a bottle or sippy of milk or formula in place of the breast. After 3-7+ days, chose the next feeding to drop. Continue repeating this process until all feedings are dropped.
(These are my absolute favorite sippy cups here and here because they are easy for baby and toddler to grab and they minimize spills)
Consider dropping the morning and bedtime feedings last: eliminating a morning or bedtime feeding early in the weaning process will create a longer interval between breast stimulation and may contribute to uncomfortable engorgement.
When only the morning and night feedings remain, go ahead and drop whichever one is least important to you and your child. Then drop your last remaining feeding.
You may also chose to wean by limiting the amount time at any given nursing session, and then offer a sippy of milk after nursing when the baby or toddler eats solids.
This will ensure the baby gets enough milk overall, but still allow them to nurse during regularly expected times. After continually decreasing the time, go ahead and drop the feeding all together.
You can also bump up solids during this time if your baby is ready. I love using these Happy Tot pouches on the go and in a pinch because they are packed with nutrition your baby or tot needs.
3. What to expect emotionally during the transition.
There are many emotional twists and turns when weaning from breastfeeding, especially at the very end when weaning is completed. Expect bittersweet emotions.
When you lead the weaning process, the child might experience frustration, irritation, or anger towards you. When the child leads the process, it’s not uncommon for mothers to feel rejected.
It’s okay to feel both excitement and sadness over this big change. It is also very common for moms to experience guilt.
Remember that weaning from breastfeeding is completely natural, and you provided your child with the beautiful gift of breastfeeding, no matter the duration of time.
We are all doing the best for our children in the best way we know how. If you or your child are experiencing a challenging time, feel free to extend out the weaning process as long as you feel is necessary.
There is no wrong timetable here.
4. How to better cope with the transition.
Try connecting with your child in other special ways with lots of extra snuggles and kisses along the way. If your child is willing, you could even offer a bottle or sippy while snuggling in the rocking chair to feel close and connected.
Aim for some additional quality one-on-one playtime with your child that is separate from other family members to also help you connect.
You can also gently suggest other activities at a typical nursing time to help keep both your minds off breastfeeding. Offer a meal, snack or drink of water.
Go outside to blow bubbles or walk with the stroller. Discover a crayon that needs some paper. Become a horsey who needs a rider. Utilize any activity that may provide a healthy distraction for you and your child.
During the first few months of your tiny baby’s life, starting to breastfeed is much harder than we moms could perhaps ever anticipate (at least it was that way for me).
Stopping breastfeeding is not met with any fewer challenges. Take as much time as you need to decide exactly when and how to wean. If needed, weaning over the course of several months can allow both you and your child to more easily transition.
Expect mixed feelings during the transition; it’s completely normal. Make time to connect with your baby in fun new ways and remember to seek out support from other moms if you need it.
And lastly, take time to enjoy things that are less feasible when breastfeeding: drink a pot of coffee, enjoy some wine, or take a full day away while your spouse tends to the kids. Yes, please!
Want more on motherhood?
- 5 Sample Daily Toddler Schedules from Real Moms
- 2 Year Old Not Listening? Try This Remarkable Tip
- Why I Finally Quit Doing It All
- Dear Mom Who Feels Like a Terrible Mother
- 5 Unspoken Truths About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
- The Really Angry Days No One Talks About
What are your thoughts about weaning from breastfeeding? What was your experience? I’d love to hear your ideas!
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Lydia
I love your advice at the end, for taking time to enjoy things that you wouldn’t be able to while breastfeeding. I’ll have a glass of wine, thank you! This post is so great! I just so badly wish I were able to experience the normal weaning process, as crazy as it sounds. Our first son completely lost interest in breastfeeding around four months. He just refused to nurse anymore. My milk supply was also depleting at that time, so I think that may have played a part in it. With our second son, my milk supply dropped again at four months. Nothing I did to increase the supply helped. I literally ended up drying up over night. Our third son is almost five months, and my milk supply isn’t gone but has dropped a lot. I’m still able to do the morning and evening feedings, and an occasionally afternoon feeding. I’m just thankful that we’ve been able to make it longer this time around. I’ve faced a different emotional rollercoaster, with wondering why my body can’t seem to keep up with feeding my babies. I’ve talked to multiple lactation consultants who have all told me the same thing: some women’s bodies just really struggle with producing milk. I think the main reason I have been able to make it longer this time around is because Joshua uses nursing for pacification on top of his feedings. My other two didn’t. They only had interest in nursing for the feeding alone. I get jealous of the women who can freeze tons of milk or the women who experience engorgement. How insane is it that I get jealous about engorgement?! But, to me, engorgement means you have a good milk supply. Having rarely experienced that is difficult for me to swallow. :/ I’m hoping Joshua and I will be able to hang onto nursing for at least a few more months. Anyway, all that to say I think you gave great advice in this post! No matter when the weaning happens, it’s usually an emotional time, so being prepared for that is always a good idea.
