Mom LifeI just put on a normal bra for the first time in about a year, and you know what it felt like?
It felt like freedom. Then I put on a dress that is entirely not conducive to nursing (unless of course, I would yank the dress from the skirt up all the way to my collar bone).
And you know what that felt like?
It felt like even more freedom. It made me feel normal again.
At the same time, I feel incredibly sad.
This morning was probably the last time I will nurse my son ever again. There are tears in my eyes just thinking about it, as my son and I will never be physically connected in that way ever again.
So I’m trying not to think about it.
Weaning a child from breastfeeding is a bag filled with mixed emotions: freedom, independence, sadness, heart-ache, ambivalence, guilt.
If you are a future or current breastfeeding mom, you may be wondering about how to wean, when to wean, what to expect emotionally, and how to emotionally cope with weaning.
Today I’d like to address those topics, and if you already stopped breastfeeding, this post may offer a few thoughts for reflection on your breastfeeding relationship and experience.
1. When to wean from breastfeeding.
There is no precise methodology to determine exactly when to wean; however, there are often a few signals, cueing mothers that it may be a reasonable time to wean.
Before weaning, it is helpful to ‘set the stage,’ in essence creating an optimal situation for weaning.
Consider following the criteria in order to make the weaning process easier for you and your child:
- The child is tolerating a good quantity and variety of solid foods.
- The child no longer uses breastfeeding as a sleep prop.
- The child no longer uses breastfeeding for comfort.
- The child no longer receives night feedings except on rare occasion.
- The child seems to be losing interest.
- The child is capable of taking a sippy cup or bottle.
- Mom feels as emotionally ready as possible.
While these criteria are not required, they may simply offer an easier transition. When choosing an ideal time to wean, avoid weaning completely during big life changes, such as moving, family separation, deployments, travel, etc.
Try weaning during a time when minimal other changes are occurring to make the transition easier.
2. How to wean from breastfeeding.
It is most common to start weaning by first dropping the feeding your child likes the least. Dropping an afternoon feeding is a good place to start. Go ahead and offer a bottle or sippy of milk or formula in place of the breast. After 3-7+ days, chose the next feeding to drop. Continue repeating this process until all feedings are dropped.
(These are my absolute favorite sippy cups here and here because they are easy for baby and toddler to grab and they minimize spills)
Consider dropping the morning and bedtime feedings last: eliminating a morning or bedtime feeding early in the weaning process will create a longer interval between breast stimulation and may contribute to uncomfortable engorgement.
When only the morning and night feedings remain, go ahead and drop whichever one is least important to you and your child. Then drop your last remaining feeding.
You may also chose to wean by limiting the amount time at any given nursing session, and then offer a sippy of milk after nursing when the baby or toddler eats solids.
This will ensure the baby gets enough milk overall, but still allow them to nurse during regularly expected times. After continually decreasing the time, go ahead and drop the feeding all together.
You can also bump up solids during this time if your baby is ready. I love using these Happy Tot pouches on the go and in a pinch because they are packed with nutrition your baby or tot needs.
3. What to expect emotionally during the transition.
There are many emotional twists and turns when weaning from breastfeeding, especially at the very end when weaning is completed. Expect bittersweet emotions.
When you lead the weaning process, the child might experience frustration, irritation, or anger towards you. When the child leads the process, it’s not uncommon for mothers to feel rejected.
It’s okay to feel both excitement and sadness over this big change. It is also very common for moms to experience guilt.
Remember that weaning from breastfeeding is completely natural, and you provided your child with the beautiful gift of breastfeeding, no matter the duration of time.
We are all doing the best for our children in the best way we know how. If you or your child are experiencing a challenging time, feel free to extend out the weaning process as long as you feel is necessary.
There is no wrong timetable here.
4. How to better cope with the transition.
Try connecting with your child in other special ways with lots of extra snuggles and kisses along the way. If your child is willing, you could even offer a bottle or sippy while snuggling in the rocking chair to feel close and connected.
Aim for some additional quality one-on-one playtime with your child that is separate from other family members to also help you connect.
You can also gently suggest other activities at a typical nursing time to help keep both your minds off breastfeeding. Offer a meal, snack or drink of water.
Go outside to blow bubbles or walk with the stroller. Discover a crayon that needs some paper. Become a horsey who needs a rider. Utilize any activity that may provide a healthy distraction for you and your child.
During the first few months of your tiny baby’s life, starting to breastfeed is much harder than we moms could perhaps ever anticipate (at least it was that way for me).
Stopping breastfeeding is not met with any fewer challenges. Take as much time as you need to decide exactly when and how to wean. If needed, weaning over the course of several months can allow both you and your child to more easily transition.
Expect mixed feelings during the transition; it’s completely normal. Make time to connect with your baby in fun new ways and remember to seek out support from other moms if you need it.
And lastly, take time to enjoy things that are less feasible when breastfeeding: drink a pot of coffee, enjoy some wine, or take a full day away while your spouse tends to the kids. Yes, please!
Want more on motherhood?
- 5 Sample Daily Toddler Schedules from Real Moms
- 2 Year Old Not Listening? Try This Remarkable Tip
- Why I Finally Quit Doing It All
- Dear Mom Who Feels Like a Terrible Mother
- 5 Unspoken Truths About Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
- The Really Angry Days No One Talks About
What are your thoughts about weaning from breastfeeding? What was your experience? I’d love to hear your ideas!
