If you give a service member his boots…
It’s early morning, just before dawn. Your service member has already left for work, but you still have a few minutes before your alarm goes off or the kids wake up. And then…you get the phone call.
You know what it means before you even answer. “Hey babe,” he says quickly, “can you do me a favor? I need my boots!”
“What did you wear into work then?” you grumble sleepily.
“My PT shoes,” he responds. “Can you bring me the boots? I need them soon.”
And just like that, you know how your morning is going to go.
Because if you bring a service member his boots…
They’re going to need boot bands to go with them.
The boot bands are supposed to be in the boots, but the children like to take them out and play with them. The boots, of course, are in the closet by the door. You put them there yesterday after tripping over them for the fiftieth time. The boot bands are nowhere to be found.
A quick text about boot bands gets you the response, “There’s more in the garage. In the green bag.”
And if you go into the garage looking for boot bands…
You’re going to need to go through all the green bags. All. Of. Them.
Because there are piles of gear and bags, and every blasted thing is drab green. You start sending pictures of duffle bags, backpacks, molly packs and day bags. Which one are they in? You finally find them in the pocket of a bag used for last month’s field op.
But if he knows you’re going through gear…
He’s going to ask for something else, too.
Maybe a reflective belt. Or a poncho liner (which he may call a woobie). Or a pouch for the flak jacket. Or a headlamp. Because hey, he has to be ready for anything right? And that one piece of gear he forgot he owned is suddenly very important. So, you grab it up with the boot bands and put them by the door.
By now, the kids are waking up, and you have to get everyone dressed and fed. No way are you driving halfway across base with a screaming baby. You tell him you’ll drive over as soon as the kids eat.
But if you’re already making breakfast…
He’s going to ask you for some eggs.
And who can blame him, since he went for a run at 5 AM? So you fry up some eggs while doling out juice and cereal to the little ones and wiping up the inevitable milk spills. Now you just need to throw on some clothes (because you’ve been in yoga pants the whole time) so you’ll look presentable walking into your husband’s office.
But when you walk into the bedroom, you see his rank pins sitting on the table.
And if you see his rank on the table…
He’s going to need them on his uniform. He must not have seen them there in the dark when he was getting ready. Even though you always put them in the same place whenever you wash the uniform. OK, no problem, just get dressed, answer 17 kid questions, brush your teeth, and grab the pins.
But if you find a service member’s pins…
He’s going to need the backings to go with them.
This should be easy. There are usually 294 metal backings laying around the house. You step on them and move them all the time. But they aren’t anywhere near the table or on the floor. After a few minutes of frantic searching, you find them… clenched in the baby’s fist.
Having somehow avoided another emergency room visit, you gather up the kids and the pins and load up the car. You have the fried eggs and the belt and the boot bands. Check for you ID card, buckle everyone into carseats, and off you go.
But halfway across the base, you come to a screeching halt.
Because you didn’t remember to bring the boots!
And chances are, if you bring a service member his boot bands…
He’s going to want his boots to go with them!
With partial credit to Laura Numeroff, author of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.