The Hilarious Pros and Cons Of Attending a Military Ball

It’s that time of year for the military ball, an event that usually happens once per year for each branch. You’ve checked out all the military ball dresses and grabbed some other military ball must haves. It can be a fun thing to attend–but not everyone goes. There are a variety of pros and cons on attending the military ball, and here are some of them.

Number one

Pro: You get to dress up. You’ll have a new dress. You’ll do your hair. Maybe you’ll get your nails done. You’ll put on the perfume for the first time in months. You’ll put on makeup. Your husband nearly doesn’t recognize you and even whistles when you come down the stairs.

Con: You have to dress up. The uncomfortable high heels, the itchy dress, and ugh, you actually have to fix your hair into something other than a messy bun?

Number two

Pro: You don’t have to cook! Other people get to serve you! You don’t have to do dishes or clean the table afterwards.

Con: The food sometimes looks weird. Is that chicken? Are those potatoes or bits of cauliflower? Why is the cake dry?

Number three

Pro: Everything looks so fancy! You feel special. You feel like Mariah Carey probably feels for every meal she consumes.

Con: Uh, which fork do you use again? What’s with all the cutlery? Should you escape to the bathroom and quickly look it up?

Number four

Pro: You get to see your friends! You’ll have so much fun laughing throughout the night.

Con: But you have to make small talk with other people too. It can be difficult to make small talk. What do people like to discuss? The weather? Politics? The fact that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are breaking up?

Number five

Pro: Your dress is deemed acceptable and people aren’t taking photos of it and sending it to those websites that mock military spouses! Yay!

Con: People don’t like your dress. They’re pointing and laughing. You’ve made a gigantic mistake. Were the sequins a wrong choice? Your daughter said you looked like a princess! But then again, she’s 5.

Number six

Pro: You get to show your husband that you can, in fact, eat like a lady and not spill something down your front.

Con: You don’t know how to eat like a lady. Roll crumbs have gathered in your lap and your husband is making gestures that you have something between your front teeth AFTER you’ve spoken to a Colonel for ten minutes.

Number seven

Pro: You get to meet new people in the receiving line. How wonderful. Everyone looks amazing and they are so friendly.

Con: The receiving line can be awkward. You hope you look okay. You hope you don’t trip. Please don’t trip. You forgot to get a manicure so you’re hoping people aren’t staring at your fingernails and going, “Why are they uneven?”

Number eight

Pro: You get to dance with your spouse! You haven’t danced with your spouse in years.

Con: Uh, how does one dance again? You don’t want to dance in a suggestive way, but does bobbing your head back and forth look weird? How close can you get to your spouse when he’s in uniform? What if you get too close and you’re yelled at by the General? If you started to do the Robot, would people join in?

Number nine

Pro: There’s alcohol! You haven’t had a cocktail in months.

Con: There’s alcohol. Don’t overdo it. Don’t be “that” person who drinks so much they decide to do a striptease on the dance floor.

Number ten

Pro: The guest speaker is really interesting!

Con: The guest speaker is boring. He has a monotone voice like that one teacher in Ferris Bueller. How much longer is he going to speak?

Number eleven

Pro: You get to see your husband in his formal uniform. He looks amazing.

Con: There is no con. Your husband is in his formal uniform. He looks amazing.

So have you attended a military ball before? What other pros and cons would you add?

Amber Myers is a proud military wife and mother to two kids who drive her to eat lots of chocolate. She blogs over at Airing My Laundry. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Want more on military life?

• How to Find a Stunning Military Ball Dress for Under 100 Dollars
• 7+ Military Ball Must-Haves That Aren’t a Dress
• How to Stay Absolutely Miserable in Military Life
• 10 Things Military Spouses Won’t Tell You About Deployment