It was 3:30 am.
I stood in the hallway outside the master bedroom door holding my toddler son covered in a very unpleasant bodily fluid.
I stood there holding my breath for a second, recalling the curse and blessing of a mother’s heightened sense of hearing. As delusional as it sounds, I was blaming this epic predicament on one thing and only one thing: My ears.
Thirty minutes prior, I was sleeping soundly in my bed relishing in a dream about sitting on my balcony and sipping the perfect glass of Pinot Grigio. Basically, the dream was pure bliss as it involved two totally awesome things named Peace and Quiet. In the midst of my dream, the cries of my son–through two closed bedroom doors–reached my ears. And just like that my dream halted and my body bolted upright like a slingshot into the sitting position.
As I sat there for another 0.45 seconds, I realized I forgot to turn on the monitor when I went to bed that night. Good thing my brain now contains a built in bionic monitor, which allows me to bolt out of a dead sleep after hearing toddler cries from 2 rooms away via closed doors.
Exactly 3 seconds later I was standing at the rail of my toddler’s crib. I reached my arms down, picked him up, wiped his tears and offered a few reassuring phrases just for good measure. He seemed satisfied with that. I walked him around the living room for a few minutes, changed his diaper, and offered him a drink of water.
Taking him back to his room, I held him for a bit and did this awesome trick to help him fall asleep fast. He seemed perfectly normal and ready to lay back down to sleep. Gently placing him back in his crib, I took one step away from the crib and towards his door. Then two more steps.
And then I heard the sound a mother never wants to hear.
It’s hard to describe, but if you heard it, you would know. It’s the sound of your child ready to toss their cookies, and I immediately knew what was about to happen.
I whisked my son up from his crib again and attempted to make a dash for the bathroom. But it was too late. There we stood in the hallway outside the master bedroom covered in a very unpleasant bodily fluid.
Meanwhile in the master bedroom, my husband laid there sleeping soundly. He always sleeps like a dream through this stuff. Don’t get me wrong. My husband is amazing. He’s incredibly hands on around the house and with our son.
But bionic hearing during the night?
He’s got nothing on me.
I called for my husband to help me.
Nothing short of predictable it went something like this…
“Babe, wake up. Honey! Wake up! WAKKKEEE UP!!!!!”
“There’s puke everywhere!”
“EVERYWHERE! Now get your rested buns out of bed and come help me.”
Usually by the fourth “Wha” he’s up and ready to help tackle whatever I need. But seriously? How do I wake up to a toddler’s cries through two bedroom doors and white noise going, while he can barely rouse after I screamed wake up in his ear five times.
Friends, this is the curse and blessing of “The Mommy Ears”
You hear anything and everything.
Even in your deepest sleep, you hear the slightest whimper from your child.
Even when your kids aren’t making any sound at all, you still hear phantom noises in the night, and get up to discover it was all in your head.
It’s as if your brain literally changes the moment you become a mom, and you go from sleeping like a normal person to seeing with a third eye and listening with a third ear.
I cannot tell you how many nights I’ve been up with my son only to have my husband wake in the morning to think we all “slept through the night.” And this isn’t a bash on my husband at all. To be honest, I kind of made him this way. He knows our son is safe in my hands during the night. He knows I’ll wake up from the sound of a tip toe and his mind simply turns off come sleepy time.
We finally got everything cleaned up.
Thankfully after screaming “Wake up!” 5 times and my husband replying “Wha” 4 times, he was up and eager to help me clean up the mess and get our toddler fixed up.
30 minutes later everything settled down. The house was cleaned up. Our toddler was snuggled into bed–for now. And I laid back down into bed trying to return to my magnificent dream about Pinot Grigio.
But I couldn’t help but stop and think for a bit about the curse and blessing of my bionic hearing: The Mommy Ears.
In a way they’re a curse, leaving you’re epic dreams of Pinot Grigio in a state of constant interruption thanks to every little sound heard during the night.
But they’re also a blessing.
Those mommy ears are what make all moms pretty darn awesome. It’s nature’s own built in safety net, helping moms all over the world get over their wine obsession and start parenting when it really counts.
At 3:30 am.
Need some encouragement, mama?
Try these printable affirmation cards to fill your heart with contentment and happiness.
Want more on motherhood?
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What’s your take on the mommy ears? Curse or blessing? Let’s chat in the comments!
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