Lauren Tamm
Wow Lydia, that must’ve been so hard struggling with milk supply. I completely empathize with that situation. I feel like sometimes breastfeeding is made out to be this really easy and natural thing, when in fact, it is kind of hard and requires a good amount of effort to maintain. Breastfeeding for any amount of time is a job well done and your kids will all benefit. Thanks for such a thoughtful and honest comment!
Nicole
I dont feel alone after reading your comments. 4 months! I’m at the tipping point still struggling to pump. But I think its time to throw in the towel.
Charlee Anne
You are definitely right about having lots of freedom once you are done breastfeeding. It’s funny, but I didn’t feel that emotional when I was done breastfeeding Sofía. The hardest part was actually getting her to drink from a sippy cup. I introduced it basically right after she was done breastfeeding, and that was a huge mistake!
Enjoy your freedom!
Lauren Tamm
That’s funny…yes, good idea to try the sippy ahead of time. I wasn’t super emotional about it either…only for a short while, thankfully!
Jd
Great advice! My son is starting solids soon and I’m terrified that my supply will drop and I’ll have to nursing him. He already went through one nursing strike and it broke my heart. If he does wean, I have to think about the positives, no more pumping!!
Lauren Tamm
I absolutely despised pumping, so much so that I’m in awe of working moms who continue to pump after going back to work. I hope starting solids goes well and that you are able to continue nursing as long as you’d like to!
Chelsea @ The Contented Wife
This is post so timely for me. I’ve been wondering when and how to wean, so thank you for the tips!
Lauren Tamm
Yes, definitely! Thanks so much for visiting!
Katleyn F
Another great post Lauren! My son is 14 months and I don’t really think he’s ready to wean, but he doesn’t really nurse that much during the day, mostly just first thing in the morning. He’s been drinking from a sippy, so it’s been easy to drop other feedings.
Lauren Tamm
Thanks Katleyn! Weaning is a very delicate balance. It’s so encouraging to know I’m not writing to crickets! Thanks so much for hanging around with me 🙂
Anne
Great advice!
My daughter is one year old and I have no plan to wean her. I’m not yet ready(I guess). 😛
kate
we are fed with stories of how difficult it is to stop breastfeeding. I literally had no idea that baby can stop one day. just like this. just like mine son did. he was 9 mth when he suddenly refused. i ran to breastfeeding clinic in total panic. I was told that it CAN happen and in some cultures this moment is an important step, celebrated transition. who knew! i wasn’t ready! i felt so disappointed. breastfeeding was so important to me and we had a such difficult beginning.
Lauren Tamm
Wow. What a whirlwind! Every mama really does have her own unique experience. I’m sorry it didn’t end the way you wished.
Ashlee
I’m wondering if there are any other Mom’s out there who’s milk supply depleted when their child started sleeping through the night? Two times now I have tried letting him sleep through the night (that sounds funny I know) but both times my milk supply decreased significantly in a day or two. I got it back the first time and I think mostly the second but then I went to a class for 7 or so hours last Saturday and didn’t feed or pump and now have lost it again. My son is 11 months which is great but it is not the year I was hoping for. I am disappointed but I think he is pretty hungry and I am not giving him enough.
Second question: Any thoughts on what I can give him when he will barely drink milk from a sippy (He has been using a sippy for months but will barely drink anything from it) and will not take formula or milk (even warmed milk) from a bottle? My friend said her son started drinking more from a sippy once he was weaned but I am a little nervous about the transition. He won’t even drink breastmilk from a bottle or sippy cup. I think I will start weaning him tomorrow but want more confidence that he will have a replacement. I know my doctors office does not recommend cow’s milk until a year but I’m not sure what else to give him either.
Lauren Tamm
Hey Ashlee, I think it depends on the pediatrician. Our pediatrician allowed us to start weaning at 11 mos to cows milk and we weaned gradually over the course of a month, with a complete transition at 12 mos. Our son did beautifully. If you are concerned about supply, you can always pump before bed and freeze the milk for later use in cereal or baby muffins or what not. In terms of getting him to drink from a cup, sippy or bottle, I think what I’ve heard most from other moms is to keep trying and to have someone besides mom offer the milk.
Jen
We need to stop nursing in preparation for a sibling. This is very helpful.
Thanks!
Lauren Tamm
Oh good! I’m so glad you found it useful! I hope it goes well.
Betty
I stopped breastfeeding my baby and i don’t know is is notmal that my baby is really low hes not happy anymore hes been irritated its been 5 days already since i stopped breastfeeding and he stills very sad do u think it’s normal?
Carmen
My son is six months old and has started losing interest. It is making my supply drop so rapidly that my husband suggested we switch to formula. I’m devastated and cried tonight just watching him nurse, wondering when the “last time” will be. This is my third baby and all I can think about is “what if this is it??” My body seems ready but my head and heart are not.
Liz
I think you can pump and offer your milk instead of formula so you don’t loose your supply and if you already have started to offer solid food that is maybe the reason for the not interest