Schedule / Routine
Motherhood is challenging, especially with toddlers running around wanting to sit on your lap and be side-by-side every step of the day. It’s special to have someone love you that much, but it’s also hard to get things done around the home that legitimately need to get done.
I’ve chatted before about teaching small children to play independently. Many people are surprised to know that independent play is something we actually started when my son was just a few months old. He would play with the baby gymini for 15 minutes twice per day as a two month old and by 9 months old he was playing in the playpen for up to an hour each morning.
Nearly two years later, I wanted to share a bit of an update about how we continue daily independent play still today and some easy ways that you can make it work for you too.
Why independent play is awesome.
Independent play is great because it give kids the opportunity to problem solve with toys on their own. If a toy is frustrating or doesn’t work the way they want, kids still need to figure out a way to solve the problem without help.
It’s also great for creativity. Kids are learning to play with a set amount of toys for up to an hour and this encourages them to play with toys in creative ways.
Focusing skills also develop during independent play. Kids learn to focus on a set of toys for a given amount of time without moving from task to task.
And of course, it’s a great way to foster independence. All four of these things—problem solving, creativity, focusing skills and independence—are really helpful for kids to learn in childhood and are easily applied all the way through adulthood. It’s also a great alternative to using electronic devices to entertain kids. I’m definitely not opposed to screen time and it’s something my son is exposed to everyday, but independent play is a great balance to that.
How to actually get a toddler to do this.
I’m not claiming this is the easy part. Ha. Because toddlers are often strong-willed and struggle with change, starting independent play with a 2 or 3 year old may involve challenges. I like to keep it simple.
1. Make a room in the house completely kid safe.
Dresser bolted to the wall, electrical cords and outlets covered or put away, and toys that present a choking hazard removed, etc.
2. Talk to your toddler about playing alone.
Since most toddlers don’t appreciate change, walking and talking your toddler through how independent play will actually work can help a bit. Any explanation you think will work well for your toddler is perfect.
3. Put your toddler in the room and set the timer.
Set the timer for 5 minutes. He might scream the whole time so 5 minutes for the first day is pretty realistic. I usually stay right outside the room, in the first few days of getting started, and get my toddler after 5 minutes if he is too upset. We go through the same routine each day and try to extend out by 5 minutes each day until we reach our goal of 1 hour per day in the morning.
There have been a few times where we stopped independent play in the past and had to get back into it. We started with the 5 minutes, but if he was doing great and was willing to do 15 minutes, we allowed him to take the lead with it.
Other handy tips…
For moms with multiple kids.
I am not an expert in this area, and I know for many moms having enough separate rooms to put the kids is a challenge. In talking to other moms, who do independent play with multiple kids, separate rooms are a must. Sometimes they get creative and allow an older child to play in the backyard or in the living room.
Let it continue when you see it in action.
If you notice your child playing quietly alone with a few toys during the day, let it be for a bit and see what happens. This is sometimes a nice way to allow kids the chance to play alone organically and prepare them for more structured independent play during a set time.
Practice quiet time activities together.
Sometimes my son and I will head out to our patio with just a few cars and play quietly together for a while. I try to interfere less and less with each play session, allowing him to lead the way. This is another way to help a child feel comfortable with the idea of independent play.
Independent play isn’t something that you have to do. For us, it just works awesome for our family. We usually even do it during the weekend since my husband works from home a bit during that time each Saturday and Sunday morning.
The rest of the time?
Well…we get to really focus on family time, playing together, enjoying outings, just being around the house, or just about anything you could imagine a regular everyday family would do.
Print this free printable!
This post comes with a free printable to give you an easy step-by-step guide to raise independent kids. Plus, remember what independent skills are age-appropriate for your kids!
Here’s a sneak peek…
Download Your Free Printable
- Download the checklist. You’ll get the printable, plus join my weekly parenting newsletter!
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but card stock would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Use it as a quick reference to keep parenting simple!
Want more on parenting?
- Ready for Independent Kids? 10 Totally Awesome Tricks You Have to Try
- How to Tell Your Toddler “No” (without actually saying “No”)
- What Kids Secretly Want to Tell You about Roughhousing — Girls Included!
- How to Build Cooperation, Listening Using a Printable Daily Schedule for Kids
- 5 Sample Daily Toddler Schedules From Real Mamas
I've created a free email series just for you! If you are struggling with finding a routine, rhythm or schedule, this email series will help you find one that will work for YOUR family. Yes, really. I've seen my sample routines work time and time again for parents. I know it can work for you too.
This free email series will help you:
- Free sample routines for your child
- Best morning routine tips and tricks your kids will actually follow
- All-time favorite parenting hacks for getting more cooperation at bedtime
- Step-by-step guide for using a printable daily schedule with kids
Hey Lauren, these are great, yet simple tips for growing toddler’s independence & creativity! Great post, we are going to share it on our Twitter 🙂
Thanks so much!
My son is 19 months old and has never played independently. I’ve always wanted him to but I’ve got a small hiccup – we live in an older house and the only 2 rooms with doors are my bedroom and our bathroom. Is it still possible for me to teach independent play?
hello Lauren,
great article and blog. I just subscribed to your emails and I am enjoying reading all the tips you include each day!
I ma a stay home mum and my son is 20 months old. he does not play alone alot and whenever i leave him in his room to play on the floor with the toys, he comes back searching for me.
I would like to help him get used to it for the reasons you mentioned above. One question i have is. Do you close the door of the playroom he will be in ? or you put one of those one which are installed specially for babies like a playpen style door? thanks in advance for your reply.
I’ve been enjoying reading your suggestions for helping children feel heard, and think it’s great you’re encouraging independent play. That’s something that is really important to my little family. My husband and I are introverts, so we need our son to play by himself for a bit. Like your son, he’s been having some time to himself each day since he was old enough to roll around. Since all kids are different, I think it’s all about finding what your kid enjoys, and making sure he has plenty of access to materials he can use to engage in that play independently.
Since about 2 yo, our son has been ALL about creative play/make believe, so we make sure he has access in his room to stuffed animals, a few figurines, building materials (to set up town/houses/lairs) and simple costumes at a minimum, and then every week I swap in some things for interest. For example, this week he has some toilet rolls to supplement his building materials, a pair of binoculars, a kickboard and a piece of rope. Last week it was a pirate flag, periscope, toy cars and a puppet. I like how he can use all this stuff for pretend play, but could also focus on just building/world creating, which is his second favourite thing.
We haven’t set a specific time for independent play. He just wanders off when he feels like it. Usually mid morning and again before dinner. We get at least 2 hours of independent play over the course of the day, plus naps. I’m spoiled 🙂 Gonna be hard when number 2 comes along!!
Hey..
I am mother of 17 months old..
I live in a joint family where my MIL lives with us.. and SIL visitsbus everyday..
So the problem is my baby doesn’t get to play alone.. if i leave him even for a second he will start shouting and crying.. i am having so much difficulty dealing with him.. he is getting stubborn every passing day.. if i ignore his tantrums he will cry his lungs out.. and he throws things.m he hits people.. and the elders laugh so its getting very difficult for me to discipline him.. any ideas what should i do..
He sleeps on my arm..
He asks for milk all night..
I sureky need help..
It really helped when you said to leave the toddler in a room for 5 minutes at a time. I’m trying to teach my toddler to play alone since he is always wanting me to be with him. I’ll have to try these tips out and set timers for him to be by himself.
Thanks for assuring me that letting my children play by themselves can spark creativity. I’m a bit afraid to let them, but I don’t have any choice since I’ll be busy for the following weeks. Maybe I can buy American-made toys that they can play with while I’m busy with other activities.