Sometimes when we start something new, it’s difficult to know where exactly to begin and what exactly to expect. After reading On Becoming Babywise, my husband and I knew we wanted to sleep-train using Babywise, but translating written content into real life application involves a learning curve.
I really fumbled along for quite some time in the beginning trying to figure out all the baby sleep tips and newborn routines. I’ve said before that my son was a challenging sleeper in his early days, and my husband and I spent an awful lot of time troubleshooting. It was far from a perfect process, but I learned and grew as a mother during that time. There are a few basic ideas we can all keep in mind when preparing to start Babywise.
1. Mentally prepare before the baby is born.
As a basic first step, read On Becoming Babywise as a couple and then talk about it together. When both parents are on board, everything runs more smoothly. Here are a few things I try to remind myself, when sleep-training…
- Babies will likely start sleeping longer stretches around 3-4 months.
- Troubleshooting at various points throughout the process is normal!
- Stay committed! You will see results!
- It is always okay to make modifications!
- Set the foundation! It will have positive lasting effects in the future months and years to come!
2. Start the basics at birth.
Last week I talked about my top infant sleep tips, which are just a few easy basics we can start from birth. Today I’d like to expand on that and talk about a few additional basics to help anyone preparing to start Babywise.
If you need to get acclimated for a few weeks before starting the basics that is 100% okay. Don’t stress! I was a nervous, anxious wreck that I wasn’t doing everything right from the beginning. It was a total waste of energy. The one thing that helped ground me during the postpartum period was essential oils. I used Frankincense and Lavender daily to support emotional wellness and Ningxia Red to keep my energy up.
Set a morning wake up time and a bedtime. We want to set the baby’s internal clock to encourage consistent night time sleep. It’s most common to see a 7 am wake time and a 7 pm bedtime. In a newborn, you may have a slightly later bedtime for a short while to help fit in enough feedings. After a few months, bedtime can usually be moved to an earlier time.
Create a basic routine for your day. Using the wake, eat, sleep cycle, fill in your approximate times for feedings and naps. In the beginning we are all likely on an approximate 2.5 hour to 3 hour schedule. If you set a wake time and a bedtime, it’s easy to fill in the middle.
Start a pre-sleep ritual. A 5 minute pre-nap routine and a 30 minute before-bedtime routine is simple, practical and easy to use. A pre-nap ritual could include swaddling the baby, sitting for a bit, singing a short song, and saying your sleepy words (e.g. I love you. I hope you have a good sleep, and I will see you when you wake up). A before-bedtime routine could include a bath, soft music, reading a short story, nursing the baby, and saying your sleepy words. Do what works for you.
You can use these newborn routine and baby routine cards to help create a consistent routine…
Don’t let naps get too long. Sleeping too long of a stretch during the day can rob nighttime sleep. Limit naps to approximately 2 hours during the day. If the baby sleeps past the two hour mark, it is absolutely okay to wake a sleeping baby. If you feel the baby truly needs longer naps, feel free to make adjustments and increase the nap limit to 2.5 hours.
Swaddle. From birth to about age four to five months, a baby possesses the startle reflex, in which the baby actually feels as if he is falling. The sensation of falling causes jerking movements, and the baby will inadvertently wake up. Keeping a tight swaddle prevents babies from startling awake, helping the baby sleep both better and longer.
Create a good sleep environment. Dimming the room by closing the blinds or curtains is great a great place to start. Using a small fan or white noise machine in the room is also helpful if your baby struggles to sleep through noise.
Encourage full feedings. When the baby eats a full meal, it will be easier to make it to the next feeding time. It is also easier for the baby to complete a full nap without waking early due to hunger.
Dreamfeed. Before going to bed, we can pick the baby up without really waking him and give an additional feeding. The dream feed helps prevent the baby from waking up shortly after we moms go to sleep.
3. Start laying the baby down awake…
When you lay the baby down awake, there will likely be some crying involved. Crying should be in no way extreme or long in duration. If your baby is struggling to fall asleep on his own, reassurance and support from mom or dad is really important. Allowing your baby to become very drowsy, yet slightly awake can really help with this process. If your baby is fussing for a long time, it can frequently be attributed to overtired or overstimulation but there are many other disruptions that may be the culprit.
