Ever dream of a morning where you are drinking a cup of coffee, checking e-mail, paying a few bills, and you are without interruption and it’s quiet?! This is no dream. Teaching children to play independently, while you get some business done around the house, is totally possible, and you can start from birth! Today I’m continuing on with my Babywise Basics series and talking about Independent Playtime (If you missed my previous Babywise Basics posts on Why We Chose Babywise and How to Sleep-Train, be sure to check them out).
The idea of children playing alone comes most commonly from the book Babywise II. Using the Babywise method or not, anyone can teach their children this really awesome, mutually beneficial skill with a little bit of parental diligence.
1. Independent playtime defined.
Independent play time (IPT) is a daily scheduled time when your child plays alone, without parents or other siblings around. You choose the time of the day and with which toys your child will play. Occurring at approximately the same time every day, IPT typically takes place in a pack ‘n play or play yard for younger babies/ toddler. Older toddlers and children will transition from the play yard to their rooms and have IPT in their room or other room of the house.
2. Benefits to the child (according to Babywise 2).
Mental focusing skills: Playpen time helps a child develop the ability to concentrate on an object and apply knowledge to the activity at hand without distraction.
Sustained attention span: The interval during which a child can concentrate on a single object or activity will gradually improve and lengthen over time.
Creativity: Absolute freedom eliminates the need for creative thinking, while boundaries facilitate creativity. The child will learn to find enjoyment out of what’s available to them. The child will create meaningful new methods and interpretations during play.
Self-Play adeptness: With freedom from influence, support, or aid from others, the child will move from dependent to skillfully independent.
Orderliness: When the child takes part in keeping their play area clean, they learn to keep things tidy. The child can help clean up after IPT.
3. Benefits to the parent.
IPT offers us the parents to get a few things done around the house: clean up, put in a load of laundry, catch up on email or simply just take a moment to relax. Giving myself a little bit of time each day to get things done really helps me be more attentive as a parent. I am able to play more intentionally with my son, without frequently thinking about household chores or tasks to get done. It’s good for everyone all around.
3. Getting started.
Schedule playpen time at approximately the same time every day when the baby is the freshest (for example, just after resting and eating). Put several age-appropriate toys in a basket for the baby to play with and position the playpen so you can easily check on the baby without being seen.
If you are just beginning, start with just 5 or 10 minutes and work your way up in 5 or 10 minutes increments each day until your reach your goal amount of time. If the child doesn’t appear to like the playpen, give it a few minutes and gradually increase the time each day.
Set a timer in the room to signal to your child when IPT is over. This will help them learn that IPT is over when the timer rings rather than when they want it to end. When IPT is over, offer praise and have the child help put away the toys.
Below is a chart, containing some of the information found in Babywise II, to serve as a rough guide for what is appropriate for a child given their age and skills. Make adjustments as needed.
4. Things to keep in mind.
Avoid interacting with your child during this time. You want your child to play on his own.
Check on them every so often to make sure they are okay. If you can, try to do this discretely so your child does not see you. When my son sees me he usually gets upset because he thinks I am coming to get him out. My son is much happier if he plays alone without seeing me.
Don’t overuse IPT. Keep it limited to the time allotted to prevent your child from becoming frustrated.
Independent play is one of those really awesome things both you and your child can benefit immensely from. If you are just starting, be encouraged. Once you get going, it becomes second nature to your child, and he will learn to really enjoy this time. Teaching our children this important basic skill offers an opportunity to encourage creativity, problem-solving, orderliness, and independence just to name a few.
Print this free printable!
This post comes with a free printable to give you an easy step-by-step guide to raise independent kids. Plus, remember what independent skills are age-appropriate for your kids!
Here’s a sneak peek…
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Jd
Great read! Jr is 5 months and I’ve got him on the jumperoo and blanket so far, good to know what to do next. And that I’m not a bad mom for wanting him to learn to play by himself.
Lauren Tamm
I truly believe we moms should feel encouraged when teaching our kids the value of independent play. It really is an awesome and important skill.
Katy Blevins
Independent play is so important. This is such a great post! I have one step-daughter that quite clearly never was taught independent play and she struggled growing up and still struggles to entertain herself. My twin boys have the luxury of each other, but we also teach them to play independently and they crave their alone moments. Visiting you from HDYDI.
Lauren Tamm
I just love the idea of independent play, Katy. Alone time is so important for kids and adults too…it can really help us return back to center. Thanks for sharing a bit of your experience!
Jennifer
I would love to do this with my 18 month old daughter. While she occasionally has independent play, we don’t regularly have it. Do you have any advise on starting it later? We only have a one bedroom apartment and usually use her crib for independent play, but I don’t think that is enough room for her age.
Lauren Tamm
There are a few posts from other blogs about starting independent play late. I will send you the links via email. It’s never too late to start!
Jennifer
Thank you so much!
Lauren Tamm
You’re welcome! I’m so excited you started independent playtime! I hope you have an awesome experience!
Bridget
Can you send them to me, too? I have an 18 month old.
Camille
Same here. My daughter is 17 months and I’m realizing that this is something I should really implement consistently. Also, any advice for doing this considering that she’s at daycare on weekdays? I’m not sure about how to maintain the routine when we switch between weekdays and weekends.
Lauren Tamm
You could offer “special toys” that she only gets to play with for 30 minutes on the weekend mornings in her room and you could call it something like “special playtime” or anything that will help her develop an association with the word and distinguish independent playtime from other playtime. I think it could work…Just start with short time intervals and work your way up.