Hi Lauren I had a tough start my baby was born with a heart ailment nd I cud not nurse for first month..i was devastated then I started breastfeeding after his surgery and he thrived so welll..he is s a cute..playful two year old never took a bottle now I am struggling to wean
Great post, thanks! My first son self weaned and was done nursing shortly after his first birthday. My second son was still nursing four times a day by his first birthday and showed no interest in stopping! We’ve gradually weaned down to just one feeding at bedtime…but then…he woke up early one morning with a fever and sick with the flu and I just wanted to offer him some comfort and hydration so I went ahead and nursed him that morning and then continued on with our regular once a day schedule. Now he seems to have “regressed?”. He’s very upset after naps when he would’ve normally nursed. He’s been so fussy and acting like he’s starving (trust me, he’s not). Do you think this is coincidental? Maybe a growth spurt? Or did I totally screw up by throwing in an extra feeding in the middle of weaning and confuse/frustrate my poor kiddo?
I know this post is a few years old now… But everywhere I read about weaning gently mentions dropping one feed…but I am a SAHM and there isn’t a specific time or feeding schedule. Lol. I also have 2 older kids from my first marriage who I didn’t breastfeed so this is all new. Because we have my older kids 4 days a week our schedule is very busy/variable so her nursing is as well. She is 13 months and definitely nurses for comfort. She eats 3 meals a day and snacks. Drinks from a sippy and straw cups (but not milk, not even if I pump mine). None of this has any effect on how often she nurses. Some days she wants to nurse every hour. Some days it is every few hours.
I love the time snuggling her and can’t believe her first year has gone so fast, but really also feel limited as far as leaving her for even a few hours, and having to stop at activities to nurse her. Part of me is so ready to have more control.
I would be okay if I could get her to like a first think in the morning, maybe once during the day, and then bedtime. I just don’t know how to go about it.
Hey Donielle, So how you go about it is 100% based on what you feel comfortable with. From a developmental standpoint, she doesn’t need to nurse. More than likely, she does need some type of milk / breastmilk several times per day if she doesn’t have enough fat and high calorie foods in her diet. If I were in your situation, here is where I would start: pick 3-4 ballpark times during the day when you will nurse her. Create a rhythm or routine around those nursing sessions to help her know that this is her special time to nurse. The remainder of the time, hold your boundary and offer something else for comfort or food if she is hungry. I would choose one specific item for comfort that is always there when she needs it. The more consistent you are around the nursing routine and holding your boundary outside of those times, the easier she will start to adjust and wean for you. As much as it seems like kids resist boundaries, they appreciate and thrive on them. Boundaries help your daughter know “that you’ve totally got this!” And that she is safe and can comfort and nourish her body in ways outside of the breast. That said…this is all about doing what works for you and your family. There is no right or wrong.
Warmly,
Lauren
This was such a useful read.
My baby is almost 14 months and I am planning on ending breastfeeding. I have been so sad at the thought, considering how important breastfeeding is to him. It’s good to know I am not alone…
And I have picked a few tips. Thanks Lauren!
Hello, awesome post! I just have a question on what you did to avoid engorgment. I dont think you mentioned it on your post about how it was on your end with that situation. I’ve heard many other moms say it’s painful! My baby is almost 11 months and I want to start weaning her soon since I will be returning back to work soon and pumping at work really is hard!
Thank you for this post! I’ve been looking for a supportive one since wanting to start to wean my 7.5 month old… it seems like there aren’t so many out there. I really appreciate it! I’m only pumping once/ day at work now… and I’m looking to continue. I just hope I’m able to do so without too much pain or heartache from the babe. Be well, and thanks again!
My 10 month old just started trying to grab my nipple and thinks it is a game..and so spends more time trying to make me laugh than actually nursing. I think it is time for her to be off the boob Haha! I’m not looking forward to the transition but excited to be FREE and have my body back to myself.
My daughter turns 8 months old on Sunday. I’ve been pumping at work and BF her for her bedtime feed. My supply has been dropping steadily over the past few weeks despite what I can do, and I worry I don’t have much time left. Thank you for acknowledging the complex emotions with this process. I feel excited for the freedom, guilty for feeling that way, and sad for the end of our bedtime BF session that is so special to me, especially after a long day at work. I’m thankful to have given her as much breast milk as I could. It is tough, though, when your breastfeeding journey doesn’t look the way you thought it might when you were pregnant. Thank you for your post!
I had my last nurse with my 1 year old son today. I feel very sad about it and have shed a few tears. Thanks for writing this lovely post. Tomorrow I plan to do something special with just my boy and me.
Hello,
Feeding my 4 months old baby girl really is the most complex things i have ever done. When i was going to start my baby girl on formula i remember being so worried about ending up feeding her the wrong formula. A whole lot of online research got me to start her feeding on Holle ‘Goat Milk’. Getting it from an online store ever since and i think now that i see she is doing good on formula and growing super fast i am satisfied with my choice.
Thanks
My son just turned 16 months and he has led a slow wean over the last few moths only nursing 3 times a day. Last week he started out of nowhere pitching an enormous fit after nursing for 5 seconds and not getting milk immediately. Since then I’ve had to start exclusively pumping, but my supply is dropping every day. It’s been hard to cope with the end of nursing, especially having it go from sweet bonding to getting screamed at overnight. I feel like I didn’t get to have that last bittersweet nursing session many talk about. I am definitely grateful for getting to nurse as long as I have, but it is still a very sad time for me right now.