It is common for Babywise parents to start somewhere in the birth to 2 month window. It isn’t necessary to choose before the baby is born; it’s okay to get to know the baby and start when you instinctively think it is best. We started at age 6 weeks.
Lay the baby down for a nap after meeting all of the baby’s needs (fed, changed, etc) and the baby has been awake for a bit and the baby is showing sleepy cues (i.e. a yawn, a fuss, or an eye rub). When my son was getting close to a nap, I would keep stimulation to a minimum. Sometimes I would just walk him around the house for a bit and hum softly.
Then I would take him to his room, close the curtains, place him in his sleep sack or swaddle, turn on the white noise, and hold him for a few minutes. Next, I would say his Sleepy Words…something like ‘I love you. I hope you have a good sleep. I’ll see you when you wake up.’
And finally, I would lay him down. On average, he would fuss from 0-10 minutes. Of course, some days he didn’t fuss at all and some days he fussed for longer. We stayed very, very consistent. And by 3 months there was no fussing before naps or bedtime at all, unless something was off such as travel or overtired or overstimulated.
You can also try ‘shush-pat’: I originally tried ‘Shush-pat’ method from the Baby Whisperer book. After preparing the baby for sleep, you can make a gentle shushing sound and pat your baby’s back while you are holding him. Then lay your baby down drowsy, but awake and continue shushing and pat his side or chest until he falls asleep. This is a great method to help your baby get used the crib.
4. Consistency is key.
This is so important. I stayed home for a few short weeks once I started to set the foundation and provide my son the opportunity to get the hang of it very quickly. This also prevents the baby from falling asleep in your arms or the car when you are out, allowing us to stay on schedule at least until the foundation is set. After the initial two week period, I got a little more adventurous with leaving the house. We can’t stay inside forever, right?!
Beginning to sleep-train using Babywise does involve some work, but the fruits of your labor will undoubtedly pay off. He started sleeping 10+ hours through the night at around four months, which at the time, was a much welcomed change. I hemmed and hawed for a little while about letting go of the night feedings. All babies will regress at some point (i.e. teething, growth spurts, and beyond), and you will be awake during the night feeding the baby once again. In the meantime, it’s okay to give yourself permission to get some much needed rest.
Print your free baby sleep checklist!
This post comes with a free printable baby sleep checklist to help you support longer stretches of sleep for your baby! Plus, when you grab this printable, you’ll get instant access to my free 3-day baby sleep eCourse.
Download Your Free Printable
- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable straight to your inbox, plus get my Free 3-Day Baby Sleep eCourse!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Use it as a quick reference and don’t forget a thing!
Want more on baby sleep?
- My Top 10 Newborn Baby Sleep Tips To Help You Get More Sleep
- The Newborn Routine That Will Help Your Baby Fall Asleep Faster
- Top 7 Challenges + Solutions for Parenting a Newborn and Toddler
- 8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
Resources for baby sleep:
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
This free email series will help you:
- Free sample routines for your child
- Best morning routine tips and tricks your kids will actually follow
- All-time favorite parenting hacks for getting more cooperation at bedtime
- Step-by-step guide for using a printable daily schedule with kids
Kathy Blimquist
with all due respect, you are appreciating what you call a loving and flexible approach to sleep training with this book, yet wikipedia states that the AAP has warned against this book because it causes failure to thrive and weight loss. nobody has changed this on wikipedia– so you may need to evaluate how “loving and flexible” this method is. I listen to the AAP.
linda sutter
Kathy- you should listen to the AAP. The AAP is made up of 62,000 licensed pediatricians. And you should listen directly to the AAP and from the AAP, but not what you hear from others about the AAP. The AAP has never said anything about Babywise. You can look that up for yourself on their website. No mention, no warning, nothing at all on Babywise. I believe you are referring to a 20 year old rumor that has been fueled by critics- it all stems from one doctor sharing his own personal opinion. Some doctor named Matthew Aney. That is it. Aney was refuted by 6 medical professionals immediately in the same abstract that he wrote his piece. Babywise is flexible. It is loving. And it outsells all other baby sleep guides on earth– you can see that on Amazon by simply looking at the rankings of all baby sleep guides. I wish you all the best.