Sarah Durham
My daughter is 21 months old I never thought of Independent play time. Can you send me those links also? I would love to try it out!
Sabrina Haygood
Can you send me the links on starting independent play late? We adopted my son last year. He is 4, and we have still not been able to get him to play independently.
Sarah
Can you send me these links too! I have 18 month old twins and I think we all need independent play.
Tracey H
Can you send me the links too? I have an 18 months old and would love to get her to play indepently.
Heather
Can you send them to me as well, please? I have an 18-month-old who we have never been consistent about independent playtime about, because it has been an enormous struggle since birth.
Charlee Anne
I am so glad I read this today! I will be teaching my daughters this skill right away. I don’t know why I never really thought about this when my oldest was younger. Thanks!
Lauren Tamm
I’m excited to hear how this goes for you, Charlee! Keep me posted!
Jane
Alhgirt alright alright that’s exactly what I needed!
Katleyn F
Great post indeed! I have been giving my kids independent play time since the beginning. And they are four now and can definitely find ways to entertain themselves. We don’t give our kids electronics and they have lots of play time outside as well. Sometimes independent play now is coloring or painting or looking at books. I think it’s important to start young.
Thanks so much for sharing this with HDYDI and encouraging moms to give their kids a little time to themselves, even as babies.
Lauren Tamm
Thanks Katleyn! I love the idea of independent playtime and I do thing there is a lot of value in starting from a young age. Less resistance that way, as it’s all they’ve ever known. Thanks for visiting!
Tricia the a Good Mama
Great tips! I’m pretty lucky my son plays fairly well independently. He was like that pretty early on. I felt bad letting him go in the beginning. I felt like I had to constantly be entertaining him or working with him. Then, I realized alone time is a good thing. I wonder if some kids/babies have an easier time playing independently? For instance, someone who is an extrovert might have struggled to play independently as a child. It’ll be interesting to see how my son turns out. I like your ideas though!
Lauren Tamm
I do think some kids have an easier time with independent play than others…so I’ve heard. There are many times when my son protests and we’ve worked through some tough phases with independent play. We’ve also experienced some easy phases with independent play. The biggest thing that made an impact was being consistent over time with him. It is kind of wierd at first letting him play alone, but I try to envision what would be the most helpful in the years down the road. I think having a 4 or 5 year old capable of playing alone for an hour will work wonders on my happiness as well as my son’s. Thanks for visiting, Tricia! Have a great day.
Lauren
Tara
What do you suggest if you want to put him in a playpen for independent play in a one bedroom apartment? There’s no room in the bedroom, and anywhere else I would be in his line of sight. If I use a timer to end IPT and look busy doing my own thing for that brief amount of time, is that enough? Or will just seeing me really distract him enough to not even bother trying to play on his own? Also, if you have a child that naturally enjoys playing on his own, I assume actually setting a predetermined time every day is pointless? I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant now, but I’m the type of person to want to read in advance of different stages and ways of handling things. I like my research 🙂 My mom never gave us set times, but both my brother and I liked to draw/colour or read by ourselves throughout the day.
Lauren Tamm
Hey Tara,
Thanks for this great question. Initially when your baby is small, being in the same room, yet out of sight, will work just fine. As your baby gets a bit older and into the toddler years, being in the same room typically presents challenges. During that age range, kids are typically a bit resistant to independent play. So if you are looking to get a few things down around the house or shower or whatever, while our child plays safely and independently, you will likely want to get creative to ensure your child is out of sight or in a separate area. It is also the reason to do it at the same time. Again in older infants and toddlers, it is common for them to resist independent play. When it is during the same time each day, they tend to demonstrate an increased willingness to play alone. Beyond the toddler years, I do agree kids are more willing to play alone and successful independent play is less dependent on the exact timing of it. Although, I still think it is beneficial to do it at the same time for school aged kids. You will likely see better compliance with it, but it certainly isn’t a requirement.
I hope this helps! Good luck! Wishing you an easy labor and delivery and a healthy baby!
Lauren
Ashley Mesa
What would you suggest with two toddlers close in age? I have a 2 year old and almost 4 year old. Would you suggest play time in two separate areas or play time together?
I also have a friend that has an almost four year old and 1 year old twins.
Thank You for your time!
Lauren Tamm
Yep, definitely play time in two separate areas since the goal is for them to each learn how to occupy themselves without the presence of another person. You can start with as a little as 15 minutes at ages 2 and 4. Developmentally that should be realistic. For a one year old, you may need to start with 5-10 minutes and then bump it up. I wasn’t as religious about my daughter having independent play as an infant. Once she got 9+ months, I started and it took her a bit to warm up to the playpen. So if your kids protest, this is entirely normal and it can take a few weeks of consistency for them to realize that this is a good thing and that you are right around the corner if you need them 🙂 Hope this helps, Ashley!
Catherine
OK, I’ve been working on this for months, but the moment my 10 month old is put in the playpen he screams and screams the whole time. he will play by himself all day in the house, but I can’t get anything done because I am always making sure he is not getting into drawers, sockets, cabinets etc. There’s no room in the house that is totally safe, and even when I do just gate him into a room to play, he screams at the gate the whole time – the idea of being constricted is what he doesn’t like, and it breaks my heart! I don’t know how long I should keep trying this… I began trying this at 9 months, and almost two months later he screams the whole time. And it’s bad crying 🙁 thent he next 20 minutes he is so insecure, he won’t let me put him down and is so sensitive. Otherwise, he’s an independent sleeper, and plays by himself with whateve rhe finds. Just not when there’s a gate or restriction up. Please help! I need to be able to get things done!