kathy blimquist
whoa- that was news to me. i just googled it and “aap warns against babywise” did send me to the Babywise.life site where I could read for myself that Aney did not speak for the AAP. And he was refuted quickly. wow, a lot of misled moms over the last 20 years. that is sad. anyway– I owe ya for setting me straight, and am glad I looked at this thread one more glance.
momof5
i am laughing when i see this AAP nonsense still showing up. shouldn’t laugh–i suppose it is sad, but truly remarkable how this purposely misleading internet junk is so easily fueled by the LaLeche League moms who have hated Babywise and it massive success for three decades now.
look at the attachment parenting books: they are all over amazon. and none of them sell at all. nobody is interested in letting their baby run the household. nobody. because it really doesn’t work. and it ruins families, their attitudes, their sleep, and their relationships. Babywise is supported by thousands of medical professionals, just start googling it and you will find those that believe in scheduling and routines for babies. The AAP itself says that babies should get between 8 and 12 feedings per day. Hum— exactly the range that Babywise promotes: 8 to 10 feedings per day. Experts like Ferber (who actually leans further towards CIO than Babywise does) who is Director of Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children’s Hospital Boston stand strongly on schedules and routines for babies. Dr. Mindell is incredible and her resume is exhaustive: and she stands firm on babies need routine to teach them that which they do not know. I would say look at families that have put babywise to work: do you like what you see? Take a quick peak at attachment parenting families: would you like to look like that? There is a reason Babywise outsells all other books on this topic still 3 decades later.
cheri4all
I have found Babywise to be very loving and flexible. In fact, you don’t have to use everything you read exactly how you read it. That is why you buy the book, to make it your own. Then you make what you read your own to the level in which you find it helpful. For me, Babywise worked beautifully and swiftly. Both our babies thrived on these routines, but I didn’t follow it blindly and without adjustment. I encourage all moms to use Babywise and their brains. The whole AAP warning this is a sham and everyone knows that. Babywise works!!
Shelly Marshall
Bless you, Cheri, for your common sense and saying it straight. That resonated with me HUGE.
I read about that AAP warning thing way back with my first baby and it is silly. The guy named Aney was all alone and speaking for himself. He said he hated Babywise and was immediately cancelled and corrected in the same small magazine that he wrote his thoughts in. The author of Babywise, Bucknam, and 5 other doctors completely corrected his opinion and gave reason and medical back up for why Aney was wrong. He has been wrong for 20 years!!
Lisa Bently
That’s what I am talking’ bout!!! Make it your own or don’t read it. Certainly don’t start shooting it in the toe because you didn’t do it right or it happened to not work for you.
Cheri– you hit it straight on, girl. I have so many friends that used Babywise and absolutely rocked it on the method. It worked so good for me. Now did we all use every page of Babywise as if it were gospel and we would hate the author/blame them if it didn’t work 100% and immediately? Uh, no. But all in all, Babywise was the answer. It is amazing. I tell everyone about it. Thank you Cheri, for talking straight up.
Beth Anne
i don’t want to be a downer here, but I honestly tried BW and just didn’t have great success with it. I’m not one that needs to bad mouth it now, I am the one that bought it and tried it. My friend said you can’t loose with it. Put simply, it just didn’t work with my daughter. I did love the idea of being on a schedule so my day wasn’t so eratic etc.
Anyway, I’m not buying the AAP warning thing that has circulated. I have looked for myself and the AAP has never said anything directly about or against BW. Just didn’t work for us.
Brenda Miller
These methods were so solid for our family. They gave us order when chaos had started running things. Thank you, Bucknam & Ezzo!!
Sharon Mueller
Babywise was my Bible with both my kids. We followed it to a T. And they both slept through the night in less than 4 weeks. I got the best compliments from my friends on how content my kids were. And they truly were. I have to give Babywise all the kudos.
Teri Jacobs
This book has been around forever, but it seems like it is everywhere all of a sudden. I see it in stores, on blogs I read, and all over Facebook. It’s been going for close to 30 years, it must have something to it?
Cherylluvs
Help me here: but have there been several different versions of Babywise or am I just not as smart as I thought I was?
The version I read years ago was much shorter, seemed a bit more rigid, and was blue on the cover. Now my daughter is using a new white cover, it is much longer, and I love how gentle and loving it is for my grandson. There are at least 2 versions and I highly recommend the newer, softer, longer, White one.